Don’t Let Me Break by Linda Verji

 

 

CHAPTER 36

 

Sebastian was at work when Kenny called him in tears.

“She’s trying to leave,” Kenny explained between sobs. “She’s trying to leave.”

Kenny didn’t even have to explain who ‘she’ was. He instinctively knew, and his heart lurched in alarm.

“Why?” he asked as he stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of his seat. “What happened?”

“You have to stop her,” Kenny went on to recount the call from Marley’s therapist about their discovery of a third alter and Marley reaction to the news.

By the time she was done, Sebastian was already out of the building. After telling Kenny that he was on his way to their house, he ended the conversation. Soon, he was in his car and zooming towards the sisters’ home.

Half an hour later, he knocked at their door. Kenny opened for him. Immediately, he could tell that she’d been having a rough time. Her eyes were swollen and red, and her face was streaked with tear stains.

“Where is she?” Sebastian asked as he kicked off his shoes.

“I locked her in her room,” Kenny said.

Obviously, that was an overreaction, but Sebastian couldn’t really judge Kenny. If he were in her shoes, he probably would’ve done something just as drastic.

Kenny led the way to Marley’s door. When she started to put the key into the lock, Sebastian stopped her. It was clear that Kenny wasn’t in the best state of mind right now. Talking to Marley when she was like this would likely be unproductive.

“Why don’t I go in alone first?” he suggested. “Maybe I can talk her out of the idea.”

Kenny hesitated for a second before handing over the key.

Sebastian took the key and unlocked the door.

Marley was seated on the carpeted floor; knees raised, arms on her knees, face tucked into her knees. When the door opened, she raised her head. Straight away, he noted that she’d been crying. Those puffy, red eyes broke his heart. Her sadness closed around his lungs like a tight fist and made breathing difficult.

Though he felt tears jump to his own eyes, he forced a smile as he closed the door behind him. “Hi.”

“Ken- Kenny called you?” Marley asked as she wearily brought herself to her feet.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “She did.”

Unable to control himself, he moved forward and took Marley in his arms. At first, she just stood motionlessly in his arms. But a minute or so later, her arms hesitantly came up to rest on his waist, and she tucked her face into his chest. Soon, her body began to tremble and her shoulders shook. She was crying.

The pain that her tears brought was almost unbearable. He felt her despair, misery and pain deep down in his soul, and it left him feeling helpless because he didn’t know how to stop her from hurting. All he could do was hold her through her sobs. He moved them to her bed, sat down with her on his lap and just let her cry.

It took a while but eventually the sobs petered out into sniffs. He kissed her forehead then took a handkerchief from his pocket and used it used it to wipe away the tear stains that streaked her cheeks.

Through all this, her eyes stayed closed and her head rested on his shoulders. He even started to think that she was falling asleep. Until she murmured, “I- I have to leave this place.”

Though he already knew the answer, he asked, “Why?”

Marley opened her eyes and met his gaze. “You know why.”

“No, I don’t.” He shook his head. “I don’t see any reason why you should leave.”

Marley took her head off his shoulder and sat up straighter. “I thought Kenny told you everything.”

He nodded. “She did.”

“Even about the third alter?”

“Even about the third alter,” he admitted. “I still don’t see why that is a reason for you to leave.”

“How can you not see it?” Marley tried to slip off his lap, but he firmed his hold around her waist and kept her securely planted on him. Frustration in her gaze and tone, she said, “It’s not safe for me to be around other people. This third personality is dangerous.”

“Are you sure about that?” he asked, sounding calm despite the tension bubbling within him. “I don’t think this new personality is as dangerous as you’re making it out to be.”

“It’s dangerous,” Marley insisted. “It killed Dad. It almost killed Zion. Who’s to stop it from killing someone else?”

Two days ago, Marley had tearfully confessed that she was behind Gary’s murder. Obviously, Sebastian was shocked, but he didn’t hold it against her. She was a child then, and her whole family was in danger. No one could blame her for defending all of them. Like Kenny, he’d dissuaded her from going to the cops. All her confession would do is dredge up the past and make her life harder.

Finding out that she had a personality was shocking too, but less so. Honestly, deep down he already knew. Also, after everything else, what was one more personality in the greater scheme of things? He didn’t think it was a big deal.

