Chaos by Sarah Bailey

Forty Three

West

The memory of the night past Scarlett told me she loved me dissipated, leaving me staring down at my present-day Scarlett who’d warned me she was going to kiss me. I stood there, utterly frozen and captivated by the look in her hazel-green eyes.

None of what happened this evening had gone to plan. I hadn’t meant to fuck her here amongst the abandoned diggers and bricks in the place where everything went to shit ten years ago. I hadn’t meant to beat the shit out of some guy for giving me attitude, but then again, it was hardly a surprise. I refused to allow anyone to disrespect me or tell me what the fuck I could and couldn’t do. This place meant something to me. No one was going to tell me I couldn’t be here.

Drake would probably tell me I was torturing myself by coming back here again and again, but I couldn’t help it. It was the place where everything ended. And I was drawn back here, replaying it in my mind like it was stuck on fucking repeat.

We shouldn’t be up on this floor. She shouldn’t be looking at me the way she was. It was hell. Pure fucking agony. And yet I was powerless at this moment. I couldn’t stop it. Not when I wanted her. Not when my chest fucking caved in with all my memories of Scarlett from the past. And now when she wanted to kiss me.

I was losing it. Completely. It messed with my fucking head.

Scarlett pressed closer, going up on her tiptoes to reach me. She’d told me to stop her if I didn’t want this. I was so fucking torn between needing her to take the decision away from me and pushing her away because she didn’t remember me. She didn’t remember us. She didn’t know she loved me.

“Scarlett.”

She paused, her mouth so damn close to mine. There was disappointment in her eyes, but I couldn’t do this. She couldn’t kiss me when she didn’t know who I was to her. It was a fucking step too far. It shouldn’t be, considering I’d been deep inside her several times, but kissing to me meant something far more than just fucking. Kissing her was about love. And her heart wasn’t mine again yet. It couldn’t be when she was living in a world full of lies and deceit.

“I didn’t think you’d say no,” she whispered.

My hands curled around her shoulders, pulling her away from my body and forcing her to drop down to her feet again. Her words made my heart fucking crack wide open.

I couldn’t do this any longer. Couldn’t keep pretending and acting like I didn’t know who she was. Who we’d been to each other when we were together. Tonight had proven to me it was damaging all of us further. We were caught up in the web of our own making and I was fucking done.

No wonder Prescott had broken so damn fast. The thought of hurting her further after everything we’d done made me crazy. I didn’t want to destroy my girl. I wanted to put her broken parts back together. And the only way I could do that was by reminding her who the fuck she was. I needed to give Scarlett back her memories.

I removed her hands from around my neck and held her in place by her biceps. My eyes darted around the floor. This was the place where it had happened. The place where everything had gone to shit.

You shouldn’t have come here with her. This was a mistake.

But was it?

Why would it be a mistake when I could show her the truth?

This was where it all began. If she couldn’t remember what happened, then this was where I needed to start. Right at the place that had caused her memory loss in the first place.

“Why are you trying to kiss me?”

She blinked as if the question was unexpected. Then she looked around, taking in our surroundings.

“This place feels… wrong.” Her eyes met mine again. “It feels like I shouldn’t be here. And I want to focus on something else. On you. You don’t feel wrong, West. You feel right.”

As if she couldn’t fucking torment me any further with the memories of us. This hurt way worse than it was supposed to.

“Do you know why I feel right? Do you know why the fuck that is, Scar?”

I shook her a little, wanting her to understand why this was fucked up.

“No.”

“Because you know me and I know you.”

She frowned but didn’t stop me from gripping her harder.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I growled, my frustration overflowing. She needed to get it. I didn’t want to take drastic measures, but maybe I would have to.

“You know me, Scarlett. Look at me. Fucking look and see.”

The girl stared up at me but there was no recognition there. Not the type I wanted to see.

“I see you, West, but I don’t understand.”

I let her go and paced away, dragging my fingers through my hair. How the hell would I get her to see it?

“This place. You know why it feels wrong. It feels wrong because you know what happened here, you just can’t remember it.”

When I turned to look at her, she’d taken a step back, her eyes widening.

“What?”

“You can’t remember what happened and I hate it. I hate that you don’t remember me. You don’t remember any of us.”

Scarlett took another step back. Her body shook and her face started to pale.

“What are you saying right now?”

I didn’t want her running from me. Not when I needed her to see me. Closing the distance between us again, I grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her closer. There was fear in her eyes. True, unadulterated fear.

“I’m saying you forgot who I am but I never forgot you, my little Scar. I could never forget you.”

Her bottom lip trembled.

“I don’t understand.”

I cupped her cheek, feeling her soft skin against mine and wishing everything was different. Wishing she’d never lost who she was. But I would get her back. I would stop at nothing to get her to recognise me. I had no choice left. Not now I’d told her I knew who she was.

“You’re mine, Scar. You’ve been mine since we were kids.”

Her little gasp hurt my soul.

“I need you back. I need my Scarlett back.”

She swallowed, staring up at me with tears in her eyes. Tears, worry and fear.

“Are you… are you saying… you know me? You knew me before I lost myself?”

“Yes.”

I swear the dam broke inside her. She let out a little whimper, a cross between terror and pain.

