Shy Innocent In The Spotlight by Melanie Milburne

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

ELSPETHHADONLYbeen home a matter of hours when Elodie turned up. She breezed in with her usual whirlwind restless energy and plonked herself down on the squishy sofa, curling her slim legs beneath her. ‘It was all for nothing,’ she said without preamble. ‘The financial backers pulled out. I’m back where I started unless I can find someone else to fund my label. And that’s hardly likely now everyone knows I’m the one who caused Fraser MacDiarmid’s wedding to be cancelled.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ Elspeth said, curling up next to her. ‘But things kind of backfired for me too.’

Elodie made a poor you moue with her mouth. ‘So, your little fling with the Laird of Crannochbrae came to an end?’

Elspeth picked up one of the scatter cushions and began to toy with the ribbed hem. ‘I ended it, actually.’

‘Why?’

‘Because for the first part of our time together, he thought I was you. I wasn’t convinced he liked me for me.’

‘You mean he found out you were you and not me? What, did you tell him? You promised me you wouldn’t.’

‘He guessed before I told him.’

‘Did anyone else guess?’

‘No, only him.’

‘Smart guy.’

‘Yes, very. I think he suspected something right from the start even though I was doing my level best to be you.’

Elodie gave a tinkly bell laugh. ‘I would have loved to be a fly on the wall, especially when Fraser saw you.’

Elspeth gave a mock glower. ‘I’m not sure I’ve quite forgiven you for not telling me about him.’

‘Sorry about that but I just wanted to forget it ever happened.’

‘Having met him, I can understand that. But Mack is nothing like him. He’s so rock steady and hard-working and he’s sacrificed so much for his family.’

‘So why did you end it with him if you liked him so much?’

‘Because I wanted more.’

‘More as in what?’

‘More as in love.’

Elodie leaned forward, her expression incredulous. ‘Are you saying you’re in love with him?’

Elspeth tossed the cushion to one side. ‘I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but I think I fell in love with him more or less straight away.’

Elodie bounced off the sofa as if there were an ejector button beneath her. ‘For pity’s sake, Els, you can’t possibly fall in love that quickly. You’re a little star-struck by him, that’s all. You have so little experience with men, no wonder you fancy yourself in love with him. I was like that with Lincoln. He was so charming and suave it blew me away but look how that ended.’

‘I might not have as much experience as you do, but I know what I feel. He wanted me to move in with him. That would have meant me quitting my job and uprooting my life to live with him in Scotland. How would Mum cope with that?’

‘You have to stop worrying about Mum. It’s your life and you have to live it the way you want.’

‘I know and what I want is someone to love me. To be brave enough to at least be open to the possibility. Mack doesn’t want to settle down, and he’s ruled out the possibility of ever falling in love.’

‘It doesn’t mean he won’t fall in love,’ Elodie said. ‘The more those hardened playboys protest, the harder they fall.’ She plonked back down on the sofa. ‘I’m glad you’re back, though. I was dreading someone taking a picture of you with Mack and people thinking it was me.’

Elspeth frowned. ‘Why were you so worried about that?’

Elodie shrugged. ‘My reputation is already shot to pieces. I don’t need any more scandals attached to my name.’ She blew out a long breath and added, ‘But thanks for stepping in for me at the wedding. I’m sure you did a great job of being me.’

‘Too good a job, it seems.’ Elspeth sighed.

Mack filled his days with work, trying to distract himself from the emptiness he was feeling. He didn’t want to admit how much he missed Elspeth. He hadn’t realised how much he enjoyed her company until she was no longer in his life.

No longer in his life...

How those words tortured him in his darkest moments. It had been her choice to leave. He had offered her a relationship and she had chosen not to take it. That was her privilege—he didn’t want anyone to stay with him out of a sense of duty.

