Shy Innocent In The Spotlight by Melanie Milburne

CHAPTER ELEVEN

MACKHEARDAfaint buzzing during the night and rolled over in bed to see Elspeth reaching for her phone. She checked the screen and gave a deep sigh and turned the phone off, placing it on the bedside table.

‘Who was it?’

She turned to him with a rueful expression. ‘My mother.’

He frowned, and propped himself up on one elbow. ‘Doesn’t she realise what time it is?’

She began to chew at her lower lip, her gaze drifting away from his. ‘I didn’t tell her I was in France. She thinks I’m in Scotland, doing a tour on my own.’ She flopped down on the pillows and released another sigh. ‘She texts or calls dozens of times a day or night. I’m so tired of it, I usually turn off my phone but I forgot when we went to bed.’

Mack trailed his fingers down the silky skin of her arm. ‘She loves you and is probably worried about you.’

‘I know but I can take care of myself. I’m not a little kid any more.’

‘If you keep ignoring her calls and messages, she’s going to worry even more. It’s what mothers do—they worry.’

Elspeth turned her head on the pillow to look at him. ‘What do you think I should do? Answer every one of them? I’d never get anything else done.’

Mack took her nearest hand and brought it up to his chest. ‘Call her first. Let her know how you’re doing. She’s pursuing you because she’s sensing you’re pulling away. If you reach out to her instead it might rebalance things a bit. It’s worth a try.’

‘I guess...’ She sounded doubtful.

Mack kissed each of her fingertips in turn, his gaze holding hers. ‘Learning to let go is hard for some parents, especially when they’ve had good reason to worry in the past.’

‘I know but I’m trying to live my own life now. She’s spent the last twenty-six years fussing over me like I’m going to drop dead in front of her. I need to know who I am without her. I need autonomy but she won’t let me go.’

Mack could only imagine the terror for a parent having a child with a life-threatening allergy. His mother had told him of her fear the day he inhaled a peanut that went down to his lung. He had only been a toddler and had only the slightest memory of it but she had never forgotten it and every time she had spoken of it, he had sensed the raw unmitigated fear she had experienced that day. But Elspeth’s mother had had many such harrowing days. Days when she would have been terrified that the anaphylaxis would take away her beloved child. ‘I really don’t know how parents cope with the stress of bringing up kids even without a life-threatening allergy. It seems like such a lot of hard work.’

Elspeth looked at him with her clear blue gaze. ‘Don’t you want to be a father one day?’

It wasn’t the first time he’d been asked the question but it was the first time he paused for a moment over his answer. He had always ruled out having a family, figuring he’d been responsible for two already. But now, he allowed the thought some space in his mind...picturing what it would be like to hold a baby, his own baby, in his arms. A baby conceived out of love.

And there was that tricky word again—love. The word he avoided, the concept, the emotion he shied away from because it had already done enough damage in his life. Loving had led to hurt, to loss, to bitter disappointment. To scars that never quite healed.

‘Mack?’ Elspeth’s soft voice broke through his moment of reflection.

He gave her hand a playful squeeze. ‘Not right now.’

‘But maybe one day?’

He shrugged. ‘Who knows? What about you? Is becoming a mother important to you?’

A shadow passed over her features and she focussed her gaze on their joined hands. ‘I’d be worried about a baby inheriting my allergy.’

‘There’s no guarantee it would, though.’

She gave a tight smile that was sad at the corners. ‘And no guarantee it wouldn’t. The genetic lottery being what it is.’

‘There are worse things to have than a peanut allergy, surely?’

Elspeth turned on her side to face him. ‘Twins?’

He stroked a finger down the cute slope of her nose. ‘Was it hard being a twin?’

‘No, not really. I adore my sister but while we might look exactly the same, we’re completely different in personality.’ She paused for a beat before adding, ‘I found it hard to keep up with her, especially with Mum being so overprotective of me all the time. In some ways, Elodie got shoved aside. I guess that’s why she always craved the spotlight because she certainly didn’t get much attention from Mum. But then, Elodie got to do heaps of stuff I never could. Going to school, parties, playdates, that sort of thing. I lost confidence, became shy and introverted. My world shrank while hers expanded.’

Mack gently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. ‘You have no reason to lack confidence. You’re an accomplished young woman in your own right. And beautiful and sexy too.’

