An Uninvited Bride on his Doorstep by Ava Winters
Chapter Twenty-Two
The sun shone over Winona with a perfect amount of warmth that drove the chill of the morning from her bones without stifling her. The trees that lined the road on either side of the wagon displayed rich hues of red, gold and orange as they prepared to shed their leaves to conserve energy through the long, hard winter.
Winter was approaching quickly but today it didn’t feel that way. Quails and groundhogs flitted around, foraging for seeds and grasses and—in the quails’ case—insects to fill their bellies and their pantries during the months-long freeze. Winona heard songbirds calling to each other as they foraged the canopy. They sounded happy and free and alive.
Winona remembered how excited she would be as a child when the leaves began to change and the animals would grow bolder in their foraging, desperate to collect enough food for winter. She would ask her mother the names of the quails and groundhogs she saw, and her mother would give them names and tell stories about their lives in the wilderness while Winona listened with rapt attention.
Winona had loved rides with her parents. Her father would smile and laugh, and her mother would hold and kiss her tenderly. That was the last time she could remember feeling like a family. After her mother died, her father lost his smile and the animals no longer had names.
When her stepmother arrived, her father came alive again but not for Winona. She became the burden Audrey and Heath had to carry. At the same time, they drowned her in rules and expectations until the happy, imaginative girl Winona had been no longer existed.
She wanted so desperately to leave that house and find a family again—a family of her own that would establish itself on love and trust rather than status. She thought she’d found it with the Foleys. She’d been so excited to marry Logan! Now, she wasn’t sure. They could hardly be said to have acted like a family the entire five months and more she’d been there, what with the constant fighting and the distrust that existed between all four of them. Now they were even further apart from each other.
After the horses were rustled and Jay revealed that Winona’s marriage to Logan was the result of a parlor game, she was devastated but clung to the slight hope that it was all a mistake—that somehow Jay was wrong, and Logan really did feel something for her. Then Logan admitted to the game and the sliver of hope she held so tightly vanished.
She needed to clear her head, so early the next morning, she washed and drove into town. The cool morning air invigorated her, and the warming sun soothed her but neither helped her come to a satisfying answer in her head.
She reached the butcher shop just as Mr. Holt opened the door for business. He smiled broadly when he saw her. “Morning, Winona! It’s so good to see you.”
She returned a smile she didn’t feel and said, “Good morning, Mr. Holt. How are you today?”
“Well, I’m fine, as fine china!” he replied in an animated voice. Winona wondered briefly if his cheerfulness was genuine or manufactured for her benefit as hers was for his. He walked behind the counter and tied on his apron. “Now what can I do for you today, Miss Winona?”
Winona purchased two dozen sausage links, twenty pounds of salt pork and four thick steaks. Mr. Holt packaged her order and threw in a rack of pork ribs. When the wagon was loaded, he beamed at Winona. “No charge today, Winona.” His face became instantly somber. “I heard about what happened. You tell your husband I’m right sorry. Tell him a lot of people in this town are pulling for you and your family. If you folks ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m happy to help.”
Winona wasn’t sure how to respond, so she only said, “Thank you,” and left. As she drove to the mercantile, she reflected on Mr. Holt’s words. A lot of people in this town are pulling for you and your family. She realized suddenly that most of her time to this point had been spent in the company of high society.
Sure, she would take her walks through the poor quarters of town, and she would occasionally chat with the shopkeepers but most of her socializing had been with the wealthy elite, all of whom held the Foleys in disdain. The revelation that the other social classes didn’t see it that way should have been gratifying.
It should have been, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Logan’s deception. To think her marriage was based on a silly game!
She’d understood when Logan offered only a marriage of convenience, free of romance. She couldn’t deny even then that she was disappointed, but she understood. She was a stranger, and she was asking a lot of Logan, more than she had any right to. She could live without romance, at least long enough to allow it to grow naturally.
She’d admired Logan for his generosity in accepting her proposal. She wasn’t under any illusion that he loved her, but she thought it noble that he had the decency to save her from scandal, and more importantly, a lifetime of misery with Jude. Learning yesterday that his acceptance was the result of a game rather than a genuine desire for her hand had crushed her.
What if Gregory or Jay had won? What if Logan’s elaborate plan to cheat had failed and Winona were forced to marry one of his brothers? She shivered at the thought. Gregory was a good friend, at least until Winona learned of his culpability in the jackstraws game of the century, but Winona wasn’t in love with him. Jay had a good heart, but he had a lot of growing up to do before he was ready to be anyone’s husband, and in any case, she wasn’t in love with him either.
She was in love with Logan.
A single tear coursed down her cheek at the thought, and she dabbed at it with her handkerchief. She was in love with him, and she could no longer pretend otherwise. Everything about him was a contradiction. He was so unlike any other man she’d ever met—strong, courageous and so tender and caring underneath that gruff exterior.
He was a rough-mannered, surly rancher but also a tender, caring companion. He could be petulant as a child one instant then stoic and resolute the next. He was the most frustrating person she’d ever known.
And she was in love with him. She was in love with him and, foolish girl that she was, she’d dared to hope he might eventually feel the same.
As usual, her hopes were disappointed. After everything, Winona finally knew she was nothing more than a pawn in Logan’s personal vendetta against her father. So much for finding a handsome prince who would sweep her off her feet.
She reached the mercantile and quickly dabbed at her face with the handkerchief to remove any sign of tears. She took a deep breath and flashed a brilliant smile before dismounting and walking inside.
Mrs. Haversham looked up from her sewing machine. Her face lit up when she saw Winona. She stood and rushed over.
