An Uninvited Bride on his Doorstep by Ava Winters
Chapter Twenty-One
Logan paced slowly back and forth, hands on his hips. The horses were grazing contentedly, the events of the previous night forgotten. Logan envied them. It would be a long while before he forgot last night, if he ever did.
Darrell approached and said, “Six hundred ninety-three.”
“That’s how many they took or how many we have left?”
“That’s what we have left.”
Gregory counted twenty-four dead horses the night before. That meant the rustlers had escaped with an even seven hundred head.
Logan nodded. “Sheriff doesn’t know anything?”
Darrell frowned. “I didn’t talk to the sheriff, you did.”
“Right,” Logan said, rubbing his temples. “Well, he doesn’t know anything, I guess.”
Darrell looked closely at Logan. “You okay?” he asked.
“I reckon I’m just tired,” Logan replied.
Darrell didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t press the issue. “Why don’t you go get some rest? I can supervise the fence repair and the horses, as you can see, are fine where they are. You need sleep.”
Logan couldn’t agree more. “All right. Much obliged.”
Darrell tipped his hat and left for the fence.
Logan walked home, his shoulders slumped with defeat. Seven hundred head gone. This was going to ruin the ranch. They were barely staying afloat as it was. The loss of half their herd was something from which they would never recover. They might manage to limp along a few more months, maybe even a year or two but eventually, they would fail.
They couldn’t afford to replenish the herd. The best option available was to sell the remaining herd and use the money to support themselves until they could each find work. That wouldn’t be a problem for three able-bodied young men used to hard work. It wouldn’t be a problem with Winona either. She’d proven more than capable of hard work as well. Still, the ranch would be gone, and his family name would be nothing more than a memory. He would be a failure. Just like his father.
That thought knocked the wind out of him. He sat on the ground, and leaned forward, putting his head between his knees. His breath escaped in a rush, and he inhaled deeply before stilling, staring at the dirt.
An ant wandered slowly around, confused by the sudden shadow. It ventured a few tentative steps in each direction before choosing a course and proceeding confidently forward. Unfortunately, that route led it directly to the seat of Logan’s canvas trousers and the creature once more was forced to try to navigate its way out.
He’d tried so hard. He’d worked his heart out to keep the ranch alive; to care for his family. He wanted so much for them to be safe and comfortable. He’d worked so hard, and he’d failed.
He took his hat off and tossed it on the ground in front of him. The warmth of the rising sun soothed his aching muscles slightly and a moment later he stood and continued toward the house.
If only he’d listened to Jay.
That thought hit like another whirlwind, and he stopped dead in his tracks. For the first time, he seriously considered the merits of Jay’s interest in cattle and realized his younger brother was right the whole time. Jay was right and Logan was too—what’s the word Winona used—pigheaded to see it. No, it was worse than that.
He did see it, but his pride wouldn’t let him admit it. He wanted to beat Heath Ross at his own game, and he allowed his family’s ranch to fail because of it. If he’d listened to Jay in the beginning and sold the horses to buy more cattle, they wouldn’t be in this mess right now.
Then a thought hit him. They could still follow Jay’s plan! They could sell the horses and buy another seven hundred head of cattle. That would make a thousand head total—more than enough to start—and since cattle were cheaper than horses, they would have money left over to finish repairing the stables and hire more hands to replace the ones that were lost.
They would have to expand to accommodate cattle, since cattle needed more room than horses, but they could pay for that when they began selling. They could still save the ranch.
He would have to tell Jay as soon as he could. Jay might not want to talk to him after Logan hit him the night before, but if Logan told him he was going to follow Jay’s plan, that would get him to listen and give Logan a chance to apologize for his behavior. That was the least Jay deserved. From now on, Logan was going to treat his family as partners instead of employees. Heaven knew he needed their help.