She gave a rueful grimace. ‘I’m not sure I’m going to be so confident when I next have a lover.’

A sharp pain in his gut caught Mack off guard. But of course she would have another lover one day in the not too distant future. He might be her first but he wouldn’t be her last. Not unless he changed the rules... The rules he had never thought of changing before.

He forced a smile and leaned down to press a light kiss to her lips. ‘Go back to sleep. I have something special planned for the next few days.’

Her eyes lit up. ‘What?’

‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out.’

Elspeth snuggled closer, her legs tangling with his. ‘I’m not sure I’ll be able to get back to sleep now you’ve got me all excited.’

Right back at you, sweetheart.

Mack wrapped his arms around her and for the next half an hour or so sleep was the last thing on his mind.

Over the next few days, Elspeth enjoyed discovering more about the village of Lagrasse. They went on walking tours of the village, picnics by the river and explored the Corbières wine region—the largest wine-producing region of France.

On the last day before they were due to go back home, Mack took her on a tour of the Abbey Sainte-Marie, informing her of its history and other interesting details about its construction.

‘The construction of the abbey was given the go-ahead by Charlemagne in 783,’ he said, walking hand in hand with her. ‘The village developed later and is known for both the abbey and its bridges. The abbey was active from the eighth century until the French Revolution, when many monasteries were destroyed. After one hundred and fifty years of neglect, a restoration programme was established and what we see today is the result.’

‘It’s certainly magnificent,’ Elspeth said, looking around her in wonder and awe.

Mack’s arm went around her waist, drawing her close. ‘I hope I’m not boring you with the history lesson?’

She smiled up at him. ‘Me? Bored? You must be joking. I’m loving every minute.’ She was loving every minute of being with him. He could be talking gibberish and she would still be loving it. But that was the trouble...she was loving not just the sound of his voice, not just the protection of his arm around her waist, not just the way he looked at her, not just the way he made love to her, but him.

She loved him.

The realisation was like a lightning flash, momentarily blinding her. How could she be so foolish as to fall in love with a man who had no interest in falling in love with anyone, much less her? And how could it be possible to fall in love with a man she had only met a handful of days ago? Was it even possible? Or had she let the romantic setting get to her?

Elspeth took a step forward but almost stumbled and Mack’s arm quickly tightened around her waist. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked with a look of concern.

She forced a smile and touched a hand to her warm face. ‘I’m fine. But perhaps a little thirsty.’

‘Come on.’ He led her to the nearest exit. ‘Let’s get a drink and something to eat.’

A short time later they were seated in one of the cafés in the central square of the village. The square was surrounded by beautiful houses, their facades dating back centuries and adding to the old-world charm of the village. Elspeth sipped at a glass of mineral water and Mack had coffee while they waited for their food to arrive. She was conscious of his gaze resting on her, his expression still etched in lines of concern.

‘Feeling any better?’

Elspeth put her glass down and smiled. ‘I’m perfectly fine. I’ve enjoyed everything you’ve shown me. I wish we had another day or two to see more.’

There was a small silence.

‘We could extend our stay,’ Mack said, picking up his coffee cup and cradling it in his cupped palm. ‘I can take a bit more time off work. A day or two at least. How about you?’

Elspeth ran the tip of her tongue over her lips. ‘Are you sure you can spare the time? I guess I could ask for another day or two off work. But aren’t you worried about your brother? Have you heard how he’s doing?’

He put his cup down again. ‘He called me this morning when you were in the shower. Sabine’s father has decided to keep him on after all.’

Elspeth frowned. ‘Really? But how does Sabine feel about that? Won’t she feel her father is being disloyal to her?’

Mack shrugged one broad shoulder. ‘Sabine’s father is like a lot of hard-nosed businessmen—they don’t let emotions get in the way of a good business decision. He’s been impressed with Fraser’s work. That would be his deciding factor in keeping him on, not whether or not it upsets Sabine.’

Elspeth reached for the last of her mineral water. ‘I wonder if he’s hoping they’ll get back together again. But unfaithfulness is a tough thing to forgive.’

‘Yes. And trust hard to build up again.’

Their food arrived at that point and the conversation switched to other things. But Elspeth had only taken a couple of bites of her salad when she felt a tingling in her mouth, then, within a second or two, her tongue began to swell along with her throat. Panic gripped at her chest, her breathing becoming laboured, her heart rate escalating, a sweat breaking out on her body. She dropped her fork with a clatter and looked around for her bag. ‘Quick. I need my EpiPen.’

