An Earl’s Broken Heart by Ella Edon
Chapter Twenty
For the past two nights, Isabel had gone to bed with tears in her eyes.
It had been nearly three days since Alexander had run out of the house in haste and he had not returned. She had no idea of where he was, and he had made no attempt to relay that information to her. Isabel was already seeing the signs that this marriage was just going to end up much like her first one. She wished there was something she could do to turn back the hands of time. Maybe if she had been able to make it to the outskirts so she could elope with Alexander, things would be better. She yearned for Alexander’s touch. But how was that going to work if he was barely home and did not wish to see her?
Early the next morning, Isabel had breakfast alone again. And to occupy herself, she stayed in the music room, playing the pianoforte in accordance with her feelings. She had thought about visiting her sister, but she knew that Elizabeth would be having a tea party and she was not mentally upright to be present there so Isabel spent her day at Manor alone. In her heart, she wished that Alexander would just come home. She wished that everything would be as she imagined every time, she closed her eyes.
Through the day, Isabel went through panic, her mind raced with thoughts; her eyes were filled with tears. At night, she refused to have dinner as she had lost her appetite to do so. However, just as she was heading up the stairs, she heard noises from outside followed by a voice. It seemed distant but it was enough to catch her attention. She was curious to know what was going on. So she stood on the staircase and soon her heart began to thud. She heard the door open and then more noise followed.
"Lord Carter," she heard Mr. Wilson say.
Isabel's breath hitched. Alexander was back. He was in that house. She braced herself just as he emerged from the side. He looked up just before he began to mount the staircase. Isabel shuddered when their gazes locked. His red-rimmed blue eyes stared back at her coldly and his hands balled into fists by his side but he quickly let it be. Those hands that had touched her passionately on their wedding night.
As her memory sent her back to that night, the warmth that their heated act had brought to her, she felt a surge within her. Angry questions flooded her mind and she saw no use to keep them in. The frustration she’d had for years felt the need to come out at that point in time and Alexander was standing before her, looking at her as though she were a stranger and not the wife he had abandoned for nearly three days. Her rage got the best of her and she burst out with ferocity.
"Welcome," she uttered harshly.
Alexander shook his head even as she began talking. It was obvious that he did not want to hear what she had to say and that irked her even more.
"Alexander, where are you coming from?" she asked, attempting to begin calmly.
But Alexander kept climbing up the stairs and shaking his head.
Isabel snapped then. "You have left me all alone in this house for nearly three days and then you just return and wish not to discuss this?”
Alexander slowly but surely drew closer to her and it was then that she caught a waft of alcohol from him. He had been drinking? Isabel could not believe this. This was not the Alexander she had known and that left her feeling numb.
"You always want everything to be about you, Isabel," he scoffed and shook his head.
Those words rang in Isabel's head like a bell. She was hurt that he would say that. She had been worried about his where abouts. It was not just about her and their marriage. She cared for him, as well, but how would he be aware of that if all he did was ignore and avoid her? And despite that, he had the audacity to tell her that she was selfish?
"I have been worried about you since the day you fled without a word," she expressed, her brows creased.
Alexander shook his head and began to walk on. Isabel felt emotion bubble within her, and she was unable to hold back her tears as they filled her eyes. Alexander's actions reminded her of Phillip. He came home drunk on some nights and talked about how useless she was as a woman and as his wife. He degraded her and constantly reminded her that marrying her was a mistake.
If Alexander came home late and the first thing he said to her was that she thought only about herself, putting her through pain and low self-esteem, how was he any different from her late husband? How was he the man that she had loved before? Because he did not act like that now.
"I refuse to believe that after everything we went through in the past, you have changed entirely, let go of your values, and what you hold dear the most," Isabel said, a tear cascading down her cheeks.
"You abandoned me. You let me go and that was your loss. But you have no right to tell me how I am to live my life, Isabel. You have no business telling me how much I have changed. Did you expect that your actions would leave me the same? Did you think that just because we are wed everything would go back to normal? Perhaps you should think again," Alexander snapped. He was fuming as he said those words and it left Isabel more guilty than terrified.
She had done this to him. She was the reason he had changed so much, and he was still unable to trust. She was the reason he was so cold. She had not considered that he was going through conflict within him and that had been the reason he fled the way he did. She honestly wished that getting him back would be easy, but it seemed to be a lot harder and she was now perplexed. How was she supposed to make amends if Alexander was not open to her, if he refused blatantly to let her in?
Feeling the need to apologize again, Isabel took a step towards him. "I am sorry, Alexander." She whispered. "I know that what I did was unforgivable, but I wish that you could give me a chance to prove to you that I am sorry and I wish to make amends. We are wed now, and there shall be no going back from this. All I want is for this to work in both favors."
