All the Cuts and Scars We Hide by Garry Michael
Nineteen: Wyatt
All The Cuts
This was a bad idea and I knew it the moment I said yes to Kai before I dropped him off last night. Just like the past few times, my sensible brain was MIA when it came to him and I stupidly agreed to meet him here at the Harbor Theatre, one of the oldest buildings in town. When I had arrived almost thirty minutes ago to wait for Kai, there had already been a line of twenty-somethings clad in jeans and t-shirts with the band’s logo.
If he hadn’t looked at me the way he did, I would’ve said no. What did his intense gaze mean? No one had ever looked at me like that before. I’d debated all day long and came very close to texting him that I couldn’t go with a shitty excuse as to why. But the excitement on his face when I said I would, kept playing over and over again in my mind. I just couldn’t find it in me to disappoint him.
The neon lights flashing Chasing Thunder were illuminating the classic marble façade of the theatre and me. Yes, I was willing to be fucking neon for a certain someone. My eyes darted along the length of the line which was now wrapped around the building with young people bathed in neon too. I unlocked my phone once more, warring with the desire to cancel. I needed him to show up because I was two painful seconds away from talking myself out of going to this live performance.
I caught a whiff of fresh cologne that had a hint of citrus and immediately relaxed. I knew that scent. Within two excruciating heartbeats, Kai was standing beside me wearing a tight gray t-shirt that was partially tucked into his tight faded blue jeans. His black belt matched his distressed boots that were almost identical to what I was wearing.
“We look like twins,” he greeted me before giving me a peck on the cheek. It was such a sweet gesture that felt natural between us.
“Copycat, I wore it best though,” I teased back.
“If you say so,” he winked. “I got our tickets earlier so we don’t have to wait in line. Ready?”
I nodded in lieu of an actual response and let Kai lead the way to the entrance.
“You look great by the way,” he said over his shoulder.
I rolled my eyes at him and said, “You’re just saying that because we’re practically matching.”
“I’ll take that as a thank you.”
“I didn’t intend it to be.” I pulled him to my side and kissed the top of his head and he wrapped an arm around my waist.
We were greeted by loud music once we entered the door separating the hall from the lobby. I took a deep breath to keep my anxiety at bay and focused on Kai’s voice and his hand in mine. The seats that I thought would be there were gone. Instead, there was a dance floor with groups of people dancing with drinks in their hands near the bar, while some people were congregated near the stage. There was an elaborate drum set in the back, a keyboard on the left, and two kinds of guitars on the right. In the center was a microphone on a stand that had a raccoon tail hanging from it that had appeared on their last album cover.
“Is it hot in here?” I asked Kai while I fanned my face with the top of my shirt, pulling it in and out rapidly.
“Not yet, but it will be once more people get in. Excuse me.” Kai kept saying while we made our way to the front, bumping into a few other concertgoers who didn’t seem to care about being jostled.
“No worries, bro,” someone said, raising his plastic cup filled with beer to us and splashing it obnoxiously on other partiers.
I released Kai’s hand for a moment to wipe my sweaty hands on my pants and that caught his attention. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom,” I yelled into his ear before turning to leave.
“You okay?” he asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.
My mouth was getting dry and instead of saying anything back, I gave him a thumbs up. I followed the exit sign, choosing to walk along the wall to ensure the least amount of physical contact with these people. Kai was right, the room was getting more crowded and rowdier as more bodies entered the venue. I glanced back to where Kai was standing and found him watching me. I gave him another thumbs up and attempted a smile to ease the worry that was building on his face.
The bright and quiet bathroom was the reprieve I needed to calm down. I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face. I looked at my reflection, “You can do this.” After one more splash of cold water and another pep talk, I psyched myself into having a good time or at least into convincing Kai that I was enjoying this fiasco.
I followed the same route by the wall and as expected, Kai was looking in my direction and blew out a breath upon seeing me. I made my way back to him, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath every single time someone bumped into me.
“Are sure you’re okay?” he asked the moment I returned.
