Hot-Bites, Volume Two by Jenika Snow

18

Macy

I’m crying like a fool, acting like one too. Why did I ever think this would work with Braden? Why did I think my past wouldn’t come back and slap me in the face? Of course, I didn’t think it’d be plastered all over the damn television on prime time, but hey, that’s my luck, especially given the fact things have been going so well with Braden.

And here I am in the bathroom, the door shut, crying like I don’t have tougher skin.

I stare at myself in the mirror and angrily wipe my tears away. I hate myself right now, hate myself because I’ve fallen in love with a man that I shouldn’t want.

My eyes are red rimmed, my cheeks wet. I get pissed all over again, but I’m also humiliated. Although Braden knows about me, about the type of girl I am, how I lived, seeing my face plastered on the screen embarrasses me like no other. I don’t want him to see me like that. I want him to see me as the woman I’ve become with him, the person he sees me as now.

And what type of woman is that?

Shut the hell up.

I’m having this insane argument with myself in my head. Perfect.

“What a fine fucking mess,” I whisper to my reflection and hear the TV shut off. I straighten, my hands curled around the edge of the marble sink. I look over my shoulder, my heart racing.

The door is closed, and I don’t know if Braden will come in, if he’ll try to talk to me. This probably has ruined everything between us, as if the past few days meant nothing.

How can he see me as something more than a criminal? That’s why he “hired” me, isn’t it? That’s how we initially met.

Right now, he’s probably regretting everything and thinking how I’m nothing more than a nightmare to him.

Why was I ever stupid enough to think a man of his social standing would want anything more from a girl like me? Why would I think this could ever be more than what it is?

It’s an arrangement. Nothing more, right?

I feel like crying all over again, but I force myself to suck it up. I’m stronger than this. I don’t need a man in my life, but then again, I’ve never been in love. I’ve given Braden myself, my virginity.

And despite all the things that have just happened, I know I would do it all over again.

And then there is a knock on the bathroom door, and I know I can’t hide in here forever. But confronting Braden after he saw me on TV like that is terrifying.

I swallow, my throat feeling thick, rough.

“Macy?” He calls out my name and although his voice is muffled, I can hear the emotion in this tone, his gentleness.

I squeeze my eyes shut and tell myself not to cry again. The last thing I want is for Braden to see me a sobbing mess.

I turn and look at my reflection once more, wiping away the remnants of my tears, giving myself an internal pep talk to man the hell up. So what if he doesn’t want me anymore? So what if I’m back to being that girl with the sticky fingers in the city alleys? That’s who I am, who I’ve always been. Surely I don’t need a man to make me feel whole?

But this isn’t just any man. This is Braden. I love him.

I feel my heart break a little over the thought of never seeing him again. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to live with these feelings if he’s not in my life.

I inhale deeply and exhale slowly and finally turn and face the door.

“Macy? Let me in, baby.”

His endearment has my heart skipping a beat again.

“Can I come in?”

I open my mouth, but no words come out. I want to see him, want to tell him how I feel, that what he saw on the TV doesn’t define me.

I’m a thief, yeah, but who I’ve been while with Braden is the real me. I haven’t been pretending to be someone I’m not.

“Yeah,” I finally say but it’s a whisper.

A second later the knob turns and the door is pushed open.

He stands there for a moment, his hands in his pockets, this concerned expression on his face. Although I wiped the tears away, I know he can see that I was crying.

“Macy. Baby.” He takes a step into the bathroom and I find myself taking one back.

I’m shaking my head, but I don’t know what I’m saying no to.

My feelings?

The situation?

The heartache that may come from all of this?

A deep, stuttering breath leaves me. I stare into his face, memorizing it. He’s got a days’ worth of scruff on his jaw, and his hair is slightly messy from being in bed with me. All I want to do is go up to him and wrap my arms around his body, rest my head on his chest.

“What you saw, the mugshot…” My tongue is thick, and I can’t force the words out. God, my mouth is so dry. He’s shaking his head slowly and steps farther inside, then takes another step until not even a foot separates us.

“I don’t care about any of that, Macy,” he says and I’m shocked, feeling my eyes widen. “I don’t care. I don’t care about what I saw, that they call you a criminal. I know who you are.” He lifts his hand and moves a piece of hair away from my face.

“But your reputation,” I whisper.

He’s shaking his head again. “I don’t care about any of that, baby.”

A few seconds pass before he says anything else, and I can see his throat working as he swallows, as if the act is hard. He lifts both hands and covers the side of my face, his touch comforting, masculine.

“Don’t you understand?”

I’m afraid to say anything. “I don’t want to be that stain on your life, Braden. I’m not like you, or the people you hang out with.” He’s moving his thumb along my cheek, right under my eye.

“And that’s what drew me to you,” he says and smiles softly. “I don’t want some runway model from Paris. I don’t want someone used to living a certain way and having everything handed to them on a silver platter. Those people don’t know what real living is, Macy.”

His words are so soft that I feel my heart skip another beat.

“I want someone who’s strong, who’s a survivor. I realize I’ve spent my entire life in this void. There was nothing before you came along, but I didn’t realize it until I fully let myself go with you.” He smiles again, and I want to rise up on my toes and kiss him. “That’s why I stayed away from, hell, everything. It’s why I stayed away from women for years. Years, Macy.”

A long moment of silence passes between us.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much it’s fucking insane.”

He leans in and kisses me then, but I’m frozen in place, so stunned by his words I can’t think straight, let alone move.

Braden doesn’t care about anything but me.

He pulls back and leans down a little, so we are now eye level. “I love you, Macy. Do you understand that?” He’s so serious and all I can do is nod. “And there’s nothing that will ever be able to change how I feel for you. There’s no one who will ever take you away from me.” He pulls me into an embrace then, his hand on the back of my head, my cheek pressed to his chest.

I know what I want to say, but I’m so consumed with emotions that all I can do is listen to the steady beat of his heart and feel the way he strokes the back of my hair. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and feel a smile spread across my face.

“I love you, Braden.”

His body tightens, and he pulls away from me, his hands on my upper arms, this stunned expression on his face.

“Say it again,” he says in this gruff voice, as if he can’t believe I’ve just said that.

I rise up on my toes and I’m the one to cup his cheeks now. I smile as I stare into his eyes.

“I love you. I love you so much that the very thought of you not in my life actually hurts my heart.”

Braden takes a shaky breath, his hold on me still firm. And then he’s grinning from ear to ear and pulling me back into the hardness of his chest, and just holding me.

“It’s you and me from now on, Macy. You. And. Me.”