Catherinelle by Diane Portman-Ray

 

4

 

Romano turned out to be a bust. It was a beautiful place, sure, but it was more fit for a romantic dinner than it was for people trying to have fun. Or at least I thought that was what we wanted. By the look of it, Jason and Nate were trying to drink their minds away, which wasn’t even that hard. They had two beers and a glass of wine each and had already started to act like idiots. I was so used of having men around me, I kept forgetting these two were just boys.

When we were getting ready to leave the rooftop, Jason said he was in the mood for a card game so I just invited him to Ignazio’s casino in Chelsea. It didn’t have the view they had at Romano, but I felt like a salmon in the frozen Canadian waters here. After seeing Jason and Nate starting to act weird after those beers, I wanted to get them somewhere where I could control things. Ignazio owned half of this street, and in the middle, he had converted one of the red brick apartment buildings into a high-class casino. It was a nice place with that industrial New York in the ‘20s flare. I liked this part of the city because it still captured the essence of the city. It used to be an industrial neighborhood back in the 19th century, and the landscape had preserved that. Even now, after all the residential developments, it was a hub for commerce and goods in the city. Maybe I liked it so much because I knew my family made its history right here on these streets. My grandfather helped build these buildings; he worked on the docks that were only five minutes away and ended up controlling them. These were Nucci streets, and I felt good walking on them because I was the Nucci princess.

Ignazio was here, clinking glasses with some friends when we arrived, and that was good because I knew he wouldn’t make a fuss about me being here without a chaperone. He took me and my group to a table in the far corner and told the dealer to split the deck while he picked a few bottles of wine. I wasn’t stupid enough to think there weren’t at least three men watching me like hawks right at this moment, but I was fine with it.

Nate was on my right side, and Jason on my left, both checking their cards while Mir dragged her chair behind me because she had no idea how to play Hold ‘em, so she hugged me from behind and rested her chin on my shoulder.

“How does this game work anyway? You only have two cards.”

With the corner of my eye, I saw the dealer smiling, amused by her.

“There will be more on the table, you’ll see. Hey, Jason, you should really teach Miriam to play poker, or you’ll find yourself stuck with Go Fish for your entire life.”

Everybody laughed, and Nate approved with a nod.

“Yeah, man. I’m sorry for you; not everyone is as lucky as me.” Under the table, his hand slid to my naked knee, and I felt goosebumps forming, but not in the fun way. Tonight he had pushed some boundaries, kept touching me, playing with the hem of my dress, and he even shoved his face between my boobs once. I knew it was all part of what I wanted, but he was just so…eager to do it; it took all the fun out of it. “My girl is a lady who knows the world.”

Who the fuck said I was his girl?

“Who taught you, Cat?” Jason asked me, pulling my attention away from Nate.

“Actually, Ignazio did.”

“Who?”

“The owner, the one who greeted us when we arrived, remember? I jumped in his arms?”

“Ah, the super gay dude. He owns this place?”

“Hey, don’t say it like that.” I frowned. The tone he had when he talked about Ignazio’s lifestyle was grating. I loved that man to death, and if Jason had a problem with him, I was happy to introduce him to the two gorillas that were in charge of the security here. They’d open his mind.  

“Wow, chill, girl, I don’t care. How do you know him anyway?”

He used to be a bounty hunter that my grandpa used to recover money, and he worked hard, proved his value, and now he was a trusted soldier of my brother’s syndicate. But of course, I couldn’t say that.

“He’s a family friend. You know, he’s Italian and all,” I mumbled like that explained it, like all Italians in New York had a club where they met three times a year to make homemade pasta.

“You know, Cat, I always wanted to ask you,” Miriam spoke directly in my ear, not realizing how loud she was talking, making me flinch. “What does your family do exactly? There are, you know…rumors.” Here. We. Go.

None of it was a rumor, and I was pretty sure they all knew that. At least once a year, the Nucci name was in the newspapers because of some investigation. My father had been in jail four times, and they all knew it; my brother was under racketeering charges – that didn’t lead anywhere – in ’92. Everyone in my school had heard about my family, but for some reason, Miriam always brought it up.

“Mir, my family owns a lot of businesses and makes a lot of money. People like to weave fairytales around that.”

“I see. But you know they say…”

“Miriam, drop it. If you wanna find out what my brother is doing then you could go and ask him.” Chances were Gino would torture her to make sure she was not an informant.

“I wouldn’t mind. Your brother is seriously hot.” Jason scowled, and she smiled sweetly in his direction. “For an old man, I mean.”

Nate got bored of the whole thing and snapped his fingers.

“Are we playing or what?”

“Sure.” I shrugged.

The dealer started showing the cards, and we played a couple hands before the boys got tired of losing their money to me. We played five dollars a hand, way under the normal buy-ins for Ignazio had, but he was willing to make an exception for me. Nothing good could come out of bankrupting my friends.

“Ok, ok, I’m done with this.” Jason tried to play it cool, but he was a little annoyed that he didn’t manage to win a dime the entire game. He called the waiter to refill our glasses.

“Me too,” Nate said and threw his cards on the table, folding. “I like this band that’s playing.”

They were indeed good, killing it with a cover for All I Wanna Do by Sheryl Crow. The sound didn’t match the classy room with crystal chandeliers, but it was one of my favorite songs. Judging by the way he was nodding his head to it, Nate was into it too.

