Breaking the Ice by Esme Taylor
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Hettie
Days soon turned into weeks and with each passing day, my bruises faded, my cuts healed, and my concussion eased. The doctor had long since discharged me, but I refused to leave the hospital. I refused to leave Reid.
Every day my friends, family, and even the nurses begged me to go home, if only for an hour. They kept telling me I needed to shower, eat, and get some fresh air, but I couldn’t imagine stepping foot outside the hospital without him. Not even for a second. Eventually, I think they realized they weren’t going to win, so they would take turns watching over Reid while I showered in the en-suite in his room, the nurses would bring me food when the meal trolley came around, Heather would bring me tea and treats from the coffee shop and my parents would swap my dirty laundry for bags of clean clothes when they came to visit on the weekends. They all went above and beyond looking after me so that I could focus all of my energy on Reid, even though there was no sign of him waking any time soon.
One Thursday evening, I was curled up on a chair next to Reid’s bed, half asleep while holding his hand, when the door opened and a chair was pulled up next to mine. “Hettie?” Thomas whispered, cautiously touching my shoulder.
I opened my eyes and smiled sleepily at him. Every time I saw him, he looked more and more broken. I still didn’t know him that well, but I could see how much he cared about Reid and what his coma was doing to him.
“Hey, Thomas,” I whispered. “You look awful. Have you been getting any sleep?”
“Thanks, Sweet Cheeks. You really are full of compliments, aren’t you?” He smiled. “It’s a bit hard to sleep when your best friend is being a stubborn shithead and won’t open his eyes.”
I hadn’t mentioned anything the nurse had told me about Reid’s accident and coma. I wasn’t sure who knew, and I didn’t want to give away any of his secrets. But I had a sneaking suspicion that Thomas knew everything.
“Why don’t you tell me how you two met,” I suggested.
“We met here. Well, not here in the hospital,” he clarified. “Here in Bridstone. He was so young, alone, and pretty broken. He didn’t have anyone, so I let him stay with me and helped him start a new life here. It took a lot of work, but I helped him break free from his past. And we’ve been friends ever since.” He smiled as if recalling the good times they’d had together.
“What he may or may not know is that he’s helped me too. I’ve seen things that no one wants to see, completed tours in places that I wouldn’t send my worst enemy, and I’ve done things that had to be done, but they left their mark on me. Reid gave me a place to offload and work out all those feelings that tend to bite me on the ass late at night. It’s at night when the shadows make it easier for your nightmares to come to life. But Reid understood that and helped me feel normal, even when my job made me feel like a monster.”
“What is it you did? I mean, only if you want to tell me. I would completely understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“I was SAS. Special Ops. I was the person they sent in when they didn’t want anyone to know we were there.”
“Wow, how long did you do that?”
“Ten long years. I’ve been working privately since then. Not SAS, but I still do those types of jobs that no one wants to get caught doing. Needless to say, I’m good at making problems disappear. I just wish this was a problem I could fix.” His head hangs low as he rubbed his hands up and down his legs.
Placing my hand over the top of his, I gave him a reassuring squeeze.
“Did you know about Reid’s other coma?”
His head snapped up, and he looked at me with questioning eyes. “It happened before I met him, but yes, I know. How did you know? Did he tell you?”
I shook my head. “A nurse mentioned it. I guess she thought I knew. I am his wife, you know,” I said with a half-smile.
“That’s why I’m so worried about him. He nearly didn’t make it last time. He was out for such a long time and I’m scared that he won’t be able to make his way back out this time.” The emotion that crackled in his voice when he talked spoke volumes.
The two of us sat in silence as we watched the man we both loved lying in a hospital bed, lost.
“Reid, Billy, and I, we’re each other’s family. I don’t know if I would be able to cope if I were to lose him. And I know for a fact it would break Billy. I just can’t––” I pulled him in close for a hug.
While he didn’t strike me as the hugging type, he looked like he needed one. And I wasn’t taking no for an answer.
