Every Shade by Nora Phoenix

10

Had he capitulated too soon, too easily? Jace still wasn’t sure as he watched Matthew sleep again. They’d shared breakfast, and Matthew had napped afterward. Then Jace had served more chicken soup, and Matthew had still been fever-free, so that was progress. Jace had told him to nap anyway, and Matthew had obeyed without protest.

He was healing well. Jace had checked in with his mom, and she’d confirmed he was on track for a speedy recovery. The fact that he was beating it this quickly was proof of a strong immune system.

Jace had gone over all the reasons why he’d been an idiot to agree to Matthew’s proposal. Yes, Matthew was his boss, and even though he didn’t fear getting fired, it still wasn’t smart to sleep with him. It would make their work relationship much more complicated potentially, and Jace would hate to see that change. They’d always been perfectly in tune, and this could mess with that.

But that wasn’t even his biggest worry. Hell no. The fact that he’d never met a guy he’d wanted to sleep with for more than, say, a few weeks would be much more of a challenge. He loved sex. He absolutely did. Loved it all. Blow jobs, rimming, getting fucked, and everything else. But never for long with the same person.

Oh, he’d tried. In fact, he must hold some kind of record for the most relationships a guy his age could have…none of them lasting longer than three, four weeks. Something always happened to make him walk away. Or, in all fairness, make the other guy break things off.

They thought he was too needy. He thought they were too boring. They wanted him to stop mothering them. He wanted them to accept that was how he was wired. They asked him to top. He said no, thank you. They claimed he asked for too much sex. He thought sex was part of the deal. They felt he should change his hair, his style, his job, his everything…and he refused.

Yes, he was a walking contradiction. A guy who was a little shy but also quite bossy at times. Someone who was happy to be in the background but still wanted to be seen and put first. He loved sex and lots of it, but he got bored if it was the same thing every single time, like a paint-by-numbers. And why should he feel ashamed he wanted sex? It was what he needed, so what? Also, yes, he was a planner who loved to-do lists and spreadsheets, but he still abhorred routines, especially when it came to dating and sex.

So he probably was too demanding, asking too much. He’d gotten that message over the years. For that very reason, he’d given up on the hope of finding someone he could build a future with because honestly, if he couldn’t even keep a guy for longer than month, a lifetime seemed pushing it.

But could he manage to keep Matthew happy long enough to at least walk away as friends? What if Matthew felt the same way about him as the other guys, like he was too…something? Too much of whatever. Or what if he got bored with him before Matthew wanted to end things? Things could get beyond awkward.

But could a man who wrote amazing books like Matthew really be boring in bed? Matthew wasn’t just known for his inventive sex scenes but also for incorporating all kinds of kink. He’d written about every kink under the sun, and even though a lot of them didn’t appeal to Jace in real life, he loved reading about them. Could someone who wrote so openly and accepting about kink and who focused on people expressing themselves authentically really be close-minded in real life? It was hard to imagine.

A strange sound made him look up, and Matthew was stretching, his face distorted in a wide yawn. “Did you have a good nap?” Jace asked, almost automatically by now.

Matthew turned on his side and faced him. “You should know. Something tells me you were watching me the whole time.”

“I was working,” Jace protested, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. Had he called it or what? Matthew was already noticing his weird behavior.

“Hey,” Matthew said softly, and Jace met his eyes. “I was messing with you.”

“Oh. I thought you were… Never mind.”

“It’s not like I mind you watching me…”

“No?”

“Why would I?” Matthew looked puzzled as he propped himself up on his arms.

“Because it’s mothering you or even smothering you, maybe?”

Mathew studied him. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and conclude that someone accused you of doing that…an ex-boyfriend, maybe?”

Jace hesitated but then nodded. “More than one, actually.”

“No chance of that with me.”

Matthew’s tone had grown serious, much more serious than Jace had expected. “Why?” he dared to ask.

