Blood & Bones: Ozzy by Jeanne St. James

Chapter Nineteen

He still hadn’t askedher to stay.

Hadn’t asked her not to go.

In a few days she’d be done with the work she’d been contracted to do for the club. Their month together quickly coming to an end. She didn’t want what they had to possibly go that same route.

However, the more she got to know him in the past month, the more she’d seen the proof of his commitment issues. Especially after meeting Liz last weekend.

Shay could not ignore how Liz’s ol’ man Crash looked at her. He had actually called her Sunny instead of her real name. As if he needed to bask in her sunshine to thrive.

Apparent true love and definitely not temporary.

Shay never had a man look at her like that. Not once.

She wasn’t sure if she ever would.

But the truth was, for her to stay, for her to commit, she would need some kind of commitment from Ozzy, too. After her ex-husband, she needed the assurance of loyalty. Of love.

Of a possible forever.

She didn’t want to invest time into a relationship that ended up one-sided. Been there, done that, had the divorce papers and the buckets of tears to prove it.

She didn’t want to put herself through that emotional turmoil again. She wanted the happily ever after that she’d dreamed about when she was younger and read every romance novel she could get her greedy mitts on. She wanted to avoid the tragic, heart-breaking ending of a Nicholas Sparks’ novel. Of a love lost and nothing remaining but hurt and sadness. Only left with memories.

While the sex with Ozzy was the best she’d ever had—she loved every second of it and also the way he’d expanded her horizons—it wasn’t everything.

They couldn’t base a relationship solely around a physical connection. That was what Shay figured happened between Liz and Ozzy. With them, it had been about the sex more than anything else.

But the sex…

Tonight, unlike other nights, he seemed to be taking his time with her. As if he knew it was soon coming to an end. As if he wanted to make it last, make it count.

His hips glided slowly. His cock eased in and out of her with each gentle, deliberate thrust.

No pounding, no grunting. No rush to bring her to orgasm. No race to the end.

She had already come once when he had his face buried between her thighs. When she climaxed, she gripped the sheets so tightly, she swore she heard them tear.

While she was still weak from the intensity of it, he had slowly prowled up her body until he was settled between her legs where she welcomed him, encouraged him to take her, but again, tonight he took his time.

First, he spent endless minutes kissing her, exploring her mouth, sharing every breath she took. Tasting her, touching her.

Worshiping her.

Both inside and out.

Some sort of switch must have been thrown inside him. The way he was fucking her seemed more like someone reluctant to say goodbye. Someone who would avoid the finality of that word and simply use, “I’ll see you later,” instead. Even if that person knew they’d never see the other one again.

Tonight, sex with Ozzy felt like that. A “see you later.”

Not fucking, but making love.

Not only a physical connection, but an emotional one.

What simply had been sex suddenly had become a whole lot more.

But she didn’t want to say “goodbye” to him. Or even “see you later.”

He pressed their interlocked hands into the mattress on either side of her head as he continued that gentle, gliding motion.

In, until he could go no further. Out, until he almost pulled completely free.

Long, full, moan-inducing strokes.

He knew if he released her hands, she would dig her nails into his ass and encourage him to go faster.

He didn’t want that.

By being on top and also keeping their hands clasped, he controlled everything. Tonight was on his terms. She was only along for the ride.

With their foreheads pinned together and their breathing almost perfectly in sync, she both loved and hated how slow he was moving. Like gentle waves lapping along a shore.

A blend of both perfection and torture.

She swore she had more sex in the past month than she had in her whole adult life. Sadly, that included her marriage.

But, again, sex wasn’t everything and it wasn’t a reason to stay in a town that held a history she needed to move past.

Her awkward teenage years. Her father’s unexpected loss. And also his secret.

But this man, the one making love to her, could be a valid reason to stay.

Of course, he needed to want that, too.

However, he hadn’t voiced that want. He needed to ask because she wasn’t going to suggest it if that wasn’t what he wanted.