But why did he want her to stay with him? The sex was great, better than great. Amazing, the best he had ever had. The physical connection with her had shown him something about himself he hadn’t realised before. He’d had sex with his previous partners but he had made love with Elspeth. Her inexperience had been part of it, but he suspected there was more to it than that. She gave of herself so trustingly and he had worshipped her body, treating it with such reverence, which had made their lovemaking rise to a different level—a level of awareness, of sensual feeling that transcended the physical. He missed the physical connection, but he missed even more the companionship, the conversation and emotional connection he had with her.

Emotional?

Mack mulled over the word, allowing it a little more space in his brain than he normally would. He was so used to dismissing emotions, masking them, denying them, eradicating them, that it was strange to give his mind permission to examine how he actually felt. He had blunted his feelings for years. Bludgeoned and smothered them in order to survive the aftermath of his father’s death. He hadn’t had time to grieve, he’d had to spring into action and help everyone else with their process of grieving. His mother, his brother, his father’s mistress and his half-sister.

But what about him?

Elspeth had mentioned something about them both having a father wound. Mack had dismissed it at the time as psychobabble, yet another trendy term that had no relevance to him. But he realised now that his father’s death had left its mark—a deep scar on his heart that had practically shut it down for fear of more hurt. He had forgotten how to access his emotions. He could barely recognise the feelings other people took for granted. There were so many feelings he had buried and he had been too scared to dig down to find them.

Being back at Crannochbrae reminded him of himself. A fortress, secure against the elements, strong and capable of withstanding the harshest weather and yet the rooms inside were just rooms, tastefully decorated and functional but without heart. He was like the suit of armour in the foyer—cold, hard and empty.

Mack wandered into what used to be the music room, which, for years now, was a sitting room filled with sofas and whatnot tables and priceless artwork and so on but lacking the one thing that had once set it apart. It had been a long time since his fingers had touched a piano keyboard.

Too long.

Maybe it was time to do something about that.

Elspeth was on a lunch break from work in a local café when she looked up to see Sabine standing next to her table. She put her coffee cup down with a tiny clatter. ‘Sabine? How are you?’

Sabine gripped the top of the chair opposite Elspeth’s. ‘I wanted to see you.’

But who exactly did Sabine want to see? Her or Elodie? Had anyone told her of the switch? Had Mack?

‘Please, sit down. Can I get you a coffee or something?’

‘Maybe later.’ Sabine pulled out the chair and sat, her gaze fixed on Elspeth’s. ‘I can see the difference now but back at Crannochbrae it was impossible.’

‘Did Mack tell you who I really was?’

‘No, Elodie called me yesterday and apologised for everything.’

‘Oh, I’m so glad. I know she never intended for you to get hurt. And nor did I. I was aghast when I found out about—’

Sabine held up her hand like a stop sign. ‘Please don’t mention Fraser’s name. I’m still furious with my father for keeping him on in the business.’

‘That must be awful for you.’

She sighed and put her phone on the table, two of her fingers doing a slow little tap dance on the glittery cover. ‘I’m kind of used to it, to be honest.’ She stopped tapping her fingers and met Elspeth’s gaze. ‘Dad isn’t the sensitive type. I thought Fraser was nothing like him, but I was wrong. Dad’s had numerous affairs and my mother always turns a blind eye. I’m ashamed of how blind I was to Fraser’s faults, but I liked how he needed me. I made him feel good and that made me feel good. But true love is a two-way thing, right? One person can’t be doing all the emotional work. It has to be balanced.’

‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Elspeth said. ‘I’m so sorry for deceiving you. As soon as I met you I liked you. And when I met Fraser, I was worried you were going to be unhappy in the long run.’

Sabine gave a twisted smile. ‘I’ll be all right. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. But how about you? It can’t have been pleasant being slut-shamed by the press when you were completely innocent.’

‘Yes, well, Mack made sure I was out of the firing line for a few days.’

There was a little silence.

Sabine’s eyes began to twinkle. ‘So, how was that?’