Matthew sighed as he reached for the water on his nightstand and greedily emptied the glass. He wiped his mouth, then put the glass back. “My mother was a prostitute who got addicted to crack when my brother and I were just kids, and I have no idea who my father is. Let’s just say that I didn’t grow up with anyone taking care of me, so when someone does that for me…it means a lot.”

Jace’s heart filled with warmth. “Okay.”

“Does that make you feel better?”

“Yeah. I’m… I’m not good at holding that part of myself back. It comes so naturally to me.”

“So let it out. I don’t mind.”

“Not even if all we’re meant to have is fun between the sheets?”

Matthew’s smile was sweet. “We’re also friends, aren’t we? Pretty sure that taking care of a friend is perfectly acceptable behavior, even without the sex.”

“Okay.”

“That being said, I do look forward to the sex part.”

Jace grinned. “You’ll have to be able to breathe without coughing first, big guy.”

Matthew sighed dramatically. “I hate it when you get all reasonable.”

Jace genuinely felt sorry for him. Being sick was never easy and especially not when you had things you wanted to do. Good things. Sexy things. “How about a shower?” he suggested. “Or a bath?”

Matthew’s eyes lit up. “I’d love a bath. Will you scrub my back, then?”

Jace laughed. “Deal. And if you behave, I may even scrub more than that…”

He pushed down his remaining doubts as he walked over to the bathroom and started a bath, throwing in some bath salts he found in the cabinet. He’d have to take the jump and see what would happen. He tested the temperature with his hand, then headed back to the bedroom.

Matthew had worked himself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He still had the comforter draped across his waist, but Jace already knew what he’d see once the man would get up. That beautiful cock, begging for his touch. His lips. And if things continued the way they had, he might just get his wish.

Matthew got up without his help, and all Jace could do was stare at the man as he carefully made his way to the bathroom. His ass was almost as impressive as his front, and Jace licked his lips. “Like the view?” Matthew asked over his shoulder, his voice raspy.

How freeing that Jace didn’t need to hide anymore. “Very much.”

Matthew leaned on him as he stepped into the bathtub, then carefully lowered himself until he’d sunk deep into the water. “God, this feels amazing.”

“Want me to wash your hair?”

“Hell, yes.”

Jace found shampoo, but before he could squeeze some out onto his hand, Matthew grabbed his wrist. “You’ll get all wet.”

“I don’t mind.”

Matthew rolled his eyes at him. “Not the point. Wouldn’t it be better to prevent your clothes from getting wet by, I don’t know, taking some off?”

Jace chuckled. “Smooth.”

“I thought so too. I may be too damn weak to do much, but I’d sure as fuck would love to look…”

The man had a point, and Jace quickly stripped down to his underwear. The low, appreciative noise off Matthew’s lips made his belly tickle inside. He put a hand on his hip as he posed. “Like the view?”

“God, yes. You’re sexy as fuck.”

His first instinct was to offer him a blow job as a reward, but then he caught himself. He had to be careful.

“What’s wrong?” Matthew asked.

“Nothing.”

“Please don’t lie,” Matthew said, his voice holding a sharp edge. “You can tell me to fuck off, but please don’t lie. I saw something passing over your face, something that made you sad.”

Jace’s cheeks heated. His shoulders slumped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to, but… I was worried about something.”

“Wanna talk about it? My hair can wait.”

Matthew’s tone was so warm and welcoming that Jace sat down on the bath mat right next to him. “All the kink you include in your books, is that from your own experience?”

“Some of it, but other things I’ve researched. Why?”

“Do you mean what you write about people expressing their true self? That they should act out how they’re wired?”

Matthew nodded slowly as something painful flashed over his face. “Yeah. It’s not easy, especially when people judge you for it, but I believe that we can’t change what makes us tick, what turns us on or off. So if someone isn’t understanding of that, it’s time to move on and find someone who is.”

“What if you can’t find someone willing to accept you for who you are?”

“Then I’d say you have to keep trying…”

Jace smiled, even though sadness lingered in his heart. “You’re a true romantic, despite pretending to be all tough and casual.”

Matthew froze, and the pain on his face took Jace’s breath away. Oh no. What had he done?