Thoth by Alessa Thorn

21

The following morning, Thoth drank his fourth coffee and watched as Kema fed Anubis one small piece of chicken at a time.

“Do you think he believes he’s really a dog?” she asked.

“He doesn’t know what he is, but the dog instincts seem to be the strongest,” Thoth replied. He rubbed at the ache in his ribs where Anubis’s claws had ripped him open the night before.

Set had managed to get through to Anubis telepathically, but only long enough for him to convince him they were trying to help him. The moment of clarity had slipped, and the conscious part of Anubis had hidden itself once more.

“There is no doubt in my mind that he’s under a curse. We only need to figure out how to get him back into his human form, and then he might be able to articulate what happened,” Thoth said.

“So we will have a mad man to contend with and not a mad dog,” Kema replied, scratching Anubis’s ears.

“A mad man can talk at least. He might have shifted into a dog to survive whatever happened to him.”

Thoth couldn’t imagine how the proud god of the dead was going to react when he learned about getting cuddles and pats from every pretty woman he encountered. Kema had been fussing over him ever since they brought him home. Anubis had curled up on a lounge chair and had slept like he hadn’t in the past hundred years. Maybe he hadn’t.

Just the thought of Anubis scared and alone, trapped as an animal for thousands of years, made Thoth’s heart hurt.

As if sensing his sadness, Kema walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She was the most affectionate woman Thoth had ever courted, and like all people who had been denied tenderness, he couldn’t get enough of it. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

“Tell me how I can help?” she said against his chest.

“We need to go through the books I’ve gathered in the library and try things out to see if we can get Anubis to shift back,” Thoth replied.

“Do you think Set could get through to him again?”

“I honestly don’t know. He will be back tonight to try again. He caught Anubis’s claws a lot more than I did last night. He refused to fight back in case he hurt him.” Thoth had never seen Set willingly take a beating like that before. He and Anubis had complicated history, but Set loved him. Everyone had always loved Anubis, except his parents.

Kema touched his face, bringing Thoth out of centuries of memories. She rose up on tiptoes and kissed him slowly, her tongue lightly brushing against his.

“What did I do to deserve that?” Thoth asked.

“Nothing at all. You just looked like you needed it,” Kema replied, her dark eyes filled with sly joy.

Thoth’s chest hurt, a ball of emotion building inside of it that he wasn’t sure how to handle or what to do with.

“Thank you, I did. Now, let’s see if we can lure Anubis into the library.”

In the end, it only took Kema’s gently coaxing and a bowl of almond cookies. Anubis was curled up on a reading lounge with Kema, watching them both with dark eyes. Occasionally, they would flash with the silver light of his magic, but it was always gone so quickly, Thoth had no chance to figure out what it meant.

Kema was writing notes in a journal with one hand while scanning pages in a book with the other. Thoth sat at his desk, doing the same.

There was an easiness in studying together that he didn’t expect. He usually hated trying to concentrate or work on something with other people around. The rightness of her presence should have stopped surprising Thoth by then, but it still did. Like the affection, it crept up on him and made him realize just how lonely he had been before he had found her again.

You need to sort out these feelings soon, he told himself for the hundredth time. His biggest worry was if he spilled his heart to her, Kema might run. Or worse yet, go to Greece.

“Do you remember Hermes’s memory of when he met Anubis?” Kema asked.

“Yes, what about it?”

Kema scratched at her head with the top of her pen. “There’s something bugging me about it. I can’t stop fixating on it, and usually, when my mind does something like that, it’s for a reason. Run me through it again?”

Thoth put down his pencil and shut his eyes, trying to remember all the details of Hermes broken memories.

“There was a celebration going on at the temple. Hermes was sitting on the edge of the fountain, in a melancholy mood, and complaining about being too old for the party. He gave Anubis some beer and said maybe he had the right idea living as an animal for a while. Apparently, Anubis told him it wasn’t by choice, and Hermes asked him if he fell in love with the wrong mortal and was cursed. There was something about his Ka when Hermes interrupted him and went to get more beer—”

Beside Kema, Anubis let out a whimper. Thoth opened his eyes, and Anubis made the sound again. His eyes glowed with silver power.

“Shh, you’re okay.” Kema patted his paw. “Is this something to do with your Ka?” Anubis lifted his paw and put it on her lap, his nose nudging her shoulder.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” she said, looking at Thoth. “Do you have any idea what he’s on about?”

“Understanding souls has always been Anubis’s magical purview, not mine.” Thoth frowned and got to his feet. “I have an instrument upstairs that might be able to help us.”

Thoth had spent a lot of time in recent centuries removing magical artefacts and devices from public circulation. There was a time during the last thousand years when alchemists and mystics all over the world became obsessed with being able to see and measure a soul.

Thoth had confiscated a device that a magus had created in Persia. It was shaped like an astrolabe, but the dials inside of it had been tuned to measure the potency and depth of a soul.

It was quite a creation that unfortunately had taken the sacrifice and experimentation of twelve people and a deal with an ifrit to achieve. After finding power in the pain of others and harnessing it, the magus’s obsession had turned him into a serial killer.

