Ruined Sinner by Becker Gray

Chapter Ten

Aurora

This was a devil’s bargain.

And even though I loved to raise a little hell myself, I suspected I might be outmatched.

A goddamn castle. In New England! And then all that talk of ruining and his lips ghosting over my neck…

And that wasn’t even touching the near-constant memory of him eating me in his dorm room. I could still feel the tingle rolling through me as he placed his hands on my thighs, keeping them open for him. For my pleasure. Jesus Christ, Phineas Yates was dangerous.

So fucking dangerous.

I rolled over in bed, clamping my thighs together and trying to will the thoughts of him away because I needed to be smart about this. Think this through. Just because he was very skilled with his tongue and surprisingly thoughtful with his castle dates did not mean I needed to fall for him.

I was fine. I was not one of those girls who thought she was in love just because she got an orgasm and a romantic castle hike. I wasn’t.

Uh-huh. That’s why you’re lying in bed dreaming of Phineas.

“God, I hate him.”

No, you don’t.

Okay fine, I didn’t hate him anymore exactly, but he had ruined me for oral at least. I had an inkling that from now on, anybody else who went down on me was going to be a poor Phin substitute. And the arsehole did it on purpose. He knew what he was doing. Knew when he looked up at me with that sexy, cocky grin as he teased me with the tip of his tongue that no other guy would ever make me feel that way. He knew. Just like he knew what he was doing when he slid his hands under my arse and deliberately brought me up to his mouth so that all of me was open to him. He knew what to do with his mouth and what to do with his tongue. After all, he was Phineas.

How many other girls had he done that with? How many others knew the sheer exquisite pleasure of his tongue? How many others had slid their hands into his silken hair, wrapping the strands around their fingers as they tugged, threatening to pull him away but also tugging him closer as they begged, Oh God, no, not any more Phineas. I can’t possibly.

I grabbed my pillow and shoved it over my head. That was not helping. I needed to stop. This line of thought was only going to make me bananaballs. And also make me feel like a fool.

Which, well, clearly I was, because who else but a fool got caught up in Phineas fucking Yates?

And did you notice that you didn’t even think once about New Year’s in his dorm room or on the hike alone with him?

But however much I hadn’t thought about it with him, I was thinking of it now. Alone.

I sat up immediately then, shoving the dark storm cloud away.

Nope. I wasn’t going to think about it. I just couldn’t. It just wasn’t going to happen. But it refused to go away, until finally, I caved and tried one of the mindfulness exercises my therapist had taught me. Breathing in and out.

In and out.

My phone started to buzz on my nightstand, interrupting my attempt at meditation, and I scowled at it. Oh, Jesus Christ, it was nine-thirty in the morning on a Saturday. Who would call me?

But then it occurred to me who would be calling. I shoved my hand out from the cozy, warm comfort of my duvet and snatched my phone off the charger. Without even looking, I answered with a grumbly, “Hi, Mum.”

“Aurora, dear, what’s wrong with you? Why do you sound like that?”

“Mother, it’s Saturday. I’m having a lie in. You know, like normal people do?”

“Honestly. Aurora. Nine-thirty? Shouldn’t you be up having a spa day or something with your friends?”

I rolled my eyes so hard I was sure one of them was sure to get stuck. “Mother, while I do enjoy a good spa massage, you do recognize that I’m an actual teenager, right? Not some forty-five-year-old? On weekend mornings, I have lie ins. Usually because I’m hungover.”

My mother didn’t even bother with a shocked gasp. She just muttered under her breath, “Oh, Aurora.”

“Whatever, Mum. What’s up? You have another one of Daddy’s debtholders you’re going to force me to marry?”

“I suppose I knew you were going to stay angry about that.”

“Of course I’m angry, Mum.” I tucked into the duvet even tighter, trying to ward off the impending chill from the outside world. Or maybe that was just my mother’s voice. “You and Oma cornered me. And then you dropped a bombshell on me about how you were trying to sell me off to the highest bidder.”

I could hear her sigh on the other end of the line. “I didn’t want this either, sweetheart.”

“Maybe not, but neither did I! Did you stop to ask me what I wanted?”

“To be fair,” Mum said, her voice in its trademark combination of cool and gentle, “what you seem to want most usually is to torment me.”

“I’m sorry I’m not the perfect princess, Mother.”

“I’ve never wanted you to be anyone other than yourself. Which is why I worry that this new boyfriend is not the right fit for you.”