“I didn’t know you were a Sheryl Crow fan, Nate. Is this what you listen to in the locker room after games?”

He laughed and jumped off his chair and came close to me.

“Oh, yeah, I love Miss Crow; she’s fly.” He took my hand and helped me out of the high chair. “But not as fly as you, Cat.”

I bit my tongue so as not to tell him how cheesy that sounded and just smiled. Nate pulled me closer by my waist and put his forehead over mine.

“Nate?” I asked, trying to figure out what he wanted to do.

“You’re hot, Cat. I know you know.” In a reckless move, he slid both his hands down and grabbed my ass. I immediately pushed away, worried that someone might see him and decide to cut his hands for it.

“Nate, not here. I know these people.”

“You’re right.” He stank like a French vineyard in the fall. “Let’s go to my place.”

I had him right where I wanted. I decided some time ago that it was time to start living wild and lose my damn virginity before I found myself glued to the same man for the rest of my life. The fact that Nate was one of the popular guys in my school, and he was attractive – in a very privileged, pretentious way – didn’t hurt at all.

“What about the others?”

“I’m sure Miriam and Jason can find their own way home. Or maybe he’ll just fuck her in the parking lot, who knows? But I would never disrespect you like that, Cat. I want to take my time to…”

Before he got to finish his overused description of sex…that didn’t impress or turn me on in the slightest…something happened. In the next second, Nate was separated from me, and…he was dangling in the air.

I shrieked and stepped back, surprised by the whole scene. Behind me, Miriam screamed from the top of her lungs, and Jason jumped on his feet too, not knowing if he should say something.

“Hugo!” I yelled, but he ignored me, focused on giving Nate heart failure.

Hugo’s arm was flexed, his fist grabbing Nate by the throat, keeping him up, while the poor guy was trying to breath and struggling to get himself free. Seemed like someone saw him touching my ass.

“Horny, young man?” Hugo growled, and people started to gather around. I saw Ignazio and my cousin, Vincenzo, walking our way.

Cenzo pushed Jason out of his way to get to me.

“Catherinelle, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, but Hugo is trying to murder my class mate. Hugo, can you stop?” I looked over my shoulder to see Miriam almost passing out in Jason’s arms. “It’s ok; he’s not going to hurt him,” I told them, but it didn’t have the calming effect I was hoping for.

Hugo wasn’t a huge help either.

“Don’t listen to her, fucker. I will hurt you.” And he slammed Nate on the card table. This was getting out of hand.

I jumped forward, grabbing Hugo’s other hand, trying to pull him off Nate.

“This is enough, let him go.”

“I don’t wanna hear another word from you,” he said, and in a move I didn’t see coming, he pushed me.

Hugo Mustafa pushed me, and it wasn’t a slight shove. I was thrown all the way to Vincenzo, and I would have hit the floor if my cousin hadn’t caught me.

“Mustafa, what the fuck?” Cenzo yelled at him.

“I’m fine. I’m alright. Ignazio, can someone drive me home? And a car for my friends too?”

“Si, principessa. It’s right outside.”

I nodded and turned to Miriam and her boyfriend, both of them white as a sheet. If one thing was made clear tonight, it was that Jason Kruger wasn’t much of man. He looked like he was about to throw up.

“Hey, I’m sorry for this, guys. Ignazio will take you to a driver that will get you home safe, ok?”

“Sure, babe, don’t worry.” Mir tried to sound calm, but her lack of color suggested otherwise. “What about Nate? Your bodyguard looks like he is about to kill him.”

“Hugo…umm, you know he’s intense. Once I leave, he’ll follow me, alright? Tell Nate I said I’m sorry.”

“He shouldn’t have felt you up in a place full of people you know.”

So suddenly Miriam was understanding now, huh? I was sure it had more to do with the fear she was feeling rather than her good, generous heart.

I grabbed my coat and clutch and went to say goodbye to Vincenzo.

“I’m going home.”

“Ok, love, take care.”

“Catherinelle, don’t take another step,” Hugo yelled at me, but I didn’t listen.

Instead, I turned my back on him and walked straight to the door while he was screaming my name, and everyone was looking at me. Good thing I knew half of the people in here. I heard another thump – probably Nate being slammed on the table once again – right before walking out to the street. Hugo materialized next to me and grabbed my arm too hard.

“Let me go; you’re going to fucking bruise me.”

“Lose the tone. You fucking deserve it. Get in the car.”

“I’ll go with Ignazio’s driver.”

I tugged away, trying to slip from his claws, but it didn’t work.

“Let me go.”

“No, stop fucking wiggling.”

Hugo grabbed me with one hand and carried me to the car like I was a bag of groceries and threw me in passenger seat, locking the door to make sure I didn’t bolt while he made it to the wheel.

When he got in the car, he slammed the door so hard, I thought the metal would bend.

I was so angry and frustrated with him, my lungs were burning. He started the engine and launched into the streets. Unable to hold it in, I screamed and punched him in the shoulder, knowing that I had no chance of hurting the beast.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he roared.

“What the fuck are you doing? You attacked my class mate, idiot. We go to the same school. What if he presses charges?”

“I don’t give a shit. He disrespected you.”

