Hearts in Darkness Collection by Laura Kaye

Chapter Five

Standing in her childhood bedroom, Makenna shrugged into her favorite oversized sweatshirt, chilly after hours of watching movies with everyone in the basement. If Cameron hadn’t been there, she would’ve just changed into pajamas given the late hour, but somehow it felt too familiar to do that given their history.

Why was he there? And what was he up to? All day, she’d felt him looking at her, watching her, trying to catch her eye. And all day, she’d pretty much ignored him and stuck by Caden’s side, hoping to avoid giving Cam an in. Over the past few years, he’d texted or emailed her occasionally, and she heard stories about what he was up to from Ian when the family got together, but generally, they didn’t have much contact anymore. Which was fine by her.

She tugged her boots off and ran a brush through her hair, then stepped out into the hall. When she rounded the bannister to go downstairs, her stomach dropped.

“Hey,” Cam said, almost at the top of the steps.

“Hey,” she said, waiting to go around him.

“Can we please talk for a minute?”

Alarm bells went off in her head. The final conversations they’d had several years ago hadn’t been pleasant. Whatever this was, she wasn’t looking forward to it. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, Makenna. Please?” He gave her the look, the one that once had melted her on sight.

She studied him for a moment—he had all-American good looks with blond hair, blue eyes, and a square jaw that was to die for, and wore a light gray V-neck cashmere sweater over a blue button down that made his eyes even brighter. Once, she’d thought there was no hotter man. And she’d been as attracted to his brain and his ambition as she was his looks. Not to mention his long association with her family, because she’d known Cam since her age ran in the single digits.

With a sigh, she nodded. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

He gestured toward her room. “Can we, maybe, talk somewhere more private?”

“I’d rather do it here,” she said, crossing her arms. She was feeling a bit ambushed, which in turn made her irritated with both Cameron and Ian for setting it up. Because whatever it was he wanted to talk about was why he was here today. She knew that in her gut.

“Okay, then,” Cameron said. “Well…the thing is…” He chuffed out a laugh. “I had this all planned, but now that you’re standing in front of me, my tongue’s all tied like I’m a teenager.”

The self-deprecation was charming, as was the sheepish look on his face, but the sentiment set off more alarm bells.

He gave her a smile. “I miss you. That’s the first thing I wanted to say. I miss you and I now know I made a huge mistake when I didn’t take the fellowship in DC.” Makenna’s stomach flipped and the floor wobbled beneath her feet. “Actually, I knew it was a mistake almost immediately, but I was too immature and proud to admit it, and too scared to ask you to take me back.”

No. Nonono. “Cam—”

“Please let me finish,” he said with a tilt of his head. “I know I might not deserve it, but please?”

Heart racing fast, Makenna nodded. Even though she felt a little like she might throw up that second piece of apple pie she’d sneaked an hour ago. She didn’t still have feelings for him, but that didn’t make hearing this from someone she’d once loved any easier.

“I’ve done a lot of growing up and a lot of thinking about what I want in life. A prestigious match is still important to me, but not as important as having someone I care about to share my life with. I could’ve had that with you. I should’ve had that with you. And I still want it. With you,” he said, his eyes blazing.

“Cameron, I’m with someone else now,” she said, her insides all a-jumble at the surprise of this conversation. Never in a million years would she have expected this from him.

“I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry for that. It’s why I had to say something now, before you got serious with him. But you’ve only been dating for two months. We have a history that goes back twenty years. We were together for three of those. And we’d be married right now if I hadn’t been a stubborn, selfish prick.”

“I am serious with him,” she said, the walls spinning around her. Once upon a time, she would’ve given everything to hear these words from him. But it was too late. She’d moved on. From Cameron and with someone else. With Caden. “We’ve been apart for three years, too. A lot has changed.”

Cam stepped closer. “How I feel about you hasn’t changed. Or maybe it has. It’s gotten stronger. I have a good lead on a position in DC when my fellowship ends. I want to try for that position and move down there. I want to be with you. I want us to start over and build the life together we should’ve already had.”

