Coaching His Babygirl by Rory Reynolds
Chapter Fifteen
Melinda
The second my door closes,I break down into tears. I know I sent him away, but I hate that he actually left. It’s like he didn’t even fight for me. Why is it so easy for him to walk away when it feels like the end of the world to me?
This sucks.
With a sad sniffle, I go and get the only comfort I have—chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. I plop down on the sofa, make myself a burrito in my favorite throw blanket and open my ice cream. I settle in for a nice long mope.
Halfway through the pint of ice cream I decide that maybe I should get a cat because the love of an animal isn’t nearly as painful as loving a person.
Wait. Love?
Do I love Cooper?
Crap. Yes, I think I do love him, and that scares the pants off of me. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t already be a brokenhearted mess over this situation. How is it even possible that I fell for him so fast and hard? I have always been the cautious type, but it seems like I’ve thrown myself into the deep end and forgot how to swim.
I replay our conversation over and over in my head. Cooper was telling me the truth. I know he was, but I’m not sure if it matters at this point. My heart is broken, and we’ve only been together for a very short time. What would it be like if we continue for months or years and then something goes wrong?
I wouldn’t survive it.
Setting my empty ice cream carton on the coffee table, I cover my head with the blanket and let the misery settle in because I can’t risk it. I was fine being alone. This pain will pass, and I’ll be back to where I was before I knew that Cooper returned my crush.
I spend the whole day in my blanket burrito. I give myself the day to mope and cry. Hopefully I can let out all the emotions this weekend before school restarts on Monday. The only time I get up is to move to my bed, where I promptly burrito up again and fall into a fitful sleep.
The night is full of dreams of Coop. If they were dreams about broken hearts, I might’ve been able to handle them better, but they aren’t. No, my dreams are about all the amazing times we’ve shared.
In my dreams, Cooper spanks me and fucks me, and makes me scream his name. Over and over, he kisses me tenderly, holds me close, and has his wicked way with me. I wake up horny and sad.
I go through the motions of my normal Sunday routine. Though, I avoid going to the grocery store. I can’t stand the thought of breaking down in the produce section. I’m still raw enough that it’s a possibility.
My phone dings with a text from Darlene. Hey girl, just checking in. How are you holding up?
Do you want the truth or the candy-coated version?I ask.
I can imagine her shaking her head at me. Truth, always.
I’m miserable.
Tears fill my eyes again and I feel another crying jag coming on. I blink them back, trying to gain control of myself again. My phone rings. Darlene obviously isn’t satisfied with texting now that she knows how I’m fairing.
“Hello,” I murmur.
“Girl, tell me what happened. I thought you were going to talk to him yesterday and straighten everything out.”
I sigh and sit down at my kitchen table where I have my laundry piled up, waiting to be folded. “We did talk…”
“What did he say?”
“That it wasn’t what it looked like, obviously.”
“Do you not believe him?” she asks.
I cover my face with my hand and groan. “That’s the problem. I do believe him.”
“Uh… how is that a problem? Isn’t it a good thing that you were mistaken about what happened?” she asks, clearly flummoxed.
“Yes… no… I don’t know,” I say, getting up from my chair and pacing around my kitchen. “I don’t know how I feel about it. Yes, I’m glad that it was all a mistake and that it was the woman who kissed him and that he didn’t engage in the kiss.”
“So where does the no come in to play?” she asks.
I continue pacing, feeling like a caged tiger. “Because I don’t know if it’s worth it, Dar! Look at me. I’m a mess after just a couple weeks with him. What happens if we continue to date or whatever we are doing, and then things go wrong again?”
Darlene makes a clucking sound that tells me I’m about to get an earful. “Nothing worthwhile comes easily. Is trusting Cooper a risk? Yes, absolutely, but when things are good… it’s totally worth the risks.”
“How do you know?”
She laughs. “Look at Colt and me. Things weren’t all roses for us at first either.”
“Yeah, but you had a freakin’ stalker who scared you into breaking things off with Colt. There’s nothing like that happening here.”
“Exactly. There is no reason for you not to be with Coop. Only your own fear is keeping you apart. The real question is if you’re going to let fear of a broken heart override the possibility for happiness and love.”
“I just don’t know what to do. I need time to think…”
“Then take time to think. Just don’t let your fears rule your decision.”
“Thanks, girlie. I appreciate you talking me off the ledge.”
“That’s what friends are for,” she says.
We say our goodbyes and I go back to my chores. I do my best to not think too hard about my situation. Yes, I asked for time to think, but I’m so raw right now that thinking is the last thing I want to do. Especially since Darlene’s voice is running through my head, encouraging me to make the leap.
I am just finishing up the last load of laundry when my phone dings with a text. I pick it up, expecting it to be Darlene again, but it’s Coop.
Hi babygirl. I hope you’re okay. I miss you.
My heart constricts in my chest. I type out a quick I miss you too, then delete it just as quickly. I drop my phone on the sofa and decide I’ll reply later… maybe.
I sleep like crap that night. It’s Monday morning, and I feel like hot garbage water. I’m tempted to call in and spend the day hiding out, but I can’t do that to my students. We have another competition coming up soon, and I won’t disappoint them. They all work so hard, and I’m so proud of them. Even though it’s going to be hard, I’ve got to pull on my big girl panties and go to work.
