Love, Comment, Subscribe by Cathy Yardley

CHAPTER 36

Lily walked into the party feeling nervous as she stepped back into Daisy Blackwell’s house. Not surprisingly, considering the hostess, the bash was Roaring Twenties themed . . . despite the fact that this was not a launch, just a simple birthday party. Of course, nothing Daisy did was simple . . . or without an eye toward business. She probably had everything comped from sponsors who wanted their products “seen” in various Instagram photos from the partygoers. Daisy knew the system, and she worked it.

The house was crowded. There were waiters in tuxes wandering around with champagne, and there was a DJ, also in a tux, playing what sounded like twenties-inspired EDM. Whatever else Lily could say about Daisy—and there was plenty—the woman was an absolute fiend about her brand. It’s why she had all those followers, across a multitude of platforms, and had such hefty brands slavering to work with her. She might be a bitch, but she was a bitch with hustle.

Lily put her present on the gift table, grinning to herself. She felt . . . tense. Happy. She wished Mikki was there. She was still thrown by Mikki’s insistence that he was going to give up his channel, at least for the time being. She’d nudged him but then left him alone when she realized how strongly he felt about it. He didn’t think he had what it took, which she knew wasn’t true.

No. It wasn’t that he didn’t have what it took. It was that he didn’t want to do what it took. She frowned. That was very different.

She felt her phone buzz against her hip bone. She loved the dress she was wearing, specifically because it had pockets that were deep enough to accommodate a phone. She was wearing a brass flower headdress and a fringe-trimmed dress in a delicate peachy gold. She saw that it was Maria, her manager. She pushed through the crowd, aiming for the balcony. People were smoking or vaping in small clusters, and she could smell a mixture of clove and weed. She suppressed a little cough and headed for the far corner. “Hello?”

“I know it’s a bit late, but I figured you’d want this news as soon as possible,” Maria said, sounding excited, then paused. “Where are you, anyway?”

“Daisy Blackwell’s birthday party,” she said. “Putting in face time—you know how it is.”

“I swear, you’re one of the most persistent and hardest-working influencers and BeautyTubers I know,” Maria said, and her appreciation made Lily practically wriggle with happiness, like a puppy. “Which makes this all the sweeter, really.”

“You’ve got news?” Lily prompted.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to torture you,” Maria said. “I heard back from GlamSlam. They want to do a special collection, with your name on it.”

Lily’s breath caught. “Really?”

“Everyone’s going with highly dramatic, you know? Heavy metallics, ‘fierce’ looks. You’ve got something else,” Maria said. “After how well your collabs with GoofyBui went, I was thinking maybe anime inspired. Even geek chic. I think you can come up with an eye shadow palette to start; then we’ll segue from there into a larger set of offerings: blushes, bronzers, foundation and contouring makeup, lipsticks. Maybe brushes and such down the line. Hell, cleansers and toners, if you want.”

Lily felt her heart beating with excitement. This was it. This was everything she wanted.

She couldn’t wait to tell Tobin.

She blinked for a second, realizing that he was the first person she wanted to tell.

“We just need to keep your numbers up,” Maria continued, “and we’ll see how initial sales go for the collection.”

Lily swallowed. “I hit six million,” she said. “After the last Tobin video.”

“I know. That’s how we got the deal through,” Maria said with just a hint of amused indulgence. “But that’s what they’re paying for.”

Lily’s happiness dipped a little. “How do they feel about the cross collab?”

“Keep it up, as far as they’re concerned,” Maria said. “Which is what I’d advise, by the way. You’ll only keep getting subscribers if you work with GoofyBui. Besides, I think he’s good for you.”

“What do you mean?”

Maria paused. “I think that he brings out a fun side of you, one that people haven’t really gotten to see on your channel,” Maria mused. “You’re more you, somehow. More . . . approachable? Or authentic? And, obviously, more original.”

Inexplicably, Lily felt her heart sink.

So her success . . . was all due to Tobin?

“Would they give a special collection to anyone who hit that mark?” Lily pressed.

“No, of course not,” Maria said, and Lily felt better—for all of a second. “I mean, there are psychopaths out there that have big numbers, absolute toxic drama magnets. Of course, there are other brands that go for that sort of thing, and GlamSlam has certainly backed some questionable influencers in the past, but I do think you’re offering them something special here. I wouldn’t just say that.”

Lily couldn’t help it. She didn’t feel convinced. She bit her lip.

