Don’t Let Me Break by Linda Verji

 

 

CHAPTER 35

 

Marley forced herself to stop hiding and climb out of her dreams two days later.

She really couldn’t understand the tears and fanfare that Sebastian and Kenny welcomed her back with. That is until she learned that she’d been gone for a week.

Her heart broke at the thought of all the worry and Sebastian had to have gone through while waiting for her to stop hiding. She also felt incredibly guilt for being lax with her own security. She should’ve taken a leave of absence like Kenny had suggested. She shouldn’t have agreed to go up on that rooftop with only Zion. She should’ve been suspicious of everyone around her… even those who claimed to be her friends.

“I’m so sorry.” Chocked with sadness and regret, she apologized profusely, “I’m so, so, so sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Sebastian asked as he played with her hand. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s Zion’s,” Kenny, who was seated on the other side of the bed, agreed. “He’s the one who tried to kill you.”

“Did he say why he was trying to kill me?” Marley asked.

Kenny and Sebastian traded glances then he said, “It’s a long story…”

Sebastian went on to give her the bare-bone facts of everything that had led up to the events of that fateful night. By the time he was done with the story, Marley was in utter shock.

She couldn’t believe it.

The history between her family and Zion’s was one thing. But it was Zion’s well-executed charade that left her reeling. All this time, she’d considered Zion a friend when he was plotting to kill her.

She racked her mind for any signs of his hatred that she could’ve missed but found none. He’d played her like a brainless violin. If it wasn’t for the small hitch that was Hazel, he would’ve killed her, sold it as a suicide, then walked away still being thought of as her friend. For the first time in her life, Marley was grateful that Hazel was part of her. If Hazel wasn’t there, she would be six feet under right now.

Her brow furrowing, Marley asked, “But why was Zion so sure that I killed our father?”

“I think Grandma told him.” Kenny gave an awkward smile before she added, “But you know how she is. She’s always making up stories.”

Yes, Marley knew how their grandmother was. Her illness made her susceptible to false memories. But it was too much of a coincidence that Leslie was peddling the same story too.

Marley’s frown deepened. “What about Leslie? She doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, so why was she so sure that I killed Dad?”

Sebastian said, “The cops said that she heard the rumor while in prison.”

“But it was obviously a fake rumor,” Kenny rushed to add.

It still didn’t make sense to Marley. Canting her head, she asked, “Why would a rumor like that start in a prison? Those people don’t even know me.”

Kenny gave a nervous laugh. “You’d be surprised how creative bored people can be. Just forget about that story. It’s nothing.”

But it wasn’t nothing, and Marley couldn’t forget about it.

Now that she knew that Hazel would’ve killed Zion if Sebastian hadn’t stopped her, Marley couldn’t help doubting herself. Obviously, Hazel was capable of murder. What if there was some truth to the rumors?

She convinced Sebastian to go home for the night then asked Kenny to stay back for a minute. Once the sisters were alone, Marley started the interrogation.

Eyeing her sister, Marley demanded, “Tell me the truth.”

“What truth?” Kenny seemed nervous, as if she already knew where the conversation was going. “What do you mean?”

“Tell me the truth, Kenny,” Marley repeated. “Did you really kill Dad?”

“Yeah!” Kenny nodded but her nods were interspersed with shakes of her head. Almost as if she was saying both yes and no. “I told you I did.”

Now, Marley was no psychology major, but even she could tell that Kenny’s head and mouth were telling different stories.

“Are you asking because of that prison rumor? That’s bullshit!” Kenny laughed, but her laugh was more anxious than cheerful. “Leslie and her convict friends were just bored so they came up with that story. Don’t even give it the time of the day.”

The answer should’ve eased Marley’s worries. It didn’t. Kenny’s weird laugh, the way her eyes kept shifting back and forth… it all was just too suspicious. It made Marley sift through her memories in search of discrepancies.

Memories of their last conversation on this matter stood out. Kenny had seemed surprised and confused that Marley thought that she’d killed their father. In fact, she’d only taken blame after Marley cornered her with consecutive questions. Also, every time the issue of Leslie outing Kenny had come up, Kenny hadn’t behaved like someone who was guilty. Was that a sign that she wasn’t actually guilty? Had she just decided to take the blame for someone else?