The car ride is spent on pep talks on what I will or won’t do if I see Cooper. I will be polite and professional. I will not throw myself at him and beg him to take me back and forgive me for being scared. I will keep my tears on lockdown. I will not break down at school. I repeat these things like they are the most important affirmations ever.
My heart stops in my chest when I see Cooper standing beside his truck. It looks like he’s waiting for me like he usually does, but surely he’s not. Why would he wait for me when we aren’t even together anymore?
I chew on my bottom lip, my nerves getting the better of me as I consider parking somewhere else… like on Jupiter. I take a deep breath and shore up my heart, then pull into my usual parking spot. I turn off the car and fuss around with my bags, stalling. I glance up at Cooper several times and feel a low beat of arousal building. It’s impossible to be close to him and not feel attraction. He’s wearing a white t-shirt with tight dark wash jeans. He looks like a wet dream walking. It’s not until I get out of the car—finally—and notice the dark circles under his eyes and an overwhelming sadness that has taken over his usually happy demeanor.
He looks like I feel, which isn’t good. At least I have makeup—something I rarely ever wear—to cover my own dark circles. I’m wearing it like warpaint because without it, I can’t hide what’s lingering underneath.
“Mel…” he says my name in that husky voice of his, and my stomach flip flops.
“Coop,” I say with a nod, trying to hold back my emotions at being so close to him again.
My body wants to throw itself at him and melt into his warm chest. I want him to take away all my pain and make me happy again. I know he would in a heartbeat… but I have to make sure it’s what I want before I put us both through a reunion like that.
He reaches out and takes my bags like he usually does. I let out a feeble protest, but he just gives me one of his stern looks, and I let go of the bags, letting him carry them for me. I realize this is his way of showing me that he’s here for me even now when we are separated.
We walk together in silence, but I soak up the closeness. The scent of him. His masculine strength. Even when he’s not touching me, I can feel it. He walks me to my classroom and sets my bags down. It looks like he’s struggling just as hard as I am to keep his hands to himself. Seeing that makes me feel better about my own struggle.
“Have a good day, Mel,” he says.
“You too, Coop.”
I half expect him to kiss me like always, giving me a sneaky smooch before students start flooding into the room, but he doesn’t. He simply turns on his heel and leaves the room. He doesn’t even look back once.
I close my eyes tight and will myself to push down all the emotions I’m feeling. Now is not the time. After a few seconds, I find my center and fall into teacher mode. I’m not Cooper’s brokenhearted babygirl anymore. I’m the badass band teacher who is going to lead her class to another state championship.
* * *
The day dragson and on. Having classes to distract me is good, but that raw ache in my chest is right there waiting to strike whenever I let my guard down even for a brief moment. I decide to eat lunch in my room, not feeling at all like being surrounded by people. I nibble on my sandwich but spend most of the time with my guitar. Over and over again, I try to lose myself in the music that usually flows through my veins as surely as blood does, but I can’t seem to get there.
Music has always been my happy place, and now when I need it the most, it seems to have abandoned me. I’m so upset that I want nothing more than to throw my guitar across the room, but I carefully place the instrument back in its protective case, knowing I’d be mad at myself for destroying such a beautiful instrument.
The rest of the day moves a little faster. By the time the final bell rings, I’m ready to go back home and curl up on my couch. I’m emotionally drained and physically exhausted. I swear I’ve never been so tired in my life. I gather all of my things and head to the door. I stop abruptly, almost running smack dab into Coop’s muscular chest.
“Sorry,” I say, sounding breathless at just being in his presence, “I didn’t see you there.”
“It’s okay, baby-” he cuts himself off before finishing the endearment I desperately want to hear from his lips. “Mel.”
I chew on my bottom lip nervously. “Did you need something?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything else. Not that I want the moment to end. Just being here with him makes me feel better than I have since Friday afternoon before things turned bad.
“I thought I would walk you to your car.”
I blink up at him wondering why he’s being so nice to me. He should be furious with me. Heck, I’m furious with myself and my own indecision. “You don’t have to,” I say as he takes my bags from my hands.
“I want to,” he says simply.
“Okay.” I smile softly at him, liking the fact that he’s still showing me how much he cares and taking care of me even when we aren’t together. My heart feels a little less conflicted knowing he’s giving me time and space, but not too much space.
At my car, he opens the passenger door and sets down my things, then circles around and opens the driver’s door for me. The wind ruffles my hair, and he automatically reaches out and tucks a loose strand behind my ear. I feel my cheeks heating in a blush at his touch. Especially when those fingers lightly graze over my jaw before falling away.
“So beautiful,” he murmurs, looking deep into my eyes.
He’s breaking down my resolve. Not that it’s very strong to begin with. I need to get out of here before I give in to my desires.
“I should go…”
He closes his eyes, squeezing them tight like he’s trying to hide his emotions before leveling that dark gaze on me. “Drive safe, babygirl,” he says, not tripping over the endearment this time.
His voice and words flow over me in a protective wave that pools in my belly in the form of desire. How I ever thought I could guard my heart against this man, I’ll never know. Just this one casual experience is enough to prove that safeguarding my heart will be an uphill battle, one I’m not sure I want to travel.