In reality, it had also only been a mere four weeks. She normally waited to have sex with a man until after they’d been dating at least a month. She certainly didn’t move in with someone after only that same amount of time. In fact, the only man she had ever lived with was Darren. And that had been after they married, not before.

It wasn’t because she was old-fashioned, it was because she had wanted to be cautious. And look where it got her anyway.

It would also be smart to be cautious when it came to making any impulsive decision about Ozzy. He was so opposite of everyone she’d ever been with. Not that she’d been with a lot of men, but still… It could be that was the draw for her.

Being with him had made her take a step outside her restrictive box.

But living with him, even loving him, would be more than a step, it would be a giant leap.

So, she needed to be sure.

He did, too.

Yes, she could move anywhere, but would moving back to a town she grew up in, a place that held some memories she’d like to shed, with a man she’d known for such a short time, who lived a type of lifestyle she’d never been a part of before…

Would it be worth the risk of giving up her independence and, more importantly, her heart?

“Yes,” she groaned as he continued to hit all the right spots.

He knew just how to tilt his hips. To make her want more, need more.

More of him, more of this.

More time.

A month wasn’t long enough.

A year might not be enough.

But forever…

Forever was a different story.

She opened her eyes. He was too close to be able to focus on him, but when his heavy eyelids also lifted and he noticed her looking at him, he raised his head so they could see each other more clearly.

So much more clearly.

As his stunning gray eyes grabbed hold of hers, a movement behind them made her heart skip a beat and his nostrils flared just enough for her to catch it.

So, yes, this night was different from all the other nights she’d spent with him. All the other times they’d had sex.

Instead of enjoying the heightened intimacy, for some reason, it made her heart crack the tiniest bit.

Loss.

That was what it was. She was feeling loss before she was even gone.

The loss of him.

The loss of them.

Crazy. But true.

Could it be he was feeling the same loss, making him desperate to hold on?

“Ozzy,” she whispered.

Her saying his name caused a wall to slam down between them. His eyes became shuttered and his jaw tight as his pace picked up. Got rougher, became more intense.

He was hiding whatever he was feeling.

Strangely enough, that gave her hope that he did feel the same as her. That it wasn’t one-sided.

That they would miss each other if they went their separate ways.

Right now was not the time to talk about it, but later. Before she made the finishing touches on the motel’s website. Before she packed her bags to head home.

She already knew she didn’t want to leave.

Or if she did go, she wanted him to go with her. She had no idea if that was even a possibility.

But if it was…

He dropped his head again, this time to take one of her peaked nipples deep into his mouth. He sucked it hard, before snagging it with his lips and pulling on it, causing a sharp tug on the invisible string attached from the very tip of her breast all the way to her pussy.

His fingers tightened within hers and he put more weight into their linked hands as he rose even higher and snagged her other nipple into his mouth.

She hissed at how rough he was becoming, but she didn’t discourage him. In fact, she encouraged him to continue.

“Yes,” she hissed.

He’d never done anything to her that she didn’t like.

He’d never done anything to her that had made her uncomfortable.

He’d never done anything to her in which she needed to tell him to stop.

Not once.

Everything he’d done, she’d welcomed.

While he had a lot more experience than she did, he also never said a word or complained about her inexperience. He’d always been encouraging and patient.

The smile he’d wear when she’d try something new and discover how much she liked it, was well worth any awkwardness until she got it right.

The fun was in the trying.

The pleasure was in the result.

She trusted him completely. And no longer hid anything from him.

Not her body. Not her laugh. Not her smile.

He wanted it all.

She gave it all to him.

And, in return, she got all of him.

To her knowledge, not once since she’d moved upstairs into his apartment had he taken advantage of anything the sweet butts offered him. She’d seen their confusion every time he turned them down.

She noticed how he’d refrained from the sex he used to freely have with them.

He only did it for her.

