Outrageously in Love by Jen Morris

25

Luke’s expression is apprehensive when I arrive the following afternoon. I sent him a text this morning saying that I’d be coming over to finish the centerpieces and I wanted to talk. I deliberately kept it vague, because I want to feel him out. I’m pretty sure we’re on the same wavelength, but I’d rather have this conversation face to face.

I enter his apartment with a smile, going straight to the centerpieces on the table. Setting my bag down, I pull out the ring Alex gave me this morning and place it on the table, so I remember to do it. It’s her wedding band—an heirloom passed down through the Hawkins family, or something. It needs to be resized today because it’s the only opening the jeweler has for six weeks. She was going to take it herself, but I leapt at the chance to take another task off her hands. I guess I felt like it might help assuage some of the guilt I’ve been feeling about what I did with Luke—and what I plan to do again. Because while I’m feeling strangely relaxed about things between Luke and I now, I’m sick with nerves at the thought of doing anything to jeopardize the wedding.

Luke’s eyes land on the ring box. “Is that what you wanted to talk about? You’re proposing?” He emits a self-effacing laugh, shifting his weight.

Oh God, he’s being cute and nervous again. It makes me want to kiss him.

I shake the feeling off, trying to stay focused. “It’s Alex’s ring. I need to take it to the jeweler to be resized today.”

He nods, slipping his hands into his jeans pockets. Then he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and rocks on his heels, watching me like he’s waiting for me to say something more.

“I, um, want to talk about what happened last night. But…” I motion to the unfinished centerpieces on the table. “Can we get all of today’s wedding tasks done first? That way I can relax.”

He lets his breath out slowly. “Okay, yeah. That’s a good idea.”

We settle at the table and get to work, and the tension in my stomach slowly dissipates. See, you’re not a terrible sister. You’re getting these things done for Alex’s wedding because you know that’s what matters most.

As we work in easy silence, occasionally sneaking glances at each other, I realize that I can have my cake and eat it too. As long as Luke and I make sure the wedding runs smoothly, the rest of it should be fine. What difference does it make if we’re having sex, as long as nothing interferes with the wedding?

Luke sets the last centerpiece in the box with a grin. “Those look great,” he says, closing the lid, and pride fills my lungs. He lets his gaze slide back to me and opens his mouth to say more, then closes it again. His eyes drop to his hands and he inspects his knuckles. I know he wants to talk and he’s trying not to push me. It makes me want to put him out of his misery.

I glance at the ring box on the table, then check the time on my phone. I still have an hour before the jeweler closes. Plenty of time to clear the air with Luke. Except… how the hell do I ask for this? I’ve never been in this position before.

“So…” I bite my lip. “Last night was fun.”

Luke’s gaze swings back to mine. “It was.”

Silence settles over us. And even though we were just working in complete silence a few moments ago, this feels different. Loaded.

Eventually, Luke exhales, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Look, Harriet… about last night. I know we said we’d only do it once, but I’m just going to come out and say it: I don’t think that helped. At all. If anything, I feel like it’s only made things worse.” He pauses and I nod my agreement. “I know you’re worried about the wedding stuff, and that still needs to come first. But… I’m not sure I’m finished with you yet.”

My lips curl in amusement. “Finished with me?”

He shrugs, his dark eyes glittering as they appraise me. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too—what we have here.”

“Yeah.” My heart thuds harder. “I don’t think I’m finished with you, either. And I don’t want to stop doing…”

His eyebrows lift. “Doing what?”

“Um…” How do I phrase this? “You.”

A laugh rumbles out of him. “Is that right?”

I nod. Warmth blossoms in my chest at the way his eyes light with affection as they move over me. He stands and walks around the table, taking my hands and tugging me to my feet. When his arms slide around my waist and pull my body against his, I sigh as if the weight of the world has been taken from my shoulders.

He tucks his face into my neck, breathing me in. “Good,” he murmurs against my skin.

I shiver with desire, having him pressed so close to me again. His hands slide into my hair and he draws my lips to his, taking my mouth with hungry strokes of his tongue.

Holy hell. I love that he’s not wasting any time. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since he kissed me but it feels like forever.

“I love kissing you,” Luke rasps against my lips. “Do you know how hard it was to sit there and not kiss you just now?”

I can’t help myself. “How hard?”

“This hard.” He takes my hand, molding it to the thickness of his arousal through his jeans. When I stroke him, he groans, pressing himself against my palm, and lust rockets through me. I grab his hand and drag him into the bedroom.

“I need you now,” I say, climbing onto his mattress like I own the damn place. I don’t know who I become when I’m in bed with him, but I like it. I like not over-thinking, just letting my body take over. I like that he likes this version of me.

“Fuck yes,” he says, watching me yank my dress over my head, then whip off my bra and panties. I should have brought more than one pair of underwear, because these are ruined. He hasn’t even touched me and I’m beyond ready for him. As he urgently strips off his clothes, I realize I’m not the only one who needs this. He rolls on a condom, but when he goes to climb on top, I shake my head. I nudge him back onto the bed, straddling him. Then I ride him until I see stars.

