Fox by Harley Wylde

Chapter Three

Raven

Waking up next to a man should have terrified me. Except I knew it was Fox. With my recent experience with men, I ought to have been running. I didn’t know why he made me feel safe. Something about being in his presence calmed me, made me feel as if nothing and no one would ever hurt me again. I knew it was illogical, but it didn’t change how I felt.

Even when he’d seen me in the shower, before he averted his gaze, I hadn’t felt as if he were a threat to me. He handled me gently. The way he’d tried so hard to not share a bed with me, because he’d known he’d wake up hard, had been sweet. If he’d planned to hurt me, he’d have done it already. The others hadn’t hesitated. The moment they’d had me alone, they’d struck.

I wondered if he knew I’d heard him on the phone last night. He’d been speaking to the man who claimed to be my father. Fox had not only called me beautiful and a survivor, but he’d promised to kill anyone who dared harm me. I hadn’t thought of myself as anything other than broken. I held up an arm, looking at the scars he’d mentioned. I’d done them to myself. How could anyone see them and think me beautiful, or strong? I certainly didn’t feel either of those.

He shifted in his sleep, drawing my gaze. The blankets had gathered near his waist during the night. I couldn’t help but look where his cock tented the covers. Part of me wanted to recoil and get as far away as possible. That particular part of a man had hurt me too many times already. But the side who knew Fox wouldn’t touch me wanted to take a closer look. I knew women enjoyed being with a man. I just hadn’t understood it. Still didn’t.

I looked up at his face, checking to see if he still slept. His eyes remained shut and his chest rose and fell in deep, even breaths. Slowly, I reached for the blankets and lifted them a little. I couldn’t hold back my gasp as I stared. His cock had worked free of his boxers and rose in the air. The shaft looked smooth and incredibly hard. The head had turned almost a purple color.

I checked again, making sure he hadn’t woken, before I reached out and brushed my fingertip along the length of his cock. It jerked and I yelped, yanking my hand back. Fox groaned and shifted, his hips lifting a little. Had he… liked it? The men who’d used me had gotten off on causing me pain and said how good I felt. None had asked me to touch them with my hand.

I reached out again, trailing my finger from just under the head down the shaft. When Fox groaned again, I swallowed hard and wrapped my shaky fingers around him, giving his cock a stroke.

“Raven.” His voice seemed hoarse and strained. When I met his gaze, I saw heat blazing in his eyes, and something else… remorse. “I’m so fucking sorry. Did I… Did I make you touch me while I was sleeping?”

Oh. Oh… He’d thought he’d made me do this? I shook my head, watching him. I hadn’t released his cock and felt it twitch against my fingers.

Fox licked his lips. “Raven, sweetheart, why are you touching my cock?”

I stared, not willing to speak. I waited, hoping he’d let the matter drop. Giving his shaft another stroke, I couldn’t help but watch as my hand slid up and down. The skin felt silky smooth, and I didn’t understand how something could feel pleasant in my hand but cause so much pain when a man put it inside me.

“Raven.” My name was a near whisper on his lips. “Please. If you keep that up, I’m going to come. I don’t want to freak you out, and you really don’t have to do this. I told you I’d be hard this morning, but I didn’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to touch me.”

I held his gaze as I worked my hand up and down a few more times, needing him to understand I didn’t feel coerced. I’d never touched a man willingly before. I couldn’t explain why I felt like I needed to do this. Perhaps it was the thought of him believing I was brave. Or maybe I needed to prove to myself this particular part of a man wasn’t scary. It was the man attached to the appendage who could make it terrifying or intriguing, and the fact the others had wanted to hurt me.

“Raven.” His gaze held a hint of warning and a moment later, his cock gave a jerk and hot sticky fluid erupted from the head and slid down my hand. The scent made my nose wrinkle. It had a musky odor. Not necessarily unpleasant. Just different. I didn’t stop stroking until he shuddered and reached out to grip my hand.

He released me the moment I tried to pull free, and I stared at my fingers. Fox shoved his cock back into his boxers and bolted from the room. He returned a moment later with a wet cloth and cleaned my hand. I saw a hint of pink tinging his cheeks and I wondered if I’d embarrassed him by doing such a thing.

Fox left with the rag. When he returned, he folded his arms and stood by the bed, staring at the floor. He cleared his throat a few times, opened his mouth, then seemed to change his mind. I crawled a little closer and sat on my knees in front him. He still refused to look at me. Tugging on his shirt, I finally snagged his attention.

“I’m sorry. I should have insisted on staying in my room. After everything…” He audibly swallowed. “I’m an asshole, Raven. I don’t know how you can ever forgive me.”

My brow furrowed as I tried to puzzle out his words. It sounded like he blamed himself for what I’d just done. He hadn’t had any part in it. If anything, I should apologize for touching him while he slept. My breath caught and I scrambled back. Oh, no. No, no, no. I’d done to him what those men had done to me. I’d touched him without his permission. He’d offered me sanctuary, a safe home, and I’d done the unthinkable.

A keening sound escaped me, and I rocked myself, fear crawling up my throat. Panic surged in my veins. What if he sent me away? He’d told Hatchet I could stay as long as I needed, but now that I’d touched him without permission… Dots swam in front of my vision, and I felt myself listing to the side.

“Raven!” The mattress dipped and I felt Fox’s arms go around me. He held me close, running his hand over my hair. “Forgive me. Please.”

Tears burned my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. The panic receded and I clung to him. How did I make him understand? There was nothing to forgive. Not on my part. I did, however, need him to forgive me. I’d done something horrible. I’d despised those men touching me when I hadn’t wanted them to, and I hadn’t even given Fox a chance. No, that wasn’t right. He’d told me to stop, and I’d kept going.