I froze. “What?”

“I know Phineas. He is a delight. I enjoy him very much. It’s just that his reputation precedes him, even among us parents, and I think that maybe…” She tried again. “Aurora, I know things have been difficult since everything happened with your father. And you and I have been trying to figure out our way around each other. I want you to be happy. That’s all. And I’m not sure the two of you will be a good match, but if you’re telling me Phineas is the kind of boy who can handle the rigors of royal life, then I’ll take your word for it.”

“I am happy. Phineas is great, and he’s far more concerned about me than the rigors of royal life.” Which technically was the truth.

“Then great. You seemed very sure of him at Elsie’s engagement party, which makes me happy. Since New Year’s you’ve been off, more withdrawn, I suppose. But you seem quite happy with Phineas now.”

“I’m sorry, Mum. I didn’t mean to be withdrawn.” It was too early in the morning to hide the bite to my words.

She sighed. “Aurora, love, I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel like you need to be different. I want you to be who you are.”

“Just be who I am, but also toe the royal line?”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt if you can toe the royal line. I just don’t want you to crumble under the weight of it.”

“I’m not crumbling, Mother. I’m surviving.”

“And that’s all we can really do, isn’t it?”

The resignation in her tone made me pause. I’d known that what my father had done had hurt her, obviously, but I hadn’t really given a whole lot of thought to if she was hurting still. I mean, I had in a distant sort of way, but I suppose I had that selfish and myopic preoccupation of how my father had ruined my life in particular.

Because I’d adored my father like nothing and no one else. Always had. And then when the news hit the papers and I saw what he was really like, who he really was, I’d been brokenhearted. Unable to really look at anyone in the world the same again. And that included my mother, even though she’d been as much a victim of his lies as anyone else. Maybe even more so.

“Mum, I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry enough that I’m going to marry Brantley.”

“I understand,” she said, although I knew it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “I just thought that Phineas was like the other boys you’ve been with. Ones you weren’t serious about. But I’m glad to hear that you’re serious about Phineas. I mean the Yates family is honorable, and he’s such a nice boy. I’ve always liked him.”

Parents really were so clueless, weren’t they? Phin wasn’t nice, not in the way she meant. Phin was filthy, greedy, determined to ruin me.

That the ruining was with orgasms and castle dates made no difference—he was not a nice boy.

“Mum, please.”

She laughed. “Oh God, I know. It’s the worst thing in the world to have your mother like anything you do.”

“Yes, actually. Because that means you’re doing it wrong.”

“If you say so,” she laughed again. “All right, I love you, Aurora. But if anything changes let me know.”

“Oh, of course.”

I hung up and scowled at my phone. “As if I would ever tell her,” I muttered to myself. “I would just promptly get another boyfriend, or I would lie and say I was still seeing Phineas.”

As far as I was concerned, this Phineas lie was going to last as long as I could make it last. Because no way in hell was I getting married.

The knock at my door had me groaning. “I swear to God, if this is not a goddamned emergency, I will kill someone.”

Lennox let himself in. “Oh, rise and shine sweetheart. Shouldn’t you be up doing some kind of spa day?”

First Mum, now him? I’d only done like three spa days since second semester started! Okay, maybe four. But still! That didn’t make me a spa bunny!

I dragged the duvet off my face and scowled at him. “Shouldn’t you be fucking off?”

“What? Don’t you girls like spas and things?”

“Lennox, you’re an idiot. Just because I have occasionally been to a spa doesn’t mean that that’s what I do every weekend. Why are you in my room and not face planted in Sloane’s cooch?”

He snorted a laugh. “Who’s to say what I’ve done with my Saturday morning so far? But while I like where you’re going with this, Sloane had a training session this morning with Colston Constantine, and then she had to help some second-year figure out some stolen phone issue. You know how she is.”

I did know how she was. She had a very Veronica Mars streak about her.

“So you thought you’d bother me? It’s not even ten o’clock. Jesus.”

He glanced at the clock. “Oh, okay. Yeah. I see. Scoot over.”

“What the fuck?”

“We can watch cartoons like we used to do when we were kids.”

When we were small, Lennox and I would climb in each other’s beds with our cook’s homemade donuts and chocolate milk, our little treat, and watch a morning roundup of all the best cartoons. Because we got the American channels, we got some good ones.

“It’s been a long time since we did that, Lennox.”