“And you didn’t? You humiliated me in front of half my family. Vincenzo, Uncle Pepe, Sammy and his wife, Lorene? They were all there to watch the scene you made, jackass.”

“And you think they’ve never seen me do that before?”

Idiot. I punched him again, and this time, he slammed the breaks.

“Stop. Doing. That.”

“Why? You pushed me.” This time, I didn’t scream. I just said it in a very plain tone. “Hugo, that’s really messed up. You’re supposed to be my protector. You know what, fuck that; you’re supposed to be my friend. You’re like my big brother, and you were violent with me.”

He just looked at me without a word, and I was able to see every hard line on his face. He finally started to realize that I was right.

“I…lost my temper.”

“It’s not an excuse. You’re supposed to share a home with me. How am I supposed to feel now that I know every time I piss you off, you might throw me into a wall?”

“I will not, stop talking bullshit.” But he just had. “I wasn’t pissed with you. I would never hurt you, Cat. I was…”

“You were?” He was ten thousand times more comfortable beating the shit out of people than having this conversation with me.

“It was directed at that fucking kid. He was rubbing his dick on you, Catherinelle. As you pointed out, half of your family was there.” When he put it like that, I felt like shit for letting Nate get so close to me. Out of nowhere, Hugo punched the steering wheel. “Why the fuck did you run? I had to send people out to find you.”

“In all honesty, when you didn’t show up after Gino left, I was sure you wouldn’t be home until tomorrow.”

“And you debased yourself with that? A sleezy sack of hormones? That’s the standard?”

“His father was an NFL player.”

“I don’t give a shit. He wanted to fuck you, and he wasn’t worthy of that.”

Without saying anything else, he put the car in drive and took us both home. When I got out in front of the house, a few of the lookout boys were gathered at the gate.

“Miss Nucci, he found you. Don’t scare us like that.”

“I’m sorry, guys. I’ll make it up to you.”

“No need.”

I went inside, and Hugo followed with a deadly silence. The air was charged with tension, and I didn’t know what to do, so I chose the coward’s way – since it was Hugo’s favorite – and didn’t say anything, just pushed the elevator button for the third floor and walked to the kitchen.

“Are you going to stay on my tail all night, Mustafa?”

“Yes.”

“Can I drink some water, or will you flip out again?”

“You should drink a lot of water after all that wine,” he snapped, and I slammed the door of the refrigerator.

“Don’t start with me again, Hugo. You need to stop getting all in my life,”

“What the fuck is wrong with you lately?”

“I just want to go to some parties, go out with some friends.”

“Well, you fucking can’t; you wanna know why? Because you are a mafia princess and the sister of the most powerful man in this city. There are people trying to get him at every corner, and some will show up at those parties just to use you to get to him. The feds will use any excuse to arrest someone in your family and bring them in for questioning, and you wanna give them an excuse from public intoxication at some dumb party? You know all those things, Cat.”

Yes, I did. My mom had prepared me to be a Nucci daughter all my life, and it was about time people started to understand I knew how to do it.

“Yes, I do, and I can take care of myself. You think I’m an idiot? I’m doing all those things exactly because I’m a mafia princess. What’s going to happen after I graduate, Hugo? My life will start and end with the family. I’m just exploring before that happens.”

He opened his mouth but shut it again without a sound. I knew I shouldn’t have been disappointed. He had spoiled me with all those full sentences already. I grabbed my bottle of water and watched him walking around in circles and talking under his breath until he finally stopped in front of me and threw his hands in the air.

“And you chose that guy? He’s a spineless worm that isn’t even good enough for you to step on.” With every word, he leaned closer to me, getting so close I could feel the tension radiating from him. The first time Hugo was actually paying attention to me, and he was ready to snap my neck. “Why would you want that around you?”

Suddenly, all his fury was gone, leaving something else behind. Disappointment? Regret?

“I... He wanted to take me out. He’s cute.”

“He is a kid who will give you some broken promises and lies just to shove his dick in you. Use your fucking head, Cat.”

I couldn’t when he was closer to me than ever, his body inches away, burning for all the wrong reasons. I found myself looking up at him with vivacious eyes, seeing past that wall of wrath and fury. I watched his ashen eyes piercing into my soul like a steak knife going through a bar of butter, and I wanted to have the same power over him.

Hugo Mustafa wasn’t a boy; he was a full-fledged man. There were thirteen years and a lifetime worth of experiences between us, things I’d never get to see or know, but they’d torture his soul forever. On the axis of the world, Hugo and I were the extremes, but in that moment, I felt like every difference, every reason to not get close to him, melted in front of my eyes.

I looked over his scarred face one more time before swallowing my doubts and rising on my tiptoes to bring our faces together. The contact was shocking, like an unleashed chemical reaction releasing crackling energy in the air. For the first time, I knew that every cell in my body had come to life.

In the next second, his mouth opened, harrowing me in a brutal kiss I didn’t expect. I thought he’d push me away, but instead, it was like he was waiting for the trigger to be pulled. I didn’t know how to cope with all that intensity, and afraid I’d lose myself in the moment, I clenched onto Hugo, jumping up to put my arms and legs around him like chains. He caught me with one arm around my waist, feeling rigid like the metal bar in a roller-coaster, and holding me like my weight meant nothing to him. His tongue was on a conquering mission, taking mine as its prisoner, and I wanted more. More of that. More of him.