“What the fuck? What… I don’t understand, I don’t… West, please don’t fuck with me. It’s not funny. It’s not okay.”

I shook my head, my hand tightening around her face.

“I’m not fucking with you.”

“No, you have to be… otherwise… otherwise you’ve all lied to me.”

We had. It was the truth. We’d been lying from day one.

“Please, I can’t… you aren’t telling the truth! You’re lying to me.”

Leaning down, I pressed my forehead to hers.

“I’m not lying to you, my little Scar. I would do anything to see you look at me the way you did when we were sixteen. I would fucking move mountains to make you remember me.”

She hiccupped on a sob, her body trembling all over.

“West, I can’t…”

I let go of her arm to wrap mine around her, cradling her to my chest as I kept a hold on her jaw.

“You can. Let me show you the truth. You see this place. You’ve been here. You came here with us so many fucking times. This was our place. Ours.”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to remember even though I could see in her eyes she knew I wasn’t lying to her. Why the fuck would I tell her I knew her if it wasn’t the truth? I had no reason to fuck with her. Well, she probably thought I did, but I wasn’t that heartless. Not about this. Not when it came to her knowing who I was.

“This isn’t a joke and I’m not lying. You told Pres and Frankie you’ve remembered things, Scar. Tell me what you’ve seen. Did you see us? Did you hear us?”

I could see she was breaking apart on the inside, but I couldn’t stop.

“Tell. Me.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what I’ve seen because I can’t remember.”

“You can.”

She didn’t struggle in my embrace. Her expression was fucking heart-breaking, but she didn’t try and escape.

“You. I saw you here. A younger version of you. I’ve seen younger versions of all of you, but I can’t trust my own fucking mind, West. I can’t. It’s all so mixed up.”

It gave me a small sliver of hope. A tiny piece to hold onto. If she’d seen me in her memories, then she could find the rest. She could tug on the fucking threads and unravel it all.

“You saw me because I was here when we were sixteen. We were here together. You’ve seen the rest of them. It’s real. All of it.”

She shook her head.

“No,” she whispered. “No, it can’t be real. It can’t because why would you hide it? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“We had to and when you remember, you’ll understand why.”

She let out a small whimper of pain like I was breaking her open with the truth. I was wrecking my girl.

“I can’t remember!”

I didn’t have it in me to keep going around in circles. It was now or fucking never. Dropping my hands from her, I took her hand and dragged her closer to the edge. I pointed down at the drop.

“This is where it happened, Scarlett. There’s a reason this place makes you afraid. It makes me fucking sick too, but I kept coming back here because it’s the only piece of you I had left.”

She stared down at the ground. Her body shook all over. Her face was drained of all colour, making me wonder if she was finally getting it. Then she backed away, trying to tug her hand out of mine.

“No. No. I don’t remember, West. I don’t remember a single goddamn thing and you can’t make me.”

I don’t know why I snapped, but I lost control of the situation when she said it. When she told me I couldn’t make her remember. I was fucking damned if I couldn’t make her. She was going to see the truth for herself.

My hand wrapped around her forearm and I dragged her back towards me, staring down at the girl who had stolen my heart the day she walked into my life.

“I can make you remember who you are, Scarlett. And I fucking well will.”

Making sure my grip on her was as tight as possible, my other hand bracing against the pillar next to us, I pulled her over the edge. Scarlett let out a scream as she fell but came to an abrupt halt. I grunted with the effort, but I held onto her, gripping my girl so she wouldn’t fall.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she screamed at me a moment later when she realised I wasn’t going to drop her.

“I’m showing you the truth.”

She looked around us, her eyes frantic.

“You are fucking insane.”

“That may be, but I’m doing this for your own good.”

“How the fuck is dangling me off a fucking building for my own good? What the fuck, West? Pull me back up!”

“No. Not until you fucking remember what happened.”

This wasn’t rational. In fact, it was probably the worst fucking idea I’d ever had, but I’d run out of options. She didn’t want to listen to reason, so perhaps she’d listen to insanity instead.

“Remember what!”

“Me! You need to fucking well remember me.”

Scarlett wasn’t exactly light. I held onto her and the pillar, knowing if I dropped her, it would be the end of everything.

She stared up at me. Her pupils were dilated. She was scared out of her fucking mind hanging there with only me to keep her from falling.

“Look at me, Scarlett. Just fucking look at me.”

And she did. She kept looking until her eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip trembled.

“Let me back up,” she whimpered. “Please, West.”

She reached up with her other hand and gripped my arm.

“Please!”

“You remember, don’t you? Tell me you fucking remember, Scar! Because you need to. You have to remember what happened that night.”

“Please stop this!”

I shook my head. I couldn’t stop. Nothing would ever make me stop. Not now. There was no going back.

“West! I will fucking kill you if you don’t let me back up!”

I stared at her. My girl, the fire-breathing queen of my whole damn soul.

“Yeah, Scar, you will kill me because the real Scarlett wouldn’t let me get away with shit.”

She blinked, her hand tightening around my arm. Then she looked down at the ground and her face paled all over again. When her eyes met mine, I could see the cogs turning in her head. I could see it in her eyes. And I knew everything was about to change.

“Do you remember now, Scar? Do you fucking remember who I am?”

She blinked once and I took a deep breath.

“Do. You. Remember?”