There was someone he had to apologize to first, though. Winona was the best thing that had ever happened to Logan, and it was clear to him now more than ever that he didn’t deserve her. She’d done more for his family over the past five months than he had over the past five years. She didn’t deserve to be treated like an outsider or like property. He doubted she would be any more willing to listen at first than Jay would be, but if he began with a sincere apology, maybe she’d hear him out.
He walked faster toward the house, reaching it a few minutes later. Winona was in the kitchen, drawing in a small notebook she’d ordered from Cordelia a few weeks ago. She looked up when he entered.
“Hello, Winona,” Logan said softly.
She looked down at her notebook and continued to draw without answering.
He walked around the table and sat across from her. She continued to ignore him. “Winona, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not trusting you. I’m sorry for breaking your trust. You deserve so much better than me, and I’ll never forgive myself for the way I’ve treated you. I don’t expect you to forgive me either, but I’d like to explain myself if you’re willing to hear me out.”
She smiled slightly but didn’t look up. “What explanation could you possibly have?”
“Not a good one.”
“I should think not. You won me playing a casino game.”
“A what game?”
“Never mind,” Winona snapped. “Look, if you have something to say, say it. Then leave me alone.”
Logan nodded. The excitement he felt a moment ago had fled, replaced by apprehension. No turning back now, though. He took a deep breath and began.
“I didn’t win the game.”
Winona looked up from her notebook. “What?”
“The jackstraws game. I didn’t win it. I mean, I did, but not fair and square. I cheated.”
“You cheated at jackstraws to win my hand in marriage.”
“Yes.”
“How did you cheat at jackstraws?”
“When I dumped the sticks, I grabbed a few of the yellow sticks without letting my brothers see. As we played, I would add a stick every now and then. Because there are so many yellow sticks, my brothers never noticed I was adding more.”
Winona stared at him for a moment. Then she laughed and looked up, shaking her head in disbelief. “Of all the crazy things …” She looked back at him. “Okay, so what? You cheated at jackstraws to win my hand. Am I supposed to be flattered?”
“No, I’m not saying that.”
“And I suppose I should be grateful you only wanted a marriage of convenience and didn’t try to coerce me into romance.”
“No!” Logan protested. “I’m not saying that, either.”
“So, what are you saying?”
Logan hesitated for a moment. He had no idea how to say what he wanted to say. Finally, he just said, “It had to be me.”
“What?”
“It had to be me. Marrying you. It had to be me. I couldn’t let Gregory or Jay marry you. I just couldn’t.”
“Why not? At least they wanted to marry me.”
“I wanted to marry you!” Logan blurted out.
“Then why didn’t you say so?” Winona demanded. Tears welled in her eyes. “I asked to marry you. In front of my father and stepmother, I asked you and you said no. I asked you more than once and you said no. I pleaded with you, and you said no. Now I’m supposed to believe you wanted to all along? If that’s the case, then where was your courage, Logan Foley?”
Logan shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it just didn’t seem right to take advantage of a vulnerable young woman like that.”
“Don’t play the gentleman with me, Logan. Don’t try to act like you’re some chivalrous knight coming to the rescue of the damsel in distress. If you wanted to marry me, you should have said so.”
“I should have,” Logan agreed. “I should have said so a thousand times. I should have told you every day what an amazing, strong, courageous, beautiful woman you are. I should have told you every day how grateful I am to be by your side. I should have told you every day that you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m sorry I didn’t. I was wrong.”
“Yes,” Winona spat. “You were. You were very wrong. You’re still wrong. For someone as smart and strong as you seemed to be, Logan, you turned out to be quite the foolish coward.”
Her words cut him like a knife. What cut worse was the knowledge he deserved them. “You’re right,” he said. “I allowed my insecurity and fear to rule me, and I pushed you away. I’m a fool and a coward.” He looked up at her. “But I don’t want to be anymore.”
“Well, good for you,” she said, sarcastically. “That’s the first step to lasting change.”