Through the fogginess of my mind, I felt us moving until my ass touched the rim of the kitchen counter. Desperate to feel him between my thighs, I let my arms down, trying to drag my body further back and open my legs wider, knocking down a bunch of copper mugs that made a horrible sound when they hit the floor, but neither of us cared. Hugo followed me, coming closer, neither of us breaking the kiss.

We were both unchained animals, chasing a high I didn’t know was possible until that moment, under the touch of the Monster. I knew Hugo was feeling the same because he turned half primitive, making unhuman sounds every time I twisted my tongue around his. He grabbed onto the door of the cabinet suspended on the wall, and when I pushed my pelvis to him, grinding, he took it out of its hinges but still didn’t stop. He just let the door drop and redirected his hands to my ass, grabbing so hard, his handprints might be forever bruised on my cheeks.

I let my hands get under his shirt, only to drag my nails back down to his waist, feeling his skin cracking under the pressure. I felt no guilt thinking I clawed him like savaged cat, just a feral satisfaction that my mark was on this man. At the same time, he bit my bottom lip, and it wasn’t one of those gentle nudges I saw in movies, no. He bit me with intent to make me feel him, and the pain blended with my pleasure.

When he started going down on my neck, biting and sucking, I let my head back and moaned his name to the heavens, like a prayer and went for his belt, but then something went wrong. Hugo felt me unbuckling his pants and jumped away like I struck him with high voltage. He took his hands to his hair, looking at me like he couldn’t believe I was standing in front of him. Like we weren’t about to combust in each other’s arms seconds ago.

The only sound disturbing the dead silence in the room was our tempestuous breaths and the hum of my heart. It was beating so loud, I could hear it.

Hugo looked at me, and I wanted to call his name, reach for him, but before I got to do any of that, he turned on his heels and walked to the elevator, leaving me there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t have gone after him even if I wanted; my legs were too weak to hold me.

I wasn’t able to move for fifteen minutes, while my heart was trying to settle itself, and my mind was fighting – without results – to comprehend all the sensations that overwhelmed me. Hugo was a ten foot wave that just crashed into me, and I was happy to be devoured by his deep ends.

 

~

 

I opened my eyes the next morning, looking straight into the ceiling and catching my breath. I was flat on my back with my arms spread wide. The dream I had was brutal in the most delicious way possible. I dreamed of a beach with golden grains of sand tickling my feet and restless blue waters crashing on the shores. I went to sit at the edge of the water, and Hugo appeared behind me, in his glorious nakedness, and we rolled around together. The dream was so vivid, I felt his lips on me, playing with my nipples and nibbing at my neck. I was so turned on, so hungry after the vision that teased me all night, my body boiling. Even the touch of the delicate satin sheets that were covering the bed was too much right now. I had to get up before catching on fire.

I just couldn’t stay still. I needed to touch and to be touched, and there wasn’t anyone there to do it.

The alarm clock on my nightstand was showing only five thirty in the morning, so I had two hours to kill before leaving. The first thing I did was jump in the shower, but it did nothing to cool me down. I had a case of lady blue balls, and there was just one person who had the cure, the same person who last night ran away from me like I spit poison in his face.

Flashbacks of Hugo and I going at each other on top of the kitchen counter invaded my mind again, and I stopped in the middle of my bedroom, holding the towel around me, to savor the memory. In a few short moments, he had erased every trace of attraction I ever felt towards Nate, and I couldn’t imagine ever wanting someone with the ferocity as I wanted Hugo.

I wasn’t stupid though, and Hugo wasn’t suicidal. He was Gino’s best friend, his underboss, his general, one of the few men he trusted, and my brother was a protective bastard. If he found out what happened last night, someone would get shot and I knew it wouldn’t be me. The line we walked last night wasn’t just dangerous, it was absolute madness…and still I couldn’t wait to put my lips on the bane again.

It would take a lot to make Hugo bend to his desire. He was loyal and stubborn, but so was I. The Nucci blood was in my veins, and a Nucci always gets what they want. I was raised around men that dominated everything and everyone they had their eyes on. It was about time a girl grabbed life by the balls around here.

I walked into my closet, dropped the towel on the floor and started walking around, thinking very hard about my next decision. My closet was my most powerful weapon. Hugo was used to seeing skin; women literally shoved their pussies in his face. I’d seen it. What drove him crazy was to be taunted, so that was exactly what I would do. I picked out one of the indigo-blue Burberry blazers and a skirt in the same color, slipping into it, but raising the waist a few inches higher than I normally would, and pairing it with a low cut French chemise. I checked myself in the mirror after putting on a killer pair of knee-high boots with five-inch heels and nodded, pleased with what I saw. Stacy Dash didn’t have a thing on me.

I went down to the kitchen and took out some fresh cantaloupe, prosciutto, and a cheeseboard to nibble on for breakfast while I was waiting for Hugo. To my surprise, forty minutes later, he still hadn’t shown up to collect me, and it was about time for us to leave. Sipping from a tall glass of cucumber water, I walked to the phone and speed dialed the guest apartment’s number. It rang four times, and I was about to give up when his guttural voice finally barked from the other end of the land line.