* * *

After,we sit side-by-side against the headboard, the room lit only by the tiny lights on the ceiling above us. Luke slides his arm around my back and pulls me close to him. I lean my head into his shoulder, still recovering.

That was amazing. It’s like every time we have sex it gets better. And now, as he presses his lips to my temple, I find myself wishing I didn’t have to go home tonight. Or any night.

I push the thought away and look up at the ceiling. “I love these little lights.”

I feel Luke smile beside me. “Yeah. I’m a total space nerd, as you probably guessed, so I wanted to have the stars over my bed.”

I turn to him, mock-surprised. “You’re a space nerd? Wow, I had no idea. All the Star Wars stuff, the sci-fi books, your video game… I really should have seen this coming.”

He surveys my face in the dim light, as if trying to read something I’m not saying, and I kiss his shoulder.

“It’s just who you are, Luke. It’s my favorite thing about you.”

With a rueful laugh, he lets his gaze fall. I notice the slight downturn in his mouth, wondering if I said something wrong.

“You okay?”

He nods. “You’re just… I think you’re the first person to say that. You like me not in spite of all that, but because of it.”

I shrug. “It’s the same with me. Most people see the things I love as a nerdy side to me that they have to put up with. But you… you like that side to me.”

“Yeah. I think it’s fucking cool. I think you’re cool.” He kisses the tip of my nose and I grin.

“I’ve never been called cool before, but I’ll take it.”

He laughs. “I’ve never been called cool either, if that helps.”

“Oh, you’re definitely cool. And you have the coolest job.”

Luke snorts. “Tell that to my father.”

I twist to face him properly. “He doesn’t like your job?”

“He doesn’t care much for anything I do.”

I frown, thinking back to the phone call he took when we were at the board game cafe. “What do you mean?”

“Dad is… not an easy man to please. Never has been. Growing up, he was always on my case about something. I didn’t play enough sports, I didn’t get good enough grades, I spent too much time playing video games or reading about space. It was like, no matter what I did, he was always disappointed.”

“What about now? You’re so successful, how can he be disappointed with that?”

Luke lifts a shoulder, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “I think for a while he was starting to come around. I worked hard in my previous job, and yeah, I was pretty successful. I had a wife, and a great apartment…” he trails off and lies there quietly for some time. I’m bursting with questions but I force myself to be quiet, to wait for him to say more, because I know that’s not the end of the story.

“I was really unhappy at work,” he says at last. “For a while it was okay and I could handle it, but it got worse. Every time I had to get up and go to the office, a little part of me died. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. I was, of course—I was doing what I thought would make my father proud, not what I actually wanted to do. But then something happened. I modified a really popular game and my mod went viral. The creators of the game contacted me and asked if I wanted to collaborate with them on something new, and it was like a dream come true. I had more than enough money so I decided to go for it. But Dad…” Luke rubs a hand over his chin, his eyes narrowing. “He just thought I was throwing everything away. He told me he was so disappointed in me for ‘giving up’ on my job. He never saw it as me following my dream.”

“That sucks.” Sympathy weaves through me and I touch his arm. “I know another Luke who had a complicated relationship with his father.”

Luke makes a small, amused sound. “Dad’s not quite as bad as Darth Vader. But yeah, he doesn’t get me at all. And Dena’s even worse. Your parents don’t always love your life choices, but you at least expect your wife to stand by you. She put up with my gaming for the most part, but when this opportunity came up, she told me what she really thought—that gaming was juvenile and pathetic. You know what she said when I told her I wanted kids? That I was an overgrown child and she didn’t want more kids.” A bitter laugh leaves him. “She kept saying it was immature to give up such a good job to pursue a career in gaming, but it felt more like… like finally doing what was right for me helped me grow up and find my place in the world. It wasn’t long after that I realized we’d never be right for each other, and asked for a divorce.”

I absorb his words, tracing my finger in a figure eight over his forearm. I can’t for the life of me understand how she could tell him his passions were pathetic. My heart hurts at the thought of him being shamed for the things he loves, because I know all too well what that’s like.

After a while Luke adds, “And she hated Donnie.”

“What? How can someone not love a tiny Ninja Turtle?”

“I know, right? Dena wanted me to get rid of him, but I’ve had him since I was eighteen. He’s my buddy. Turns out he’s going to outlast her. Ah, well. He’s nicer than her anyway.”

“Why did you guys get married then, if you were so wrong for each other?”

“It wasn’t all bad, and when you’re with someone for so long, you get comfortable. We were turning thirty and everyone around us was getting married. It just sort of seemed like the next step, you know? In hindsight, I don’t think we really thought it through. Because if I had, I’m sure I would have realized it was a mistake. It became clear after we moved in together, though. For a start, she made me keep all my games and books in storage. And the TV—she considered it a huge compromise that I had my gaming consoles in the living room, even though they were out of sight. When we went to dinner parties, she used to tell people I worked in ‘entertainment.’ She kept it vague because she was embarrassed that I design video games.”