Her heart pounding at the implications of who that someone might be, Marley insisted, “Be honest with me, Kenny. Did you really kill Dad?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did.” Kenny seemed panicked as she insisted, “I killed him. It was me.”

Her panic only spiked Marley’s doubts. Marley still vaguely recalled the day of their father’s death. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen her sister firing the gun. In fact, even when she’d woken up, the pistol wasn’t in Kenny’s hand. It was on the floor between them.

What if Kenny had never even touched the pistol?

Feeling sick to her stomach, Marley reached over and took her sister’s hand. “Be honest with me, Kenny.” Knowing the reason why her sister would be so adamant about lying, she softly added, “I promise, it won’t break me. Just tell me the truth.”

“Marley, I d-” Kenny stopped speaking and her eyes filled with tears. “Please, stop asking questions. Just believe me. It was me. I’m the one who did it, so just let it go.”

Clearly, Kenny wouldn’t say it first. So Marley did. “It was Hazel, wasn’t it?”

Kenny’s lips parted and a tear popped from her eye. But she didn’t speak.

“It wasn’t you, right?” Marley was surprised that she sounded so calm when on the inside it felt like a typhoon was ripping through her. “It was Hazel.”

Kenny still didn’t speak. However, the tears that were now steadily streaming down her face were answer enough.

It was Hazel. Marley’s breath caught in her throat as the implications of what that truth meant sunk in. Hazel was her, and she was Hazel, which meant that she was the one who’d done that to their father. She’d killed him.

He deserved it, a voice in her head said. He would’ve killed us all if you didn’t do it.

Those were the same words Marley had used to defend Kenny, but somehow, they were less convincing when the shoe was on her foot. The knowledge that her actions were in self-defense wasn’t enough to ease her guilt. She had blood on her hands. Worse, she’d let her mother die in prison for her sins then had the gall to shift blame onto her sister. She was more than just a murderer. She was a monster.

Her vision got a little cloudy, and she felt light-headed. She could feel the fog coming on.

Let it take you, a voice whispered. If she let that fog take her, it could sweep her to a safe place where she didn’t need to deal with this awful truth.

No, she shook her head. No. She closed her eyes and tried to shove the fog away. No. It felt like she was pushing against an immovable wall but still she tried. No. I’m not hiding this time.

She’d run from the truth for too long. Because of her cowardice, she’d forced Kenny and her mother into taking blame for a sin that wasn’t theirs for seventeen years. No. No. This time she wasn’t leaving the mess to someone else. It was her mess. She was dealing with it and its consequences.

Slowly the fog retreated. She inhaled deeply to ease the tightness in her chest. When she could think clearly and breathe again, she opened her eyes.

Marley said, “We should tell the cops.”

Kenny’s eyes widened. “Tell the cops what?”

“That Hazel… no, that I killed Dad.”

“Are you kidding me?” Kenny exploded. She swiped her palm roughly over her cheeks to get rid of the tears before asking, “What good would that do?”

“It would clear Mom’s name.”

“Mom wouldn’t want her name cleared.” Kenny reminded her, “She ate the charge and stuck it out in prison just to protect you. Every time she and I were alone, she begged me to never let you find out. She wouldn’t want this being dredged up again.”

Marley started, “But-”

“No, Marley.” Kenny shook her head. “Don’t do this. Let it rest. Let this stay between us. If you want to show how grateful you are to Mom, then keep doing what she wanted. Live your best life. Don’t blow your life up just because you feel guilty.”

Marley hated to admit it, but Kenny was right. Their mother wouldn’t want her telling everyone the truth. Still, the guilt she felt was crushing. She wondered how her alter had lived with the guilt all these years.

“What does Hazel say?” Marley asked. “Does she even feel guilty for doing it?”

Kenny shook her head. “No, Hazel doesn’t feel guilty.”

“What?” Marley’s jaw dropped. “How? Why?”

Hazel could be callous, but she wasn’t completely without a conscience. How had she justified letting their mother die in prison for something she did?

Kenny paused for a beat then said, “Because she didn’t do it either.”

Marley blinked once then blinked again. “That doesn’t make sense at all. I didn’t do it. Mom didn’t do it. You didn’t do it. So obviously Hazel’s the one who did it.”

“No, it wasn’t her.” Kenny licked her bottom lip as if nervous before confessing, “I think you have a third alter.”