Thoth hadn’t felt the slightest bit of guilt when he had stripped the magus of his magic and most of his memories before leaving him herding goats in a remote village. He had been one step away from killing him, before deciding that making him live out the rest of his days like the peasants he had murdered was a better punishment.

Now, all Thoth had to do was remember where he had put the blasted thing.

‘Upstairs’ was referring to the rooms he had filled over the centuries with anything that took his fancy. He had planned on creating an inventory at some point, had forgotten about it, and then everything had become too out of control to have the time to code and catalogue everything.

Instead, Thoth pulled out a trinket from his pocket. It was a small golden arrow threaded on a chain. Letting his magic soak into it, he clearly described the object he wanted. The arrow lifted and zipped along the passages, Thoth jogging behind to keep up with it.

Thoth ventured through rooms and libraries, tunnels and tombs, following the arrow and trying not to get too distracted by all the objects that he had forgotten about over the centuries.

The arrow finally stopped in front of a massive chest, bound in chains and warding.

“Great. Now I have to remember what I created them with.” Thoth sat down in front of the chest and got to work, safecracking himself. Once he got the chest open, he rummaged through it, finding the bronze and silver soul diviner in a leather bag half filled with sand.

Thoth didn’t know how long it had taken him, time being somewhat skewed in some of the older rooms, but when he finally got back to the library, he found Set sitting with Anubis.

“Where did Kema go?” Thoth asked.

Set stretched. “To bed. You’ve been gone for hours, and it’s past midnight. She was getting worried and wanted to go after you. I told her to go to bed instead, and you would join her when you were ready.”

Thoth twisted the device in his hands. “I didn’t mean to worry her. It was further away than what I thought.”

“I figured as much. Come downstairs. I made bamia, and you look a bit pale,” Set said, hustling him out of the library. Anubis jumped off the couch and followed without either of them needing to coax him.

“It’s upsetting seeing him like this,” Set admitted. He settled Thoth at the breakfast counter before dishing up and placing a bowl of steaming stew and rice in front of him.

Thoth toyed with his spoon, trying to summon his appetite. “Hopefully, it won’t be for too much longer. Did Kema eat?”

“Yeah, she did. I like her, Thoth. She’s got Hermes’s cheeky bullshit, but somehow, she makes it sweet and endearing,” Set replied. “She’s kind of perfect for you.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you look so miserable? I thought you two were getting along well.”

Thoth needed a drink if he was going to have this conversation. There was a rattle of crystal, and the house produced a decanter of amber liquid. Thoth poured out a glass. “I’m not miserable. I’m happier than I’ve been in centuries.”

“Then what’s eating at you?” Set pressed.

Thoth sipped, struggling to articulate. “I can’t have her as an apprentice if I’m courting her. It wouldn’t work. She’s brimming with magic, and it’s growing every day. She attacked a djinn two nights ago and walked away! She needs proper teaching.”

“You can still give her that, even if you don’t take her as a student,” Set replied. “From what I saw tonight, she’s rather good at teaching herself too.”

“She is, but that only stresses me out more. Maybe she should—” Thoth struggled to spit the words out, “—go to Greece with Hermes. Hecate is there and would teach her. Hermes would do right by her, and their magic is similar enough that he could help her.”

“Thoth, she is a once in a millennia kind of girl.”

“Don’t you think I know that? It’s why I have to consider this. I don’t want to hold her back because I’m too much of a selfish old prick to let her go when I need to. It would only last for so long before she resented me.”

Set shook his head and poured a glass of the whiskey for himself. “I don’t fucking get you. First you want to keep Kema as far away from Hermes as possible, and now, you want her to go off to Greece with him. What’s changed? Was the sex terrible? Come on, spit it out!”

Thoth stared at the scratches in the wooden counter and said in barely a whisper, “I think I’m in love with her.”

“Well…shit.” Set topped up Thoth’s glass. “Bound to happen at some point. I can’t fault you for it. She is amazing, and kind of…”

“Fits. I’m aware of that too.” Thoth placed his forehead on the counter and groaned. “What am I going to do? Advise me, god of love and war.”

“Have you asked Kema if she wants to go with Hermes?”

“No. But it’s Hermes. She had his damn statue in her lounge room. He is her favorite. Of course she is going to go with him.

“Hmm, I don’t know if that’s true. Maybe you should ask her instead of churning over it. Greece isn’t the other side of the world, Thoth. If she goes with Hermes, it doesn’t mean whatever you two have going on needs to stop. I don’t know what she sees in a mean old buzzard like you, but love is strange that way.”

Thoth lifted his head from the counter and drained his drink. “I can’t be in love, Set. It’s bullshit. Kema thinks it's a con too. This is only mutual attraction, right?”

“Do you actually want my opinion?” Set looked amused, but Thoth waved him on. It was the only area at life he could never really get a handle on, and Set would tell him straight.

“I’ve known you since the dawn of time, sorcerer. You are an arrogant, pain-in-the-ass, know-it-all prick. But underneath that, you are one of the most decent gods the universe has ever coughed out. Finally finding someone you can tolerate, and more importantly, who can tolerate you, is so fucking rare. You are the smartest creature in all the world, so if you fuck this up, it’s going to be the first stupid thing you’ve ever done.”

