All the Cuts and Scars We Hide by Garry Michael

Twelve: Kai

Let My Guard Down

Wyatt pulled his phone out for directions as soon as we passed the sign welcoming us to Westport, Washington, a quaint coastal town about a hundred and thirty miles southwest of Seattle and about two hundred miles from the San Juan Islands.

I rolled the windows down to let the fresh ocean breezes in.  “I had no idea that it would take four hours to get here,” I said while I took in the scenery. The terrain was flat, and we could see miles ahead. One side of the two-way streets was lined with rows of industrial fishing companies and the other side was filled with marinas storing boats of assorted types and sizes.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind the drive,” he said, glancing from the road and to his phone, following the map. “What’s the name of the place again?” he asked.

“It’s called Big Waves Surf Rental. I can look it up.” I offered, so he could concentrate on driving. I googled the rental shop’s address and hit directions to let Siri direct us to where we needed to go. “It’s about two miles south from here.”

Wyatt nodded since we were headed south.

A deer jumped into the road. Wyatt slammed on the brakes and the old truck skidded to a stop, his hand extending to hold me back in my seat.

I dropped my phone on the floor and shut my eyes.

Images of bright headlights flashed, followed by the deafening sound of a blaring horn and metal crunching surged from deep inside my memory bank. The blare of cries and sirens followed when I was hurled into the past. My vision was flooded with red and blue blinking lights and chattering voices came from the distance.

“We’re okay, Kai,” a disjointed voice said, but I feared opening my eyes knowing all too well the scene that would follow. “Kai,” the voice repeated, softer and more familiar. A hand landed on my shoulder causing me to jump and open my eyes.

“Hey, we’re okay. The deer’s okay too. See, over there,” he pointed toward a small herd of deer grazing on blackberry bushes, oblivious to what just happened. “That buck to the right came out of nowhere, but I was able to stop in time. I saw the signs about deer and elk crossings, so I’ve been on the lookout.”

My heart was still racing, and I was only able to hear half of what Wyatt was saying. I grabbed my phone from the floorboard, and immediately it slipped away because of my shaking hands. Wyatt’s eyes were watching me, and warmth spread all over my face from embarrassment. Just great. He’s going to think I’m such a weirdo, freaking out because of a near accident with a crossing deer. I reached out to grab the phone once again, gripping the device tightly. “I’m sorry, that was silly,” I blurted, forcing a laugh, a laugh too shaky to be convincing.

I took a deep breath before unlocking my phone to keep my trembling body under control. He was about to say something, but a car behind us blew their horn, forcing him to turn his attention back to the road. I welcomed the interruption.

“In five hundred feet, turn right,” Siri’s voice broke the lingering silence.

“I think that’s it, there to the right,” Wyatt said, pointing to a small shack, painted purple with distressed surfboards nailed to the sides of it.

I checked my phone to see that he was correct, it was the surf shop and they looked like they were closed. “Are they open?” I asked. “The website says they open at ten.” We left home at six, anticipating to arrive past ten in the morning, and we’d been on schedule even after stopping at the rest stop and getting gas. I checked my phone and then the dashboard of Wyatt’s truck, and it was almost ten-thirty.

“Let me check it out,” he said.

I released another unsteady breath as soon as he was out and stared at my trembling hands.

***

I landed on the floor, hitting the small wicker coffee table, causing it and its contents to flip and shatter onto the tile floor. Magazines scattered and the small ceramic turtle statue was in hundreds of sharp pieces. I pressed my fingers with my swelling lips and I tasted the iron of my blood. Shaking my head in disbelief, I hoped that what just happened wasn’t real. But as much as I wanted to believe it wasn’t, the proof was staring back at me. His six-foot-tall body towered over me, his face was contorted with fake remorse, and his blue eyes were watery with plastic tears. I’d seen that look more times than I cared to count.

I loved him. That was the reason I stayed for as long as I did, but he had never laid his hands on me before. As I stared at him, I felt hollow. The love that I had for him was nowhere to be found. He had just knocked the last of my affection clear out of me.

If I hadn't lent Lei my Jeep, I would have just walked out. Even though it was storming, I had to ask her to come get me. I grabbed the phone out of my pocket and texted my younger sister.