“Winona, I don’t expect your forgiveness and I’m not asking for it. I just want you to know I’m not going to be the same man anymore. You’re my partner. You deserve an equal say. So do Gregory and Jay. I’ve treated all of you like you’re my subjects instead of my equals. Especially you and Jay. I should have listened to you guys from the beginning. It’s my fault the ranch is suffering.
“I can’t do this alone anymore. I can’t take everything on all by myself and I can’t keep secrets. If I want to earn your trust, I have to be totally honest with you.” He paused. What he had to say next would be very hard. “I have to tell you something else.”
“Oh boy,” Winona said with mock excitement. “Another story.”
“Part of the reason I wanted to marry you was to get back at your father.”
Winona’s face was unreadable. “What?” she breathed.
Logan nodded. “I hated your father. I hated him so much, Winona. I despised him for what he did to my Pa. I despised him and … I guess I despised my Pa a little bit, too. Your father ruined him, and Pa just rolled over and took it. He never tried to get what was due him or stop Heath from running roughshod all over their deal. He just rolled over, belly-up and let Heath destroy him. I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven Pa for that. I thought if I could just get caught up with the ranch, I could eventually outgrow the Ross ranch with superior breeding. I wanted so much to succeed where Pa had failed. I wanted to prove the Foleys were the better ranchers. Marrying you didn’t exactly prove anything, but knowing that Heath Ross would have to see his daughter on my arm in public and one day acknowledge grandchildren that looked like me was thrilling to me.”
“Grandchildren,” Winona whispered, her face still blank.
“I wanted to hurt him. Not just him, but the entire town. I wanted people to see the son of the man they’d scandalized leading the daughter of the man they worshipped. I wanted them to know I had won.”
Logan took Winona’s hands in his. They remained limp in his grasp as she continued to stare ahead with that blank look. “Winona, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I should never have treated you like a prize or a token of some imagined victory. I should have married you.
The right way. Not a marriage of revenge or convenience, but of love. I should have courted you and cared for you and included you and supported you like a proper husband. I didn’t do that, and I will always regret my behavior.
“Like I told you, I don’t expect or deserve your forgiveness. What I did deserves no forgiveness. I only ask that you give me a chance to start over. Let me prove for the rest of my life that I can be the man you deserve and the man you need. I know I have a long way to go, but it’s a journey I’m willing to take.”
He stopped then and waited for Winona to respond. She stared silently at him, her face still expressionless. She didn’t speak for several minutes. Logan’s anxiety grew as he waited but he forced himself to remain still and silent.
Finally, Winona said, “Logan, I can’t make sense of this. It’s just so strange. I feel so … out of sorts. I thought when I decided to stay here, I knew what I was doing. I thought I was so mature and grown-up; so ready to have my own life and make my own decisions, and now … Logan, it doesn’t make any sense! You wanted to marry me, but you refused to.
Then your brothers wanted to marry me, and you cheated to win my hand. You say you tried to tell me you love me while doing everything you can to avoid saying you love me. You tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me, but you’ve insisted on a marriage of convenience. I thought when we kissed … I don’t know what I thought. It just doesn’t make any sense.”
She fell silent a moment. Logan stared ahead, avoiding her eyes. Her words cut deeply, especially the ones about telling her he loved her while doing everything he could not to say it. Why couldn’t he just tell her he loved her?
Her face hardened. “You tried to use me to get revenge on my father. Logan, I … I need to think.” She pulled her hands away from his. He left his hands in front of him, staring stupidly, the lingering presence of her touching a weight on his palms and his heart.
Winona stood slowly. “I think you and I should take some time apart. We live with each other and neither of us can afford a room at the boarding house, so we should just avoid each other as much as possible for a while. I care about you, Logan but I don’t know if you really care about me the way you say you do. I need to think. So do you.”
She turned and left without another word. Logan sat where she left for a long while, his brain numbed once more. He sat until the sun peaked and continued to sit until it began to dip toward the horizon. Then he slowly, mechanically stood and walked to his room. That night, for the first time since his parents died, he cried himself to sleep.