“Hey, this is a time for celebrating! You’ve got a full night before you turn into a stress ball,” Maria joked. “And before you dive headfirst back into work.”

“No pressure,” Lily said. “And yeah, you know me well.”

“If you’re at Daisy’s birthday, then she’s probably got some fantastic champagne,” Maria said. “Go have some, maybe dance a little. I don’t suppose Tobin is there with you?”

“No!”Lily realized she’d yelled it when the people on the balcony who were in their own knots of conversation looked over at her curiously. “I mean . . . no. Why do you ask?”

“I might be shipping you two, myself,” Maria said, and Lily could hear the smile in her voice. “So . . . nothing there? It’s all faked for the camera?”

Lily felt her cheeks heat. “Um. No comment at this time.” At least not until they cleared up what their relationship was, and if they were public. She really needed to stop dragging her feet on that. She always went straight for what she wanted. Why was she stalling?

But what if it doesn’t work?

And there it was. Her biggest fear. That a relationship with Tobin was the one thing that wouldn’t work, no matter how hard she tried.

Maria burst into laughter. “Well, if you are in a relationship, or whatever, you absolutely should keep doing videos. You two together are magic.”

Lily swallowed. “I think so too,” she admitted.

“All right. I’ll call you next week with the details of the deal, all right? In the meantime—celebrate! Congratulations!”

Lily thanked her, then hung up. She wandered back in. She felt dazed at the news. She ought to feel happier.

Why didn’t she feel happier?

It’s a step, she told herself. A big deal. She knew that she always did this. She never celebrated her successes—she just shifted gears and looked for the next big thing. It was never good enough to hit a milestone. She needed to keep moving toward the horizon.

She suddenly wished, desperately, that Tobin was there. He would celebrate, she realized. Hell, he did a victory dance when he beat his friends at Among Us. He knew how to enjoy life, to live in the present. She loved that about him.

She wondered, absently, if she loved him. Period. Point blank.

The idea was kind of terrifying, but also exciting.

“Oh, Lily! It is Lily, right? I didn’t know you were going to be here!”

She turned to see Daisy smiling, that small calculating smile. She was waving to people as she wove through the crowd. They did the air-kiss thing, which Lily always felt self-conscious about, then Daisy’s eyes brightened like a predatory bird.

“I heard that you’ve been going viral. Can’t believe I gave you the idea to collab with darling Tobin!”

Daisy said it just loudly enough that people around them could hear—and Lily realized that was the point, that this was theater. She knew that Lily was doing well, and she wanted to both dig into it a bit and claim some credit.

“We should totally do something together,” Daisy tacked on. Just like Mikki thought she would.

“Certainly,” Lily said, pitching her voice a little louder too. “Maybe when I get to eight million? Because I remember you telling me that there’s no way you’d collab with anyone with a smaller following than that.”

Daisy’s face reddened slightly, as people murmured among themselves. “Well, of course I’d make an exception for you, sweetie,” Daisy said through her teeth. “Who knows? Maybe we can get a makeup brand interested in doing a little something with you. I mean, it’s a bit of a long shot—you do work with such muted tones—but hey, anything’s possible, right?”

Lily felt a bubble of pettiness expand in her throat. “As it happens, I’m already signing with someone to bring out a special collection,” she said, trying to sound apologetic while really gloating.

Daisy looked like she’d been goosed. “Oh? Do tell. I want to know everything.”

“Can’t until the contract’s signed—you know how it is,” Lily said. “But I’d love it if you could help spread the word when the collection drops. You’ve been so helpful!”

She nodded, ready to leave on a high note, and started to turn her back on Daisy. But to her surprise, Daisy stepped in front of her, smiling broadly and leaning closer to Lily’s ear. “You know, of course, that you’d be fucking nothing if you hadn’t gotten traffic from that stupid gamer,” she hissed, even though her face looked almost affectionate. “Once you stop working with him, your numbers will tank, and then good luck with those sponsorships and deals. You don’t have what it takes to succeed in this game.”

Lily felt like she’d been slapped. She studied Daisy’s face as Daisy patted her upper arms, like she’d just told her a secret. “I am so happy for you,” Daisy said for the people around them and then had the audacity to hug her. “Talk soon!”

Lily watched as she walked away. Mind games, she thought . . . but still felt her stomach clench. Now she didn’t want to call Tobin. She was too confused, and too upset. Too angry.

I will show you exactly how well I can succeed at this game.

She’d wait to talk to Tobin until the reunion tomorrow.