“Good morning, Mrs. Haversham,” Winona said. “I was wondering—”
Mrs. Haversham threw her arms around Winona, stunning her and nearly knocking her off balance. The elderly woman fussed and cooed over her. “Oh, you poor dear. I heard about what happened with the horses. I’m so sorry.”
“That—that’s all right,” Winona said, awkwardly returning her embrace.
Mrs. Haversham pulled away after a moment, holding Winona at arm’s length. “Lucky you have a big, strong husband to protect you.”
“Oh, yes,” Winona replied. “Lucky.”
Mrs. Haversham beamed and released Winona’s arm. “Now then. What can I help you with?”
Winona purchased several yards of canvas fabric for new trousers and shirts, as well as several yards of cotton and linen for new dresses and nightclothes. She purchased a sewing kit as well. Starting tomorrow, she would mend their clothes and sew new outfits for each of the boys.
She left with a smile and a promise to return on Sunday for some of Mrs. Haversham’s strawberry preserves. Her next stop was the general store. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to seeing Cordelia. Of all the shopkeepers, Cordelia knew her best and would likely see through the façade of cheerfulness she carried. She didn’t have a choice, though. They needed supplies, and whatever her future looked like at the ranch, she was there now.
She didn’t mind living on the ranch. Even now, with her family fractured as it was, she didn’t mind living there. She just couldn’t get past how she ended up there. Aside from the stupid game where Logan “won” her hand in marriage, she had his motivations to consider. Using her as some sort of weapon against her father like that was simply unforgivable.
She sympathized more than anyone with Logan’s humiliation at Heath’s betrayal of her father, but to treat her like some sort of prize that he could shove in Heath’s face was insulting and more hurtful even than the manner in which he won her hand.
What hurt the most was that prior to last night, she’d thought Logan at least respected her, even if he didn’t really love her. She was so proud of the wife she’d been to him! Despite growing up in the lap of luxury and despite having no experience at all with chores or cooking, she’d cleaned and repaired the entire house almost by herself.
She’d assisted with the herd during the most recent storm. She’d begun tilling the vegetable garden again by herself, and she’d become at least a decent cook. Maybe she wouldn’t win any prizes at the county fair, but she thought she’d done a decent job feeding the brothers. Certainly no one complained after the fiasco with Jay during the first dinner she cooked.
She laughed bitterly. Those boys seemed determined to sully every good thing she did. It’s like they were afraid of happiness!
Her smile faded as she considered that all her hard work to this point had likely gone unnoticed. Logan hadn’t seen her as a strong, capable, independent woman, whatever he had said during his ridiculous excuse for an apology. She wanted him to trust her so badly; to see her as a worthy companion and not just something fancy to wear on his arm. It seemed she was once again doomed to suffer disappointment.
She walked into the general store and smiled brightly at Cordelia. “Good morning, Cordelia!” she said with enthusiasm. “What a lovely day we’re having!”
Cordelia returned the smile, but her eyes narrowed when she saw Winona’s face and Winona knew she saw right through her mask of cheerful exterior. She didn’t pry, however, but only said, “A lovely day indeed, Winona. It’s so good to see you, as always. I’m so glad to hear you and your family are safe.”
“Yes,” Winona agreed. “We’re very grateful.” She produced her grocery list and handed it to Cordelia, hoping to finish her business quickly and avoid Cordelia’s shrewd gaze. Cordelia took the list, smiling wryly but once again refused to pry and set about filling the order. Winona put on a show of perusing the shelves while Cordelia worked. She felt guilty for shunning the older woman, but she really didn’t feel up to explaining herself to anyone at the moment.
After a few minutes, Cordelia finished preparing the order. “All right, Winona. We’re all set.”
“Thank you, Cordelia,” Winona said, relieved. “How much do I owe you?”
Cordelia’s smile widened. “A few minutes of your time is all I ask.”
“Oh,” Winona said. “Um … I’m really in a hurry today, Cordelia but perhaps next time …”
“It will only take a moment,” Cordelia interrupted.
Her tone was gentle but left no room for refusal. Winona sighed and smiled. “Of course, Cordelia. I always have time for you.”
“Wonderful,” Cordelia beamed. “Winona, I can see you’re in pain.” She lifted her hand before Winona could protest. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I won’t press you. I’ll only say this: one of the most beautiful and terrible things about being young is that the present moment is often the only moment you can see. It’s beautiful because you get to experience each moment as richly as though it were an entire lifetime. It’s terrible because when those experiences are sad or frightening, it’s difficult to see a way out.
“Now, one of the beautiful and terrible things about being older is you begin to realize that each moment is only a moment. Life is not a moment, not even a series of moments. Life is a rich, full experience that is composed of moments but evolves to become something greater than those moments. Do you understand what I mean?”
“I think so,” Winona said.
“Good. Now that’s terrible in a sense because those moments no longer carry the same individual power they once did, so they no longer mean as much by themselves. In another sense, it’s the most beautiful thing that will ever happen because when you experience a moment of suffering, you have the wisdom to recognize that it’s only a moment that won’t last forever.
Those moments aren’t your life, only the soil from which your life grows, and the difficult moments are just as important to leading a full life as the easy ones.”
She smiled at Winona and handed her the basket. “Now, I won’t trouble you further. Just think about what I said and if it’s of any help then I’m grateful to have shared this moment with you.”
For the first time that day, Winona’s smile was genuine when she said, “Thank you, Cordelia.” She left the store, reflecting on what Cordelia said. She supposed it was true that this moment would pass, and she would not forever feel this pain. Still, since these moments were the soil from which her life would grow, could it possibly be the life she wanted?
She loved Logan dearly but no matter how she tried, she couldn’t escape her nagging fear that she’d once more chosen to marry the wrong man.