Ruined Sinner by Becker Gray

Chapter Twelve

Aurora

There was a moment where I knew I had completely lost it. That line of wanting to ruffle his feathers didn’t just get blurred; I jumped right over it.

You could have been caught.

It was one thing to push his buttons, but it was something else to get caught practically fornicating in class. That’s the word Phin would never use. Fornicating. It was such a Mum word.

But still, I’d done it. And I hadn’t even thought twice about it. He’d had his hands under my skirt and in my panties, and I’d felt free and alive instead of that shell-casing thing that I sometimes did where I walked and talked and looked human, but I didn’t actually feel anything but a buzzing, numb silence.

But every time I was with Phin, I felt almost too much. Too many emotions whirled around, excitement, glee, frustration, annoyance, anger. All of them vying for equal footing.

Some circuit in my brain tripped as I thought, Hey, if it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. And the next thing I knew, I had my hand down his pants. Unzipping his trousers, sliding my hand in, pulling his cock out. His cock.

My face flamed as I sat in the back corner of the library. I was supposed to be studying astronomy. I had an assignment to do. But oh no, I kept reliving that me-and-Phin moment. And I should have been terrified. That sort of situation, something so public… If I was so worried about what the public thought, what it would mean for my mother, the kingdom, the humiliation, I wouldn’t have done it. But the truth of it was, I hadn’t actually been thinking. When it came to Phin, all thinking ceased. Which was dangerous.

Or thrilling.

I ran my hands through my hair, groaning at the feel of it. I needed to wash it. And it was about time to dye it again. But I almost didn’t want to. Today was a missing-my-blond-hair kind of day. Every time I saw Phin and he played with it, I could almost picture his fingers digging into my blond locks, and I couldn’t help but miss them.

The main overhead light in the library flickered, and I frowned, checking the time. Eleven-thirty. Jesus. I’d been here that long? My astronomy assignment was almost done, but I also needed to get a leg up on studying for a philosophy exam I had next week. If I was already here where they had the books I needed, I was not coming back and doing this again later.

But fuck, it was late. It was so late that I was pretty sure I was the only one left in here. . There were some students who liked to come early and stay late, and since third and fourth years had lock-in and lock-out privileges, there were usually a few of us scattered about until well past nine. With the lock privileges, a student could input their student ID on the keypad to enter and leave the library even after it was closed. The system would know exactly the time you came in and exactly the time you left, so there was a record of all the comings and goings.

When I heard a noise toward the entrance, I called out. “Is anyone still here?”

There was no answer.

I slowly pushed my chair out, wincing at the scrape of the legs on the wood. “Anyone?”

I could have sworn I heard something. Footsteps. Laughter maybe?

Maybe it was a couple of kids trying to make out. But they really ought to know better. If you had lock-in and lock-out, you knew that Headmaster Briggs routinely made the rounds through the library after hours, because he didn’t want horny kids in here with no supervision. The staff wanted to make sure we were in the library for a damn good reason.

I flushed as I thought of all the bad reasons Phin and I could be in the library after hours for. As I imagined all the ways that Phin would devour me in these stacks. How he could spread me wide, slide his fingers inside me, and groan into my neck as he whispered how soft I was, how sleek, how wet. Oh my God, I needed to get a grip. I was losing it. Which was par for the course when it came to Phin.

Once I had my backpack filled and slung it over my shoulder, I slid my feet into my shoes, and then I heard that scraping sound again a few stacks over.

“Hello?” I called out, but again no one answered.

I grabbed my phone and started to walk out beyond the corner, passing the oh-so-popular stacks that were Keaton and Iris’s first make out spot. She’d told us all about it once when we went back there looking for something for English Lit. Right there amongst the Proust and other boring tomes, she and Keaton had nearly banged. Which sounded hot at the time, but ooh, gosh… public.

Well, clearly you have nothing to say about doing things in public.

Fair enough. That had been me. My legs spread during the lecture. For Phin. And I would do it again. He could make me forget anything. Which was problematic, at best. A disaster waiting to happen, at worst.

As far as I could tell, no one else was in here.

But then I heard that sound again. The sound of shuffling and walking. I turned around.

“Okay, come on, if someone is in here, just speak up. I’m about to lock out, so if you want to leave too, now is your chance.”

Still, there was no answer.

A chill ran up my spine, and I frowned, turning back around and picking up my pace. At the far end of the library, I heard a thud. Like a book falling, maybe.

But this was not the kind of horror movie I wanted a role in. I wasn’t going to investigate. Hell, no. If Serafina had taught me anything, it was that I should ignore the instinct that cute young white girls have to go toward a mysterious sound, wondering, ‘Oh, what is that?’

Nope, not me.

I was practically jogging and heading straight for the door. Then I could hear the footsteps, like running, coming toward me.

Well, lucky for me, I ran cross-country. I kicked it up another notch, fully running now, my breath puffing out of me, my legs working harder than I thought they could. When I reached the keypad, my fingers fumbled. The door just buzzed, blinking red at me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I tried again. It was my student ID, the code I used to get into my dorm hall, a code I’d known by heart for four years. Six, six, seven, eight, four. But again, red flashes and beeping. And from the far end of the library, all the way upstairs, I could have sworn someone said my name. An almost familiar voice.

I heard it again. “Aurora.” It was low, menacing, and it made my blood run cold. My palms started to sweat, and I tried to remember to calm my breathing. Just like the therapist had said.

With my heart beating fast and my head spinning, I forced myself to take a breath. In through my nose and counting the beats out slowly, even though my brain knew that someone was out there. Someone was coming for me. Someone was calling my name.

And finally, I managed to press, six, six, seven, eight, six, four.

Green.

I yanked the door open, and as I scuffled through, I turned to see who was following me, but all I saw was a shadow on the upper stacks. And the ice, the fear, that reptilian part of my brain that told me this is danger, run for your life took over, and I sprinted out of the library, heading through the main doors, not looking back. I didn’t bother with another deep breath, but just shoved open the heavy oak doors to the outside that led to the quad. The streetlamps were blazing and there were kids still strewn about, chatting in a couple of small pockets, some rushing back to their dorms before lights out. And there, standing impassively at the quad, was a member of my security team, watching me as I came toward him.

I was safe.

I turned back toward the library, but I could see nothing moving in its tall windows now, the upper stacks almost entirely hidden from this angle. But I knew that I had seen someone; I had seen that shadow in the stacks. It had looked like a boy. Or a man. Was it a teacher? Had I overreacted? My brain said no.

I had just escaped. Except I had no idea what I’d been running from.