My Next Play by Carrie Ann Ryan
Chapter 2
Miles
“You’re tellingme you’re almost done with college, and you still don’t have a girlfriend?”
I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes at my younger brother as he bit into a French fry and grinned at me.
Aaron was fourteen. He’d been the surprise baby my parents hadn’t expected. After all, they had already been raising twins and hadn’t been prepared for a third kid. But along came Aaron, and our family was complete.
At least, for as long as we’d had it.
Aaron was loud, mischievous in the best ways, loved video games, and was a history nerd. However, he did his best to hide that from the rest of the world so he didn’t get bullied in school. He had plans to use history and some form of media to take over the world. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure how that would happen, but the kid wanted to go to college when the time came, and I was sure he would find a major that worked. It had taken me a while to figure out what I wanted to do, and here I was, in my senior year of college, getting a biomaterials degree, with grad school in the future and all of the lovely paperwork for my course load. And no girlfriend.
A fact that Aaron liked to point out.
Often.
“Hey, you don’t have a boyfriend,” I said. Oh, good. Now, I was kicking at a teenager to make myself feel better. Just kill me now.
Aaron only grinned. “That you know of.”
This time, I did roll my eyes. “If you did, you’d have told me.”
“That’s true,” he said, dipping his French fry into his milkshake. I did the same and sat back in the booth. We were sitting in a diner near campus, spending what little time I had in the afternoon just hanging out. I rarely got time alone with my brother without my parents breathing down my neck, being their overprotective selves. Not that I blamed them given everything that had happened, but it wasn’t like I could do anything beyond seeing Aaron for a couple of hours a week—if that.
I had made my choices before, and I had to live with them. I hated that Aaron had to live with them, as well.
“Seriously, why don’t you have a girlfriend? Weren’t you dating that one girl from your class?”
I bit into my burger, giving myself time to answer. “We’re just friends. Well, I thought we were friends. She wanted to get some things off her checklist,” I said, thinking of Marie. She’d wanted to spend a few weeks together for her plans, though I’d only featured in them marginally. She also fought the curve with me in every one of our upper-level classes.
“You mean she wanted to lose her V-card before she finished school?” My brother whispered the words, but they seemed to echo throughout the diner.
I cringed. “There were so many things wrong with that statement. However, the two of us weren’t on the same path into what we wanted out of a relationship.”
“You want love and marriage and all that?” Aaron asked.
I wanted to reach across the booth and smack him on the back of the head. I refrained. Only barely. “Not exactly. But it’s fine. We’re still friends.”
“Isn’t she in all your classes, though? You said you only had like eight people in each of your senior-level classes. That’s what you said.”
The kid never forgot a thing I told him. “Yes. And she’s dating one of the girls in our class now. They’re happy. I think they’re going off to grad school together.”
“So, you got left behind. Poor guy. It’s okay. I can teach you my moves.”
I snorted. “You’re fourteen. I don’t want to know what your moves are.”
Affronted, Aaron puffed out his chest. “I’ve got moves.”
“You’d better not, or Mom and Dad will bring down the hammer,” I warned, not teasing this time.
Aaron winced. “Okay, I don’t have moves. I have friends. No moves. You know Mom and Dad rarely let me out. I swear, if you hadn’t arranged this whole lunch thing on the weekends for us, I don’t think I’d even get to see you.”
I held back a sigh. “I’m always here, Aaron. No matter what. You know Mom and Dad are only overprotective and strict in their rules because they love us.”
“Yes, because of…well…everything.”
I swallowed hard and reached out and gripped his wrist. “I’m sorry, you know? That you have to deal with my messes.”
Aaron’s throat worked as he swallowed hard, but he looked up at me. “Don’t be sorry. I don’t blame you, you know. For anything.”
Tears pricked the backs of my eyes, and I let Aaron’s wrist go before I leaned back in the booth. The half-eaten burger in my stomach felt like lead, and I wasn’t hungry anymore. I pushed my plate to the middle and ignored my melting shake. “We all make decisions, and we all face the consequences.” At least those who survive the decisions, I thought to myself, but I didn’t say that out loud. Only I knew Aaron thought it, too. After all, it had only been four years ago when everything had changed. Aaron was fourteen now, in his first year of high school, and things were changing even more.
Our parents were strict with him, far more stringent than they had ever been with us. They tried to impose the same rules on me now, even though I wasn’t a child anymore. All because of one night when I hadn’t said no. When I had given in.