The news that her hands had pulled the trigger on their father was bad enough, but this shook Marley to the core. “What?”

“I think you have a third alter,” Kenny repeated. “Both Mom and I saw you kill Dad that day, but you didn’t know that you did it and neither did Hazel.”

Feeling like her heart was about to jump out through her mouth, Marley breathed, “Hazel is a liar.”

“Yes, she lies sometimes, but I don’t think this is one of those times.” Kenny’s gaze was thoughtful as she said, “If Hazel killed Dad, she’d be proud about it. You know how she is. But she says that she didn’t even see what happened and still believes that Mom did it because that’s what I told her. I don’t think it was her. Also…”

“Also what?” Marley prodded.

“Sebastian was there when you tried to kill Zion.” Kenny bit her lower lip. “He said that you didn’t look like Hazel or yourself to him. That the vibe was completely different. Cold. It just makes me think that there may be another alter.”

Marley still couldn’t believe it. “But if I had another alter, I’d know it.”

“No, you probably wouldn’t.” Kenny took her hand. “You didn’t even know about Hazel’s existence until we told you about her.”

That was true. However, Marley couldn’t quite wrap her head around the fact that there might be another personality running amok inside her without her knowledge. She insisted, “If I had another alter, it would’ve appeared before now.”

“Maybe it already appeared, and we just didn’t know because we assumed that it was just you and Hazel.” Kenny squeezed her hand. “Look, I’m not sure about it. But maybe we can talk to Dr. Hayward and bring up the possibility.”

No, Marley didn’t even want to bring up the possibility. Hazel was already a handful. Marley didn’t want another alter, especially a presumably murderous one.

Still, she nodded. “Okay.”

 

* * * * *

 

AFTER BEING RELEASED from hospital, Marley considered pretending that the conversation with Kenny didn’t happen. But she couldn’t. Her resolve to stop hiding from her problems remained firm. She went to see her therapist.

Once the idea of a third alter was floated, Dr. Hayward put Marley through several hypnosis sessions to see if there were strangers in her head.

“Kenny is right,” Dr. Hayward pronounced two weeks later. “You have another alter.”

Marley’s heart stopped in its tracks. She opened her mouth but couldn’t force any word out. It felt like the whole world had stopped and was just watching her, waiting for her to react.

Marley asked, “Did… did you meet it?”

“No. The alter still hasn’t emerged, but I believe it’s there.” Dr. Hayward continued, “I talked to Hazel and she wasn’t the one who shot Zion. She disappeared right after Zion started hitting you with the gun.”

Obviously, the third alter had taken over from there and almost killed someone else in the process.

Feeling a sudden sharp pain in her heart, Marley pressed her palm over her chest. She didn’t want this. She didn’t need this. She was already dealing with enough crap. How could her brain throw more nails at her already flat tire?

Noticing how troubled Marley was, the therapist soothed, “This isn’t a big deal. It’s not something you need to worry too much about.”

It certainly felt like a big deal to Marley. She had a third personality inside her, and it was capable of cold-blooded murder. It had offed Gary, and almost taken Zion out. What if that wasn’t enough for it? What if it decided to go after the people she loved? What if it decided to hurt Kenny and Sebastian?

Dr. Hayward said something about this being a small hiccup that they could deal with but Marley couldn’t even hear her clearly. Her brain was too preoccupied with thoughts of what could happen if the other person inside her went rogue.

The doctor continued, “It’s clear that this alter only appears when you’re in danger.”

But what if her alter misinterpreted a situation as dangerous and went nuclear again? Oh God!

“I promise, this isn’t something that should scare you.” Dr. Hayward soothed, “You can handle it.”

But Marley wasn’t reassured.

“We have another session on Friday,” Dr. Hayward continued, alerting Marley that their time was up. “Why don’t we talk about how to cope with this new alter, and what to do from now on?”

“O- okay.” Marley nodded, but on the inside, she’d already decided what to do.

There was no other option. She had to leave.

No, not retreat back into her dreams. That was too dangerous because either Hazel or the killer alter would take her place. No, she needed to leave this city. If she wanted to protect Sebastian and Kenny, then she needed to go somewhere far away, somewhere so far that neither of her alters could reach them and hurt them.