“I know. I figured we’d start again.”

“Right now? God, it’s like you hate me.”

He laughed. “Now scoot over.”

I scooted, but I was not pleased about it.

“You and Mum are trying to torture me. She called me just now. What gives? Everyone is absolutely mad today.”

“What did she want?” Lennox settled in next to me, tugging my duvet over his legs and letting in all the horrible cold air.

I yanked the duvet back. “She wanted to ask about me and Phin.”

Lennox scowled at the wall. “Right.”

I tucked the edges of the duvet around my legs to seal in the little remaining warmth. “He’s one of your best mates, and you’re running around moping like someone kicked your dog just because I’m dating him.”

“Well, he is my best mate. And if this doesn’t go well, I’ll have to kill him.”

“You won’t have to kill him. I’ll do it.”

Lennox laughed. “You will, won’t you?”

“Yes, I would. Also, I can take care of myself.”

“I know. But you’re still my sister, and my twin at that. No matter what, I have your back. That’s just how it goes.”

He elbowed me until I gave him more room. “Jesus, Lennox. Can’t you sit on the floor?”

“Nope.” He grinned, poking me. “And anyway, you should go brush your teeth. Your breath is rank.”

“You pick now to be extra brotherly?”

He shrugged. “I’m always brotherly.”

I shook my head. “No. Well, yes, but now you’re really leaning into this whole I’m-your-brother thing.”

“I am your brother.”

I sighed. “Fine. I’ll go brush my teeth, but I get to pick what we watch.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Fine.”

With a groan, I shoved down the duvet and hopped out of bed.

I was wearing shorts that had Tap that ass printed on the ass, and my brother snorted. “Oh my God. Mum would flip.”

“I know, wholly inappropriate. Which is why it’s so me.”

“Yeah, it is.”

His gaze searched mine. And I knew why he was really here. He was checking up on me. Again. “Lennox, I can see the look on your face, and I promise you, I’m okay.”

He nodded, letting it go for now. But I knew him, and I knew that he was concerned and wanted to help. But I knew that there was a part of me that was irrevocably changed. I just didn’t want to have to be the one to tell my poor brother that there wasn’t anything to be done about it. No way that he could help. And that was just the way things were now.

*     *     *

Phin

Over the last week, I’d successfully managed to avoid being one-on-one with Lennox. But when we had a Hellfire Club meeting with the alumni in New York, it was unavoidable with all of us crammed in the back of a limo.

He still didn’t speak directly to me, which was to be expected, I suppose. What was I supposed to do? Talk to him before I dated his sister?

Yes.

Whatever. She’d needed help. Not to mention she owed me. So I’d given her exactly what she needed. He couldn’t be angry with me for that.

Have you not met His Serene Highness?

Fucking hell.

It wasn’t until after the meeting that Lennox approached, looking every bit the callous prince. I leaned back against one of the club chairs, drinking some kind of hard cider thing. It tasted like shit, but I was bored and we were all waiting on Rhys with his nomination.

When he finally reached me, I shook my head. “You don’t want to do this.”

“You’re going to tell me what the fuck I want to do? I’m a goddamn prince.”

“Ah yes, His Serene Highness,” I muttered.

“You really think it’s a good idea to mock me?”

The guys started looking around. Rhys pushed away from the bar and cocked a brow at the spectacle in front of him. Owen looked up from his phone and frowned.

Keaton was outside on the phone, likely talking to Iris. Which was unfortunate for me because if Keaton were in here, Lennox would play it cooler. Keaton was enormous, so anybody stewing for a fight generally had to cool their tits or Keaton would cool them for you.

And as it stood, the lot of us were evenly matched. All within an inch or two of each other in height. Lean frames. The one with the obvious advantage was Keaton because he was bigger than the rest of us. His muscles had muscles. Rhys also had a general advantage because he was meaner than a pit viper. A fight with him might mean you got poisoned, stabbed, or maybe both. So if two of us were getting into it, likely there would be blood on both sides.

Lennox crossed his arms and glowered down at me. “So. You’re fucking my sister.”

I eased my pint onto the glass end table, hearing the familiar clink. “Don’t talk about Aurora like that.”

“Like what? Like you talk about her?”

I pushed to my feet, and I could see Rhys pushing away from the bar. “Like she doesn’t matter to me. She does.”

“Since fucking when?” My friend, the prince, scowled at me.