I sighed and pushed the thoughts from my mind. I didn’t need to think about that. As it was, I had applications to work on and essays to fill out. Grad school wouldn’t pop into existence on its own. I needed to work on programs that would pay me a stipend and allow me to go to school. I had earned scholarships for undergrad. Had saved throughout high school and college, and my parents saved for me so I wouldn’t end up in debt when it came to school. I was a teacher’s assistant on the side, which helped with bills, but I was still lucky. The grants I had now meant I needed to prove that I was worth it later. Special compensations wouldn’t pop out of nowhere.
“Hey, is there a reason we came here instead of meeting at your place?” Aaron asked after a moment.
I pulled myself out of my thoughts. “Oh, Tanner was in a mood, and I didn’t want to deal with it.”
“At least, he’s better than the guy you were sharing a room with when you were in your dorm your freshman year.”
Freshman year had been a mistake. I had received full room and board that first semester and had told myself I was ready to deal with real life. That I didn’t need to live with my parents. That even though everything had just happened and was so fresh, the wounds still bleeding inside my heart, it was only metaphorically.
My roommate had ended up stealing from me, acted like a douche, and constantly locked me out. He hadn’t liked that I enjoyed reading, science, or things having to do with life outside of banging chicks—at least, according to him. Everything that I had done, even wearing glasses and liking superhero movies, had been too geeky for him, and he’d made sure I understood that. Superhero movies weren’t only for geeks anymore. They were popular culture that everybody liked. Yet, I had been a nerd to him, so he thought I deserved to get my shit stolen and broken.
Between dealing with my roommate and everything at home, my parents had pulled me out of the dorm, and I ended up living with them for a couple of semesters until I couldn’t take it anymore. Then, I’d been lucky enough to find a place with Dillon, Pacey, and Tanner, as well as Sanders.
Sanders no longer lived with us and was a complete asshole. I was grateful he was gone. He had always had a stick up his ass and had treated me much like my old roommate had. When he ended up cheating on his girlfriend, Mackenzie—who now dated Pacey—Sanders had ended up leaving to live in an apartment that his parents paid for. My parents helped pay for school so I wouldn’t begrudge him that. However, the fact that he lorded it over us even after he cheated on a girl we all liked? That pissed me off.
“Tanner’s being a jerk, so I can’t come over…” Aaron said, wiping his hands after he’d finished his meal, still eyeing my burger. I sighed and shoved the basket at him, and Aaron began devouring it. He was a growing boy. I didn’t blame him.
“He’s dealing with some shit, so I’m just going to let him wallow in his feelings for a bit. He’s not a jerk. He’s having a tough semester, and I figured he could use some space and time alone. The other guys are out today.”
“With their girls?” Aaron asked, and I rolled my eyes.
“Pacey is. I think he’s at the girls’ house now, working on something. Dillon, however, is at the family’s bar.”
“I want to go there and see it,” Aaron said.
I laughed outright. “Yes, because I can just imagine Mom and Dad letting me take you to a bar.”
“They serve food there, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do. Some of the most amazing food I’ve ever had. But I’m still not taking you.”
“You’re no fun.”
Even though I knew he was teasing, I made sure Aaron met my gaze as I spoke. “I’m not taking you to a bar. You know why.”
I hated having to do it, making him remember. But there were reasons our parents were overprotective, and I had to make sure he thought about those things and didn’t set them off.
My parents weren’t cruel. They didn’t yell. But they were broken inside and always would be until they learned to heal. Though I didn’t think they wanted to. Somehow, I had pieced myself back together, even though the jagged remains still cut every once in a while. My parents may never find a way to sew themselves back together.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” Aaron’s voice was so small I wanted to reach out and tell him that everything would be okay, even if I didn’t believe it.
“I hate that you even have to. I don’t want you to ask Mom and Dad out of the blue because you want to see Dillon’s place. You’ll end up hurting them in the end. You know?”
“I do. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Seriously. Speaking of, Mom and Dad will be here to pick you up any minute.”
“I guess I should go wash my hands so I’m not covered in grease.”
“Yes, let’s do that.”
Aaron got up, stuffed the rest of my burger into his mouth, and went to the restroom to wash his hands. I cleaned up the table a bit and made sure I left a big tip for the waitress.