It only took a few moments before he gave in. He wrapped his arms around me and allowed the tears to fall, letting the emotions of the last few weeks drain out of him.
“It’s okay to fall apart once in a while, Tom. You don’t need to be the strong one all the time. You can lean on all of us, you know?”
“Thanks, Hettie. I’m sorry I was a bit of a dick to you when we first met. I know I can come across as a grumpy old man, but I like to get to know someone before I just let them in. Now that I have gotten to know you, I think you’re perfect for Reid. And I intend to make sure he knows that when he wakes up. Now, why don’t you go and stretch your legs or take a shower? I’ll keep an eye on this one for you.”
I kissed him on the cheek, grabbed some clean clothes from my bag, and headed into the bathroom, silently wishing I could be in Reid’s shower with him, my legs wrapped around his waist while he buried himself inside of me.
◆◆◆
Time went on and still, nothing changed. Six weeks later, Reid remained in a coma with no signs of waking. While the doctors were hopeful he would wake up, every night when I curled up next to him I cried because it felt like he was getting further and further away.
All around us, life had carried on, but we were still stuck in this same moment in time. And the fact that it was all brought on by Roger made m angrier by the day.
I’m was tired, emotional, and I missed my Viking so much that my heart hurt. I wanted to hear his growl or whisper Etta in my ear. I wanted him inside me. I wanted to watch him boxing in just his shorts and eat ice cream with him. I wanted to feel his body pressed against mine while we slept.
I wanted my life with Reid.
Earlier in the day, the doctors had removed his breathing tube. He was finally breathing on his own, which they assured me was a good sign. Shortly after that, the nurse came in to remove the dressing from his chest wound.
I was lying next to him, running my fingers over his freshly healed scar, which sliced through the middle of his compass tattoo. Oddly, it resembled a crack in the frozen lake. Out of nowhere, something inside me snapped, and I completely lost it.
“You promised me if I ever needed you, you’d come, Viking,” I shouted, my words loud and angry. “I need you to come back to me.”
The shouting felt good. It was as if all the emotion I’d felt over the last few weeks and months finally erupted. I was angry at everything and everyone––Roger, for what he had done to me, Reid, for blaming me for something I didn’t do, the fear, the pain, the thought of possibly losing him.
“Fuck you, Viking! You can’t make me fall in love with you and then just leave me. I don’t even think you’re trying. I think you’re giving up and I won’t let you. You fight for me, do you hear me? You fight for me! You fight and you come back here and spend the rest of your life with me. I killed someone to save you, now you have to fucking save yourself.” By this time, I was desperate, screaming, sobbing, and pulling on his body, trying to shake him back into consciousness.
A nurse ran in and pulled me away from him, ushering me out of the room before wrapping me in her arms and holding me as my body shook with violent sobs. When I had finally calmed, she helped me into an uncomfortable plastic chair in the hall before going in search of some tea.
While I waited, I called Heather.
“Hets? Are you okay?” she asked when the call connected.
“I’m scared,” I whispered into the phone. “I’m scared to admit that I don’t know if he will ever wake back up.”
“Oh, Hettie,” Heather sighed. “I wondered when this would happen. You’ve been through so much. You were drugged, kidnapped, beaten, cut with a knife, thrown down a flight of stairs, hit with a gun, bound, nearly raped and you had to stab someone to death in order to save you both. And you watched someone shoot the love of your life.”
The tears began to fall as I listened to her list everything I had experienced while in Roger’s grasp.
“That’s a lot for anyone to deal with, Hettie. Since then, you’ve spent weeks sitting in a hospital next to Reid, waiting for him to wake up. You’ve not had any fresh air, you’ve not been home, you’ve not had a moment to process any of this. It was always going to catch up with you. It was just a matter of time. You’re allowed to fall apart, beautiful. Despite what you may think, you don’t have to be superhuman. Hettie, you can crumble, and you’re allowed to be scared.”
