Hapi by Cari Waites

For all thatJayden had told himself it was pointless to panic, cold dread filled his gut and clawed its way up his throat as Hapi drew him into the front room of the house where his father and brothers were waiting. A sheet of thick blue plastic was spread out on the black painted floor, and Jayden’s legs gave way under him. Only Hapi’s bruising grip on his upper arms kept him from stumbling to his knees.

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Please. Please, Hapi, no.”

“Quiet,” Hapi growled in his ear, shaking him as he propelled him further into the room.

Jayden whimpered.

Horus and the brothers were waiting. Horus was smiling and so was Imsety. Imsety’s smile tugged up the scar tissue at the corner of his mouth and showed his canine tooth in a snarl. Duamutef stared at Jayden with a hungry gaze. The taller brother—the one with the long name and the claim on Jayden’s intestines—looked as stony-faced and unreadable as Hapi always did.

“Hapi,” Jayden tried to say—a plea or a prayer, he wasn’t sure—but he didn’t have enough breath in his lungs to give the word any noise. His mouth made a silent shape instead as Hapi guided him into the middle of the floor. The plastic crinkled under his bare feet.

Hapi let go of his arms, and Jayden felt a fresh wave of panic—I’m alone!—but Hapi was still standing close behind him. When Jayden twisted his neck to look, Hapi was standing with his arms folded over his chest, his dark gaze fixed on Jayden. Jayden made the shape of his name with his mouth again, and Hapi pressed his lips into a thin line.

Jayden looked at Horus and the brothers again. They looked so normal. They didn’t have robes or staffs like the figures painted on the walls. Horus was dressed in faded jeans and a button-up chambray shirt that was neatly tucked in. He wore a belt, and his elastic-sided boots were polished to a shine. He looked like a country guy ready for a trip into town. The brothers were in jeans, T-shirts, and bare feet.

Jayden had expected something more than this. He’d expected the trappings of a ritual, not just blue plastic on the floor.

“Take your clothes off,” Hapi said.

Jayden’s fingers were trembling and numb. It took him a few attempts to grip the bottom hem of his borrowed shirt. The day was warm, but his flesh prickled with cold as he drew the T-shirt over his head. His skin felt tight. He could feel the blood pumping through him. He’d never been more aware of his own body, its dimensions and its weight, how his brain interpreted a thousand different signals in the space of a heartbeat to know the position of his body in the space it occupied. How everything Jayden knew was because of the information his body relayed to his brain: sight, sound, touch, and all his senses providing continuous feedback that created his picture of the world. And that part of him that received the signals—that organic computer part, his consciousness, or maybe his soul—what happened to that part of him when the death of his body made it suddenly blind and deaf?

He didn’t want to go to some Field of Reeds any more than he wanted to go to a palace in the clouds, and he didn’t believe in either of them.

Jayden kept his eyes fixed on the blue plastic as he pushed the track pants down and stepped out of them. He wanted to turn into the shelter of Hapi’s embrace, but he knew that if he tried Hapi would rebuff him. Hapi had promised him it wouldn’t hurt. He hadn’t promised comfort. When Hapi’s hand fell on his shoulder, for a moment Jayden was foolish enough to believe Hapi was offering it anyway, but then Hapi applied pressure, urging him down onto his knees.

Jayden went, his blood turning to ice. The plastic crinkled under his knees.

Hapi released him.

And then Horus began to speak in a language Jayden didn’t understand, and the weight of his unknown words hung heavily in the air and pressed down on Jayden’s shoulders, on his spine, on the back of his neck. He wanted to turn around and hide behind Hapi’s legs like a frightened dog, but the force of Horus’s words held him in place, trembling.

He stared at the plastic as his vision blurred with tears.

The creak of the floorboards told him the brothers were encircling him, but he was too terrified to look up and see.

“Lie down,” Hapi said, his voice low, but Jayden couldn’t move. Hapi gripped him by the shoulder and pulled him roughly backward. Jayden landed awkwardly on his arse, and Hapi wrenched his shoulder again, this time leaving him sprawled on his back on the plastic.

Hapi knelt down beside him, pinning him with a stare.

Jayden’s fingers twitched against the plastic as he fought the urge to reach out for Hapi. He was afraid it would break what scant self-control he had if Hapi pushed him away again. It was better to pretend he didn’t need it. Pretending. Hadn’t that been the way he’d lived his whole life?

The brothers knelt, and Jayden flinched away from them and toward Hapi. He tried to draw his legs up, but Imsety grabbed one of his ankles and the tall brother with the long name caught the other one.

Duamutef, kneeling on Jayden’s left side, grinned and reached out and touched the bite mark on Jayden’s stomach. Then he jabbed it with his index finger, and Jayden gasped and convulsed, instinctively trying to sit up to protect his stomach.

Hapi dragged him down again by his shoulder.

