Bad for You by Weston Parker

10

BRITTANY

Back then, you meant more to me than the company.All night, those words had replayed over and over in my head.

Just when I thought that I finally knew I’d done the right thing, he had to go and say something like that. Now I was wondering all over again if I’d made a giant mistake.

It was silly, really, to still be obsessing over something that had happened when I’d been eighteen years old. The only explanation I had was that it had been the something that had changed the course of my life. If not for that one thing, Tristin and I might have been married by now. We might’ve had children together. We might’ve had a life together in a home that we shared.

We also might’ve gone up in flames anyway in the time between then and now, but somehow I doubted that. Even if we had, at least it would’ve been our decision.

If we’d fucked things up, maybe we wouldn’t both be stuck in some cruel limbo where our kisses still lit up the sky and our souls still seemed fused to the other’s. While I obviously didn’t know for sure how he felt about our kiss last night, I had a pretty good idea it had been the same for him as for me.

It had been one of those kisses that transcended time and logic. One of those kisses where every part of our beings had connected, had seen each other, and had said, “Oh, there you are. I’ve been waiting for you.”

If I really had done the right thing by listening to his mother all those years ago, surely our relationship would’ve been something we’d both be looking back at now with nothing more than fond memories while we chuckled about first love with our spouses.

From what I’d been able to gather over the years, that was how other people felt about their high school relationships. Some didn’t even seem to think back at them with fond memories. Shelley, for instance, didn’t seem to think back to hers at all.

Meanwhile, Tristin and I had broken up, but we were still drawn together like magnets. Like the two of us had simply been drifting and biding our time until we inevitably found each other again.

Two people who weren’t meant for each other couldn’t possibly still have such sparks flying between them that everything else seemed completely insignificant in comparison.

As I sat in my tiny little garden, sipping my coffee on an antique wrought iron chair that had been here forever, I looked up at the clear blue sky and tried to imagine Tristin zooming around in it. He’d said he didn’t regret going to the Air Force. I believed him, but I wondered if the wide-open skies that belonged to only a select few had made it worth it for him to have lost the possibility of us?

For those brief moments last night, I’d thought it had made it more than worth it. I’d wished it had, even. But after what he’d said, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

It also wasn’t really fair to him to think about it that way because he wasn’t the one who’d lost that possibility. That was all on me.

It was even worse that it had taken only one measly conversation with Selena for me to go—not even just losing that possibility but throwing it away deliberately and with both hands. But even now I couldn’t say that I’d felt like I’d had any other options.

I remembered that day so vividly it was like I could still smell her pungent perfume when I closed my eyes. She’d come, she’d seen, she’d conquered. And then I’d done the dirty work for her.

It was a beautiful day outside. I was doing my homework on our front porch. When I first saw the fancy black town car pulling up, I thought it was Tristin popping in to visit. He hardly ever let his parents’ driver take him around after he’d gotten his license, but it didn’t even cross my mind that it might not be him sitting in the back seat of that car.

When his mother climbed out, pulling off her large, expensive sunglasses as her nose pulled up in disgust at the sight of our house, I nearly fell off my chair. Selena Ramsey looked every inch the queen of an empire that day.

Her sleek blonde hair was perfectly styled, falling to sharp points at her dainty chin. The clothes she had on made her look like she’d stepped off the pages of an elegant fashion magazine. Neither her pencil skirt nor her suit jacket had even one wrinkle on them despite the fact that it was late afternoon.

My mother was an artist. There was always paint, or clay, or something else to be found on her clothes. Her hair was always pulled up into a messy bun, and she always seemed to be smiling.

Selena’s skin bore none of the same evidence as Mom’s that she’d spent any time in her life smiling. I’d seen her giving polite smiles to people, but I’d never heard her laughing or seen her really grinning at someone.

Those brown eyes of hers were so much like Tristin’s and yet nothing like his at all. Especially not that day. They were cold and calculating as she looked me over. Then she started putting one expensive high-heeled shoe in front of the other as she walked toward me.

I’d only just barely turned eighteen. I wasn’t exactly knowledgeable or mature. Selena was a grown-up, polished, powerful woman who intimidated the crap out of me.

In all the years I’d known her, she’d never come around to my house. For that matter, she’d never really talked much to me at all.