Instinctively, I pulled my knees up to my chest, a stabbing pain radiating through my stomach where the knife wound was still healing. I had tried to block out what happened in that room, but sometimes, when I was alone, his voice, the smell of his breath, the look on his face as he eyed the bed, and the weight of him as he straddled me, would flash through my mind.
I knew Heather was right. The emotions I was feeling had to come out at some point. I just wasn’t prepared for that to happen right now––not while Reid was still in the hospital.
“I need him to come back to me, Heather. I don’t know how to do this on my own. It’s too much. It’s too hard to move on without him there beside me. I already have that evil fuck’s blood on my hands. I can’t cope with having Reid’s on them as well. What if he dies because he tried to save me?”
“Hettie, he did what he did because he loved you. I don’t know Reid well, but I know that if there is a way back to you, he will find it. I know it’s hard, but you can’t give up now. We’re here for you, so what’s the harm in leaning on us and letting us take some of the strain? We will be there in the morning. And when we get there, you are going to go outside for a walk, get some sun on your face, and breathe in some fresh air. You need a break, Hets. Trust me, it will help you feel stronger.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off before I could.
“You have to start healing your mind, as well as your body, and you can’t do that by being in that room 24/7. Now, try to get some sleep. Give the Viking a kiss from all of us and warn him that if he doesn’t wake up soon, Max and Billy are going to give him a sponge bath.”
For the first time in a long time, I laughed. I really laughed.
“Thanks, Heather.”
“Anytime, Hets. That’s what friends are for. You okay now? I can come back to the hospital if you need me to.”
“No, I’m good now. See you tomorrow.”
I took a sip of the lukewarm attempt at a cup of tea the nurse had brought me while I was on the phone with Heather. While I appreciated the thought, there was no way I could drink something that tasted that bad.
I stood, throwing the cup into the bin just inside Reid’s hospital room. “Sorry, big man. I may have slightly lost my mind for a while there. But I think I’m better now. I wish I could hear your voice, though. Hell, at this point, I’d settle for hearing your angry growl.”
I sighed as I climbed back into the bed, curling up in the crook of his arm, pressing myself against his warm body. I laced my fingers with his and drifted off to sleep, listening to his breathing, which was much more soothing now that he was breathing on his own and not because of a machine.
◆◆◆
In my dream, I could hear Reid’s deep, husky voice calling my name as he lifted my hand that was wrapped in his, kissing my knuckles. His beard brushed against my face as he breathed me in, his soft kisses dancing across my lips.
“Did you ask me to marry you, Etta?”
My eyes flew open when his question registered in my sleepy mind. To my surprise, Reid was looking at me, a tired expression on his face. But he was awake.
“Viking?” I screamed, flinging my arms around him and peppering kisses all over his face.
“Ouch, careful. Someone shot me, you know,” he chuckled. Being able to hear his voice and have him back here with me… it was exactly what I wished for.
“You’re really awake?” I asked, as I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t dreaming as I pressed the call button for the nurses.
As soon as she walked through the door, she took one look at Reid and clapped her hands in excitement before rushing off to get the doctor.
“You didn’t answer me, Etta. While you were screaming at me, did you tell me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me? Because that would certainly constitute a marriage proposal.”
“I knew you were faking it, Viking. I just needed to do something drastic to shock you back to the land of the living.”
“Not faking it, Etta. I just needed time to rest. But I’m here now and I’m sorry it took me so long.” He leaned down and kissed me deeply and I swear my heart started beating again.
Suddenly, I heard someone cough from the doorway. Reluctantly pulling away from Reid, I turned to see a smiling Dr. Kennedy.
“Welcome back, Mr. Hudson. You do like to keep us waiting. I’m sure your wife will have words with you about that later. For now, shall we take a look at you?”
Reid nodded.
After checking Reid’s vitals, the doctor instructed the nurse to do thirty-minute observations throughout the night.
He smiled. “Well, everything looks good, Mr. Hudson. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods just yet. It’s going to be a slow process to get you back to full health. Your heart took quite a beating and we need to make sure there’s no long-term damage. We’re going to keep you in here for a few weeks, so that we can keep an eye on you. In addition to lots and lots of rest, you’ll also be needing physical therapy to rebuild your strength.”