There were painted figures and chevrons on the ceiling, too; Jayden hadn’t noticed them before. Rows and rows of people in robes, drawn that weird sideways way like they were dolls with articulated bodies. Side facing legs with front facing torsos, heads always in profile. In one picture, a figure with the pointed head of a dog held a man’s hand as they approached a set of scales. A curling feather sat on one plate. A red heart sat on the other. Jayden wondered which god the dog was and if someone was supposed to be holding his hand right now.

His fingers dragged against the plastic.

Horus moved into Jayden’s field of vision, standing between Imsety and the tall brother as they held Jayden’s legs still. Jayden saw the knife in his hands and panic flooded him. He kicked and thrashed, and even managed to dislodge the tall brother for a moment before the guy caught his foot and slammed it back onto the floor.

Hapi pressed down hard on Jayden’s right shoulder and put a knee on his arm.

Duamutef grinned, rubbing his thumb around the bruised bite mark.

“Hapi,” Jayden whispered frantically, rolling his head back and forth. “Hapi, please.”

“Shh,” Hapi said. His mouth twitched and his brows tugged together briefly. “It won’t hurt.”

Jayden sobbed.

Hapi put a hand on Jayden’s chest, above his lungs, and spread his fingers wide. Jayden held his gaze, desperate to believe him because he needed to so much and terrified that he couldn’t.

“Look at me,” Hapi said softly. “Just me.”

Jayden jerked his chin in a nod and held Hapi’s gaze as his familiar touch settled the sharpest parts of his rising panic. Hapi’s thumb rubbed against his collarbone, and then he shifted his hand higher and placed it gently against Jayden’s throat.

The universe contracted in a heartbeat, and Jayden relaxed into the familiarity of this and into the eager anticipation of the strange euphoria it would bring him once Hapi tightened his grip. He lifted his chin to give Hapi better access, mouth falling open. Hapi was with him, and he would make sure Jayden didn’t hurt.

“You will be free soon, Jayden,” Hapi murmured. “You will be in Aaru.”

“But even if that’s true,” Jayden whispered, his throat vibrating under Hapi’s palm. “You won’t be there. I’ll never see you again.” His voice rasped. “And you won’t see me either, will you?”

Something almost like disquiet flashed in Hapi’s gaze and his fingers twitched against Jayden’s neck.

The universe had already contracted to the two of them and now it froze. Jayden waited for Hapi’s grip to tighten, but it stayed featherlight. Jayden held his gaze and didn’t dare blink his stinging eyes. He didn’t want to miss a moment with Hapi.

Hapi’s thumb brushed his pulse point tenderly.

The seconds Jayden was living in stretched into eons as his panicked heartbeat slowed and warmth filled the cold spaces inside him.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Duamutef growled, and there was a blur of movement above Jayden as Duamutef suddenly shoved Hapi backward. “What the fuck are you waiting for?”

Hapi grunted as he hit the floor.

Jayden tried to roll toward him, but now Duamutef’s fingers, sharp and wrong, were digging into his throat around his trachea. Jayden choked and jerked as pain tore through him. He pushed uselessly at Duamutef and kicked out. This time it was Imsety he dislodged, and he caught a glimpse of his scarred face, mouth open in shock, as he fell back.

“No!” Hapi roared. “His lungs are mine! His breath is mine!”

That breath was pushed out of Jayden, hard, as Hapi launched himself at Duamutef and landed in a sprawl across Jayden’s chest. Duamutef’s fingers dug in like claws around his trachea for a moment, and then they were gone. Jayden choked and spluttered, managing to get a hand to his neck. He was half afraid he would find nothing but a gaping, bloody hole where his throat used to be, his trachea wrenched out of his flesh because it hurt so much, but he couldn’t feel a wound.

He scrambled out from underneath Hapi and Duamutef, lying on his side and struggling for breath.

The tall brother stood up and stepped back, watching as Hapi and Duamutef traded blows on the floor. Imsety scrambled over to Jayden and put a hand on his leg. His gaze darted between Jayden and his fighting brothers.

Horus, still clutching the knife, stared down at his sons. “Hapi! Duamutef!”

Jayden wasn’t sure which one of the brothers it was that knocked into Horus’ legs, but Horus stumbled backward. The tall brother caught him and prevented him from falling, and the knife clattered to the floor.

Hapi and Duamutef rolled and wrestled, limbs flying as they pushed and punched at each other. Jayden couldn’t even tell which one of them had the upper hand. The plastic crunched and tore underneath them. And then Duamutef roared and reared back, staring down in naked disbelief at the knife sticking out of his gut.

Hapi climbed to his feet. “He’s mine,” he said again, his words a snarl. He leaned down and pulled the knife free, dragging a strangled gasp out of Duamutef’s twisted mouth as he did. He turned around to face his father. Blood dripped from the end of the knife and made a ticking sound as it hit the plastic. “His breath is mine.”