“Yes.”

“Where are you? We have to go in like fifteen minutes.” And I wanted him to have some time to sneak a peek at my very tight, very short skirt and the boobs peaking from my sexiest bra before that happened.

“Vito will drive you today.”

He had to be joking. All those mornings when he did nothing but pout in the driver’s seat, and I asked him time and again to let someone else drive me – anything to put some space between the man I grew up loving that tortured me with the cold shoulder – he dismissed the idea like it was a blasphemy, and now he was ready to tap out?

“What? Why?”

“I have…stuff.”

And I have a penis. Both statements equally convincing.

“Vito doesn’t even know where I go to school. Just drive me.”

“He’ll be here in ten.”

I didn’t know why I thought for a second that anything involving Hugo would be easy.

“Fine. Come upstairs. I need some help in the kitchen.”

“Vito will help you when he arrives.”

“Hugo!” I cried, frustrated with him. “We need to talk about…”

“Vito. Will. Help. You.” He spit every word like he was cursing at me, and right after, the line went dead, leaving me there to listen to the tone.

Mustafa was forgetting that he was on my turf, in my own damn house, and I didn’t need a map to find his bedroom. I took the elevator and marched to his door, banging three times on it.

No answer, so I just banged again.

“Seriously?” This man walked into shootouts without thinking twice and was hiding from me? Who does that?

“What?” I heard him behind the door. The sound was very unhappy, almost anguished.

“Open the fucking door; you’re not a toddler. What are you going to do? Hide in here until Gino comes home to save you?”

I didn’t know if it was the toddler remark or my brother’s name, but something struck a nerve, and he finally opened the door with such force, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it flew off the frame.

“What, Catherinelle? What do you want?”

“To speak to you,” I simply said and shrugged with the innocence of a girl who wasn’t ready to lose her virginity in the kitchen with her brother’s best friend hours ago.

“I don’t.” The line between his brows depended, as he tried to intimidate me with his fighting look.

Instead of stepping back, I pushed myself up and got all in his face.

“Well, you should have thought about it before shoving your tongue down my throat, Mustafa.”

The look on his face transformed, just like I had slapped him.

“Cat…I don’t even know how to apologize.”

“Don’t apologize, just do it again.”

“Have you lost your damn mind?”

It was obvious Hugo and I weren’t on the same page about the kiss, but the disgusted expression came like a fist into my liver. I was expecting anger, not such a hurtful reaction.

I never was Hugo’s favorite Nucci. Hell, I wasn’t even his favorite person in this house, but this revulsion was beyond it.

“I didn’t mean to appall you,” I said after swallowing the gigantic knot in my throat.

I kept my face still as a statue, but I couldn’t stop the tears from gathering in my eyes. Hugo stopped me before I got to turn around and hide under my bed.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because we kissed, Mustafa, and it wasn’t a childish kiss behind the school gym. I can see the scratches on your chest. I had to use a lot of foundation to hide the bruises around my lips. That was two people trying to mark each other, and when you think about it, you look like you bit into a lemon,” I sniffed. “I don’t know why you treated me like I had leprosy all my life, but I…last night I thought that maybe…” ugh, I couldn’t find my damn words. “Would it kill you to be nice to me?”

He kept his face in check, but the arm he was using to grab onto the door frame flexed, his muscles getting even more defined than before.

“I am not a nice person.” I felt a depth to his words that he was trying to hid away.

“Well, no one is going to accuse you of anything different.” I let my head down and shook it slowly, disappointed in myself for letting him get to me again. “Is it me? Is it something I did?”

“Christ, no, Cat. You were…fuck.” His eyes fell on my lips briefly. “It’s not you.”

He started breathing more audibly, and the joints of his fingers were white from grabbing to the wood that framed his door with too much force. He was restraining himself. It was the first time I saw any sign that Hugo was close to losing control. I made a small step towards him, testing the waters, and then a couple more, leaving only a few inches of space between our bodies.

“Catherinelle, stop.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Don’t be stupid, Cat. I don’t want to hurt you.” But he was hurting me with this wall of rejection. “You know there’s nothing here.”

“The only thing I know is I felt you between my legs last night. You broke the damn cabinet, Hugo! Don’t tell me I’m insane because I’m not.”

He took a deep breath, calming himself.

“Fucking hell, woman, can’t you just leave me alone?”

“No!”

“You are a beautiful girl.” He said it like it was a bad thing. “You always wear these short skirts. Look at you now, I can see your ass, Cat. Whether you go out to work some corner or go to school is anyone’s guess, but you are a child, for Christ’s sake. Last night I…slipped, but I’m into different things. Not you.”

My jaw dropped. I didn’t know what was more offensive, that he told me I dressed like a whore, him calling me a kid or telling me point blank I was not good enough for him. I wanted to say something, hurt him back, but the lack of air stopped me. We just looked at each other. He was mad, and I was crushed under the pile of his spiteful words.

Vito popped up from around the corner, confused to find us so close.

“Hey, man, I’m here.”

“Go,” Hugo mumbled under his breath, and when I didn’t move, he grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around. “Go, Cat, you’ll be late for school.”

Like I could give a fuck about missing first period right then, but I left anyway. There wasn’t anything else to say. I walked past Vito, telling him to meet me in the car so I could grab my bag. When I slipped into the backseat, he looked at me in the rearview mirror, puzzled by my foul mood.