Alexander licked his lips and sighed. His eyes were not as cold as before. He swallowed hard and spoke. "Isabel, seven years is not enough time to heal and so I have not.”
Isabel saw that he kept clenching and unclenching his fist. She worried that he was angry within and needed tenderness. She might not have been with him in the past seven years, and he might keep fighting what he felt towards her, but she knew that a part of her still lived in his heart. Gently, she reached out to him and touched his hand.
Alexander's resolve softened. Isabel could tell from the way his muscles relaxed beneath her fingers. She felt him ease into her touch and then he took a step further, as well. Isabel's heart thudded when she felt Alexander's fingers begin to move further. They covered hers suddenly and moved upwards to touch her hands forearms and then shoulders. The more his hands moved, the more intense she began to feel.
Soon enough, Alexander pulled her close to him and crashed his lips against hers. Isabel felt a deep wave of sensation that flowed all the way to her feet and made her toes curl. Alexander's lips against hers were heavenly. Everything was beautiful about that kiss. Her lips moved against his with as much emotion as she could feel on the inside. Her hands took decisions on their own, moving to hold Alexander's hair and caress him. Her body pressed against his and his hands moved across her buttocks, squeezing rightly, before traveling upwards and coming forth to touch her breasts and cup them.
The depth of the kiss left Isabel with growing hope that they would finally make love, that Alexander was denying what was quite obvious: the fact that he felt something for her. Isabel's knees were growing weak from that kiss, and she leaned into Alexander for comfort. He held her with so much ease while the kiss went on.
Isabel did not know what overcame her when she pulled away and said, "Let us go to the bedchamber."
Alexander stared at her with clouded eyes while he still held on to her. His lips were parted and then he began to touch her face with one hand, touching all that he could at once. Isabel could feel within her the emotion he tried to communicate with his hands and just when she was about to respond with words, Alexander stopped sharply. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them, they no longer bore the love she had been feeling.
"This was a mistake," he said.
Isabel's knees were no longer weak from sensation. She stood straight, her brows ridged. "What do you mean?"
Alexander's gaze hardened again. He stared at her plainly and a bored look crossed his face. "I feel woozy and that is perhaps the only reason why I had made an advance towards you."
The hurt that Isabel felt ran deeper than the sensation that had been there. She stared at Alexander with as much coldness as she could gather. She also braced herself from tearing up because each time she bore a hope so high, he crushed it with invisible heels that left her feeling empty, filled with void and pain. Perhaps it was high time she stopped hoping. She had tried all that she could and there was no headway. It was apparent that all Alexander was doing was toying with her emotions. He wanted to inflict pain in her and he was succeeding. Maybe if she stopped caring, if she began to behave indifferent and go about her own affairs, then everything would begin to ease into normality. Their norm would be to live separate lives and then he would be coming home, knowing fully well that she won't bother him.
Maybe he was more hurt knowing that she was around him and that she was constantly coming to him. Isabel decided to ask a question that came to her at that very moment.
"Please be honest with me, Alexander," she said, despite the way her feelings blocked her voice from coming out clearly.
Alexander nodded once, nonchalance lacing his movements.
"Do you feel that I perhaps bother you?"
Isabel looked away from him because she did not want his cold gaze to meet hers. She heard his response as clear as day.
"Yes. I do feel that way."
Her tears welled up in her eyes. Hurt surged through her and she nearly staggered backwards because his words were like a sharp knife thrusting inside her. But she stood still and said, "You shan't need to worry about that anymore. I shall leave you be. But you must know that I am truly sorry for what had happened in the past. Goodnight."
Isabel did not await his response. She turned and walked rapidly to her bedchamber. Once she was inside, she shut the door firmly and slid down the back of the door until she was seated on the floor. She began to cry. She cried silently because she did not want her voice to be heard. Phillip had been right, she was a failure. She deserved no one.
All she needed to do now was accept that she was all on her own over again. Just like her first marriage, this one was a disaster and she had to accept that it was. It was the only way she could possibly cope with being in love with a man who despised her. When that thought crossed her, Isabel became still. She still loved Alexander despite the years that had passed and the way he was treating her. She still loved him dearly and it had never stopped over the years, she had only learned to bury it. But with constant hopes it kept rising and now it burst all over her uncontrollably.
Isabel blinked into the thin air, her eyes wide and her tears no longer coming. She was still in love with Alexander! This was a whole lot harder than she had anticipated. She certainly would not know how to live with that. She would have to speak to her sister the following day in order to seek advice on what to do because she feared that living a separate from Alexander whom she was deeply in love with was not a solution, but a greater problem and she felt that unlike her first marriage, she might not be able to persevere through this one.