I had waited tables my first two years of college because I needed money for school and other things. Somehow, I’d made my way through, even broken, but over the past year and a half or so, I had been lucky in that I had gotten a job at the school. I was a TA and made the same money I had when I’d waited tables at a diner much like this one. I knew Pacey worked off and on, though he had taken the last semester off because he had gotten sick. Dillon worked hard at his family’s bar, and I knew Tanner worked, too, though he didn’t talk about it. If I remembered correctly, he’d said he was a bouncer somewhere, but he also worked odd jobs at strange hours because he was saving up as much money as possible.
Either way, all of us did our best to focus on what we could to make money for our futures and to figure out exactly who we wanted to be when we left the hallowed halls of college.
Aaron returned, and I nodded at the waitress as we headed out to the parking lot. My parents were waiting, slight smiles on their faces.
“There you are. We were thinking of heading to one of the antique shops on the way home. What do you think, Aaron?” Mom asked as she kissed the top of his head, though she barely had to bend down to do it. Aaron wasn’t a baby anymore and was nearly as tall as I was.
My mom ran her hands through his hair, and he grumbled but let her do it anyway. I moved closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. My parents might want to control my life sometimes and make things difficult and awkward, but I loved them.
She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. “Look at you. I swear you’re getting more muscular. Like a real man.”
Aaron snickered.
My father sighed. “Please, think about what you say before you speak, darling,” he muttered under his breath as he squeezed my shoulder. “But you are looking good.”
“Thanks,” I said, blushing hard.
“Why are you wearing your glasses? Did we not set you up for your new prescription for your contacts? Here, let me look in my phone. I can make you an appointment with Dr. Morgan.”
“No, I’m fine. I’ve just had some bad allergies recently and have been wearing my glasses more. It’s good for my eyes to let them breathe.”
“Allergies?” mom asked as she frowned. “Have we looked into the allergist recently?”
“We have. I promise. Thank you, Mom. I have all my appointments set up on my phone.”
“They’re not in mine. You should sync your calendar with mine like I keep saying.”
Then my mother would know where I was at all times. She would be happy with that, but I was an adult. I loved her and knew there were reasons she was this overprotective, yet I needed to set boundaries.
Even if it pained me to do it because of the look in her eyes.
“I need to head out. I have papers to finish, homework to work on, as well as some applications to complete.”
“Are we still talking about the same eight colleges?” Dad asked, and I nodded.
“Yes, they have the best programs for me and high financial aid and stipends. That’s the goal.”
“You’re going to do great, wherever you go. Although, if it could be CU, that would be wonderful,” Mom said, giving me a pointed look.
Anywhere that was in the state and not too far away, where they could drive down the road to me? Yes, that would be perfect for them.
It didn’t matter that I explained that going to schools in different states in entirely different programs looked best for jobs if I wanted to go into academia—though I wasn’t sure I did. I had already mentioned it more than once, but nothing I said would change her mind. There was a perfect in-state school, but it was hard to get into.
As it was, I looked over at Aaron, and he just gave me a small wave. Even though I knew me branching out on my own and going to grad school in a different state would be good for me, I would be leaving my little brother, and that wasn’t something I was sure I could do.
“Drive safe. Text me when you get home.”
“Mom…” I began.
Dad frowned. “Just do it. It’ll help all of our nerves.”
I sighed and nodded. “I can do that.”
I hugged my parents, messed with Aaron’s hair just because I could, and then watched them drive away. I loved my family. There was no stopping that. And they might want different things than I did, but they had always been there for me, even when my mistake had changed everything. Only, as Aaron had said, maybe I needed a life. Or at least a girlfriend.
As if I had conjured her from thin air, I heard her laugh.
I looked up as Nessa walked across the parking lot, a guy who looked somewhat familiar by her side. They weren’t holding hands or even touching, but they were walking close enough that I knew it was probably a date. An afternoon outing at the same diner I had just eaten at. Nessa didn’t notice me—she never did.
I was always only the roommate, the friend. The guy she had kissed one night and didn’t remember. I wasn’t going to be the one to remind her. She wouldn’t have done it if she had been in her right mind, and I hadn’t kissed her back. I wouldn’t have. She had been drunk, and it would have been stupid.
That didn’t mean I had forgotten it. At all.
Now, Nessa was out with someone, clearly over Pacey. Even in her busy schedule, she’d found time to have a life. My little brother was right. I did need a life. And I needed a girlfriend.
Someone who wasn’t Nessa.