My Next Play by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 3

Nessa

Books made everything better.At least, that’s what I told myself after the week I’d had. I looked over my shoulder to make sure nobody was watching before I gently sniffed the book in my hand, inhaling that new-book smell. Everything felt better when I had a book in my hands and near my soul.

“Are you smelling the books again?” Everly asked as she walked over to me, a broad smile on her face. She’d tied her hair back and had on a cute, flowy top over leggings. She was gorgeous. One day, I wanted to be her.

“Maybe…” I blinked innocently, and the other woman just grinned.

“We at Beneath the Cover believe that sniffing your books is the best way to start your day.”

“I’m glad I’m working at the right place.” I winked, and Everly laughed.

Beneath the Cover was a small bookshop in downtown Denver that the owners had rebuilt after a fire years ago. It had been my favorite place to come when I was in high school, somewhere my mother and I visited often before she got sick. When they rebuilt it, and quickly thanks to Everly’s husband’s family business, the place had thrived.

When I wasn’t at school or studying, I was here, at this bookshop or across the street at the café I liked to visit. That was also part of Everly’s family’s business somehow. I also visited a little boutique and even a tattoo shop where I had gotten my first and only tattoo—a little bumblebee on my wrist.

My dad had rolled his eyes and shook his head when he saw it. The ink had been for Mom, so he had gotten a bumblebee, as well, on his forearm that blended with his other ink. Montgomery Ink had taken care of us, and now, I was working at their family’s bookshop.

I knew that Dillon’s family was somehow connected to them, too, though every time I tried to think about it, my eyes crossed. But I knew that the Montgomerys were everywhere. However, what mattered to me right now was this bookshop and that Everly was always here for me.

“I’m almost done stocking the fantasy section.”

“Good, you’re doing a great job of it. I love the display you did up front.”

“I do, too. The color cascade worked out well.”

“It’s like in a library when people say, ‘I don’t remember the title, but the cover was blue.’” Everly rolled her eyes. “We have an ombre blue section now. Perfect for our needs.”

“I saw it on a meme.” I shook my head. “I didn’t make it up.”

“I’m pretty sure I saw the same one but in yellow. We do what we can. Business is going well.” Everly winced and knocked on a wooden bookshelf. “That means I need to go in the back and get some work done.”

“No problem. I’ll work up front.”

“You’re not alone, but I’m delighted that you’re here.” She reached out and squeezed my shoulder before walking back to her office. Everly had been through hell, though I didn’t know much about it, just rumors and things she had let slip. She was so strong. Marriage, family, and having her own business had done well for her. She knew where she was and who she needed to be. In contrast, I felt as if I had no idea what my plan should be.

My phone buzzed, and I looked around. Everly didn’t care if I responded to a text as long as there weren’t customers waiting for me and I got my work done, but I still made sure no one was watching.

Xander:Just making sure you’re having a good day. Will I see you tomorrow for our date?

I bit my lip and tried to feel that warm feeling, the little buzz in the gut that told me this was the guy for me. Only, I wasn’t sure. Xander and I had gone to the diner for our date, and it had been nice. He was pleasant, the food was decent, and he’d made me laugh. There was just no zing.

My problem was that I had felt a zing twice now with two people I shouldn’t. That meant I probably shouldn’t trust my zing.

Still, I would go on another date and wonder what zing I should be looking for and ignore the ones I’d already felt for the wrong people.

Me: I’ll be there.

Xander:I had a good day. I hope you did too.

Me:Totally. Only now I’m working. Talk to you later?

Xander:No problem. Call when you get home?

I frowned but shrugged.

Me:Maybe. Got to go.

After one date, I wasn’t sure I was comfortable telling him where I was at all times, but I understood that he wanted to make sure I was safe. It would be after dark in downtown Denver for the drive south to the campus area where I lived. Our campus wasn’t downtown like a few of the major ones were, but it was close enough. Just a quick jaunt down the highway. And, thankfully, it would be after rush hour. Although, I sometimes felt like rush hour in Denver was every hour.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and returned to work. I helped a few people check out, found books they wanted, and then went to my other display in the kids’ section.

There was more staff on hand. Miley worked up front and was hyper and bubbly at the register. People were usually drawn to her, which meant I could do more stocking, arranging shelves, and making recommendations. I liked that part better, anyway. In the end, my to-be-read pile went insane. As if it’d multiplied when I wasn’t looking.

The bell above the door rang, pulling my attention from a stack of books about a fox that liked to play with a deer. I looked over my shoulder and smiled as Mackenzie, Elise, and Natalie walked in. My roommates gave me a quick wave, said hello to Miley, and then headed my way.