“Anything you say, Doc. Can I keep my girl here with me though?”
Doctor Kennedy laughed as he prepared to exit. “We couldn’t get her to leave your side, even when we strongly recommended that she go home and get some rest. You have a strong one there, Mr. Hudson.” Reid smiled a great big smile that lit up his face as he pulled me back into the bed, tucking me into his side.
When Reid finally stopped touching and kissing me, I called Thomas with the good news. I knew he would be relieved. And just as I’d expected, our friends soon filled the room, hugging him and ribbing his new scruffy bed head look.
An hour later, I could tell Reid was getting tired, so I shooed them all out and told them to come back tomorrow after he had gotten a good night’s rest. I closed the door behind them, turned down the lights, and climbed back into bed with my man.
My beautiful, awake man.
“What was it like?” I asked as I ran my fingers lightly over his tattoo, my head resting on his chest.
“In the coma?”
I nodded.
“It’s hard to describe. It’s like you’re in another room with only a thin door separating you from the world. You can hear things, but they don’t always make sense. For example, I know you’ve not left my room for weeks. And I know you’ve talked to me non-stop. I also know you declared your undying love for me and asked me to marry you. I heard everything; I just couldn’t say anything.” He sighed. “You didn’t give up on me. It’s because of you that I found my way. You helped guide me back. Thank you, Etta. Thank you for being there when I needed you the most.”
I lifted my head and kissed him deeply, savoring every moment.
“You know the deal––you need me and I’m there. You found me when I thought I was going to die. And you ended up taking a bullet for me. I think I should be the one thanking you.”
“Did he––?”, his words faded, the question he’d wanted to ask, but couldn’t, hanging in the air.
“No. He was close, but no, he didn’t do that. He left marks I will have to carry forever, but he didn’t get to do that. He was the one who mugged me and tried to break into my house. Apparently, he’d been watching me for weeks. After Lewis told me about the hack at work, I got scared. I asked you for the boxing lessons because I wanted to be able to protect myself, if I ever needed to,” I explained, my voice barely above a whisper.
“The police didn’t seem worried, so I brushed it off. I figured maybe he had gotten bored and decided to leave me alone. I never thought it would escalate to where it did. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. But you should know… the boxing probably saved my life.” I gave him a small smile. “I waited for a chance and when I got it, I punched him in the nose and he dropped his knife. I tried to escape, but he got to me first. He threw me down the stairs and when I woke up, tied to the bed––that’s when I saw you.” Tears streamed down my face as I recalled just how much my outcome could have been.
“Reid, you freed my arm. When he was trying to––you know––f–force himself on me,” I stammered, “I stabbed him in the neck. I killed him. You saved me, Viking. You rescued me again. If you hadn’t freed my arm, I would have––” The look of rage on his face caused me to stop talking.
I cupped my hand over his cheek and forced him to look at me. “Hey, I’m okay. Thanks to you, I’m okay and he can never bother me, or anyone else, again.”
“I should have known something was wrong when you asked for boxing lessons. And you should have told me you thought you were being stalked. I could have protected you better. I could have had Thomas look into it and found out who it was.”
“You put the clues together. You kept your promise and came when I called. You did everything you could have, and you saved me.”
“I think you saved yourself, Etta. And I would expect nothing less from you. You’re a force of nature.” He laughed softly, wincing from the pain in his chest. “Have I told you how much I fucking love you and how sorry I am for ever doubting you?” He softly ran his fingers down the side of my face to my lips, where he rubbed his thumb over the small scar from the cut from Roger had caused. “Now, come here and kiss me. We have some making up to do.”
We spent the next few hours kissing and grinding together like teenagers until he grew too tired and fell asleep with me wrapped around him like we did before the kidnapping. He slept peacefully. There were no nightmares, no crying, and no screaming. There was just sleep. Deep, peaceful sleep for us both.