I struggled free of his embrace and ran for the bathroom, falling to my knees in front of the toilet seconds before I threw up. I purged everything in my stomach until all I could do was dry heave. Sobs wracked me as I collapsed to the floor.

“Raven, I’m calling the doctor. I’ll make this right. Somehow.”

I heard his footsteps fade. How could I have done something so horrible to him? He’d been kind. Let me stay in his home. He’d comforted me when I’d been upset and scared. How had I repaid him? By forcing my attention on him.

The mere thought made me dry heave several more times. I hated myself. Scooting back from the toilet, I bumped the side of the bathtub. The razor he’d given me fell onto the floor and I stared at it. My fingers twitched as I fought the urge to pick it up and start cutting. But I didn’t deserve relief from the pain. Not this time.

Whatever Fox wanted to do to me, I’d let him. My behavior merited nothing less. I curled into a ball, shoving myself into the corner. He’d said he would call the doctor. Would they take me back to Balmoral now? He wouldn’t want me in his home anymore. I couldn’t blame him.

I didn’t know how much time passed before Fox returned with a woman on his heels. I turned my face away, too ashamed to look at either of them. Had he told her what I’d done? Would she yell at me? Call me names?

“Raven, my name is Luciana.” The woman knelt within arm’s reach but didn’t come any closer. “You met Spider yesterday. The grumbly older man? He saved me once, the way the club is trying to save you.”

She had my attention. I turned my head to face her. She lifted her shirt and showed me scars along her stomach and lower belly. I held out an arm so she could see mine as well. A faint smile curved her lips.

“Yes, we both have battle scars from what we endured. Like you, men hurt me. I came here thinking the Hades Abyss would do the same. Until I saw the horrified look in Spider’s eyes when I started stripping out of my clothes.”

I tipped my head to the side and listened. I could have told her these men were honorable. Breaker hadn’t touched me more than necessary to save me from Balmoral. And Fox… Shame made a fire build inside me, like my own body wanted to incinerate itself.

“Fox told me what happened,” she said.

I swallowed hard and looked away. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Not anymore. I’d done something repulsive. I knew it. Whatever punishment they gave me, I’d take it. Even if it meant going back to Balmoral and the guards.

Luciana’s touch was light as she pressed her fingers to the back of my hand. “Raven, he said he’s sorry. He didn’t mean to scare you, or make you feel like you had to… um…”

“I tried to be clear last night,” Fox mumbled. “I’d warned her I’d get hard and knew I should have stayed in my own room. I’ve made a mess of everything.”

I looked up at him. Wait. He’d made a mess of everything? Did he still think he’d made me touch him? How was this his fault? I didn’t understand. I glanced at Luciana, hoping she’d be able to help. The way she watched me made it clear she didn’t understand either. They both thought Fox had done something wrong.

I opened my mouth and placed my fingers against my throat. Could I even speak? Only one way to find out. I couldn’t let Fox think he’d been the one to hurt me. It had been the other way around. Even if it hurt to speak, even if my voice sounded horrible, I needed to try. I had to apologize to him.

“My… fault…” My throat felt like I’d swallowed razorblades as the words barely escaped my lips.

I heard Fox inhale sharply, and soon he’d shoved Luciana out of the way and dropped to his knees next to me. His hands shook as he reached out, pulling me against his chest.

“Jesus, Raven. You think it was your fault?” he asked.

I nodded. “Touched… without… permission.”

He rocked me, pressing kisses to the top of my head. “Sweet girl, you didn’t do anything wrong. Is that why you freaked out? You thought I didn’t want your hands on me?”

I nodded. “Like…them…”

“Like?” He stopped and held me away from his body, forcing my chin up so he could look into my eyes. “Like them? The guards? You think what you did makes you the same as those monsters?”

I nodded again, tears burning my eyes.

“No! Fucking hell. No, Raven! You’re nothing like them!”

“Thought you said she didn’t speak,” Luciana said.

“She hasn’t until now. The way she rubbed at her throat, I’m guessing it hurts to speak.” He cupped my cheek. “But you did speak before, didn’t you? You tried to tell someone you were being hurt, and you paid the price. Is that what happened?”

“Yes.” My voice was getting softer. Weaker. I didn’t think I could say much more. At least, not without having something to drink first. I didn’t know how long it had been since I last spoke to anyone. Weeks? Months?

Luciana placed her hand on Fox’s shoulder. “Seems you don’t need me after all. I’ll call the doc and let him know he doesn’t have to rush over.”

I tightened my hold on Fox. They’d already called the doctor? The same one who’d been treating me at Balmoral? I didn’t want to go back, especially knowing Fox wasn’t angry with me. He didn’t blame me for what happened. Unless he was lying?

“Tell him not to come at all,” Fox said. “I’d worried I’d hurt her in some way. Seems we just had a misunderstanding.”

“He needs to see her, Fox. You know she needs a full health check-up, especially after what she went through at the hospital.” Luciana leaned down to hold my gaze. “The doctor the club uses is really nice. He won’t hurt you, and if you want, Fox can stay in the room with you. Since this is your sanctuary, I’d recommend going to the doctor’s office. Fox won’t let anyone take you away. Understand?”

I nodded and curled tighter against Fox.

“Thanks, Luciana. I’ll get some breakfast made, and we’ll head over to the doc’s office first chance we get. Make sure he knows she’s terrified of medical personnel.”

“Will do. Welcome to the Hades Abyss, Raven. You’re in good hands with our VP.”

I didn’t understand what she meant, but it didn’t matter. As long as I had Fox by my side, I would be safe. I’d never met anyone like him before. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have been chasing cowboys at rodeos. Then none of this would have ever happened. But if being hurt by those men meant I got to meet Fox, I’d try to be okay with what had happened to me. Was it possible for something good to come from something so awful?