“You’re not listening—”

“I am. I hear you. You think you’re serious about this guy. But he’s the blink of an eye compared to how long we’ve known each other. If you gave us a chance—”

Makenna stepped back, away from his intensity, away from his touch, away from these words that tormented her only because they no longer mattered. And once they would’ve meant the world. There was a sadness in that that hurt. A lot.

He moved with her, staying close. “Please, give us a chance. Give me a chance.” He pulled something from his pocket. A ring box. “I still have it,” he said, cracking the velvet top open to reveal a stunning emerald-cut diamond in a magnificent setting. She remembered how beautiful it looked on her hand. “I would give anything to be able to earn my way back into your heart, to have the chance to hear you say again that you would marry me.”

Swallowing around the knot in her throat, Makenna closed the ring box in his hands. “Cameron, I appreciate what you’re saying. I do. But I moved on. You made your choice and I made mine. And three years have passed. Caden and I haven’t been together very long, but that bears no relationship to how much I care about him. I can’t turn that off, and I don’t want to,” she said. She didn’t want to hurt Cameron’s feelings, in fact she hated that her words might hurt him, but he’d waited too long. Damnit, that wasn’t her fault.

Cam clasped his hands around hers. “Don’t say no. Please. Just think about what I’m saying. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as you need to figure things out.” Desperation shaped his classical features into a tortured mask she’d never before seen him wear, and it made her realize how sincere he was being just then. Which meant he really had grown up a lot since they’d split.

Her heart ached for what they might’ve been. “I don’t think I need to think about it, Cam.”

“I’ll wait, Makenna. Because I love you,” he gave a helpless shrug. “I’ve loved you so much of my life.”

She’d said those words to him once, but now when she thought of love it was Caden’s face that came to mind. Caden’s touch. Caden’s eyes. “Where were you three years ago, or even two?”

He shook his head. “So lost. Clearly. Just think about it, okay?”

Her shoulders sagged. She didn’t want to fight with him. She didn’t want to hurt him. And she didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving. What was she supposed to say? “Okay,” Makenna blurted, already mentally drafting the email where she told him they were through, for good.

She inhaled to say more when Cameron suddenly stepped fully into her space and pressed his lips to hers. Makenna was so stunned it took her a moment to realize what had happened.

She wrenched back and glared. “Don’t. You know what? I don’t need to think about this. I meant what I said. I’m with Caden right now. I have no intention of stopping being with him because we’ve had this talk.”

He held up his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I understand. I just…I just miss you.”

“I need to get back downstairs now,” Makenna said, and without another word, she slipped around him and padded down the steps.

And then she locked herself inside the hall bathroom, pressed her back against the door, and slapped her hand over her mouth. What the hell just happened?

* * *

“Okay,” Makenna had said. And with just that one word, Caden’s whole world tilted on its axis and sent everything reeling.

He bolted from where he’d been standing near the bottom of the steps, having gone looking for Makenna to see if she wanted anything before he made himself a turkey sandwich. And he’d overheard her entire conversation with Cameron. The guy missed her, loved her, and wanted her back—well, that much had been clear most of the day, hadn’t it?

Bee-lining through the house, he was glad everyone else was still downstairs. He made for the kitchen, then the back door, then his Jeep, just for space, just to escape, just to find some place where there might still be some oxygen left to breathe. Outside, he braced his hands on the hood of the Jeep, not caring about the snow or the way the cold wetness of it immediately made his fingers ache.

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, to learn that Makenna had once agreed to marry that guy. That they would’ve already been married if Cameron hadn’t made some mistake. Caden hadn’t gotten all the details, but they didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Makenna had loved Cameron enough to want to make a life with him. A life with a man who was Caden’s opposite in just about every way—professional where Caden was blue collar, wealthy where Caden was just comfortable, all-American good looks where Caden appeared rough around the edges, confident and charming where Caden was awkward and clumsy.

