Outrageously in Love by Jen Morris

9

The dressing room curtain opens and Alex glides out, her cheeks pink with happiness. I know it’s a cliche, but there’s no other way to describe her: she is radiant.

Her gown has a fitted bodice that shows off her waist, then flares out into a full skirt, layers of silk and lace and tulle tumbling to the floor. It’s an off-white, champagne color, and it’s breath-taking. It will go perfectly with the indigo-blue maid of honor dress I just had fitted.

“What do you think?” She steps up onto the pedestal and turns to look at her reflection. “Will Michael like it?”

“Uh, yeah.” I chuckle. She could turn up dressed in a garbage bag and he’d still adore her, he’s that smitten.

“I hope so.” She smooths her hands over the bodice of her dress, studying her reflection, and her expression clouds. When she catches my eye in the mirror, I tilt my head to one side in concern.

“You okay?”

She turns back around and heaves out a sigh. “I’m worried about Henry.”

“Henry? What about him?”

“I’m going to be his stepmom. I’m going to help raise him. I love him, but I’m just… I don’t know.” She gnaws on a fingernail.

“Don’t know what?”

“I don’t know if I can be a parent. I skipped over the part when they’re young and you kind of figure it all out and it doesn’t matter if you mess up. He’s eleven—there’s no time for me to figure it out. When I mess it up, he’s going to know and it could be really bad.”

“You’re not going to mess up!” I say, laughing. “Why would you think that?”

She shrugs and pulls in a shaky breath. I soften when I see she’s close to tears.

“Have you spoken to Michael about this?”

“No, I don’t want to freak him out. He has so much going on at the moment with his book pitch. And—” She pauses, fingering the lace on her dress. “There’s something else. I’ve told you about Mel, right?”

I nod.

“I’m worried that I won’t be able to hold my own with her. She causes so much drama and what if she does something to make Henry hate me? Or to break Michael and I up? She’s already insisting on coming to the wedding, which—”

“Wait.” I raise my hands, frowning. “Michael’s ex-wife is coming to your wedding?”

Alex nods.

“But… why? Isn’t that awkward?”

“Yes! That’s what I said! She insists she has to be there for Henry, that it will show him we can all be adults and have a harmonious relationship, blah, blah, blah.” She lifts her gaze to the ceiling. “But I wouldn’t put it past her to pull some stunt on our wedding day.”

My mouth falls open. “Really?”

“She’s bad, Harri. But if I tell her she can’t come, that will piss her off even more and she’ll probably show up and cause drama anyway.”

I exhale slowly, turning this over. Poor Alex. It’s bad enough still having the ex in the picture, but now she’s coming to the wedding? This is supposed to be the day where Alex is blissfully happy, not the day where she has to keep one eye out to make sure her groom’s psycho ex doesn’t burn the place down or poison the guests.

No wonder Alex is feeling overwhelmed about the wedding. I definitely need to relieve some of the pressure for her. After talking with Steph last night, I realized how silly I was being about the Luke situation. It doesn’t matter if I’m feeling awkward—it’s not about me. I owe it to Alex to help with the wedding, and if I can, I should try and manage Mel so Alex can actually enjoy her day.

Except… I’m terrible at confrontation. I hate conflict and avoid it at all costs, while it sounds like Mel is someone who thrives on it. What if I can’t stand up to her?

Then it occurs to me: I might not be able to stand up to her, but my alter ego could, no problem.

I glance up at Alex again, her face etched with worry. “I’ll take care of Mel,” I hear myself say.

“That’s really sweet, but she’s a nightmare.”

“It’s okay,” I say resolutely, standing. “I’ll handle her. She won’t ruin the day, I promise.” I take a step towards Alex. “And as for everything with Henry, you’re going to be fine. I think you’ll be a great stepmother. You have a good relationship with him and you care. That’s what matters. He’s lucky to have you when he could be stuck with just Mel.” This brings a small smile to Alex’s face. “But you should tell Michael what you’re thinking. He’d want to know, and I’m sure he’ll say the same thing as me.”

She nods and reaches out to pull me into a hug. “Thanks. I feel so much better.”

I squeeze her tight, relieved. Maybe Harriet 2.0 will come in handy after all.

* * *

When we step outsidethe bridal boutique, the sky has darkened into a deep pink, streaked with wisps of cotton candy. I pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders and survey the busy streets of Midtown. This part of the city is what I think of when I picture New York: iconic sky-scrapers, yellow cabs, pavements crowded with people, a cacophony of traffic and honking horns. On our first day out shopping, it felt chaotic and claustrophobic, and I spent the whole day in a knot of anxiety.

But I’m coming to see there’s a way to handle this place. Having Alex with me is good, and it also helps if I research where we are going in advance. Then when we’re out, I can focus on breathing and staying present in my body, and I don’t get quite so overwhelmed.

The West Village, where Alex lives, is so different to Midtown. It really does feel like its own village, with smaller townhouse-style apartments in rows, boutique shops, and single-lane streets lined with trees. I didn’t know New York had such quiet neighborhoods, but I like it there.

Alex turns to me as we head down Seventh Avenue. “I forgot to ask, how are you feeling today?”

“What?”

“Because last night at dinner—”

“Oh, yes,” I say hastily. “I’m feeling much better.”

“What was it, anyway?”

“It was, erm, a migraine. You know how suddenly they can come on.”

She nods as we pause at a street crossing. “Yeah. So you’re feeling better now?”

“Yes. Totally fine now.”