I tilt my head. “That’s exactly what you told me on the plane.”

He chuffs an ashamed laugh. “I know. It just slipped out. But honestly, I think I was embarrassed to tell you the truth. You were this beautiful woman and I worried, I don’t know, maybe you would think it was lame.”

I kiss his jaw. “No way.”

“Well, that’s before I knew you were obsessed with board games and had read all my favorite books,” he teases. Then his expression softens. “You’re so comfortable with who you are, Harriet. You just accept yourself and the things you love. It’s really inspiring.”

Huh. I’ve never thought of myself like that. After the way I was tormented in high school, there are some people I definitely don’t share this side of myself with. But Luke’s right, I have let my geek flag fly around him. I guess that’s just what Harriet 2.0 is like. She’s confident enough to be herself.

“It’s weird, when I think about it,” he continues. “I didn’t know any of that stuff about you when we met, but I was so drawn to you. Almost like I knew we had those things in common, without actually knowing it. Does that sound insane?”

“No,” I murmur, smiling to myself. “I had the same thought.”

“Then the more I learned about you…” He shakes his head, leaning back to look at the ceiling with a sigh. “I can’t explain it. I’ve never connected with someone like this. It’s not just physical, it’s…” He pauses as if searching for the right words, and I take his hand and thread my fingers through his.

“I know. I feel it too.”

He rolls his head to the side, looking at me. Something wordlessly passes between us and my heart tumbles. Suddenly, it feels like we are straying into dangerous territory.

Luke swallows, glancing away. “Have you thought any more about your board game cafe idea?”

I let my breath out in a long trickle, gazing up at the stars on his ceiling. “I have. I really want to do it—and, who knows? Maybe it could work in New York,” I say, remembering my decision last night to be braver. “But… every time I think about it, I feel overwhelmed. There’s just too much I don’t know. I would have a lot to learn about business and it just feels so intimidating.”

Luke nods, his expression gentle as he contemplates me. “Yeah, I get that. But you’re intelligent; you could pick all of that up easily. If you really want it, you can make it happen.”

I consider his words, wondering how, after all the trouble with his dad and his wife not supporting or encouraging his dreams, he still manages to be this positive and optimistic. As I gaze at him, I realize he means what he’s saying—that I could actually do it. And I almost believe him, too.

“I’ll think about it,” I promise, tilting my face up so I can kiss him.

“Good.” He slips his other arm around me and pulls my body close to his.

Our kiss deepens and I slide my hands up his back, surprised to find I’m aching to feel him inside me again, so soon. But he feels the same, and it’s not long before he’s on top of me, nudging my legs apart and entering me with a groan. This time it’s slower, and we kiss passionately, taking our time to relish every sensation, fleeting as it is, before the whole thing comes to an end.

As I’m dressing afterward, he watches me from his spot under the blanket. “Do you have to go?”

“It’s late.” I pull my dress on, fighting the urge to crawl under the covers with him and snuggle into his arms. As much as I love being with him, I know that spending the night would be crossing a line—a line I don’t want to go anywhere near. At least if I leave now, I won’t be waking up next to him, cementing him in my brain as some kind of permanent fixture.

No; if I go now, I can wake up alone, as I usually do. It’s much safer.

Not to mention Alex would wonder where on earth I’d got to overnight. How would I explain that one to her?

“Yeah, okay,” he mutters, staring at his hands. He wraps the red throw around his waist as he follows me out of the bedroom.

I pad over to the table and pick up my handbag with a smile, pleased we got the centerpieces finished. But when I turn to go, my gaze snags on the ringbox. My heart plummets.

Fuck.

I was so distracted by Luke, I forgot to take that to the jeweler. And Alex stressed that it had to go today.

Panic tunnels through my middle. God, I am the worst person in the world. I’m over here fucking the best man instead of doing the things Alex is counting on me to do.

Luke notices the ring too and chuckles. “Whoops. Guess we got a bit distracted there.”

“It’s not funny,” I snap, and he looks at me, surprised.

“We can take it tomorrow.”

“No, we can’t. She said it had to go today. It’s some specialist jeweler she had booked, or something. I don’t know, but—” My breathing turns shallow and my vision narrows. “She’s expecting me to pick it up tomorrow. Tomorrow, Luke. What am I going to tell her—”

“Hey,” he says, concern written into his brow as he steps towards me. “It’s okay—”

“It’s not okay!” My lungs are tight. I’ve let Alex down and I only have myself to blame. How could I have been so stupid?

Luke reaches for me. “We’ll figure something out, Harriet. Just breathe.”

I shake my head, stepping away. Alex’s tear-streaked face appears in my mind and my gut lurches. “You don’t get it! You don’t understand the stress Alex is under right now! She’s expecting me to do this for her and I’m being so selfish, with you—” I gesture to him. He looks shocked but I’m too distressed to care.

I need to get out of here. I can’t breathe. I can’t believe I’ve done this.

I turn for the door and run.