“I’m thinking about what’s best for her, not me,” Thoth pointed out.

“So am I. Kema’s been alone her whole life too, and if you think she’s going to let you push her away because you’re scared, you’re wrong. She loves you back, Thoth, whether she’s figured that out or not. It radiates off her when she talks about you, so don’t think she’s going to let you push her out of feeling it.”

Thoth spun the device on the counter, watching the light flicker off the bronze and silver. “I’ll talk to her about Greece, see what she wants to do. It needs to be her choice.”

Set tapped his glass against Thoth’s. “See? You are smart after all. Now, eat your fucking food, and let’s see if that shiny gadget is going to tell us what’s going on with Anubis.”

Thoth ate the bamia, though he barely tasted it, his mind full of Kema and what Set had said. He looked across the kitchen to where Anubis sat patiently watching them.

Figure out the centuries-old curse first. It’ll be less complicated than sorting out your feelings for the woman you didn’t expect to care about.

Set waited until Thoth had finished eating before he poured them both more whiskey, and they turned their attention to Anubis.

“Do you need me to shift to try and talk to him?” Set asked.

“Not sure yet. We’ll see if this works first. In the memory, Hermes was having a one-sided conversation and mentioned Anubis’s Ka. Let’s see what’s going on with it.”

Thoth opened the soul diviner and shook out the sand. Inside, small cogs began to whirr and tick. He adjusted the dials as magic lit them for the first time in centuries. Thoth focused the pointer inside of it at Anubis and waited.

Within seconds, the device started to pulse with violet light, flickering on and off, unable to settle.

“What does that mean?” Set demanded.

“I don’t … it can’t be right …” Thoth muttered, resetting the dials. He waited while they spun right back to where they had been. Anubis’s ears flickered, silver leaking into his eyes.

Thoth shook the device and tried it again. “Fucking hell. I know why he was complaining about his Ka now. It’s fucking missing.”

Thoth and Set were still arguing when Kema appeared, tousled and wrapped in one of Thoth’s robes.

“What are you two shouting about at this hour?” she murmured. She went to Thoth and put sleepy arms around him. Enclosed in her warmth and scent, Thoth momentarily forgot she had asked him a question.

“Anubis is missing part of his Ka,” he answered.

Kema took his drink, had a sip, and handed it back. “No way. How is that possible? Shouldn’t he be dead without his soul?”

“Get technical with her, Thoth. She won’t understand otherwise,” Set said. He was staring at Anubis, his expression switching between confusion, sadness, and nausea.

“A soul is made up of parts, Kema,” Thoth began. “A ka, in the most basic of terms, is the part that is your individual personality. After death, it can drift between the worlds if the individual wishes it. A ba is your heart-soul, and like the ka, it can visit in a tomb, dwell in a statue of you that in older times people would leave offerings to. Your khaibit is your shadow self. All of these elements are working at once inside your khu, your ethereal body. Are you following?”

“Yes, it’s like organs inside of a physical body, but they are parts of your soul inside your spirit body,” Kema replied, and Thoth wanted to kiss her.

“Precisely.”

Kema looked back at Anubis. “So him missing a ka is like he’s missing a kidney, which is why he’s trapped in this form?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen a god that’s missing part of himself in this way. His magic wouldn’t be working the way it should. He would be struggling to hold onto who he is because that vital part is missing. He’s out of balance completely without it,” Thoth replied.

“He might have shifted as a stress response, like if he had to run from whoever did this to him,” Set said, his leg bouncing anxiously. “As soon as it was done, because he was missing his ka, he probably couldn’t get back to his human form. You know what it’s like when you shift, Thoth, your animal form wants to take over, and you have to hold your true form in your mind in order to pull yourself together again.”

Kema rubbed Thoth’s back in a soothing gesture. “That makes sense. I guess the real question is how can we remind him who he is?”

“What about taking him to the Duat?” Set suggested.

Thoth shook his head. “Unless we kill him, there’s no way to get him there. He needs to be whole, or completely demolished in order to reach the gates. I’m not about to kill him to see if it works, so let’s think of something else.”

“I need sleep. Let me mull this over, and I’ll come back tomorrow,” Set said, rubbing a hand over his face.

“But—” Thoth began.

“But nothing. He has been like this for nearly five thousand years. One more night won’t hurt him. I need my bed and my woman, and it looks like you do too.” Set managed to smirk at Kema still curled up under Thoth’s shoulder.

Kema huffed. “His woman, my ass. I do agree about needing a bed though.”

Set only laughed at that. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Keep Anubis safe until then.”

“He won’t get out of my wards, I promise,” Thoth replied, knowing that Set needed the reassurance. When he was gone, Kema tugged Thoth off his chair.

“Let’s go, sorcerer. You’ll be able to think clearer in the morning after you sleep,” she said, taking his hand and leading him toward the stairs.

“You said we needed a bed, not sleep,” Thoth pointed out.

“I need sleep. If you still have energy, you can use it by giving me a massage,” Kema replied, and Thoth didn’t think that was a bad deal at all.