“I’m fine, please don’t worry about me. This’ll be fun.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Chasing Thunder,” the announcer’s voice boomed from the overhead surround system. One by one the members of the alternative rock band walked on stage to the cheering of the crowd. The drummer was first, followed by the keyboard player then the bassist. Finally, the lead singer walked out and the cheers morphed into a roar when he picked up the guitar and took center stage. I’d heard of the band from Avery and Elizabeth and was surprised that Kai knew the band too. I wasn't going to admit to anyone that I listened to their newest album earlier today.
“Who’s ready to rock and roll?” the lead vocalist asked the raucous crowd.
A chorus of Yeah! reverberated through the crowd and the lights began to dim. Glow-in-the-dark necklaces and glowsticks glimmered and floated like fireflies in the darkroom.
The drummer hit his drumsticks together. “Three, two one…”
The intro to their most recent song began thumping, each beat pounding through the speakers from all corners of the theater. The red and yellow lights coming from the stage synced with the music’s tempo and smoke appeared in front of the stage.
Everyone, including Kai, danced to the beat causing bodies to bump into me from all sides. I realized too late that I was in the middle of a mosh pit with overzealous fans bouncing off each other. The room began closing in with all four corners shrinking while music vibrated my bones. The rat-a-tat-tat from gunfire replaced the staccato drumming and the noise of the screaming fans was replaced with the howls of agony and pain coming from my fellow Marines.
I should have said no. I never should have come here.
Another body slammed into me and with my weakening legs, I stumbled. Kneeling on the floor, I closed my eyes and placed my hands to my ears to muffle the sounds of sorrow bouncing off the walls.
Oh my god.
Not now.
Not here, in front of everyone.
Not in front of Kai.
I was rocking my body back and forth when a familiar voice called out my name.
“Wyatt, open your eyes,” the voice shouted. Its owner was so close I felt his breath on my hand that was covering my ear. “Wyatt,” he repeated.
Slowly, I opened my eyes only to see twitching burnt limbs bathed in fire.
A hand touched my chin pulling my face up. “Wyatt, it’s me. Just look at me and nothing else,” he ordered.
Unable to utter a single word, I nodded yes, repeatedly.
“Let’s get out of here okay? Just listen to my voice and nothing else,” the man ordered.
I nodded once again, accepting his hand so he could lead me out of the carnage.
We stood up, my hand gripping his like he was my savior. We navigated the maze of dead soldiers. I was rattled by every bump. I rolled my fist up, preparing to strike out at anybody ready for combat.
“Wyatt, we’re almost out. Just listen to my voice.” He squeezed my hand which made me focus on his warm eyes. Keeping me in the moment.
Our pace increasing, I let him lead me, not caring where as long as it was somewhere else.
He opened a door and the cool breeze caressed my face when we stepped outside. Even though the noises were faint, I hadn't completely sobered up and my heart continued to thump painfully. The noises were gone, but the thumping of my own heart continued.
“Are you okay?" the man asked. "Take some deep breaths."
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. When I opened them again I was staring into the worried eyes of Kai. The realization of what just happened hit me so hard it hurt to breathe. “I need to go,” I said in a total panic. I fished my keys out of my pocket and headed across the street to my truck.
“No! You can’t drive like this, let’s walk a little until you feel better,” he pleaded.
I huffed out a breath, knowing I would never be better. “I’m fine. I need to go home.”
“Okay, let’s get out of here,” Kai said as he followed me.
“No, Kai, I wanna go alone,” I insisted.
“Wyatt, I don’t mind. I’ll go with you, just until you’re home.”
“Kai!” I yelled, facing him.
He flinched and backed off a bit and I felt guilty for raising my voice at him. “I need to go,” I ran the last few feet to my truck and jumped in. I spared a glance in my rear-view mirror when I started the engine. Kai was standing where I had left him, watching me drive away. My heart broke at seeing him that way, but my desire to run away was stronger. I swallowed around the massive lump of despair in my throat, “I’m sorry, Kai.”