‘Please come get me,’ the text read.

“I’m sorry, baby, I just got carried away. You know better than to provoke me when I’m having a bad day?” he shrugged, his insincerity was grating. Leave it to Noah to turn this around as if it was my fault that I was lying there, blood on my busted lips.

“You’re kidding, right? I just fucking asked you why you were home this late,” I fumed.

He shrugged. “I was with my buddies, my lieutenant gave me another demerit so we were just blowing off some steam.”

“You couldn’t pick up your phone to call or text?” I ignored his hand offering to help me stand up. His fist on my face would be the last time he’d ever touch me. I scrambled to my feet and ignored the glass pinching into my palm. “I should be the one you go to when shit happens. I’m your goddamn boyfriend,” I yelled, pointing at him. I stepped back a couple of steps when he walked toward me, preparing myself for a possible second blow.

“Baby, relax I’m not going to hurt you,” he took another step closer to me.

I moved back, putting my fists in front of me.

“Please, you think you can take me down? Give me a break,” he mocked. “I went out with the guys because they know how my superiors have a hard-on for me. They’re always waiting for me to make mistakes. They’re just jealous because I have the potential to be a SEAL.”

That was the biggest crock of shit I’d ever heard in my entire life. “No, Noah. Your lieutenant isn’t jealous of you. He doesn’t give you demerits because he’s picking on you. He’s always on you because you’re full of shit. You’re never on time, you think training is all fun and games, and you aren’t fucking SEAL material.” My extra emphasis on that last statement didn’t go unnoticed.

His nostrils flared, his blue eyes turning dark. The vein on his left temple was ready to pop at any moment when his fist balled up as he closed the distance between us. He grabbed me by the neck and pressed me against the wall.

I put all my energy into removing his hands from my neck. I was no match for Noah physically, but I wasn’t about to go down without a fight. I pushed him away as hard as I could and moved behind the sofa as soon as I had him off me.

“Oh, you think you can take me down, Kai?” Noah walked slowly around the sofa and I moved in the opposite direction, avoiding him.

There’s nothing I wanted more than to wipe that smirk off his face. I couldn’t believe I stayed with him, but I thought he’d change. I thought that showing him how much I loved and cared about him would inspire Noah to be a better person.

I was so fucking wrong.

The storm outside had grown stronger. The thunder and lightning mirrored my emotions and the tension in the room was so thick I could choke on it.

“Kai,” Leilani yelled from the door before she banged on it, her voice heard between claps of thunder.

“Oh, you called your little sister to save you?” he teased.

I ran to the door, to let Lei in.

“Kuya, what happened to you? Did that asshole do this?” she fumed, staring at my swollen, bloody lips. She stormed by me hell-bent on confronting Noah who was standing amidst the broken glass with his arms crossed. She was about to go after him, but I stopped her. Lei was a petite, but feisty girl. The exact opposite of the poise and control she showed on a ballet stage. She was one of the best ballerinas in Hawai’i and recently got invited to join the Juilliard School of Performing Arts for her senior year.

“Let’s go, Lei. He’s not worth it,” I spat in his direction.

“I’m not taking you back if you walk out of here,” Noah called after me, while I grabbed my wallet and keys from the kitchen counter.

“Don’t worry, I have no intention of coming back. Let’s go, Lei.”

“What about your things?” she asked.

“There’s nothing here worth keeping,” I said while glaring at Noah.

We hurried toward my Jeep parked on the side of the curb. I felt surprisingly lighter. I needed that day to happen in order to wake me up from my fantasy.

***

Wyatt squeezed my shoulder to get my attention. His warmth brought me back from the past. “They’re not open for another thirty minutes according to the sign. Why don’t we get some breakfast while we wait?”

“Um, yeah,” I said, staring at him, overwhelmed by all the emotions warring in my mind.

“Is everything okay? Sorry if that deer thing freaked you out.”

I got out of the car and walked side by side with Wyatt. “I’m okay. I’m just not a big fan of driving is all.” And that was the truth, he didn’t need to know why, and I was glad that he didn’t push.

Wyatt kept glancing at me on our short walk to the diner, but I couldn’t meet his eye. Instead, I let my head hang low, desperately trying to pull myself out of that horrific night.