There With You by Samantha Young
Regan
My excitement over getting the job waned as I began to worry I was acting irresponsibly toward Thane and his kids. So desperate for Robyn not to think I was an impulsive failure, I’d kept the truth from her. And the problem was, I needed her advice.
Staring at my packed luggage at the end of the fabulous bed in the fabulous guest suite I missed already, I shook off my nerves and wandered downstairs. Robyn had returned home two minutes ago and called up to tell me she’d brought takeout.
I walked into the main living space and found Robyn at the island with the Chinese food laid out for us.
“Hey, thanks,” I said as I slowly approached, not feeling very hungry.
“I promise this is the last of the takeout for now. I just need to go grocery shopping, and I didn’t want to cook.”
“I could have cooked.”
“Like I said, there’s very little in the house. Sit, sit, eat.”
I took the stool next to her and stared at the food.
“You okay?”
Turning to my sister, I shook my head. Exhaling nervously, I replied, “I wasn’t honest with you earlier, and now I’m not sure taking this job with Thane is a good idea.”
Robyn stopped eating and turned toward me on her stool. “Okay?”
“I guess … I am sure that it’s okay to take the job, but I want to be certain sure, and I trust your judgment.”
My sister waited patiently for me to continue.
“The thing is … the guy who got clingy and obsessive …”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yeah?”
“It was … it was worse than I let on.”
“How much worse?” I could hear the “somebody’s gonna die” tone in my sister’s voice and while it comforted me, it also made me ashamed. She already had so much on her plate with the upcoming Lucy Wainwright trial, I didn’t want to add to it. Yet I needed her advice. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
“I’m awful.” I slumped wearily. “You have all this shit going on with Lucy. You don’t need to know this.”
“Lucy’s trial won’t be until next year. We’re not postponing life for a year. Now you have me worried, so tell me what’s going on,” she demanded. “And for the record, I don’t care how much shit is going on in my life. If my sister is in trouble or someone has hurt her, I want to be the first to know about it from now on. Do we understand each other?”
Usually when Robyn used her cop voice, as I called it, I teased her. However, this was definitely not a time for teasing. I heaved a sigh. “I want you to know before I tell you all this that it was the kick up the ass I needed, and I am done making impulsive decisions.”
Seeing her patience fade, I hurried on. “I was in Ho Chi Minh City last New Year’s Eve. With the group I’d met through social media.”
“I remember.” She glared at the reminder I’d taken our trip without her.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Robyn suddenly shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. You’ve apologized. I’m letting it go. It’s just a damn trip.”
I looked away, because we both knew it was more than that. “We were three months in Europe first. All of us spent the two months after that working in Mykonos to save up enough cash to get to Asia. I bartended at a nightclub. Not exactly the stuff backpacking dreams are made of,” I said wryly. “Anyway, minus two of the girls we originally set out with, we finally got to Thailand in November, and between learning our lesson in Europe and Southeast Asia being a little cheaper, we thought we could do three months there. I experienced things I never thought I would.” I smiled, a little proud of myself, despite the circumstances.
Robyn’s eyes warmed. “Like what?”
“A jungle trek in Cambodia.” I grinned at her surprised face. “I know, right? My legs looked so toned that entire trip.”
She laughed. “I bet.”
“Anyway.” I shrugged. “The whole time … like the eight months we’d all been traveling together, this one friend, Austin, had made it clear he wanted more with me. Not in a creepy or clingy way. Not then.” No, the fucker had totally blindsided me. “But he wasn’t my type. There was zero chemistry there.”
“So what happened?”
“Like I told you earlier, I regretted leaving you for months and felt stuck. Christmas came and went without you. Then it was New Year’s, and I was depressed as hell. I missed you, I missed Mom and Dad, and Boston in the winter … and I was lonely.” I reluctantly met her gaze. “I was lonely, I was drunk, and I was impulsive.”
