Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Unpredictable

The water sucked me under, pulling me in. Swirling, dark clouds that forced the air from my lungs. I saw his face, and then it was gone. Felt his fingers slip through mine. Then he vanished. I kept reaching for him, screaming underwater, feeling as if my lungs might burst.

Something brushed against me in the darkness, and I tried to grasp it…

The blare of my alarm jolted me from my dream. I bolted upright, heart racing as I placed a hand to my chest. Holy shit. I reached over to my nightstand and fumbled for my phone, jabbing at the screen several times before finally shutting off the alarm.

My breath came in short pants, and I pulled my knees to my chest. My tank and boy shorts were damp with sweat, and my blond waves fell over my shoulders, covering my face. An image flashed through my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to force the memories away. It had been two years since the day that had changed everything. Two years since I’d last seen…him. I swallowed.

Just the thought of Ryan had tears springing to my eyes, the bands around my chest tightening as if to squeeze the air from my lungs. With an unsteady hand, I opened the drawer of my nightstand and removed the frame with our picture. I stared at the image, tracing his smile, remembering the moment as if it were yesterday. Reliving the good in an attempt to push away the bad. But tears streamed down my cheeks, especially when I caught sight of the small velvet box nestled inside the drawer.

Despite knowing it was a terrible idea, I reached for it. I held it for a moment, feeling as if I were staring at Pandora’s box. Except, I knew what lay inside. I knew how much it would hurt, and yet I opened it anyway.

Unable to resist, I slid the ring onto my finger, admiring the two-carat solitaire set in a band of diamonds. I could remember the expression on Ryan’s face when he’d knelt to the ground and asked me to spend the rest of our lives together.

We just hadn’t realized how short our time together would be. Hadn’t realized everything was about to change.

I moved my hand from side to side, the diamonds sparkling in the light like the glint of the sun on the water. A sob caught in my throat, and I wondered—as always—what had happened to him. I didn’t know if I’d ever discover the answer. And that was almost the hardest part—the not knowing. The wondering. The worrying.

My phone chimed with an incoming email, and I swiped away my tears and quickly glanced at the screen. I immediately cringed.It was the organizer for a huge wedding show I was attending later in the day, and I’d almost forgotten all about it. I would’ve considered sending my assistant in my place, but I was the keynote speaker. And it was a great opportunity.

I pushed out of bed, forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other. I needed to get ready, get my head on straight, and get out the door.

But when I climbed into the shower, I was assaulted by memories both good and bad. And my resolve instantly crumbled. I leaned against the wall, pounding the tile. I was a tempest, and anger, regret, and sadness swirled through me.

Finally, when I had no more tears to cry and the water was cold, I switched off the faucet. I stepped out of the shower and met my reflection in the mirror. I looked…tired, sad. But more than anything, I was lost.

To the outside world, I had it together. I was a successful business owner, a highly sought-after event planner. I delighted in managing the controlled chaos, in seeing my clients’ joy on their special day. And I loved my clients—most of the time. But today…today, I just couldn’t face the world.

I’ll just take one day.

Surely, I deserved that. I rarely, if ever, took a day off. I’d worked my ass off to build my company. I glanced at my calendar, skimming through my appointments, quickly realizing how ridiculous the notion was. Especially when I spotted the name Amanda Jackson. She was the Hollywood starlet at the moment, and she was engaged to a man who had been voted “Hottest Man Alive”four times.

And she was coming in today. To talk to me about her dream wedding.

She was not the type of client who would look kindly on rescheduling. You canceled, and she walked.

With a deep sigh, I placed my palms on the counter and met my reflection. One of the Post-it notes on my mirror caught my attention, and I read the words I’d written so carefully.

You are stronger than you think.

I dropped my head and took a deep breath. I wanted to believe those words, but…my heart wasn’t in it. At the moment, they felt like nothing more than a collection of letters on a colorful note affixed to the mirror of a woman who didn’t exist anymore.

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