As soon as that thought dawned on me, I realized something was going on. My immediate thought was that something had happened to Tristin, and my heart jumped into overdrive. Tears sprung to my eyes, and my textbook fell off my lap from how much I suddenly started trembling.

“Is he okay?” I asked, panic squeezing my insides so hard it was difficult to breathe. “What happened?”

She frowned at me before giving me a dismissive wave. “He’s fine. Or at least, he will be fine as long as you and I can reach an understanding.”

“An understanding?” I all but stammered, my skin feeling like it was getting flash frozen. “An understanding about what?”

“About your relationship with my son.” She ascended the few stairs to join me on the porch, seemingly without even walking. The way she moved was so graceful it was like she was floating instead.

There was another chair beside mine, but she gave it one look, her lips curling again as she decided against taking a seat. It made it even worse that she remained standing at the top of the stairs, just a few feet away and looking at me with such disapproval that I actually flinched.

When I opened my mouth to ask her what she was talking about, she silenced me by lifting a French-tipped finger. And then she proceeded to make my world come crumbling down around me.

“I’ve indulged this little dalliance you’ve been carrying on with Tristin for long enough,” she said, her voice crisp and clear. “Since it seems that neither of you are inclined to end this madness before it goes too far, it’s time for me to step in.”

Her gaze flicked from the chipping paint on our outside walls to the one side of the gutter that always seemed to sag no matter how often we fixed it, and then to the slightly broken-in-places in the floorboards she was standing on. I still saw her resulting sneer in my nightmares from time to time.

Without giving me the chance to protest or to say that it was much more than a “dalliance,” she narrowed her eyes at me again. “You’re a nice girl, Brittany. I’m sure you’re going to grow into a fine young woman, but you’re nothing more than a distraction for my son.”

Those words were the first dagger she shoved into my heart. She continued to add a thousand more to that first one, and then it got even worse, like she was twisting them all to carve everything I felt for Tristin right out of my heart. It didn’t work, but it was painful enough that it should’ve.

“Tristin’s life has been mapped out for him, and there’s no place for you in it,” she said. “You will never fit into the world he’s destined for, you’ll never be accepted in it, and worst of all, if you don’t end things now, you will be holding him back.”

That was what had stuck with me over the next few days until I’d plucked up the courage to break up with him, shattering his heart and my own in the process. She hadn’t stopped there either.

“I know you think you love him, and I suspect he thinks he feels the same way about you, but it’s not true. You are children, and this infatuation you have going on is now starting to threaten both of your futures. Tristin has a duty, and he accepted that before he met you. Now he’s talking about moving away to go to college and even moving in with you.”

She touched one hand to her chest, literally clutching her pearls. “You didn’t honestly think Luke and I would let that happen, did you? Boys think with their hormones, darling. Surely a smart girl like you must understand what would happen if you two moved in together?”

My heart was hammering in my chest, but her question had obviously been rhetorical. She didn’t wait for me to answer. “You don’t want to be the girl who gets knocked up by a man who’s just going to leave you sooner rather than later, do you? I know he’s been talking about how the two of you are going to get married, but he’s eighteen. He doesn’t even know what he wants for dinner tonight, much less who he wants to tie himself to for the rest of his life.”

“But we—”

She gave me a patronizing smile, her red-painted lips sliding up at the corners for only half a beat. “Oh, sweetheart. I’ve heard from Tristin that you’re supposed to be intelligent. If that’s true, you know what you have to do. Especially if you love him as much as you think you do. Let him go. Don’t be the weight holding him down when he was born to soar.”

And that had been what it had come down to for me. As much as I still didn’t think she’d meant literally letting him soar like he had as a pilot, I hadn’t wanted to drag him down. Hold him back.

I happened to agree with her that he’d been meant for great things. I just hadn’t thought his involvement with me would keep him from achieving those things.

After she’d left, I’d gone up to my room, rolled into a ball while I sobbed, and I’d stayed that way until the next morning. The days that followed had been some of the longest in my life, but I’d convinced myself that she was right.

The Ramseys were practically royalty in this town. Royalty didn’t commit to commoners just because they’d started dating those commoners at sixteen.

Eventually, I’d made up my mind that breaking up with him was the only choice. It also wasn’t only because she’d warned me that she would be back if I didn’t take her advice, reiterating that I was supposed to be smart and that meant making “smart decisions” for my future. And for his.