But obviously Marley did.

Desperation making her voice tremble, she asked, “What if the next time it comes after you or Kenny?”

“It won’t.” Sebastian assured. “It won’t hurt me or Kenny.”

“You don’t know that,” she returned, “and neither do I. No one knows anything about that part of me.”

“You’re wrong about that,” he refuted. “We do know something about that part of you. We know that this third alter only appears when you’re in a deadly situation. It only goes after people who threaten your life.”

“We can’t be certain about that.”

“I think we can,” Sebastian countered. “Let’s think about this for a second. If it was just randomly violent, then it should’ve appeared several times by now. You should have a history of attacking more people – not just your dad and Zion. But you don’t. That tells us that certain conditions need to be met for that third alter to emerge.”

“That’s just your theory,” she returned. “You can’t be sure that it’s accurate.”

“No, I can’t.” He brought his hand up to stroke the furrows on her brow with his fingers. “But your therapist is qualified, licensed and trained in this stuff, right?”

Marley hesitated a second then nodded.

“If she, a professional, thought you were dangerous,” Sebastian said, “she would’ve already called the authorities on you. But she hasn’t because she, like me and Kenny, thinks that this isn’t really a big deal. That it’s safe for you to be out in the world. That you won’t hurt anyone.”

Marley’s lips parted and he could tell that she wanted to rebut his words. However, no words fell from her lips. Her gaze became more thoughtful and her small teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she watched him. It was obvious that he was getting to her. So he kept talking.

“Besides that,” he continued, “I think you have some control over this third alter.”

Her head jerked back. “What- what do you mean?”

“When we were up on that rooftop, I realized something.” He paused for a beat then revealed, “Your will supersedes your alters’ interests. The alter wanted to shoot Zion, but when I kept calling your name and telling you to stop, you stopped your alter.”

Marley’s eyes widened and shock filled them. “That’s not possible.”

“It is. I saw it,” he confirmed. “Your alter had a hard time raising the gun and pulling the trigger as if you were fighting it from within. When your alter managed to shoot, the shot was ridiculously off . A blind man could’ve come closer to taking Zion out. Obviously, you’re the one who stopped it from killing Zion. That means that this isn’t completely out of your control. The alter only does what you want.”

She mulled over his words for quite a while until he began to think that he’d convinced her. But then she shook her head. “No, no, no. We can’t be sure. I should just leave.”

“Leave to go where?” Though he really didn’t believe that she was a danger to anyone, he reminded her, “Wherever you end up, there’ll be people too. Your fears of hurting someone apply to them too.”

“I’ll admit myself to a psych ward then,” she returned. Her tone was firm and her gaze determined, as if she was actually considering it.

“They won’t take you in.” Getting more desperate by the second, he squeezed her waist. “You’re perfectly healthy and stable, Marley. You haven’t hurt yourself or anyone who didn’t deserve it. You don’t need inpatient treatment. You don’t need to cut people off. You don’t need to leave us. What you’re doing with your therapist now is enough, and if we need to do more, she’ll tell you. Please just listen to me. Please.”

“I want to listen to you. I really want to.” She drew in a shaky breath. “But I’m just so scared that I’ll end up hurting someone, that I could hurt you or Kenny. If that happens, I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t deal with that, Sebastian. I can’t.”

“Then we’ll make sure it doesn’t hap-.” His voice broke because of all the emotions racing through him. He took a breath to steady himself before continuing, “We’ll make sure it doesn’t happen. You’ll get treatment, and learn how to deal with this new variable. Kenny and I will support you. Let us. Don’t run away from us. Please.”

His words got to her. They brought fresh tears to her eyes, and before they knew it, she was weeping again. This time, he couldn’t hold back his own tears. He stroked her hair and her back as she wept even while letting his own tears fall.

Though he’d maintained his cool for most of the conversation, the thought of her actually leaving frightened him more than he could explain. In these few months since she’d entered his life, she’d become more important to him than he could’ve expected. She was a part of him now. He couldn’t lose her.

Tears still racing down her cheeks, Marley looked up to meet his eyes. “Why are you doing this? Why do you want to be with someone like me?” She sniffed. “It was bad enough that I had Hazel inside me. But now there’s one more alter, or maybe even more that we don’t know about. You should run away, Sebastian. Run!”