“Everything alright, Cat?”

“Hmm? Yeah.”

“The big man giving you grief?”

Vito was a sweet boy, very loyal to my family, and he was one of the best security details Gino had, even if he was only twenty-four. He was sleek as a fox and never missed anything. My brother used to tell me that Vito probably had six eyes, so I knew better than to underestimate that subtle suspicion I heard in his voice.

“You didn’t hear about last night?”

“I did.”

“Yeah, well, now he’s not letting me do anything without supervision,” I lied. “We got into a fight about it.”

“He’ll come around, don’t worry. You’ll miss a party or two and then go back to normal.”

Except I didn’t think my relationship with Hugo would ever be normal again.

He made me feel embarrassed, like some dumb girl licking the shoes of a guy, which wasn’t far from the truth. I had tried to allure him, be a femme fatale, and all he saw was a little girl playing dress up.

I was raised to always keep my head up; my father and grandfather always told me about my blessed blood. Shame was never an option for someone who wore the Nucci name, but the Albanian Monster had me hanging my head in shame.

The radio was on, and I could hear Queen Bonnie preaching: It’s a heartache. I could feel her gruff, crisp female voice in my head soothing my bruised heart.

I did feel like a dog that was left out in the eye of the storm by its owner. Definitely a clown. What was I thinking? Why did I allow myself to slip into a childish fantasy about a man who had no interest for me? That kiss that made my organs shift with excitement and desire meant nothing to him, and I shouldn’t even be surprised. Hugo had an endless string of women going through his bed. Locking lips with a turned-on blonde was practically his Wednesday afternoon.

I was a mafia princess. I was Catherinelle Nucci. But it was about time to accept that for Hugo Mustafa, I was nothing but an inconvenience.

The day dragged past me like a lazy snail, and when my AP history class was over, I already felt drained. I don’t know if it was just because I felt like shit, but the world seemed more hostile. Everything was too loud, and more than once, I was surprised to find people looking at me funny.

I got out of class and walked through the sea of people without any particular direction in mind. It was lunch time, but I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, and it was too cold to spend my period outside. Luckily for me, I saw two familiar faces coming my way.

Frank and Marco Nucci, Uncle Pepe’s grandkids and Vincenzo’s oldest nephews. They were only a few weeks older than me, even though, technically, their dad, Frank Sr., was my cousin, and I was their aunt. My family tree was a mess; I knew that. Sometimes it was hard for me to keep up with it. Frank and Marco were not only twins; they were identical, and I thought they looked a lot like Gino when he was their age, except the blue eyes and the darker complexion of their skin. They were lucky sons of bitches, getting the best of both worlds, the handsomeness of the Nucci men and the chocolate skin of their mother.

I was surprised to see them walking alone; there was usually some cheerleader hanging on their backs.

Frank came and picked me up in a bear hug and spun me around a couple of times.

“Hey, Cat. Where to?”

“No idea. I was thinking about skipping lunch.”

Marco took a step forward with his chest all puffed up.

“Why? Is someone giving you a hard time?”

I frowned.

“I’m just not hungry. Is something going on?”

I had the impression things were off all day, but I blamed it all on Hugo.

“We had practice this morning, and Nate didn’t made it. Jason and Miriam made a point of bitching to everyone about what happened to him last night. Did Mustafa really strangle him?”

Of course Miriam got into bitch mode the second I stepped away from her. I was tired of the hot and cold power struggle we’d had since seventh grade. We’d be out of school in a few months; what was the point of all of this?

“He didn’t strangle anyone. Hugo walked into a party while Nate was…hugging me…” there was no need to put another target on his back. The twins wouldn’t hesitate to give Nate their input on the situation too, “and he just grabbed him by the neck and threw him into a table.”

They both laughed, and Frank hugged me again.

“Nate is a pussy. You really need to stop hanging out with that chick and her dickless friends.” Yeah, Frank wasn’t wrong about that. “Anyways, everyone knows about it, people talk.”

“People talk about us all the time.”

“True, so let’s skip today. We have fucking geometry next period, and I don’t feel like going.”

I looked over at Marco, and he just shrugged, silently agreeing with his brother.

“What did your mom cook?” I asked.

Their mother, Patty, used to be a chef at her parents’ Ethiopian restaurant before marrying Frank Sr. and becoming a mob wife, but she still loved to spend time in the kitchen. I’d never seen anyone sit at her table and not ask for seconds.

“I think we have some lasagna from last night.”

“Dude, I have lasagna at my hose. I want Fatira.”

Fatira was this awesome dish she made, kind of a breakfast snack from the Horn of Africa with pastry and scrambled eggs with honey filling. It was amazing.

“I thought you weren’t hungry.”

“I am if she makes me Fatira. Also, if we leave, we need to take B too. I’m not going to listen to you talk about hookups the whole day.”

Their little sister, Bianca, was one of my favorite people in the world. She was sixteen and a sophomore at our school. She was my best damn friend and knew most of my secrets. B was the only one who knew I wanted to lose my V-card to someone and enjoy my rebellious stage. Actually, she was the one who suggested Nate. In her words, Nate is pretty enough to be worth seeing naked and stupid enough to not be worth keeping after.