“You slept with Austin,” she surmised, no judgment in her voice or expression.
I nodded, my pulse increasing as I remembered the following days. “The next morning he acted like we were together-together. At first, I didn’t know what to say because I felt so bad about it, and then when I told him it was just a one-night stand, it was like he couldn’t hear it. A few nights later …” My heart raced at the memories. “We were all out for the night at a party. I decided not to drink. Like my instincts were subconsciously warning me to keep my faculties intact. The party was at this apartment near where we were staying in District 3. Austin kept getting in my face, and I finally lost it and yelled at him to leave me alone.
“One of the other guys, Liam, had enough and told Austin to back off, or he’d make him back off. And Liam offered to walk me back to my room. Nothing happened. Liam was with Desi, one of the other girls, and was just being a good guy. He said Austin was a good guy, too, and he just had a crush, but he’d talk to him, and it would all be okay. However, I was barely in my room five minutes when Austin picked the lock and broke in.”
Fear glittered in Robyn’s eyes, and I hurried to assure her. “He didn’t hurt me. He just … wouldn’t let me out of the room. Kept trying to convince me we were meant to be together and how he’d kill himself if I didn’t feel the same.”
“Son of a bitch,” Robyn whispered.
“I knew it was manipulation. I was finally seeing who he really was.” Anger warred with the terror he’d awakened. “But I was so scared,” I admitted, “I didn’t know how he far he’d take it.”
“How far did he take it?”
“I was sharing a room with Desi’s best friend, Kylie. When she couldn’t get in, Liam showed up and demanded Austin open the door. Austin did and pretended like it was all good, like he hadn’t kept me trapped in there with him all night, refusing to let me out. Everyone tried to brush it off as harmless, so I packed my stuff and used what money I had left to get a ticket home. Except the cheapest flight I could get was to California. So I stayed there for a few months, working a couple of server jobs in San Diego. I was afraid to come home to you, like I said, but I felt stupid for sleeping with him. And … he had my email and was on all my social media accounts.”
“He harassed you?”
I nodded. “I blocked him on social media, but it was like a car crash. His emails kept coming in, and it was like I had to read them. I couldn’t look away. I think I didn’t delete my email for so long because I hoped that eventually, the emails would stop and I’d know he’d gotten bored. His emails were much of the same as what he’d said in that hotel room in Vietnam. But one day in April, I got an email that made me sick to my stomach.”
“What was in it?”
I stared unseeing at the takeout cartons. “It was sexual. He threatened to rape me.”
Robyn sucked in a breath, and I finally looked at her.
“That’s when I got angry. I decided enough was enough. I deleted my email account and packed up my stuff and called Dad to see if he could help me pay for a ticket to come home. Something I still owe him.” I sighed heavily, beyond irritated with myself.
“And when you got home, I wasn’t there.”
At the self-admonishing note in my sister’s voice, I glared at her. “Don’t do that. I’m the one who abandoned you, not the other way.”
“But I didn’t know you were going through this. That some asshole has been harassing you. Stalking you.”
I flinched at the word stalking considering what it meant to her. “Not stalking. Ish. Not like … not like Lucy. When I got back to Boston, my head was still up my ass and I got a job at a bar where I met Maddox. You know, the hot, dangerous type.” I looked away, not wanting to think about my stupidity with that guy. “He was an asshole, but he was a tough son of a bitch and I guess, moronically, I thought he would make me safe. Eventually, I pulled my head out of my ass, dumped him, got a job at a coffee place and a server gig at night. Anyway, I was gaining the courage to fix things between you and me.”
“But then all the stuff with Lucy happened.”
“Yeah. When Mom called to say you were home … that same day … Austin found me in Boston.”
“What?” She narrowed her eyes.
I gave her a sad smile. “I was planning on stopping by Mom and Dad’s after work, but Austin walked into the coffee shop that afternoon.” Indignation churned in my gut. “He played it as if nothing had happened, like we were just two friends meeting again after an absence. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that I didn’t want you to know how much I’d messed up.”
“Regan …” She reached for my hand. “I’m sorry if I made you feel you were letting me down.”
I shrugged. “You didn’t. I was just always comparing myself to you and constantly coming up short.”
“Don’t. That’s not fair to either of us.”
I nodded, emotion thickening in my throat.
“What happened?”
“It was weird … he’d come into the coffee place, twice a week, same time each visit. But there was nothing more to it. He didn’t threaten or badger me. It weirded me out, but it went on like that for months, nothing happening, before I got on that flight to Scotland.”
Robyn pushed her half-eaten and now cold Chinese away. “Nothing at all?”
“Nothing.”
“Damn.”
“Damn? Isn’t it a good thing?”
“Yeah and no.” She got up off her stool, running a hand through her hair as she stared pensively across the large room. “It doesn’t fit the usual pattern. Normally these things escalate.”
“Maybe he got counseling?”
“Yeah, but if he got help, he shouldn’t have been coming into the coffee shop twice a week.”
“Maybe he liked the coffee.”
My sister side-eyed me.
I sighed. “I know, it’s weird.”
“Is this why you don’t think you should take the job?”
I nodded. “Is it responsible for me to become involved in Thane and the children’s lives when I have this hanging over me?”
Robyn considered this for what seemed forever and then exhaled slowly. “Let me call Autry first and get him to do a background check on this guy. See where he is and what he’s up to. I doubt we’ve got a problem here, but I think we should still leave a statement with Autry.”
Autry was Robyn’s close friend and ex-beat partner back in Boston. He worked as a beat cop at the same precinct as my dad. I worried my lip with my teeth before admitting. “I didn’t want Dad to know.”
“Seth would not blame you for this. He, more than anyone, knows how these kinds of people work. You are not to blame.”
And there it was. The thing I couldn’t admit to my sister.
That somehow this was all my fault.
* * *
“I just hung up with Autry and …” Robyn’s voice trailed off as she marched into my room and noted my luggage. She glared at it. “What is that?”
“First, what did Autry say?”
Robyn glowered at me. “Luggage?”
“Autry?” I insisted.
She gave in first. “First, this guy has a record of harassment. Two women. He slept with them and started stalking them.”
“Wonderful.” I slumped on my bed.
“Good news … he’s never taken it further than stalking and has desisted once the police got involved. So Autry is going to stop by his apartment and give him a warning. Seth doesn’t need to know about it. Autry is still going to monitor Austin’s movements. With behavior like that, we’re never completely out of the woods, but I’m confident he won’t follow you to Scotland. He probably doesn’t even know you’re here.”
Relief crashed through me in a flood. “I’m so stupid for not telling you sooner.” It was like she’d lifted this weight from my shoulders.
“Oh, sweetie.” My sister sat down on the bed beside me. “It’s okay. You can have a fresh start here. And I think the job with Eilidh and Lewis will take your mind off things. They’re good kids.”
I nodded, sniffling. I’d been nothing but a watering can since arriving in Scotland.
Eventually, I pulled away, gave her a grateful smile, and got up to check my makeup. Touching it up, I caught sight of Robyn in the reflection, glaring at my luggage again.
“Wanna explain this?”
“I’m packed just in case you advised me I could take the job.” I turned to her.
“But you just got here.”
“And I’m not going anywhere. It’s just next door.”
A blank mask fell over Robyn’s face. “Fine.”
It wasn’t fine. It was far from fine, and suddenly guilt squashed my elation over the Austin news. “Thane told you it was a live-in job, right?”
She frowned. “He never mentioned that.”
“He has a guest house for the nanny.”
“Right. I forgot. I just thought with him being next door, you wouldn’t need to move out.”
“It gives us all space.” I gestured around the room. “You and Lachlan don’t want me hanging around all the time when you just got engaged.” I raised an eyebrow. “You were loud last night.”
Her lips parted in dismay, and I knew if my sister could blush, she’d be a tomato.
Worried she assumed I didn’t want to live with her, I smothered my laughter and rushed to say, “It’s not that I don’t want to live with you. I just thought for three adults, this was a better plan. And I’m right next door, which is kind of perfect. I’ll spend all my free time with you. When you’re not busy, that is, and we’ll catch up on everything. I promise. Please don’t take this the wrong way.”
At my worried expression, Robyn relaxed. “Sorry. I’m not trying to smother you. Or make you feel guilty for wanting space. You’re right about everything. Especially if I’m so loud.” She raised an eyebrow.
“Hey, he’s loud too. Very loud. Good job.” I winked lasciviously at her.
“Shut up.” My sister then continued like I hadn’t spoken. “I just … you just got here, you know. And you’ve been through a lot, and I want you to feel safe. Besides, I thought you’d be living here while you were working.”
I pulled her to her feet and into a tight hug, relieved when she embraced me in return. “You are going to see so much of me, you’ll be sick of me. Besides”—I reluctantly retreated—“you’re still going to teach me MMA, right?”
Her expression turned determined. “You bet your ass. You’re going to learn to defend yourself so the next time some asshole tries to trap you in a room, you can turn his balls to mincemeat.”
“You are scary sometimes. Speaking of, you’ll owe me a dollar for every time you bruise me during our sessions.”
Robyn made a face. “But you bruise like a peach.”
“I do bruise like a peach.”
She smiled but there was still a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. “I’ve missed you a lot.”
Emotion burned in my throat, but I grinned my way through it. “Right back at you. And I’ll be a hop, skip, and a jump from your doorstep.”
“I can’t believe you’re giving up this very large guest room for Thane’s little guest … box.”
Thinking of the huge walk-in shower, the hotel-quality bed, and the phenomenal view from my window, I couldn’t believe it either. Robyn laughed at the face I made. “You can still back out, you know.”
“Nah, Eilidh and Lewis are great. You’re right. I need this. I can’t imagine finding a better job.” Thane had emailed the contract, and whoa, the pay was good!
“You say that now before you’ve had to clean toilets.”
And that was why the pay was good.
“Party pooper.”
Robyn’s lips twitched.
“Pun not intended! Aargh. I’m leaving now.”
Despite not wanting me to leave, Robyn helped me downstairs with my luggage. I trundled my suitcase toward the front door.
“Have you told Mom and Seth you’re staying here for months?” Robyn asked.
Something in her tone made my spine straighten. I turned to her as I opened the door. “Yeah. I called Dad while you were on the phone with Autry.”
She tried to hide her surprise, but I still saw it.
I sighed. “I know I don’t want Dad to know about Austin … but everything else … I meant it when I said I was turning over a new leaf. I want to keep the people I love close, even if we’re not physically close. No more shutting anyone out, including Mom and Dad.”
“Good. I’m glad. And how did they take it?”
Remembering Dad’s hesitant silence on the phone when I told him about the nanny position with Lachlan’s brother, I slumped a little. “Dad was supportive, but I think a little sad. He’s glad I’m here with you, but I think he’s worried he’s going to lose us both to Scotland, which I told him is ridiculous.”
“Don’t go making promises, Ree. This place has a way of bewitching you.”
“I think we both know you stayed for reasons other than the scenery.”
She shrugged, a smug smile prodding her lips, but the amusement fled when she asked, “And how did Mom take it?”
“I don’t know yet. She was out. Dad said he’d tell her when she got home.”
“Brace yourself.”
Yeah, I was pretty sure my mom would be furious. “She’s never happy with anything I do.”
At my tone, Robyn reached out and squeezed my hand. “Let’s make time this weekend. Just you and me. To catch up. To talk about things. Including things you’ve bottled up that have obviously bothered you for a long time.”
“I’m fine,” I promised her.
Robyn sighed. “Regan, you can smile and charm everyone into thinking you’re the happiest person in the world, but I know better. I know our mom loves us, but I also know she’s not perfect. And it’s clear you harbor some resentment toward her. So let’s talk about it because you’re not alone. Wait until I tell you about her and Dad.”
Instantly intrigued, I leaned against the doorjamb. “Mac? What about her and Mac?”
Robyn waved me off. “This weekend. When we have time to really talk. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded. “Will you be all right alone? Where’s Lachlan?”
“He’s working late tonight. There was a plumbing issue in one of the guest suites at the castle.”
“Oh. He plumbs?”
She snorted. “No. He oversees.”
“Ah. Yeah, that makes more sense.” That afternoon, Lachlan had done as promised and given me a tour of the entire castle and estate. In addition to an impressive suite of reception rooms, the castle held many bedrooms and an entire staff quarters on the other side of the first floor where the kitchens, mews, and security department were located. We then took a golf cart to the separate gym and members’ homes dotted around the huge estate. I could tell by the way Lachlan talked about the place that it was his pride and joy and that he had his finger firmly on the pulse of everyday life here.
“I will be fine.” She ignored my teasing. “You better go if Thane is expecting you.”
* * *
THANE
Regan Penhaligon stood in the dusky light of the evening sunset. On his doorstep. With luggage at her side.
Fifteen minutes ago, he’d only just gotten Eilidh and Lewis to sleep, so the sound of his doorbell ringing at nine o’clock did not amuse him. As he tried to work out why she was on his doorstep, he listened for the sounds of waking children.
“Regan?” Thane was pretty sure he was scowling at her.
Her eyebrows shot up, confirming it. “Bad time?”
“Well, nine o’clock at night is generally a bad time to ring anyone’s doorbell.”
“Oh.” She winced. “We’re used to fairly long days in the summer in Boston, but nothing like this. I keep forgetting how late it is since it’s still daylight out. I mean, it only just gets dark at eleven o’clock. That’s wild.”
He waited for her to stop rambling and explain her presence.
Regan’s smile wobbled at his stony nonresponse, making him feel like an utter arse.
“Sorry.” He shrugged apologetically. “What brings you next door?”
Her brows pulled together. “I start tomorrow.”
“Yes …”
“Well … don’t you want me to move into the guest house tonight?”
Now it was Thane’s eyebrows that almost hit his hairline. He’d assumed because Regan was living next door that she wouldn’t want to move into the annex. “There’s really no need.”
Disappointment flooded her expression. Another surprise. “Oh.”
“You want to live in the annex? While it’s fairly comfortable in there, it’s not a luxury guest suite with incredible views of the Ardnoch Firth.”
“I just thought it would make things easier for the job and …” She glanced over her shoulder at his brother’s home. “I don’t want to cramp their style.” Regan looked back with a little shrug. “They don’t need me sharing their space for six months. They just got engaged. I thought if I lived in the guest house, we’d all have our space.”
Her consideration toward Robyn and Lachlan was nice to see. He stepped back to allow her inside. “Come on in, but be quiet. The kids just went down.”
She nodded and walked past him, suitcase rolling at her side. Thane reached for it, brushing her hand away from the handle. Regan seemed perturbed by the gesture, but realizing he was taking the luggage from her, she gave him a grateful, dimpled smile.
Thane nodded and followed her as they moved through the house. When they reached the main living area, she waited for him as he pulled open a drawer in the kitchen and grabbed the spare key to the annex with a key and fob to the main house. “Yours,” he murmured, presenting it to her. “This way.”
He led her down the narrow corridor behind the main staircase, the one that led to a tiny sitting room with an enormous picture window they called “the snug,” a downstairs restroom, and the utility room. A side exit door led out from the utility room. Smirking, Thane said quietly, “You’ll soon be well acquainted with this room.”
Regan threw him a grin as she took in the piles of laundry waiting to be done. “Good thing you pay so well.”
Chuckling, Thane opened the side entrance and hauled the suitcase down a paved path toward the annex. He and Fran built the guest suite with her parents in mind. She wanted them to have a separate place they could live when they made the long drive from the Borders to the Highlands to visit. Tragically, Fran’s dad, Heath, died of cancer only months after Fran’s death, and her mum, Liz, of a heart attack three weeks after her husband passed. Thane knew Liz’s heart just couldn’t take the stress of losing her husband and only daughter within months of each other.
Thane had talked about redecorating the annex, hoping it would suppress some of those sad memories. But he’d never had time. Not with working from home while also caring for Eilidh and Lewis.
One day he’d returned from dropping the kids at school to find a team of decorators in the guest building. Lachlan had sent them and paid for the whole thing.
Always looking after him.
“I’m kinda excited.” Regan pulled him out of his musings. She grinned as she put the key in the door.
He followed her in. “Keypad.” He stopped her in her tracks and tapped the small box on the entrance wall. “Code to set the alarm when you leave is 2324.”
“2324,” she repeated.
“To alarm it on exit, put in the code and then press the A button.” He pointed at it and she nodded. “To alarm the annex when you’re sleeping, punch in the code and hit the B button.”
She frowned. “What if I need to get up to pee?”
His lips twitched. “The night alarm is only triggered by force on the doors and windows. But there’s also a smart device in the annex that will do it for you. I’ll show you.”
“Nice.” Regan nodded, wide-eyed. “But can I check out the rest of the place first?”
Laughing softly at her impatient giddiness, he nodded and gestured for her to go ahead. The small hallway/mudroom led into the primary space. There was a farmhouse-style kitchenette along the wall to the right, and next to that a two-seat sofa facing a wall-mounted TV. It was hooked up to a DVD player and to the TV service the main house used. Beyond that was the king-size bed overlooking sliding glass doors that led out into the yard. She had a partial view of the water at this angle. A dividing wall next to the bed hid a small walk-in and a stylishly refurbished bathroom.
He waited in her tiny sitting room, placing her luggage by the sofa as she wandered through the annex.
“Holy …” He heard her say as she stepped into the bathroom.
When Regan reappeared, she grinned at him. That damn gorgeous smile of hers made it difficult not to smile in return. “You were holding out on me, mister.”
Thane raised an eyebrow. “How so?”
“This place”—she gestured—“is amazing.”
“You think so? It’s half the size of Lachlan’s guest room.”
“So what?” Her big, shining brown eyes danced around the space. “Look how gorgeous and cozy it is. And that bathroom! I think I might never come out of that walk-in shower.”
An image of her naked, water sluicing down her no doubt beautiful body, entered his mind out of nowhere, and he guiltily threw it off. Where the fuck had that come from? He scowled at himself.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He nodded, unable to meet her eyes. “Fine, fine. Eh … okay … so”—he gestured to the TV—“you’ve got access to all the channels plus the streaming apps on here. We set up the Wi-Fi. Password is RescueRiders. Both r’s in capital letters, the rest lowercase. Eilidh chose it.”
Regan chuckled. “Maybe you should make your password more difficult.”
“So Lachlan doesn’t steal it?” he teased.
He saw understanding dawn, and she grinned. “Right.”
They didn’t have any neighbors around to tap into their broadband services.
“This”—he pointed to a tablet mounted to the wall beside the kitchen—“is the smart home device. You can voice activate it and it’ll turn the lights on and off, put the window blinds up and down, even set the alarm. It will switch on the underfloor heating,” he continued, pointing at the floors. “It’s on a schedule, but you can change the settings on here. Or just voice activate it. If you have any issues, let me know. The voice activation will switch on any technology in the annex.”
“Very high tech. I never noticed this in the main house.” She studied the tablet curiously.
“It was an experiment in here. I hoped it would convince Fran to put it in the main house, but she thought it would make the kids lazy.”
“She was probably right.” Regan stole the words from his thoughts.
He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I wasn’t expecting you to move in, so nothing is stocked except some basics. I’ll leave money for you tomorrow so you can get what you need.”
Regan frowned. “You don’t need to do that. You’re paying me well enough. I can get those things myself.”
He nodded. “Speaking of, you need to open a bank account so I can pay you.”
“Sure thing.”
“Right. Well. That’s all I can think of at the moment.” Turning on his heel, he strode toward the exit. “The kids are up at seven for school, so I’ll need you here around six thirty to make their breakfast. I’ll get them up and out of bed before I leave for work.”
“I can do that if you need to leave earlier.”
“I can manage.” He liked to be the one to wake them in the morning. He never wanted six thirty in the evening to be the first time in the day his babies saw their dad.
“Okay. Thanks again.”
He turned at the door as he opened it. “You’re the one helping me out of a jam.”
Regan gave him another dimpled smile. “We’re helping each other.”
“Right, right. The key and fob I gave you will let you into the house via the side entrance. Just swipe the fob over the white box on your right as you enter, and it will deactivate the night alarm.”
“Great. Will do.”
“Okay. Night, then.”
“Night,” she called softly as he followed the paving stones back to the house. “See you in the morning.”
He lifted an arm in a good-night gesture without looking back, and a strange uneasiness fell over him as he let himself into the main house. Perhaps it was just the action of trusting another human being, one he didn’t know all that well, with the care of his children. Letting her into his home. Lachlan had called him as he was driving back from work to tell him Regan had hashed everything out with Robyn, and the sisters were in a good place again. That had made him feel better about offering Regan the job, and Lachlan, who had grown even more mistrustful of people since Lucy’s betrayal, seemed to warm to his soon-to-be sister-in-law.
There had also been a hint of envy in Lachlan’s voice as he spoke of Robyn’s reunion with her sister. Thane knew his brother well. He was thinking of Arran and Brodan. He worried they were losing their younger brothers.
Walking around the house, Thane switched off lights, checked the doors and windows, grabbed a glass of water, and set the night alarm before making his way upstairs.
He quietly peeked into Eilidh’s room to find her spread across her bed like a sea star, already deep in dreamland. Love ached fiercely in his chest. She’d been so excited to hear Regan was their new nanny, he’d wondered if she would even fall asleep. But he shouldn’t have worried. Eils could fall asleep just about anywhere.
Moving onto Lewis’s room down the hall, he found his son curled on his side, his cheek cradled in his hand, and the ache grew stronger. Even Lew seemed content that Regan would look after them. His son, for such a wee boy, didn’t welcome new people into his life. And he was strange with those who appeared and disappeared out of it. Thane could only assume it was the effect of losing his mum so young. Something he’d never wanted to have in common with his son.
While Lachlan worried about Brodan and Arran, Thane did, too, but he was also angry with them. He never used to be. He was always the one tempering Lachlan’s irritation, reminding him their brothers wanted to find themselves outside the boundaries of the Adair family. Now, not so much.
He had nothing against them going out into the world and living their lives, but where was their love and consideration for family? Their youngest brother, Arran, had been terrible at communicating with them for years. They never knew where he was or what he was up to until he turned up at Christmas or maybe for a month during the summer. He barely knew his niece and nephew.
Brodan, the second-youngest brother, never used to be so bad. When he first moved to LA to work as an actor, he kept in touch every week. He came home whenever he could.
But something had changed over the last year.
Brodan had pushed them all away and was often in the tabloids, earning a reputation as the bad boy of Hollywood. It made no sense. Brodan had never been the wild, partying kind, even at an age when that was expected. He was smarter than all the siblings put together, always had his head stuck in a book, and had openly admitted he didn’t understand the fascination with drugs and alcohol.
Thane, like Lachlan, was most definitely concerned about their middle brother. But even through the frustration of his younger brothers making them worry and missing out on his children’s lives, Thane had hope that one day, they’d come home.
It was something he and Lachlan spoke of often, but as he walked into the large master suite he’d designed for him and Fran, Thane missed getting into bed beside her warmth and unloading all his worries. Fran was ever practical and sensible and always made him feel better.
Sitting on the bed, he stared at the framed photograph on his bedside table of him and Fran at uni.
They’d been together a year at that point. She sat on his knee in the student union, laughing up into the camera with him as he held her close. For a long time, he couldn’t look at pictures of her. Couldn’t bear the god-awful black hole of pain that opened inside him.
Time didn’t heal all, but it dulled the grief until he could look at photos, could talk to Eilidh and Lewis about how they’d inherited their mother’s beautiful dark hair, could fill them in on all the things they’d missed about the mother they never got to know.
To his shame, there were even days he didn’t think of his wife. The first time he realized he hadn’t thought of her for days, the guilt really fucked with him. For weeks after, he snapped and growled at everyone until Lachlan finally got it out of him what was wrong.
As always, his brother reassured him. Reminded him it had happened when they lost their mum and their dad. That it was normal.
Life moved on.
But then there were days when the grief hit again.
Not like it was in that first year. Everything ached back then. His chest, his gut, even his jaw and gums ached with the tension of his grief.
Now it came back as a deep pang of longing.
Like tonight.
Tonight was the first in a very long time he wished he were rolling into bed beside Fran. The Fran from university. The girl who’d loved him and adored him and never dreamed of being disloyal to him. But that wasn’t fair, was it?
Thane laid back on the empty bed, the one he’d replaced when he couldn’t get back into the one he’d shared with Fran. He turned to look at the pillows next to his.
In the end, it didn’t matter whether she was the Fran from university or the Fran who upended his entire world before she fell pregnant with Eilidh. She was Fran. The mother of his children. And it would have been a beautiful miracle to go to bed at her side that night.
The sudden emptiness was strange.
Almost as if it had come out of the blue.
Or brought on by the redhead living in his annex.
Her smile popped into his mind, and his gut twisted.
Sighing, Thane pushed up off the bed and set about changing into his pjs. No more of this maudlin rubbish. So he was wary of people after Lucy—that was only natural. But Regan was Robyn’s sister. And Robyn was one of the most trustworthy people he knew, so he had to trust in Robyn’s judgment. There was no need to be uneasy about Regan’s presence in their lives.
Eilidh and Lewis were thrilled. Especially Eilidh. She’d fallen in love with the American already.
But Regan was leaving in six months.
Aye, there was the rub.
He’d have to make sure Eilidh and Lewis knew Regan’s stay was temporary. And he’d have to do it in a much better way than how he’d communicated about Lucy’s betrayal.
His head nipping with too many concerns, Thane was glad to fall into bed so he could read for a bit. He should be in his office working on the extensive project his firm had just taken on—a commercial revamp of Aberdeen’s shopping district—but Thane had already decided not to work himself into an early grave for someone else’s company. He’d work the hours he was being paid to work. End of.
Opening the crime thriller he was halfway through, Thane tried to fall back into the story … but the words weren’t penetrating. His gaze drifted to his bedroom window, his thoughts returning to Regan in the annex.
He hoped she remembered how to set the alarm properly.
Not that there was a significant chance of anything happening to her on the edge of Caelmore, but Thane was more security conscious after their old family friend and Ardnoch Estate’s mechanic, Fergus, and Lucy terrorized Ardnoch.
“She’s fine,” he muttered to himself, turning back to his book.
Fifteen minutes later, he gave up with a muttered curse under his breath, threw the book on the floor, and switched off the light, hoping sleep would come. It didn’t. On nights his brain was overactive, he used to fuck Fran until they were both exhausted. That was early on in their marriage. After Lewis, their sex life changed.
A lot of things changed between them.