“I’m not running,” he vowed. “I won’t run. Why would I run? Only scared people run, and I’m not scared. I’m happy. Ever since I met you, I’ve never felt happier or more complete. I don’t care if you have more alters. I don’t care if there are a thousand parts to you. I still love you. I love you too much to run.”

He didn’t even realize what he’d let slip until she stiffened in his arms and gasped. “You- you love me?”

For a second, he thought of taking it back. However, he quickly changed his mind. This was a moment of truth and he wouldn’t taint it with a useless lie. He nodded. “Yes, I love you.”

Marley’s jaw dropped. “You’re- you’re joking.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” He locked eyes with her, and his tone became even graver. “This isn’t how I meant to say it. I was going to wait until you’re ready, but since it’s out… Yes, Marley. I do love you. I love you more than I can explain. I love you so much that if you leave, I’m coming with you. You mean too much to me. I can’t let you go. I’m sorry.”

Her hand flew to her throat as her wide eyes roved his face. “I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you love me too,” he started, then shook his head. “No, no, no. You don’t have to say it if you’re not read-”

She cut him off. “I love you too.”

“What?” It was his turn to be shocked. Just to make sure he hadn’t hallucinated those four words, he asked, “What did you say?”

“I love you too,” Marley repeated. “I- I know I shouldn’t and that I don’t deserve you, but I can’t help it. I love you too, Sebastian. I really do.”

The thrill that seared through him was indescribably exhilarating. It warmed his heart, body and soul. It turned his lips up in an instinctive smile.

“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you,” he muttered right before sealing his lips to hers.

The kiss was heated. It was filled with passion, happiness and a plea for more than what she was giving him. His arms were tight bands around her body. They held her hostage against him, silently pleading for her to never leave, for her to stay by his side. He moved his mouth furiously over hers in an attempt to imprint himself on her and make her realize that he needed her just as much as she needed him. That they were one.

His desperation ignited hers. In seconds, she was kissing him back just as passionately. Her tongue darted out to duel with his, and her arm came up to surround his neck. She cupped his cheek and hardened her mouth over his in a blatant attempt to deepen the kiss. So he acquiesced.

Kiss after kiss he gave. Kiss after kiss she took until they were practically inhaling each other. When the kiss ended, they were both panting.

“Don’t leave me, Marley,” he pleaded. His forehead touching hers, he whispered, “I’ll beg if I have to. Don’t leave me.”

“You don’t have to beg,” she murmured before touching her lips to his again.

‘Then tell me you won’t leave,” he coaxed.

She was quiet for so long that panic set in. Maybe he’d pushed too far. But she surprised him by taking his face between her hands and kissing him. Her tongue licked the seam of his mouth until he opened for her, and she slipped her tongue inside. The kiss was sweet and full of promise.

“Okay.” Her breath whispered against his lips. “I won’t leave.”

Sebastian felt his heart unclench, and he exhaled in a long, controlled breath before fixing his lips to hers again. This time the kiss was less desperate. It was gentle and tender, filled with emotion and gratefulness.

“It won’t be easy being with me,” she whispered. “There’s so much wrong with me, so much I still need to fix.”

“It’s not just you who has things to fix. I have my own crap too. We’ll do it together. We’ll take things slow, baby. One day at a time. Together,” he soothed. “As long as we work together, everything will be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“If you ever want to run, the door’s still open,” she offered. “I won’t hold it against you.”

“You can lock that door and throw away the key,” he countered firmly. “I’m not going anywhere, and you better not leave either. This – what we have between us – is forever. Neither of us is letting go, okay?”

“Okay.” For the first time since they’d started talking, she smiled. “I won’t let go. I promise.”

A laugh of pure joy rumbled in Sebastian’s throat. He stole a long kiss from her before proclaiming, “You’re my heart, Marley. I love you.”

“I love you too.” She grinned. “Probably more than you love me.”

“I doubt that.” He chuckled before asking, “Should we tell you sister the good news?”

Marley smiled and nodded.

Eager to taste that smile, Sebastian locked his lips to hers again. She wasn’t leaving. She was staying with him. She was staying for him. On her lips he tasted love, joy and forever. She was his, and he was hers. He couldn’t wait to see where the future took them. Together!