Elspeth could feel her cheeks heating enough to froth the milk for a cappuccino. ‘It was...actually, I’d rather not talk about it. I’m sorry.’ Tears stung at the backs of her eyes and a thickness in her throat made it hard to breathe. She could barely think of those few days with Mack without breaking down. She missed him so much. Her body ached for him. Her life seemed so empty and lonely without him in it. Was he missing her? Or had he moved on already by now? Going back to his playboy lifestyle as easily as taking his next breath.

Sabine reached for her hand across the table and gave it a supportive squeeze. ‘I thought you two had a special connection. Are you going to see him again?’

Elspeth shook her head. ‘I don’t think it’s wise. We want different things out of life.’

Sabine leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful. ‘I don’t know... Mack seemed really drawn to you.’

Elspeth gave her a wry look. ‘That’s because I was pretending to be Elodie.’

Sabine frowned. ‘But he knew you had switched places. He was the only one who guessed. Elodie told me when she called me yesterday.’

‘Yes, but he’s only interested in a short-term fling. I want the fairy tale.’

Sabine sighed and picked up the cardboard menu that was propped up against the salt and pepper shakers on the table. ‘Don’t we all?’

Mack spent the next three weeks travelling as he saw to various business interests. The evenings he spent alone in his hotel room. He wasn’t in the mood for socialising, he had no interest in pursuing a hook-up. His gut churned at the thought of sleeping with anyone other than Elspeth. How had he been satisfied with such impersonal hook-ups all these years? It made him feel ashamed of himself, that he had settled for such shallow encounters when he could have enjoyed a deeper connection.

A connection he still missed.

He got back home to Crannochbrae to find the piano he had ordered had been delivered and tuned. He sat down at the shiny black instrument and stretched his fingers out in front of him. Years had passed since he had played. Too many years. Could he even do it now? He had memorised whole sonatas in the past, pages and pages of music filed away in his brain. Could he access those notes now or had the years wiped them away?

He took a deep breath and placed his fingers on the keys. He began playing Debussy’s ‘Clair de Lune’, the hauntingly beautiful cadences filling the music room, unlocking something in his chest. He continued to play, losing himself in the moment...or was he finding himself? The music spoke to him on a cellular level. It was part of who he used to be and yet he had not allowed it any room in his life for years. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed it until now, when he was playing again.

And that was not the only thing he missed.

His body throbbed with a persistent ache for the feel of Elspeth’s arms around him. He longed to see her clear blue eyes looking into his. He longed to feel her soft mouth crushed beneath his, her body welcoming him with such enthusiasm and sweet trust it made his heart contract even more than the music he was playing.

His heart...

His fingers paused on the keys, the press of his last notes giving an eerie echo in the music room. Since when had his heart been involved in his casual relationships? Never, not until Elspeth. She had opened him to the possibility of feeling something for someone other than lust. He realised with a jolt that the emptiness he was feeling was because he loved her. He was unfamiliar with the emotion in this context. Of course, he had loved his parents and still loved his brother, and Clara and Daisy also had a special place in his affections and always would.

But no one had captured his heart like sweet, shy Elspeth. She had unlocked his frozen heart, making him need her far more than physically. He needed her emotionally. He needed to be with her, to share his life with her, all the ups and downs and trials and triumphs that, up until this point, he had been experiencing alone. Without her, he was an empty music room without a piano. A suit of armour without a body.

But he was no longer willing to be a cold, hard, empty suit of armour. He was a living breathing man with a beating heart—a heart that beat for a young woman who was perfect for him in every way. He couldn’t let another day pass without seeing her. Without telling her how he felt, how he had felt from almost the moment he’d met her. He had sensed she was his other half. The one person who could encourage him to be the person he was meant to be.

Elspeth was walking home from work with her head bowed down against the driving wind and rain. She had forgotten to bring an umbrella and the cold needles of rain were pricking her face like tiny darts of ice.

A tall figure appeared in front of her and she looked up to see Mack carrying a large umbrella. Shock swept through her. She had never expected to see him again. She blinked a couple of times to make sure she hadn’t conjured him up out of desperation. But no, it really was him. Her heart leapt, her pulse raced, her hopes sprouted baby wings. ‘Mack?’ She couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice, couldn’t stop the hammering of her heart, the ballooning of her hopes.

He placed the umbrella over her head. ‘May I escort you home?’ His deep mellifluous voice with its gorgeous Scottish accent almost made her swoon on the spot. How she had missed him! But why was he here in London? She knew he occasionally came down for business, but her place of work was a long way from the business district he worked in. Had he made a special trip to see her? But why?

‘Oh, thanks. I didn’t realise it was going to rain.’ Elspeth fell into step beside him, her heart beating harder than the rain pattering down on the skin of the umbrella above them. ‘What brings you to London? Business?’

He stopped walking and held her in place under the shelter of the umbrella with a gentle hand on her arm. ‘I came to see you.’

Elspeth looked up into his grey-blue eyes and those baby wings of hope in her chest began to flutter. ‘Why?’

Mack gave a crooked smile. ‘Because I can’t live another day without seeing your beautiful face. I’ve missed you, m’eudail.Ever since we parted in France, I’ve been moping around like a wounded bear. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realise I love you.’

Elspeth gaped at him in shock. ‘Did you say love?’ She was dreaming...surely she was dreaming. The rain must have soaked through to her brain and turned it to mush.

He brought her closer, somehow juggling the umbrella above their heads while the rain cascaded down around them, hitting the footpath in loud plops and splatters. ‘I love you with every fibre of my being. You are the one person, the only person who has opened my heart to love. You were right, I was too afraid to harbour the possibility of loving someone. I was too afraid of being vulnerable, of one day losing that love. But loving someone always comes with a risk. But I’m prepared to take that risk now, but only with you.’

‘Oh, Mack, I can’t believe you’re here and saying the words I longed so much to hear,’ she said, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him so tightly he grunted. She looked up at him under the shadow of the umbrella. ‘I love you too. So much it hurts to be away from you. I’ve missed you every second we’ve been apart.’

Mack stroked her face with his free hand. ‘I never want to be parted from you again. I know it’s a big ask for you to move to Crannochbrae with me. We can commute back and forth so you can keep working in London. I’ll buy us a house here. I’ll do whatever you want but please say you’ll be my wife.’

‘Your wife?’ Her eyes went out on stalks. ‘You’re asking me to marry you?’

He smiled so widely it transformed his features. ‘Forgive me for not going down on bended knee, but right now there’s a river of water running over my feet.’

She glanced down and realised they were standing in a puddle, but she had barely noticed. ‘Wow, so there is.’

‘How far away is your flat?’

‘Just a couple more streets.’

‘Good, let’s go there so I can do this properly.’

They ran along the footpath, their footsteps splashing as they went. Finally, they came to Elspeth’s front door and she quickly unlocked it and they went inside. Mack placed the soaking umbrella in the umbrella stand and smiled. ‘Now, where was I?’

‘You were about to propose to me on bended knee.’

‘Oh, yes, that’s right.’ He took her hand and then went down on one knee in front of her, his eyes holding hers. He took a familiar-looking velvet box out of his jacket pocket and, deftly flipping it open with one finger, handed her the diamond and sapphire pendant and earrings, but this time, there was a gorgeous engagement ring as well. ‘My darling Elspeth, would you do me the very great honour of becoming my wife?’

Elspeth stared at the ring for a long moment, her heart pitter-pattering like the drumming rain outside. ‘Oh, Mack...’ She dragged him up so he was standing in front of her. ‘Of course I will. I love you and want to be with you for ever.’

‘Thank goodness for that.’ He took the ring out of the box and then, setting the box to one side, slipped the ring on her left hand. She wasn’t a bit surprised to find it a perfect fit. ‘There. I should have given that to you the first time. I had to fly back to France to get it.’

Elspeth grinned at him. ‘Couldn’t you have got it posted?’

His eyes were twinkling as bright as the diamond on her hand. ‘I wanted to tell the lady who sold me the ensemble she was right. She must have sensed my love for you even before I realised it myself.’ He lowered his mouth to hers in a long and loving kiss that sent her senses spinning. She hadn’t thought it possible to feel so happy, so overjoyed, so blessed. He finally broke the kiss after some breathless minutes and gazed down at her with adoration shining in his gaze.

‘You are everything I could ever want in a life partner. I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have found you. And I’m ashamed that I almost lost you out of my stubbornness to admit how much I loved you. I didn’t even recognise my own feelings. How stupid is that? When you had that episode of anaphylaxis, I was so terrified of losing you, but I didn’t recognise that as love. I insulted you by offering you an extended fling. And you were right to call me out on it. I’ve wasted so much time not opening up to how I really felt. Time we could have spent planning our wedding.’

Elspeth linked her arms around his neck, gazing up at him in rapture. ‘I can’t wait to marry you. I didn’t realise how much I wanted the fairy tale until I met you. I’ve spent most of my life hiding away, missing out on the things other people take for granted. But meeting you changed all that and I found I couldn’t go back to being happy with my old life. I’d outgrown it. You have made me outgrow it.’

He hugged her close, his expression full of love. ‘I’m so glad we found each other. I can’t imagine how lonely my life would be without you. You’ve taught me so much. I’m even playing the piano again.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really. And it was like finding a part of myself I’d lost a long time ago. You gave it back to me, my darling. You taught me how to be whole again.’

Elspeth stroked the lean length of his jaw. ‘You taught me things too. I took on board what you said about handling my mother. I now check in with her first thing each day and last thing at night and guess what? She’s improved out of sight, and, not only that, she’s started seeing someone. She hasn’t had a partner since the divorce because she’s always been so preoccupied with taking care of me.’

He smiled. ‘I’m glad for her and for you. I’m looking forward to meeting her. Do you think she’ll approve of your choice of husband?’

‘I’m sure she will,’ Elspeth said. ‘And Elodie will too. I just hope she finds the same happiness one day.’

‘That’s one of the things I adore about you,’ Mack said. ‘You’re always thinking about others. The way you worried about Sabine at the wedding, for instance. I was so touched by that.’

‘I ran into her a few weeks back,’ Elspeth said. ‘She turned up at my regular lunch spot close to the library. She was lovely about everything. She seems to be coping quite well without Fraser in her life. How is he doing, by the way?’

‘Surprisingly well,’ Mack said. ‘He’s enjoying his career and seems determined to turn his life around. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive him for everything that happened between him and Elodie. I know he can be a bit of a jerk but, this time, I think he’s genuinely trying to work on himself. Losing Sabine has made him grow up at long last.’

‘Do you think he really loved her?’

Mack shrugged. ‘Who knows? But it’s too late. Sabine has moved on.’

Elspeth raised her eyebrows. ‘Really? You mean she’s found someone else? She didn’t say anything when we met but, then again, that was weeks ago. I haven’t been in touch since.’

‘She’s dating an old school friend, apparently he was her first boyfriend. It looks serious.’

Elspeth smiled. ‘They do say you never forget your first love.’

Mack gathered her close and brought his mouth down to just above hers. ‘Especially when they are as unforgettable and adorable as you.’ He brushed her lips with a soft kiss and added, ‘I think this occasion calls for a bit more Robert Burns, don’t you?’

‘What did you have in mind?’

His smile was warm and full of devotion as he quoted, ‘“But to see her was to love her. Love but her, and love for ever”.’ And then his mouth captured hers in a kiss that swept her away on a cloud of happiness.