He never said how often and how many he’d done, but it wasn’t hard to figure out since no one in the club curbed what they said around her. Nor did they stop busting on him since they all did it to each other. Similar to siblings.

A true family.

They talked around her as if she was one of them. Never once acting like she didn’t belong.

While he hadn’t hidden how sexually active he was normally, he hadn’t admitted it, either.

Even so, she was confident in the knowledge he’d been with no one but her since that first night together on his bike in the State Park.

If she stayed, would that continue? Or would he get restless and want to go back to his old ways? Could she, would she, be enough for him? Because she certainly hadn’t been enough for Darren.

Would she always wonder and worry?

She was overthinking a situation that hadn’t even come to fruition yet. She had to remind herself that they hadn’t even discussed it. But she wanted to and hoped he did, too.

He pulled her from her thoughts when he captured her mouth, thoroughly exploring every part of it with his tongue. Capturing her groan.

He began to thrust harder, faster, digging in his knees to power up and into her. Driving deep and with determination.

His fingers clasped hers so tightly, she was losing feeling in them.

He kissed her so intensely, it was like he was trying to steal her breath next.

Because, damn it, somehow he’d already stolen her heart.

Ozzy drovehis knees deeper into the mattress and refused to let go of her hands. For some reason he needed that connection. He needed something more than just his dick inside her.

He didn’t understand why. Why his heart was trying to escape his chest. Why breathing had become difficult.

Why he couldn’t think of anything other than the woman beneath him.

“Shay,” escaped him as he released her nipple from his mouth. Shiny, peaked, the tip diamond hard.

Tonight he had wanted to be on top. To control everything. He had a crazy urge to take it slow, to make it last.

Things between them were quickly coming to an end.

A couple more days and she would be done.

With The Grove Inn’s website.

With him.

She’d head back to her own life and leave him behind.

For fuck’s sake,he had wanted to take his time with her tonight. But he panicked.

Completely fucking panicked.

Now he was thrusting faster, deeper, driving into her with everything he had. So hard that if he hadn’t had her anchored to the bed with their clasped hands, she’d be pinned to the headboard.

He was claiming her.

Here. Now.

She was his.

His.

No one’s but his.

The thought of him waking up without her in his bed… The thought of falling asleep without her next to him at night…

It had sent him in a tailspin.

Closed his throat.

Made his heart pound.

Made the blood rush in his ears.

He’d never had a panic attack before but he was sure this was what it felt like.

He was afraid of losing her.

Even though he’d fucked too many women to count, right from the beginning, he knew this one would.

This one would leave a mark.

Leave a deeper scar than the one who left him. The one who so easily walked away. The woman who found someone to love her the way she should be loved.

All because he couldn’t.

He couldn’t give Liz what she needed. She couldn’t give him what he needed, either.

Since he never knew what he needed.

Until this one.

Was this how his brothers felt when they found their ol’ ladies?

If this was how twisted his gut became just thinking about her returning to Boston, he couldn’t imagine how Sig felt when Red was taken by the Shirleys. No wonder he’d lost his fucking shit.

The VP could have lost the other half of himself forever.

Ozzy now understood it when his brothers said they’d die to save their women. Actually, give up their fucking life.

Because who the fuck wanted to live without the woman they loved?

He’d never believed in soulmates. Thought it was made-up bullshit. Only a foolish concept, but not truth.

True soulmates were impossible. That was shit women said, not men.

But he got it now. He fucking got it.

The thought of losing the one you loved could rip you the fuck apart and twist you inside out.

It was already happening and she hadn’t even left yet.

He couldn’t let this one slip through his fingers.

Not again.

He couldn’t fuck up.

He couldn’t.

But he would.

Because, unfortunately, it was too late. He’d already fucked up.

And he still wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Maybe it would be easier just to let her go. To keep the truth hidden forever.

It would be easier.

But then…

When the fuck was life ever easy?