Cameron was the kind of guy Makenna was attracted to when she met a man in the light of day. The darkness in that elevator had been Caden’s saving grace, because it had allowed both of them to get to know one another without the preconceptions that appearances created—and he’d created some of his on purpose, hadn’t he? Except once he’d gotten to know her within the freedom of that darkness, he hadn’t wanted her to turn him away when she saw him. He hadn’t wanted her to be put off by him.

And, miraculously, she hadn’t been. He could still hear her calling him freaking gorgeous that night. And the memory of it still stole his breath and set his heart to racing. But if Cameron was the kind of man she’d once agreed to marry, then it proved that her attraction to Caden was a fluke. At the very least, not her norm. Didn’t it? Did that matter?

Maybe it didn’t. Or at least shouldn’t.

But it made him doubt, for maybe the millionth time since they’d started seeing one another, whether he was good enough for her, whether he was right for her. He thought he’d put the worst of that behind him, because he knew it was his past and his anxiety and his fucked-up fears talking. He knew it was. But seeing an alternative future for Makenna held up in front of his face like this had reached inside his chest and his brain and his heart and stirred it all up again.

Stirred it up bad.

Jesus.

Breathe, Grayson. Just fucking breathe.

He braced wet hands on his knees, lowered his head, and counted backward from ten. Ten. Deep in, deep out. Nine. Deep in, deep out. Eight. If it hurt this bad to imagine Makenna with someone else, how much would it hurt to lose her? Seven. Deep, in, deep out. Six. I’ve lost everyone else, why would she be different? Five. Deep in, deep out. Four. You have her now, focus on that. Three. Okay, okay. Two. Deep in, deep out. One. Deep in, deep out.

Shit, his shoulders and chest were just as tight.

He did it again from ten, this time blocking out all the non-stop commentary racing through his head.

When he was done, he stood up and rolled his neck, his shoulders. She’d only agreed to think about what Cameron had said to her. She hadn’t agreed to be with him and she’d made it clear that she was serious about Caden. Focus on that. Right. Okay.

Except hearing the echo of Cameron’s declaration of love in his ear added another layer of stress to the whole situation. Because that dickhead had said it to Makenna again when Caden hadn’t said it once yet.

In fact, the prospect of declaring how he felt scared the shit out of Caden. Because it felt like tempting the fates. Hey, lightning, let me show you what I really care about so you know where to strike next!

The past. Anxiety. Fucked-up fears. He knew it.

Didn’t change that he felt that way though.

Which brought him back around to the gut check that maybe he wasn’t good enough for her.

Because didn’t Makenna deserve to hear those words? And if Caden couldn’t give them to her ….

Then what?

Stop it. Get back in there and be with her. That’s how you keep her.

He scrubbed his hand over the scar on his head. “Fuck,” he bit out. And then he turned on his heel and got back in the house. He could pull himself together. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed. She’d show him.

“Hey, there you are,” Makenna said, standing at the kitchen counter stirring a cup of hot tea. “I was looking for you.”

“Just needed a little air,” Caden said, joining her at the counter.

“Family proving a little too much?” she asked with a smile. She wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, you’re so chilly. I better warm you up.” Pressing herself tight against him, she held him closer and tucked her head in against his throat.

The embrace was fucking life.

He hugged her back. “Not too much,” he said, clearing the roughness out of his voice. “I like your family. It’s been a great day.” And it was. He’d meant it when he told Mike he hadn’t had a Thanksgiving this enjoyable in years.

“Would you like anything?” she asked.

His appetite for that turkey sandwich was long gone. “No,” he said. “I’m good.”

“Would you like to go be alone, just the two of us?”

He didn’t even have to think. “That sounds like heaven,” he said.

Makenna’s smile was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. See how she’s looking at you? Trust that look, Grayson. Nothing else matters.

She grasped his hand. “Then come with me.”