“Hey, there.” Natalie smiled at me and hugged me as Mackenzie and Elise moved around to do the same.

“I didn’t know you guys were coming in today.”

Mackenzie shrugged, a smile on her face. “I had that seminar at UCD, so I was already here. And Elise was visiting with Dillon at the family’s brewery. It just made sense for us to come.”

“And I tagged along,” Natalie said with a laugh. “However, I got to have magnificent wings at the brewery.”

My stomach growled, and I put my hand over it, blushing. “Now I want wings.”

“We brought you some.” Natalie held up a bag. “It’s double-bagged and still hot. I figured you could eat it on your break.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“You’ll always have me. Even if it’s only for wings.” She winked, and I snorted.

“Thank you. And, yes, I’ll always love you for Aiden’s wings.” I took the bag from her and moaned. I could smell the lemon pepper, teriyaki, and barbecue sauce and nearly groaned.

“You guys got my favorites.”

“Of course. And we told Aiden that they were for you, so he made them extra special.” Mackenzie winked.

I rolled my eyes. “Dillon’s brother doesn’t know how to make anything that’s not special.”

Elise nodded. “That is true. He’s working on a few recipes for the new restaurant, so he’s busier than ever these days. Of course, I feel like Dillon’s just as busy.”

“Pacey, too.” Mackenzie searched through the teen section next to us, a slight frown on her face. “He has a couple of upcoming projects. We’re all a little stressed out.”

“Pacey can handle it. He’s good at juggling things.” Mackenzie gave me a weird look, and I cringed. “I meant with work. Not friends or anything like that. Sorry, did that come out weird?” I asked.

Mackenzie shook her head. “No, I’m the one who’s acting weird. Ignore me. I’ve had a long day.”

“Tell me about it,” Natalie said, rubbing her shoulders. I knew she was trying to help me since I kept acting strangely around Mackenzie, and I appreciated it. “A seriously long day over here, too. Anyway, we just wanted to stop by. And I want to hear about your date with Xander. You went back to your room right after, so we didn’t get to talk. Did it go okay?” Natalie asked.

I returned to shelving, looking around for any customers. Things were slower in this section, so I had a few moments to come up with an answer. “It was good. Nice.”

My roommates winced. “Nice?” Elise prodded.

“Nice as in comfortable. It wasn’t horrible. He’s a good guy. A nice guy.”

“Nice guy in air quotes?” Mackenzie asked.

I shook my head. “No, not like that. At least, I don’t think so. He was just...okay. Not demanding.”

“Are you going out with him again?” Natalie asked.

I nodded. “That’s the plan. However, I don’t have much time for dating because of school, writing, work, and just…everything. It’s a lot.”

“I know it is,” Natalie said as she squeezed my hand. “If you need anything, we’re here.”

I smiled at my friends. “I know. And I’m grateful. Now, I need to get back to work and then deal with my homework. Thank you for the wings. They will get me through the night.”

“We’re always here for you,” Mackenzie said as she leaned down and kissed my cheek.

I smiled up at her. “You are all pretty amazing.”

“Go work, play with your men. I’ll be home a bit later.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Elise said, clapping her hands. “Not the man part because they’re all busy, but we still have homework and lives without them.”

“Yes, especially those without boyfriends. It would be nice if we stopped putting that in all of our schedules,” Natalie said, rolling her eyes.

I laughed as they left, shaking my head. My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out of my pocket once again.

Dad: Do you think you can come over after work? Or will it be too late?

Alarm shot up my spine. I quickly texted back.

Me:Is everything okay?

Dad:Yes. If it were an emergency, I would have called you. Promise. I just have a few things to look over. I could use your eyes.

Worry gnawed at me, and I bit my lip.

Me:I’ll be over right after work.

It would be a long night, but that didn’t matter. My dad needed me. Of course, I would be there.

Anxiety ran through me for the rest of the evening as I rang up a few more customers and worked on more stocking. By the time I was done and everything was locked up for the night, I was tired but wired. I needed to know what was wrong and what my dad needed. I was exhausted yet nervous at the same time. I didn’t know what my dad might tell me, but I knew it likely wouldn’t be good. Not if he wanted me to come to my childhood home so late in the day after work when I had classes in the morning.

I parked in the driveway and made my way inside, using the key as I always did. Dad had said that this was my home, even if I didn’t live here anymore. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to call this home again. Not when I walked inside and only thought about my mom, of her being sick and how quickly cancer had taken her. We hadn’t had time to adjust to her being sick before she was gone. One day, she was a little tired. The next day, she was no longer on this Earth. And it felt as if I couldn’t catch up. Calling this home only made it worse.