As soon as Marley got home, she started to pack. She didn’t even know where she was going. She just knew that she needed to go.

Kenny burst into the room just as Marley was stuffing clothes into a suitcase.

“Kenny?” Marley gasped in shock. She’d been extra quiet when getting into the house just so her sister wouldn’t wake up and catch her.

Kenny’s eyes swiftly moved to the open suitcase. “What are you doing?”

“Huh?” Marley quickly shut the suitcase.

“What are you doing?” Kenny repeated.

“Why- why are you here?” Marley hedged, knowing full well that if her sister knew her plan, she’d try to thwart it. “I thought- I thought you were sleeping.”

“Dr. Hayward called me and told me to watch you.” Kenny’s gaze hadn’t moved from the suitcase. She repeated, “What are you doing?”

“I’m just- I’m just-” While racking her brain for a believable excuse, Marley pulled the suitcase off her bed and set it on the floor. With her leg, she stuffed the suitcase under her bed. “I was just putting… putting aside some old clothes for Goodwill.”

It was a good excuse. But it didn’t work.

Kenny demanded, “Are you trying to leave?”

“N- n- n- n- no,” Marley denied. But her stammering was a dead giveaway.

“You’re trying to leave, aren’t you?” Tears jumped to Kenny’s eyes. “You’re trying to leave.”

Marley wanted to lie again. But in that moment, she realized that maybe it was best to tell her sister her plan, explain why it was necessary, then give her a proper goodbye. That way Kenny’s heartbreak at her leaving would lessen.

With a sigh, Marley sat on the bed. Feeling calmer than she’d felt the whole day, she met her sister’s eyes. “Why don’t you sit down?”

“No, I’m not sitting down.” Kenny stormed closer then bent and yanked the suitcase from beneath the bed.

Marley gasped. “Kenny, what are you doing?”

Kenny didn’t answer. Instead, she dragged the suitcase closer to Marley’s closet, and opened both the suitcase and Marley closet. She began to throw Marley’s clothes haphazardly back into the closet. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Kenny, stop.” Marley stood, grabbed her sister’s arm, and forced her to straighten to her full height. “Can we just talk for a minute?”

“Talk about what?” Kenny was now crying. “You’re not leaving.”

“Let’s talk. Just for a second.” Marley dragged her to the bed, and they sat down. She broke the news. “You were right. I have a third alter.”

Kenny was supposed to be shocked. She was supposed to be scared. But her only emotion was a flippant, “I don’t care.”

“This third alter is dangerous. She killed…” Marley took a breath then corrected herself. “No, we killed Dad.”

“I know. I was there,” Kenny retorted, somehow managing to cry and be snappy at the same time, “and I still don’t care.”

Frustrated that her sister wasn’t getting her point, Marley added, “I almost killed Zion.”

“So what?” Kenny returned. “He was going to kill you first.”

“I know… but it means that I’m a killer. I’m dangerous.” Her chest aching with distress, Marley asked, “What if I hurt you? What if I k-”

Kenny cut her off. “You would never do that.”

“You don’t know that, and-” Marley paused to swallow because of the sudden lump in her throat. “- and I don’t either. I’m not in control here. I could kill you without even planning to.”

“No, you couldn’t.” Kenny insisted. “You could never hurt me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, I know. I know you.” Kenny shot up to her feet. “And I won’t let you leave just because of something that hasn’t happened. You’re the one who told me that we should stop living based on what could happen. You’re the one who said that you were done running. Why are you trying to run now?”

Now crying too, Marley defended herself. “That- that was before I knew how dangerous I was.”

“You’re not dangerous,” Kenny insisted. “And you’re not leaving. I won’t let you leave even if I have to lock-”

Kenny suddenly stopped talking and dashed to the door. She grabbed the key from the key hole then rushed out of the room. Marley only realized what her sister was about to do when Kenny slammed the door closed behind her.

“Kenny!” Marley called as she rushed to the door. But she was too late. The lock snapped in place.

Kenny had locked her in.

“Kenny, unlock the door,” Marley ordered.

“No.” Kenny’s teary voice wafted through the solid wood. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Kenny. Kenny. Kenny.” Tears streaming down her cheeks, Marley tapped the door. “Kenny, open the door, huh? Just open it.”

But Kenny didn’t open the door. No matter how much Marley coaxed, she refused to open the door.