In the months after I’d done it, I’d barely been a functional human being. The heart was a vital organ for a reason, and I’d given mine away. It was only near the end of my freshman year in college that I’d started surfacing from the fog, and even then, it had taken me a lot longer than that before I really began to pick up the pieces.

“Brittany.” Beckett’s sharp voice cut into my thoughts, yanking me back to the here and now where he was standing in front of me in my garden, snapping his fingers irritably in my face. “I said, are you ready? I thought we were going to the antiques market this morning. If we’re late, someone else might buy my teapot.”

“Right.” I blinked a few times until the memories became hazy again. Clearing my throat, I offered him a tight smile and got up. “I’m ready. Sorry I didn’t hear you coming in. I just got a little lost in my head for a minute.”

“A minute? I’ve been banging on your door for ages,” he snapped, dark eyes burning into mine as he glared down at me. “Thank God the gate to your garden was open, otherwise we’d have been late for sure. What have I told you about locking it, though? It’s irresponsible to leave it open.”

“Well, then I guess my irresponsibility came in useful today,” I snapped right back. I was so freaking done with him treating me like shit.

His brows shot up, and a burst of air came huffing out of his nostrils, but as he crossed his arms, he caught sight of his watch. “Do not speak to me that way. Since you want to talk later, we can add your insolence to the agenda, but right now, we need to leave.”

Yep. Done.

It seemed he’d leveled up overnight from condescending, patronizing asshole to asshole supreme. If I hadn’t already decided to end it, I sure as hell would’ve decided to end it now.

Beckett and I drove to the market in complete silence. He liked to go every weekend, but it bored me to tears. It had been fun the first couple of times, but why a person would want to do the exact same thing every weekend was beyond me.

Once we arrived, I was still stewing, but I was determined to bite my tongue until we were somewhere private. He marched right over to the teapots and was debating over which one to choose when he glanced at me with derision etched into his features.

“Perhaps we should get one for your place as well. I’ve had to put up with the smell of coffee seeping from your pores for long enough. I won’t do it any longer.”

Even the salesperson looked taken aback by his sudden outburst. As for me, I’d had enough. Fuck waiting until we’re in private. Fuck being delicate or tactful about it.

I didn’t even care if he thought I was being childish or immature. I was just… done.

“You know what, Beckett?” I said, taking a step back and putting up my hands. “That’s it. We’ve over. You don’t have to worry about putting up with coffee or my pores anymore, because I’m done putting up with everything about you.”

“Excuse me?” he roared, his expression turning thunderous as he drew every eye around to us. “You and I will be done when I say we’re done, and I don’t say so. I’m ready to settle down, and you’re a suitable wife. I might need to polish you around the edg—”

I snorted, my eyes widening to the point of pain as I glared at him. “A suitable wife? No, thank you. We’re done, Beckett. You don’t own me, so contrary to what you might think, it’s not up to you to decide if and when we’re done.”

“Brittany,” he called after me when I turned on my heels and left him in the dust. “You’re going to regret this if you think you can just break up with me without any repercussions. I’m your boss.”

Yeah. Yeah.It wasn’t easy, but I felt so relieved now that we were done that I didn’t even respond. Let him come after me.

I wasn’t scared anymore. If he tried firing me, I’d go to the school board. He wouldn’t get rid of me professionally without a fight, and if that was what he wanted, then that was how it would be.

Nothing he could say or threaten me with was worth being treated the way he’d started treating me. I detested men who thought of women as possessions, and if I’d had an inkling that he would turn out that way, I’d never have agreed to go out with him in the first place.

As most of those men tended to do, he’d hidden it well in the beginning. I wouldn’t stand for it any longer, and if I knew some of the members of the board, they wouldn’t either. While I didn’t want to cause trouble, I would do it if that was what it took. I would do whatever it took to keep from being pushed out of a job that I loved purely because I wouldn’t put up with his misogynistic bullshit any longer.

I’d let intimidation and fear rule me once, but I wasn’t that girl anymore. If I’d learned anything from the aftermath of my conversation with Selena, it was that sometimes, a person had to push past their fears. Face up to the stronger, more powerful person and simply stand their ground. That was what I intended on doing now.