“Nessa?” Dad asked from the kitchen as I walked in.

“It’s me. At least, you’d better hope it’s me, considering I used the key.” I tried to keep my voice light. I felt anything but light deep inside.

I locked up, set my bag on the table next to the front door, and looked around the home that had helped to raise me. Everything had a layer of dust, and my dad’s armchair looked to be the only place anyone had sat recently. Mom’s touches were still on everything, and I knew that my dad wouldn’t change anything, no matter what.

I’d have to come over someday and help him clean, but I didn’t have time tonight. Sadly, we couldn’t afford a maid or anyone to come and help him. It was only the two of us alone in the world now. I wasn’t sure what that meant or what I was supposed to do about it.

“Hey, Daddy,” I said as I kissed his cheek. He was at the kitchen table, his wire-rimmed glasses falling down his nose as he looked up at me. He had a cup of black coffee next to his elbow and papers strewn about the table, his laptop next to him.

“Hey, Nessa baby.”

I looked at the bills on the surface, the spreadsheet on the screen, and swallowed hard. “Things are rough, aren’t they?” I asked.

“Why don’t you take a seat? Do you want some coffee?”

“It’s too late for coffee for me. And probably for you. How old is this stuff?” I asked as I sniffed the mug and winced.

“Old enough. But waste not, want not and all that.” He didn’t take a drink. Instead, he leaned back in the chair and rubbed his temples.

“How bad is it?” I asked. “I’m not a kid anymore. Don’t sugarcoat it.”

He met my gaze and nodded. “Fine, we’re broke. We’re going to be broke for a long time. The insurance paid for some of Mom’s things, but not everything. We had decent life insurance, but while it covered the cremation and initial costs, and my job pays for the mortgage for now as well as a few of our outstanding bills, it can’t cover everything.”

“By everything, you mean school.” Tension rode me, and I fisted my hands in front of me. “I have a semester and a half left and have a scholarship for part of it. Plus, I have loans. But is that enough?”

“It should be. You don’t need to worry about that. We’ll get you through school. I promise.”

I shook my head. “You say that, but I’m not sure. I know I have a year’s worth of school left in terms of bills and loans, but you can use my college fund if you need it.”

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t ask you here for you to give me the money your mother and I saved for you. The money that you saved for school. You need that for your future. Your sheepskin to ride with the flock and find out who you need to be.”

“I don’t know, Dad.”

“It’s fine. We’re not going to lose the house.”

My eyes widened. “We could lose the house?”

“I just said we wouldn’t.” I knew he was lying. It was written all over his face. Both of my parents had decent jobs, but we were lower middle class at best. When Mom died, Dad’s job should have been good enough, but insurance took so much out of us. School was expensive, and medical bills for Mom on top of my dad’s health issues meant we’d wiped out any savings accounts they had.

“If you’re saying that, it means you had to think about it.”

“I’m doing okay, Nessa. We both are. As long as you get a job outside of college, you should be fine.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Dad.”

“I love you. I know you were supposed to have time to figure out your next steps, but you’re going to need to think about it now. You only have a year left. Figuring out your path is never easy, and it’ll only be more complicated now.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I could take fewer courses and get some money back.”

“Nessa,” my dad warned.

“A degree from a community college is as good as a university. Maybe I can do that for the last year,” I said, even as my stomach turned. I had worked so hard for everything, but the loans were expensive, and I didn’t even qualify for everything. There were only so many scholarships out there for an English major, and I knew I would have to go to grad school if I wanted to continue my path. I couldn’t afford that.

I couldn’t afford anything, it seemed. The stress on my dad just then? I didn’t know if me finishing school like this was worth it.

“You’re not going to drop out. You’re going to finish. We’ll make it work.”

I saw the uncertainty in his gaze, and I knew all of my wishes and hard work might not be enough. We were so close, but it might not be enough.

Just like before, I wasn’t enough. I never was. I would have to change something. Fix something. Only I didn’t know what or how to do it. My dad was floundering, and I was treading water right next to him. My mom was gone, and we couldn’t lie in stasis forever. I didn’t know how to fix anything. Didn’t know how to make any of this better.

Dropping out this semester would save enough money to keep us afloat for now. It wasn’t like my major did much. I had gone to school for a dream. However, it seemed that even though I’d had a plan, a way to continue my future, it wouldn’t be enough.

Another choice I had made was about to blow up in my face. Only this time, it would hurt my dad, too. And I only had myself to blame.