Don’t Fall for the Doctor by Lacey Bolt
Chapter 36
Ashley stood in the office doorway, unsure about what to do. Her instinct had been right. He was lying on the couch in his office, eyes closed.
Something must have happened that afternoon. When she finished the cooking interview with Jeff, she couldn’t contact Michael. She wanted him to be the first to hear her news. She called Jeff because she was desperate for a job, but now that she had an offer . . . she never imagined she would feel this way about a job offer. Especially a job as a cook, with a starting salary that was twice her salary at the hospital. He barely blinked when he found out about her lack of experience and formal training.
There was no way she would refuse the job offer. She’d had too much time to think over the past few days, more time for thinking than she’d had in years. Her parents were mad when they found out that she wanted to drop out of college and enroll in a culinary school. But that was years ago. Avoiding her true calling as a chef would never bring her parents back from the grave.
She needed to live her own life on her own terms. She couldn’t let the fear of disappointing other people control her actions anymore.
That meant finding Michael, telling him about the job, about her parents’ last words with her, and removing the last walls she had built up around their relationship.
But now that she was standing in the doorway to his office, doubt crept into her mind. Why didn’t he call her back? Was something wrong? Did something happen after he left Jeff’s restaurant?
She tried not to worry when she couldn’t get a hold of him. As she had promised, she took the bus to Henry’s house with soup for him, along with some leftovers from the cooking interview at the restaurant. She knew that Henry would appreciate the food. She was a little worried about him. He lived alone and had spent the last week in the hospital. Checking in on him would relieve some of her worry about him, and she knew he’d enjoy a few good, home-cooked meals.
However, there was no answer at Henry’s house, and no lights were on either. She called his phone, but it went to voicemail. She had to leave the meals in a bag on his front porch.
By the time she rode the bus back to her apartment, she couldn’t shake off her worry about Michael. What was she supposed to do? She didn’t actually know where he lived. She could have called Kelly and find out his address from her. She also had Bill’s number from when they all hung out a few days ago. But calling either of them to track him down felt wrong. It felt too invasive of his personal space.
The only other thing left to do was to look for him at the hospital.
And now, gazing at him asleep in his office, she started to doubt herself. If he had wanted to see her, he would have called her. But now that she was here, she didn’t want to walk away.
Her heart pounded in her chest as she gazed at his sleeping body. His body was too long for the couch, causing his legs to spill over the end of it. One arm lay hanging off the side. Normally a strong, powerful presence, he looked vulnerable in his sleep.
Cautiously, she walked over to him and sat down on a sliver of space at the edge of the couch cushion. She reached one hand over, running it gently in his hair. Her other hand reached for his shoulder to wake him slowly.
She watched as a deep groan escaped his lips and he moved slightly. Before she knew it, he reached out his hand and grabbed her wrist. His eyes opened, and she suddenly found herself the focus of his intense gaze.
“Ashley.” The word came out as half a statement, half a question. There was an underlying sad tone to his voice.
“I just wanted to find you, make sure things were ok. You left in such a rush and didn’t return my calls . . .” Ashley trailed off as she looked at his blank gaze. Doubt crept in, and for the first time, she wondered if she had imagined the connection between them.
He slowly sat up, and Ashley shifted slightly to give him space. He gently took one hand in his, and she gave a sigh of relief. The connection was still there.
“How did things go with Jeff after I left?”
“The interview went well. Jeff liked what I cooked, and he even offered me a job.” Ashley couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice as she spoke and was relieved to see a smile spread over his face.
“That’s great.” His voice sounded encouraging, but the smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes.
“And that’s not all.” Ashley’s heart started pounding in excitement. “I checked my email when I got home, and I got accepted into a social work graduate school! Can you believe it?”
He remained still for a second, as if he hadn’t quite heard her words. She saw him mutter beneath his breath before turning to her and wrapping his arms around her shoulders in an embrace.
“That’s great news. Congratulations.”
Ashley hesitated. He was saying the right words, but there was no emotion behind them. Something was wrong. Michael shifted his weight forward, then stood up and walked over to his desk, where he had a glass of water. She watched as he took a sip in silence.
Ashley wanted to ask him what had happened after he left the restaurant, but she wasn’t sure what to say. After several awkward seconds, he returned to the couch and sat down on the opposite end. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands.
“Michael, is something bothering you?”
He closed his eyes and ignored her question. “It’s a big day for you. Grad school acceptance and a new job offer. What are you going to do?”
Ashley frowned. When she didn’t answer immediately, he looked over at her with his usual, serious gaze.
“I think I’m going to turn down the graduate school. I really love cooking, and the only thing holding me back was . . . well . . .” She trailed off. Michael seemed distracted. “I think I’m going to become a chef.”
He looked back at the ground. “Sounds good.”
Ashley looked him over carefully. She couldn’t see his face. She just told him something major, and he barely heard her. “What’s wrong, Michael?”
He stood up and walked over to the window. She still couldn’t see his face. She rose and walked towards him but stopped before she reached him.
“Look, Ashley, you are a great person, and I’m really happy about your new job. But I can’t . . .” His voice broke.
She took a step closer to him. “Michael?”
He turned around. His eyes looked distant and red. “You deserve better. You should have someone who can be devoted to you. Someone who can make you their first priority.” His voice was flat as he spoke.
Ashley felt sick. “What are you saying?”
“I can’t be that person for you. My patients have to come first. I can’t promise to be with you when you need me.” He turned away from her again, looking out the dark window.
“I never asked you to make that promise.”
He was silent for a few seconds. When he spoke again, his voice had a rough edge. “What kind of partner would I be if I can’t be there for the important things? How will you feel when I’m late to come home because of a patient? Or when I’m called in to work on the weekend or miss your birthday for an emergency surgery? You deserve better.”
Ashley took a small step back. What was happening? Everything had been so great this week. It was like she was standing in front of a different man, someone she’d never met, someone who was the exact opposite of the man she was falling for. “Michael, what happened after you left today?”
He let out a loud breath. “Henry died. I operated on him, and he died. If I had been more focused, I would have been home today instead of at the restaurant. I would have been closer, gotten to him sooner, and saved him. He died because I failed.” He turned and started pacing.
A sob caught in her throat. “Henry died?” She had just seen him a few days earlier. He just went home from the hospital. She left all that food for him at his doorstep barely an hour ago. He couldn’t be gone.
He didn’t acknowledge her words. “My job is to keep people alive. I don’t have time for anything else.”
Her chest started to ache and her head was spinning. She needed to sit. “How could he die? I made food for him.”
He stopped pacing and looked at her. “I wasn’t able to be at the restaurant with you today like I promised, and I wasn’t able to save Henry when he needed me. I failed both of you, and Henry was the one who paid the ultimate price. I can’t be a doctor and be a boyfriend. I can only be one or the other.”
She heard the words as though they were coming through a long tunnel, but they still managed to pierce her. She blinked hard. “You mean . . .” She couldn’t finish the sentence.
“I have to take care of my patients.”
“What about me?” She barely whispered the words.
“I want to be with you so badly. You have no idea how much I care about you. But we can’t . . .” He finally looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
She took a deep breath. “Michael, you don’t have to make any decisions tonight. You had a long day and need rest. Things will look different tomorrow.” She looked at him again, pleading with her eyes. He just needed time to get over the shock of losing Henry.
He shook his head. “I can’t. This is over.”
She sat, frozen, as he walked out of his office.