Mack was out of his chair so fast it fell over backwards with a noisy clatter. He rushed around to get her bag off the floor, quickly searching for the EpiPen and then handing it to her. ‘Can you do it or do you want me to do it for you?’ His voice was calm but she could see the worry in his gaze.

‘I can do it...’ She grabbed the EpiPen and jabbed herself in the thigh and within seconds her heart began to race and a wave of intense anxiety washed over her as the epinephrine raised her blood pressure and opened her airways. And then, she stopped thinking as the effect of the drug clouded her mind and rendered her body useless...

With one hand on her shoulder, Mack whipped out his phone and called for an ambulance. He could barely get his voice to work to give clear instructions to the emergency service personnel. His heart was hammering, a cold sweat breaking out over his body. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t let her die. She had to live. She had to survive. The panic built in his chest until he could scarcely inflate his lungs. He bent down and lowered her into the recovery position, gently soothing her, trying to keep the raging panic out of his voice. ‘They’re on their way. Stay with me, that’s a good girl. You’re doing fine.’

Please let her be doing fine, he prayed, to a God he hadn’t prayed to since he was a kid.

Within a short time an ambulance came wailing into the village square and Elspeth was loaded in, with Mack accompanying her. The plan was to take her to the emergency department of the hospital in the nearby town of Carcassonne. The paramedics monitored her, giving her oxygen and another shot of epinephrine when her vital signs deteriorated.

The wailing of the ambulance siren rang inside Mack’s head, ramping up his panic to an unbearable level. What if she didn’t make it? What if there wasn’t a doctor there who knew what to do? She looked so pale and sweaty, almost lifeless. His gut tied itself into hard knots—knots that twisted and turned until his stomach burned with pain. A pain that crept higher, higher, higher until it wrapped an iron band around his heart. How could he lose her? It couldn’t be possible. It must not be possible. He had never felt so powerfulness, so out of control, so bereft at the thought of her not making it. It reminded him of the day his father died, that terrible day he could never quite erase from his memory. The piercing screams of his mother, the ambulance siren wailing up the driveway—a pointless arrival for there was nothing anyone could do by that stage. Mack had watched them wheel his father out on a stretcher. He hadn’t even been able to say goodbye. The words had been locked in his throat, so he’d swallowed them, shoving them deep inside him, along with his feelings. He had learned that day his feelings were of no use in a crisis. He had to be strong and in control to get everyone else through the worst time of their lives.

This was another one of those times.

They finally got to the hospital and Mack had to step out of the way as they took her inside. He gave what information he could to the admission staff, relieved he spoke fluent French. Doubly relieved when the doctor came out and said Elspeth was going to be fine but they were going to admit her overnight for observation.

‘I want to stay with her,’ he insisted. The words echoed in his head for the next few minutes until he was allowed entry to her room.

I want to stay with her. I want to stay with her. I want to stay with her.

Elspeth came out of her drug-induced stupor to see Mack sitting by her bedside. His features were haggard and his hair looked as if his hands had been through it many times, for it was sticking up every which way. ‘The doctor said you insisted on staying overnight with me but you don’t have to.’

‘I’m not leaving you and that’s final.’ His tone was so strident, even if she’d had the energy to argue with him, she wouldn’t have bothered. But in her weakened state, she was secretly glad he was going to be with her. Having anaphylaxis at any time was terrifying but having it while in a foreign country even more so. She was just grateful Mack had acted so swiftly and not gone into a panic himself as her father used to do.

She lay back on the pillows and closed her eyes, exhausted from the drama and fear, her body still recovering from the dose of epinephrine. But also painfully embarrassed at how things had turned out. She should have double-checked the menu but her French wasn’t anywhere near as fluent as Mack’s. There must have been nut contamination in her salad or in the dressing.

‘Mack?’

His hand gave hers a gentle squeeze. ‘I’m here, m’eudail. Try to rest now.’

‘I’m sorry...’

‘It’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s it’s mine. I should’ve ordered for you. I didn’t think.’ His tone was ragged around the edges and full of self-recrimination.

Elspeth tried to open her eyes to look at him but overwhelming tiredness got the better of her. She gave a wobbly sigh and drifted off...