Duamutef moaned and writhed, gripping his stomach, but nobody moved to help him.

“Jayden,” Hapi said, his voice strained with exertion. “Get up and get dressed.”

Imsety lifted his hand from Jayden’s leg, and Jayden scurried to obey. He was shaking and could hardly get his hands and knees underneath him to close the distance to his bundle of discarded clothes. He didn’t know whether to laugh or sob. He had no idea what the fuck was happening.

“Hapi,” Horus said and spread his hands. “The ritual must be completed. You know this.”

Hapi ignored him. “Get dressed,” he said to Jayden.

Jayden climbed to his feet, certain his legs would give out on him at any second. He pulled on the track pants with shaking hands and then the T-shirt. He hurried to Hapi’s side.

Hapi stared down at Duamutef, his lip curling as he watched his brother writhe in pain. Then, he put an arm around Jayden, tossed the bloody knife to the floor at his father’s feet, and guided a shivering Jayden out of the room.

* * *

Night was fallingwhen Hapi helped Jayden into the tinny at the river’s edge. The rain was falling, too, as heavily and steadily as it had for what felt like forever. Jayden’s bare feet slipped and splashed in the water sloshing in the bottom of the tinny, and he stumbled awkwardly as he sat.

Hapi started the motor and the muddy water parted in front of them.

Jayden looked back at the riverbank. He caught a glimpse of the house between the trees and the dark shapes standing in the open doorway, watching them leave. Then the house vanished behind a stand of palms on the riverbank.

Jayden wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. He peered at the opposite bank of the river but couldn’t make out anything in the rain and the darkness. There were no landmarks that he could see. There were no lights.

Hapi knew his way in the darkness. In only a few minutes they were bumping up against a cement boat ramp that extended on a slope down into the water. Jayden clambered out of the tinny, the dirty river water soaking him up to his shins. Hapi climbed out, too, and they dragged the tinny a little way out of the water.

There was no trailer to put it on, and Hapi didn’t bother tying it up.

He strode up the slope of the boat ramp, and Jayden followed him. The rain had made the cement slick, and he picked his way carefully.

Hapi hadn’t said a word since they’d left the house, and Jayden had followed his lead, even though he was desperate to ask what had happened, and what the hell they were doing now. Instead, he bit his lip as they emerged into the gravel car park at the top of the boat ramp.

He heard the jingle of keys, and orange lights flashed in the darkness as Hapi unlocked the black ute parked a little way away.

“Hurry up,” he said, when Jayden hesitated.

Jayden picked up his pace.

Hapi had the passenger door open when Jayden reached the ute, and he was digging around for something under the seat. He pulled out what looked like a plastic tackle box. He set it on the seat and flipped it open.

Jayden gaped at the stacks of yellow fifty dollar notes bundled together in the box. “Holy shit. How much is that?”

Hapi shrugged. “Twenty-five grand? Thirty?”

“Fuck. You’re Mr. Big Time Drug Grower. I forgot.” He snorted. “Wait. You just leave your money in your car, on the other side of the river from your house?”

Hapi raised his eyebrows. “Who the fuck would steal from me and my family?”

“Yeah,” Jayden said, rubbing his bruised throat. “Good point.”

Hapi snapped the tackle box shut and shoved it back under the seat. “Get in the fucking car.”

Jayden slid into the passenger seat and exhaled slowly. He watched Hapi walk around the front, and a moment later, he got in the driver’s seat. He put the key in the ignition, turned it, and the engine roared to life.

Gravel sprayed as Hapi pulled out onto the road.

Jayden shivered in the sudden blast of air conditioning and reached out to turn the temperature to warm. He caught a glimpse of the sign at the entry of the River Bend Caravan Park and Tourist Resort as the ute swept past it.

“Do you think you killed Duamutef?” he asked at last.

Hapi threw him a sidelong glance. “We’re gods. It takes more than that to kill a god.”

“Right,” Jayden said. He kind of hoped Duamutef had bled to death on that length of blue plastic and that he was there to see the look on the others’ faces when it happened. Because a crack like that in their shared delusion would be hard to paper over, and Jayden would have loved to see them try. “So you’re a god, and I’m still dead, and we’re both still in this purgatory place—”

“Duat,” Hapi said.

“Yeah, that. We’re both still here, so what happens next?”

“We stay,” Hapi said with a shrug. “One day you will want to go to Aaru, and I will bring you back here so that you can be judged. Until then, your breath is mine. You breathe for me.”

A thread of warmth fluttered in Jayden’s stomach. “And what if I never want to go to Aaru?” he asked.

Hapi reached out and put a hand on his thigh. “Then we stay here,” he said. “Forever.”

Forever.

Jayden let the word settle over him like comfort.

Nobody had offered him anything like forever before.