“Wow, Cat,” Marco said, pretending to be shocked, one hand dramatically on his chest. “You want us to teach our baby sister to ditch school? What kind of role models do you think we are?”

“Oh, please, shut up and let’s go already.”

 

~

 

We found Bianca, and we didn’t have to ask her twice to skip the rest of the day. Marco drove us all to their house, and we ate together. Frank Sr. came home too, and I asked him to let Hugo know where I was and that I didn’t need anyone to come and pick me up today. I could have called home myself, but right then, I was set on avoiding Mustafa like he was carrying the last case of the black plague.

The boys went to their cave to play Street Fighter on their PlayStation, and even though I could have kicked their asses at that game after all the hours of practice I got with Vito, I passed. I thanked Patty for the meal and went upstairs with Bianca to hang in her room. She was at one end of the bed, sucking on a watermelon lollypop, and I was at the other, flat on my back with my head hanging over the edge.

“Last night was a disaster,” I moaned.

“I heard. So Nate didn’t get to pop your cherry before Hugo showed up to kill him?” She said it like we were talking about the weather, not assault and battery.

“No, Jesus, we were at a party, and honestly, I don’t feel anything for him.”

“Wasn’t that the whole point?”

“I meant I don’t feel attracted to him. And if I was before, I sure as hell ain’t now.”

She didn’t respond right away; instead, she came to my end of the bed and laid on her belly, her fabulous curly black hair covering her back. She was keeping it long, even if it was hell to take care of it. All three kids got Patty’s curly hair. That curly hair was the reason for my first mafia hit. When I turned fifteen, my nonno threw me a huge party at an amusement park down in Sandy Hook Bay. He invited a lot of his friends and their kids, but I didn’t know half of them. On the guest list also was Lucien Garibaldi, the Capo of the Garibaldi family and his two daughters. At the time one of them, Sally, was eighteen – and she may or may not have slept with Gino on the pier that night – and the other, Betty, was ten. Betty told Bianca that she didn’t believe she was a Nucci because she was mixed, and no Italian had curly hair like hers. I remembered how mad I was when I overheard that and saw the hurt on B’s face. That little skank from New Jersey called someone in my family a liar, so I waited for the sun to go down, dragged her behind a roller-coaster and broke her finger. I didn’t remember waking up that day and choosing violence, but it was worth it.

“Cat, what exactly happened last night?”

She made me look into her eyes.

“W-what?”

“I’m just saying, yesterday you were set on fooling around with Nate, and now you don’t want it anymore.”

“Nate is a mindless idiot, and I just don’t want Hugo to find out and lose his mind again.”

“You mean Gino.”

I looked at her with confusion and blinked rapidly a couple of times.

“Gino?”

“Your brother? The one who’s opinion you should actually care about. Why is Hugo Mustafa suddenly part of your decision?”

That was the million-dollar question. I had carried a torch for that dark and monstruous man since I was in second grade, but I never imagined it could happen. Not until last night. I kept all those fantasies locked up in my heart’s basement, somewhere where no one could find them, but last night when I lured him in our demonically passionate kiss, I danced with every single one of them. There wasn’t a place in my mind that wasn’t occupied by it; there wasn’t a spot on my heart that was left untouched. I did not know how to go back.

“B, can you keep a secret?”

She jumped up like a branding iron landed on her ass.

“Oh, my goodness gracious, you slept with Hugo,” she yelled, and I choked on my own tongue.

I pushed myself up and grabbed Bianca, covering her mouth with my hand.

“Shhh! No, I didn’t. We just kissed.”

She didn’t make another sound, but her eyes turned to circles on her face. I didn’t take my hand away until I was sure she wouldn’t say something stupid again and risk someone overhearing it.

“Hugo kissed you? Hugo, like, the guy who’s in charge of protecting you? The underboss? The Albanian Monster kissed you?”

He was all those things and many more. It wasn’t only his duty and oath to the family between us; it was his friendship with my brother. There was a bro code.

“Not really. I kissed him, but he didn’t stop me. It got intense.”

“Cat, this…wow…it’s… Does anyone know? Gino?”

“Are you insane? Gino is in Italy with Muse. He would lock me in his bathroom and take Hugo out for a walk on the bottom of the Hudson River. You can’t tell anyone, B, I’m serious. Not your mom, not your brothers, anyone!”

“Don’t you think I know that? You can trust me; it’s ok. What now? Are you going to seal the deal?”

“Well, now he hates me more than ever. He basically threw me out of my own house this morning, dumping me on Vito’s lap.”

“Uh, I wouldn’t mind being dumped on Vito’s lap either.”

My jaw fell down while she was smiling like a minx.

“Bianca!”

“What, you are allowed to, but I’m not? I think he’s cute.”

“If you say so. Can we get back to my thing? I don’t know what to do.”

Bianca crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows in an all-knowingly way.

“You go and get him; that’s what you do.”

“B, you should have seen him. You think Hugo was closed up before? This morning he went fucking arctic on me.”

“What’s your last name?”

I rolled my eyes at her.

“B, you sound like nonno.”

“What’s your last name?” she repeated herself.

“Nucci.”

“And?”

