It’s Only Temporary by Iona Rose

Bianca

Ihad done the right thing in sending Connor away. So why did I feel so horrible. I should have done it myself though, not sent Eva to do my dirty deed for me. Maybe even let him know that I knew and hear what he had to say about it.

“Your concentration is shit!” Eva said and then quickly added. “Understandably so.”

“I can’t help wishing I’d spoken to him myself,” I said feeling teary. “Get some kind of closure.”

“Let’s go out for lunch. You need to get out of this apartment and your own head,” Eva said.

It did feel as if the air in my apartment was stifled. “Yeah, let’s go. Give me a few minutes to change into some decent clothes.”

God, I missed him. I felt twenty years older as I changed into decent pants and a blouse. As if all my energy had been sucked out of me. Was it possible to be with a man every day for months and not know that side of him?

Snippets of our conversations came to me.

If I was tired of a woman, I’d simply tell her. I’m not a cheater.

He had said that with so much conviction that I’d believed him. What about the year I had known him? Those evenings when he, Mathew and Tony came to the cocktail bar? He had never come with a date or hit on other women even though his girlfriend was never there.

But what other explanation could there be for a man having a woman in his room at half past six in the morning?

Eva and I left the apartment shortly after and walked down the block to the salad bar that was part bakery. Delicious smells wafted up my nose and my belly growled as we entered. It was nice to lose myself in picking the biggest sandwich I could find.

“This is nice,” I said to Eva as we sat down. I stared at her sandwich and whistled. “And I thought mine was gigantic.”

She looked at me sheepishly then patted her rounded belly. “It’s the baby who is hungry.”

“How is she doing in there?” I said.

“She’s good,” Eva said and then told me about her last visit with her doctor.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor enter the sandwich bar. I whipped around and half stood. “Conno—” I sat back down. It wasn’t Connor. Feeling Eva’s stare I turned to her. “I thought it was Connor.”

Eva looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “He doesn’t even look like Connor.”

I swallowed hard. “He has the same color hair.”

Eva shook her head. “Let’s eat before you see another Connor. I have a feeling this will happen again and again.”

We ate but I did keep checking the door, which was stupid because Connor didn’t frequent this salad bar. It was a relief to finish eating and leave. Outside, couples holding hands were everywhere and it wasn’t even a weekend.

When we left for lunch, I’d desperately needed to leave my apartment and now, I desperately needed to be home. As we strolled down the street and then turned a corner, a food truck was reversing near my apartment block.

“What the heck is that?” Eva said.

“What?” I asked. She was still staring at the truck. I trained my eyes on it and saw large wordings on the back of it. Then a man got out of the passenger side. He looked like Connor but I was too embarrassed to say it aloud.

“That’s Connor, isn’t it?” Eva said.

It was. All air left my lungs. Seeing him brought fresh tears into my eyes. I’d missed him so much. How could my heart be so disloyal? He had cheated on me and what I felt like doing was to run into his arms.

He hadn’t seen us and seemed to be directing the truck driver. Then he saw us and stopped. We got closer and closer and that’s when I saw the words written at the back of the truck.

I love you, Bianca. Only you.

My heart stopped. We got closer and I locked gazes with him. He looked stressed, as if he hadn’t slept in days.

“Explain the woman in the hotel room,” Eva said.

“Shut up Eva,” I said and then turned to Connor. “Explain the woman in the hotel room.”

“I will but you have to promise to listen from the beginning to the end without interrupting.”

“Fine,” I said, pegging my hopes that I’d been wrong.

He started speaking, first in halting tales and then a surer voice when he saw that I was keeping my promise of not interrupting. It was an incredulous tale and it rang true from the sheer craziness of it.

“I’m a fool and an idiot and a whole lot of other things but one thing I’m not Bianca is a cheater. I would never cheat on you and if you take me back, I swear I’ll never lie to you again,” Connor said, his voice sounding broken.

“Dude, that’s not the smartest promise to make,” the food truck driver said, leaning on the truck.

We ignored him.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” My voice was shaky exposing the emotions I was feeling.

“By trusting me Bianca,” he said.

A memory came to me. “After sneaking off to meet Angie, you’d said you’d never lie to me.”

He lowered his head and then raised it. “I’m a work in progress but whatever mistakes I make, I will never cheat on you. Ever. That is a vow. I love you so much Bianca. You’ve taught me what it means to love someone and to trust them. You’ve taught me what it means to be happy.”

“I think he’s being honest,” Eva said softly.

I nodded and locked my gaze with his. “I believe you and I love you Connor Kennedy.”

“I’m going home. I have a feeling I wouldn’t be needed at work today,” Eva said and left.

Connor opened his arms and I flew into them. He held me tightly.

“I love you so much,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I thought I’d lost the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.”

“I’m not going anywhere from now on Connor,” I said.

He took my hand and we entered my apartment building. In the elevator, he took me into his arms again and kissed me deeply. I clung to him and threaded my fingers through his hair.

My world, which had tilted suddenly felt right. The hole in my heart filled up. We ran from the elevator to my apartment like little kids. I led Connor to my bedroom and shut the door and the world out. And this time, when we kissed, we were in no hurry. We had all the time in the world to show each other how much we loved and trusted each other.