“Good, because Michael texted me and asked if we wanted to meet him and Luke for dinner. What do you think?” She looks at me hopefully and I swallow against the sudden swell of nerves in the pit of my stomach. “It would be good for you to get to know him, because—well, I don’t want to pressure you, but if you are happy to do some wedding prep, then Luke could help.”

I give a mute nod as my pulse ticks up. I wasn’t expecting to have to see him so soon, but I can hardly tell her no, can I? I can hardly say, I’d rather not work with Luke because we had mind-blowing sex and I can’t stop thinking about it even though it’s wildly inappropriate. In fact, I can’t come up with a single good reason not to go to dinner.

This isn’t about you, I remind myself. It’s about Alex.

Drawing in a calming breath, I paint on a smile. “Sure. Let’s have dinner.”

“Great.” She links her arm through mine. “We’ll head back to the Village. Luke is just finishing up work downtown and will meet us in half an hour.”

I rake a hand through my long hair, then rummage in my bag for a brush. I haven’t worn my hair in a proper bun since the plane and it’s nice to have it out, but I’m sure it’s become a bit windswept since we’ve been out today, and not in a sexy way. At least I’m wearing something different from last night, but I wouldn’t mind a chance to refresh my makeup…

Oh God, what has happened to me? I can’t remember the last time I cared about how I looked in front of a guy and now I want to fix my hair and makeup? For what? It doesn’t matter how sexy Luke is or how vivid my fantasies of him might be. Nothing is happening. I need to remember that.

“Sounds good,” I say, shoving my hairbrush away. “Let’s go.”

We take a cab back to the Village at my insistence (I cannot face the subway right now) and Alex leads me into the restaurant where we are meeting the guys. It’s nice: warm and intimate, with tiny tables, dim lighting, and candles dotted about the place. But that doesn’t stop the roiling in my belly.

Right. The only way I’m going to make it through tonight is with copious amounts of alcohol.

As soon as we’re seated, I order a whiskey. We sip our drinks as we wait for the others to arrive, chatting about the wedding. Or rather, Alex sips her drink. I down mine as fast as I reasonably can without raising her suspicions, and wait for its relaxing spell to work. I think back to the magic cards in my favorite board game. Where’s a Calm the Fuck Down card when I need one?

I’m just about to go to the bar and order another drink when the door swings open and two men stride in. Seeing them now, side-by-side, it’s so obvious they’re brothers. The same towering figures, dark brown—almost black—hair, espresso-colored eyes, broad shoulders. Luke is slightly taller and isn’t as built as Michael, plus he’s a good five or six years younger, but the similarities are uncanny.

My breath catches at the sight of him. Somehow, he’s better looking than last time. Is that possible?

“Hey, honey,” Michael says, leaning down to kiss Alex. He folds himself into a chair beside her.

“Hi, guys.” She grins and slides menus across the table.

Luke pulls his suit jacket off and hangs it over the back of the chair, smiling at Alex. His eyes glide over to me and linger. My stupid heart somersaults and I do my best to give a distant, polite smile. As he takes a seat I notice he’s wearing the same tie he wore on the plane. He reaches up to loosen it now, scanning the menu on the table in front of him. An image of me grabbing that tie and pulling him towards me appears in my mind, and I feel my cheeks color.

“I’ll go grab us some drinks,” Michael says, standing again.

Yes. More alcohol, please.

He places a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Another wine, sweetheart?” She grins and he turns to me. “What are you drinking?”

“Whiskey, thanks.”

Michael nods and looks to Luke.

“Uh, whiskey too. Thanks.” His eyes meet mine and a tentative smile touches his lips. I feel the color in my cheeks deepen.

God, how am I going to do this?

Alex pushes to her feet and slips her hand into Michael’s. “I’ll come help. You two get to know each other.”

I stare at the grain in the wooden table top. If only she knew.

As the two of them head to the bar, the ball of nerves inside my gut tightens. I pick up a menu, trying to ignore the way my palms are sweating, trying to think of anything other than Luke sitting right beside me.

“Hey,” he says, keeping his voice low. “I’m sorry if I was weird last night.”

When I lift my gaze to his, I have to remind myself to keep breathing. “Well, it is a weird situation. But I don’t really get why you’re desperate to keep it a secret.”

His jaw tightens. “We just have to. Okay?”

“Why?” I ask, annoyed by the pang I feel. “Was it that terrible? Do you regret it that much?” And then it dawns on me. “Wait, oh my God, is that why you left? It was so bad that you couldn’t face me afterward?”

His lips part in shock. “No! Is that really what you think?”

I shrug, peeking over his shoulder to check that Michael and Alex are still out of earshot. They’re standing at the bar, kissing, for God’s sake.

“No, Harriet. It wasn’t… that’s not it at all. Didn’t you get my note?”

I level my gaze back at Luke. “Yes, but it was still humiliating.”

At least he has the decency to look ashamed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to humiliate you, but I knew that if I sat down beside you again, if I looked at you again…” He shakes his head. “I didn’t trust myself not to ask for your number.”

My heart skitters. In his note he did say he wished he could see me again, but I guess I hadn’t really believed it until now. This is not helping things.

He looks over his shoulder then back to me. “But my life is really complicated right now, and that wouldn’t have been the right thing to do either.” He pauses, his brow furrowed as his eyes search mine. “You’re right, though. I shouldn’t have left without saying anything. I guess I thought it would be easier if we just… never saw each other again.”

I fiddle with the menu, processing this. I’m tempted to laugh at the irony, with us now being stuck together over the following weeks, but what comes out is a sigh. “Look, it’s fine. It was a crazy, impulsive thing to do, and it was really fun…” I trail off when his frown is replaced by a grin that makes my mouth go dry. