Don’t Fall for the Doctor by Lacey Bolt
Chapter 38
The morning hit Michael like a ton of bricks. Last night had been rough. He had to put together a case report on Henry’s last hours, documenting the steps he’d taken throughout the surgery. It was standard protocol for when a patient died in the operating room, but each stroke of the keypad felt like a stab in his chest. Each paragraph was a story of how he had failed.
Dr. Evans was scheduled to review the case that morning, even though it was Sunday. That was one of the more stressful parts of working at this hospital for less than a year. All of his work was under extra scrutiny. If one of his patients died while under his care, the case needed review within twenty-four hours. He’d know by the end of the day whether he’d still have the respect and trust of his department or whether his license to practice medicine would be in jeopardy.
He reviewed the details of the case while he showered and got prepared for the morning. Each detail of the case was committed to memory, along with a clear explanation for each of his choices. He didn’t regret any of his decisions during surgery. He only regretted that he wasn’t at the hospital sooner.
And Ashley. He regretted that he started something with Ashley that he couldn’t finish. He regretted hurting her when he had to end things. He tricked himself into believing that he could have it all. He would have to handle the pain he caused to himself. But he couldn’t forgive himself for hurting Ashley.
By midmorning, he felt like a broken man as he walked to Dr. Evans’s office. It was time to face the music. Time to sit across from the stern cardiologist and review Henry’s case.
He knocked on the partially open door to Dr. Evans’s office and entered cautiously. The older man motioned for him to close the door and sit as he finished a phone call. Michael obediently sat.
Moments later, Dr. Evans hung up and turned to Michael, his face unreadable. “I reviewed the case file this morning, and I have a few observations that I want to share with you.”
Michael swallowed. “If I may, I’d like to explain a few things first. On Saturday—”
“No need to explain anything yet. The case summary was very thorough, and I believe I have a good understanding.”
Michael frowned and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
Dr. Evans continued. “First, I have to commend you on your work on this case. From the ER report, he was in very poor condition when he arrived. The fact that you were able to operate on him for several hours was astonishing. I have seen very few surgeons who could have operated with the level of skill that you demonstrated.”
Michael’s mouth dropped open.
“Second, I took the liberty of looking through the patient’s file for the last year. I understand that you took over his case several months ago and operated on him soon after you started working at this hospital. Your management of his case was outstanding. Most surgeons would not have been able to perform that first surgery as well as you had. I believe that, had he been under the care of a less talented cardiologist, he would likely have died months ago. You did an outstanding job on this case and should be proud of your work.”
Michael stared at him, momentarily speechless. “Th-thank you.” He started to stand, but Dr. Evans motioned for him to remain seated.
“Now that we’ve covered the business side of things, I’d like to talk to you about a personal matter.” Dr. Evans waited for Michael to respond.
Michael frowned. He was no longer facing blame for Henry’s death, but was Dr. Evans still upset about that stupid magazine article? Or about the rumors regarding Ashley? He swallowed hard. “What type of personal matter?”
“I don’t normally say this, but, you are a moron.” Dr. Evans’s face grew red as he spoke. “Don’t look at me like that. I was in my office last night, and noise carries down the hospital corridors at night. I heard you break that poor woman’s heart.” A small fleck of spit flew out of the corner of Dr. Evans’s mouth as he spoke.
“I-”
Dr. Evans held up his hand. “We are doctors, and we can’t save everyone. But we help the people we can so they can go live their lives. You are a moron if you think you can’t live your life too. No one is asking you to give up your personal life and commit every waking hour to the hospital. Have a relationship, live your own life, and stop being so worried that you aren’t a good doctor.”
Michael gritted his teeth. “I take my job seriously.”
“You take it too seriously. If you keep staying late every night and work weekends, you are going to burn out and be useless for your patients.” Dr. Evans stood and walked around the desk, sitting in the chair next to Michael. His voice softened. “Look, being a cardiologist will never be easy. You need to find your own boundaries and build your support system. You can’t do this alone. You need someone like that woman—someone who will be there for you when you realize you can’t save every patient.”
Michael looked at his hands. “I don’t know if she’ll take me back.”
“You won’t know unless you try.”
“If you think relationships are so important, why did you email me an HR document about workplace relationships last week?”
Dr. Evans groaned. “I didn’t send that only to you. Hospital policy dictates that I send it to the entire department twice a year. I had no idea you were dating anyone until I heard you argue Saturday night. I guess I should have suspected something, though, when you weren’t in your office each night last week.”
Michael nodded sheepishly.
Dr. Evans stood up, signaling that their meeting was ending. As Michael rose, Dr. Evans reached out and handed him a business card.
“One last thing. Here’s the contact information for a therapist on the fifth floor. All of her patients are doctors and other providers in this hospital. She’ll be able to help you deal with your panic attacks.”
Michael raised his eyebrows, his heart pounding in his chest. “How did you—?” Michael couldn’t finish the sentence.
“She helped me with mine a few years ago. You aren’t the first cardiologist to feel the pressure of this job.”
Michael nodded and placed the card in his pocket. He had some things to think about. But before he could stand up to leave, his phone started buzzing. The ER. He answered the call as he walked out of Dr. Evans’s office towards the elevator.