Ignite by Tana Stone
Chapter Eight
Zoey
“You don’t think he’s serious, do you?” I asked Nina, as we walked down the corridor toward our quarters.
Unlike the fantasy suites that were located on the upper levels, the staff quarters were below the promenade and did not use holographic technology to make them appear to be located on a Greek island or in the Swiss Alps. And since most of the residents of the lower staff quarters were Drexian warriors, the decor wasn’t even the bright white of the rest of the station, which suited me just fine. Even though I understand why the station was so bright and airy, I preferred the darker corridors below decks, as well as the lower lighting.
“Serge?” Nina paused when we reached the door to my room. “I don’t know if he kids around.”
“The last thing I need is a wedding planner running around trying to set me up with a total stranger.”
Nina shrugged, running a hand through her curls. “Maybe it won’t be a stranger.”
“Even worse,” I grumbled. “The only people here who aren’t strangers are the construction crew, and the Drexians manning the bridge, and the patrols.”
“What’s wrong with them?” Nina nudged me. “Have you seen the Drexian pilots?”
I frowned. “Not interested.”
“Come on, Zoey. Every woman loves a guy in military uniform—” her words trailed off and her face crumpled. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Zo. I didn’t mean to—”
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “Don’t be silly. It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s been two years.”
Nina knew about Theo. My sob story had come out over a few too many Cressidian gin cocktails one night after we’d been working late. I’d literally sobbed when I’d told her, hiccupping as I’d spilled my guts about my fairytale romance with Theo and how I’d been planning our dream wedding when I’d gotten the news of his death. By the end, we’d both been sniffling and hiccupping, and it had cemented our friendship. To her credit, Nina never brought up that night or Theo. Not on purpose.
“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been,” Nina said, dropping her voice as a pair of Drexians in sharply creased uniforms passed us. “And it’s okay not to be fine about it.”
I exhaled deeply, releasing the tension in my chest. “What bothers me the most is that it actually doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.”
“That’s a bad thing?”
“I thought there’d never be an hour when I didn’t think about him and feel that twist in my gut when I realized he was gone all over again, but now I can go almost an entire day.”
“And you feel guilty that the pain is fading with time?”
It sounded ridiculous when she put it like that, but that was it. “I guess I do. I thought loving him as much as I did meant the loss would never fade.”
Nina touched her fingers to my arm. “Just because you don’t hurt as much doesn’t mean you didn’t love him. It means you’re healing. And healing is a good thing.”
“What if I don’t want to heal?” I said, more forcefully than I’d meant to.
“Do you seriously think Theo would have wanted you to suffer so much? He would have wanted you to be happy, not to use him as an excuse to shut yourself off from love forever.”
Even though she’d whispered the words, they still hit me hard. My first instinct was to snap back that she didn’t know what she was talking about, but she was right. Theo would have hated seeing me miserable. He wouldn’t have wanted me to be in pain for so long. Just like I never would have wanted to see him in pain. But that didn’t make it any easier to let it go.
“No,” I said, “he wouldn’t want me to use him as an excuse, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to move on or be one of Serge’s matchmaking victims.”
Nina squeezed my arm gently. “Why don’t I talk to Serge? He has no idea about your past. Maybe once he—”
“No.” I held up a hand. “I don’t want anyone else on the station to know. I hate the way people look at me once they know. I’d rather deal with his aggressive matchmaking than pity eyes.”
“Fine, but I’m sure he’d back off if he knew.” She tilted her head at me. “I don’t give you pity eyes, do I?”
I managed a smile. “Actually, you never have. Why is that?”
She twitched one shoulder but dropped her eyes. “None of us is a stranger to grief, right?”
That seemed like a vague answer, but I guessed she was right.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m going to take a hot shower and get to work on the waterfall,” Nina said, jerking a finger toward the door next to mine, which led to her quarters.
“You’re going back to work?” Guilt of another kind gnawed at me. I’d added hours to her workload, and the captain had been clear that the timeline hadn’t changed.
“I’ll work in my quarters. I have all the holographic software on my tablet, so I can work anywhere. I usually like being in the lab because Vekron always has some innovative way to code that makes my job easier, but I’m sure he’s long gone.”
I didn’t know the Inferno Force warrior well, but I’d heard Nina talk about his inventions more than once. Despite being a part of the Drexian’s elite battle unit, the alien was a bit of a tech wizard, although you wouldn’t guess it from his hard body and badass tattoos. Not that I’d noticed.
“See you tomorrow then?” I asked. After the combative encounter with Captain Kalex and nearly being killed by a falling beam, I was ready for my own hot shower and early bedtime.
“You know I never miss our breakfasts, even if the Drexians have no clue how to make a decent bagel.”
“Coffee and bagels,” I said. “They should devote way more R & D to those.”
Nina laughed as she headed for her quarters. “I’m not holding my breath.”
I gave her a final wave before swiping my hand over a side sensor panel, and the gunmetal-gray doors slid open. Stepping inside, I touched another panel to turn on the lights. I could have used the voice activation technology, but I preferred to be old-school about some things. That, and I didn’t like it when inanimate objects talked back to me.
The ambient recessed lighting illuminated the large studio suite, and I made my way past the king-sized bed covered in a beige duvet, tossing my ear cuff onto it. I stepped down into the sunken sitting area that made up the other half of the suite. Although it had been furnished with a pair of low, brown swivel chairs and a small kidney-bean-shaped coffee table, I’d moved the chairs over to one side and positioned a cushion in front of the table.
I sat down on the puffy, purple cushion and crossed my legs into a half lotus position, closing my eyes for a moment and breathing out. I opened my eyes and picked up the lighter wand, flicking it on and lighting the candle in the middle of the table. The warm, gold glow of the flame danced across the framed image of Theo, his smile wide and preserved forever behind glass.
I smiled back at him, only the smallest ache clenching my heart. I might not grieve for him as deeply as I did at first, but I would never let myself forget him. Closing my eyes, I focused on stilling my thoughts and emptying my mind. I still wasn’t great at it, but I was a lot better than when the doctor had first recommended meditation. Then, I’d scoffed at it. Now it was one of the things that kept me sane.
Despite the images and emotions that rushed through my head—arguing with the captain, the strange way my body had reacted to him, the terror as I’d tackled Serge to the ground, the adrenaline that had surged through my body as I’d lay on top of Serge and realized that we were both alive—I steadied my breath and slowed my heart rate.
After a few minutes, all the chaos of the day vanished, and a sense of calm settled over me like a warm blanket. It was then that all my worries and fears slipped away like water sliding off a duck’s back, and I laughed out loud as I imagined myself to be a duck swimming through the water as stress beaded off my feathers and washed away.
At first, I was so deep into my visualizations that I didn’t notice the beeping of the door. When the sound changed to pounding, I opened my eyes, jerked from my peaceful journey, and returned to the reality of my quarters. I huffed out a breath as I stood, blowing out the candle and feeling dazed as I crossed to the door.
Who needed me now? It couldn’t be Nina. She was probably standing under a hot shower. If it was William wanting to discuss the accident, I’d have to put him off until tomorrow. I was too tired to rehash it now.
I pressed the sensor panel, my heart sinking when I saw Kalex standing in the corridor, his expression stern. Just who I didn’t want to see.