“A Nucci always gets what they want.” The sentence was a solemn oath in this family. It was the first thing you heard when you were little and the last thing a lot of people heard before closing their eyes forever.

“Exactly.”

“Bianca, you and me both know Hugo deserves his nick name. He’s a beast, and he still sees me as the pig-tailed girl that used to beg him to play hide and seek with me.”

“Right. The men in our life tend to have this problem, don’t they? My brothers and my dad refuse to see I’m getting older. It’s pretty hard to not grow up fast when you come home and find a stranger handcuffed to a pipe in the basement.” That happened. She and the twins slept at our place for a week when that happened, while Frank Sr. installed locks all over the house. “You have to…”

She was cut by the sound of the door opening and Patty walking in with a smile on her face.

“Cat, love, Hugo is here to pick you up.”

My heart started to thump in my chest. Why? I didn’t tell him to come and pick me up. I thought after the temper tantrum he threw that morning, that he would be happy to have some fucking space.

“I see. I think it was about time to go home anyways. Thank you for lunch, Patty.” I thanked her with a sincere hug.

“Anytime, love. Go say goodbye to your cousins,” she said after letting me go.

I swung by the twins’ room to let them know I was leaving and went down the stairs with Bianca on my tail like she was a hound. Hugo was at the front door with his arms crossed and legs parted. His face was neutral, not showing the faintest trace of emotion. The unhinged man I faced this morning was back in the cage, and the old Hugo, the one who wore jeans and black t-shirts and got lost in the silence was back.

He wasn’t looking at me, and my voice caught him by surprise when I said ‘Hi.’

“Let’s go, Cat.”

We walked together to his car, and I climbed in the passenger seat, not knowing what to expect. He started the car and jumped right into traffic, keeping everything to himself, but I was too unsettled to stay silent.

“Didn’t Frank Sr. tell you I didn’t need a ride?”

I noticed how his grip slightly tightened around the wheel.

“He did, but we needed to talk, and you didn’t come home. Don’t ditch school; your mother will get mad when she finds out.”

“Then let’s not tell her. Let’s talk.”

He growled.

“It can wait until we get to the house.”

I didn’t push it. If he wanted to run the show, I’d just let him and see where it got us.

I spent many rides in silence with Hugo looking straight into the traffic and completely ignoring my existence, but this time it was different. There was an awkwardness pressing hard upon us, and it made me very uncomfortable. When he finally pulled up on my street, I exhaled, relaxing.

He stopped to say something to the two guys in the car parked across the street, but I didn’t wait. I took the elevator to the third floor, throwing my coat on a chair and walked into the kitchen. I went straight for the wine fridge, getting the cork out of a bottle of white that was already open and pouring myself a glass over a bunch of ice cubes. I sipped the sweet and sour liquid, enjoying the light bouquet of aromas, letting it wash away my disquiet, but the moment I lifted my eyes, I saw the missing cabinet door and got all jittery again. There was a longing inside of me every time I remembered that wouldn’t let me be at peace.

When Hugo caught up to me, he stopped in his tracks.

“Someone will come tomorrow to fix that,” he said hesitantly and then he looked at my glass like it was an insult. “You shouldn’t be drinking.”

“Do you ever get tired of nagging me, Mustafa?”

“I am not nagging you. You are seventeen; it’s illegal.”

Laughter shook my body, and I almost spit my wine.

“Let’s go in the other room. I wanna sit down. Should I pour you a glass too, Hugo?”

“Nah.”

We went to the living room, and I threw myself on the plush sofa, enjoying the comfort while Hugo sat in the matching arm chair. I always liked this room. It had looked the same for as long as I remembered, with the stained wood coffee table, the three arm chairs and sofa with golden frames and cushioned with black velvet that felt so soft. Now when the winter sun was settling in Brooklyn, the rays played in the crystal chandelier. In a few weeks, a huge Christmas tree would be placed right next to the window, and I’d come here to watch the snow fall from the sky. It gave me comfort to be here, and it was exactly what I needed right now.

“You said we have something to talk about.”

“About last night, Cat.”

Fucking finally.

“You mean when you attacked my boyfriend or after?”  I asked and then took the wine glass to my lips, watching Hugo turn hostile over the rim. Maybe it wasn’t the best strategy to poke him with a stick.

“If I ever see him near you again, Cat, that boy will not live to see the end of his puberty.” He didn’t raise his voice, but there was a stone-cold truth in his words.

“You can’t tell me who I can see.”

“I can, and I will. He wants you to touch his cock, and I’m ready to leave him without one.”

The Nucci blood started boiling in my veins. I had no further plans to lose any more time with Nate, but it wasn’t his place to order me around like I was dog.

“Strontzo!”

“Watch. It. I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, Catherinelle, but you need to lose the attitude.”

“Then so do you, jackass. You have done nothing but make my life hell ever since Gino made you my guard. Are you blaming me because he made you do it? Because, trust me, I begged him to change his decision.”

“Oh, really?”

“Oh, you can bet on it. I’d be so much happier with Vito keeping an eye on me. He’s cute; he’s fun.” I shrugged and crossed my legs, staring straight into his murderous silver eyes. “I’m sure that if I kissed Vito, he would have finished the job.”

When I saw Hugo swooping in my direction, I knew I had finally pushed him over the edge, but I wasn’t scared. No. I was excited.