I scowled right back. “I know you’re looking out for her, but what you’re asking is not going to happen. So ask for something else.”

“What the fuck did you just say to me? You are going to stop fucking my sister, Phin, I fucking mean it.”

I sighed. “As a matter of fact, I’m not going to stop. Whatever Aurora and I are doing is none of your goddamn business. That’s just how it goes. I’m not asking for your opinion. I’m not asking for your permission. She is mine. And the only one capable of removing me from her side is her.”

Lennox slowly uncrossed his arms. “I will physically remove you if I have to,” he said coldly.

I smirked at him. “You’re welcome to try. But just think about how that’s going to make her feel. Knowing that you jumped me for no good goddamn reason.”

A week ago or so, Aurora would have loved Lennox kicking my ass. But things were different now. I wasn’t even sure when the shift happened. Sure, this whole thing had started as me being desperate to have her. Desperate to pay her back for making me wait two years. Desperate to see for myself that she really was okay. But if this had started as obsession, it was ending in possession, and I was beginning to think that Aurora was itching to possess me back.

Because yes, the whole group hung out all the time, but in those moments, Aurora hadn’t talked to me. Okay, scratch that. She talked to me, usually with threats and veiled fantasies of what she wanted to do with my dick. None of it very pleasant. But she never actually talked to me. And now that she had started talking, opening up, no fucking way I was going anywhere. For two goddamn years I had watched her. Two goddamn years I’d been trying to figure out how to get her back after she walked away from me at that party like I was nothing, like I had nothing to offer.

Every day of my life, my family had treated me like that. I was just Phin. The happy-go-lucky heir without an opinion who couldn’t possibly know anything about anything. And sure, I played into that view. Pretended. But to have Aurora walk out on me like that… Something in me flipped. From that moment, it had been a clawing itch I couldn’t scratch. And I used to think that if I just had her once, just one time, I could forget it. I could let her go. But no. Even just tasting her once had ruined me. This was her goddamn fault. I hadn’t been able to kiss another blonde since her. My fucking dick just wasn’t interested in anyone else but Aurora. I felt like I’d been brainwashed.

Lennox shoved at my shoulders. “Stay away from Aurora.”

I shoved back. “No. And the fact that you’re over here telling me to do that shows how little you know your sister.”

“Oh yeah? And where the fuck were you when she needed you?”

From the bar, Rhys hissed. Owen pushed himself to his feet now too, inching closer. Both Owen and Rhys exchanged a glance, and Rhys headed toward the door, presumably to find Keaton.

“She wasn’t mine then. She’s mine now.”

“Right, she’s yours. For how long, until you get bored? Until you walk away? You’re my mate, but you forget I see you. How bored you get with everything.”

The first swing came out of nowhere.

All I caught was the whistle of wind, and I angled my head just so, and Lennox’s fist grazed off my cheekbone.

I clenched my fist and hit back. Laying it square on the chin.

He staggered back, and Owen caught him. “Would you two jackasses stop?”

My lack of response just fueled his anger more. “What the fuck is wrong with you? After everything she’s been through, you’re going to dick around with her?”

“I’m not going to hurt her, and again, not your business.”

“I’ll ask you again: where were you when she was hurt at New Year’s? Where. The. Fuck. Were. You?”

He made another wild swing. This time I ducked underneath and then charged him, nearly taking us both down.

All I could see was Rhys mutter a curse and then dive for Lennox. Behind me steel bars wrapped around my body, and I was lifted off the ground by Owen. “Cool it, mate.”

I glowered. “Let me the fuck go.”

We both managed to weasel free, both attempting to destroy the other. It would have happened too, but Rhys got in the middle. “You two better stop. When Aurora hears of this, she’s going to kill you both.”

Lennox was furious, his angular face flushed as he struggled to get around Rhys. “She deserves better than you. She deserves better.”

I stared at him. “I’m the best she can have. And like I said, she’s the only one that can send me packing. Not you. Hell, not even Keaton can make me go. And your job is to make sure that you get used to me being around. For as long as it takes.”

He tried to push past Rhys, but our resident devil began pulling him out of the room.

“One of these days you will realize she belongs with me. Just get used to it.”

He finally shook off Rhys and jabbed a finger in the air toward me. “You hurt her, and I will kill you myself.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, that’s not the plan.”

But I said it to his back. There was a wedge between us now, and I wasn’t sure it could ever be repaired.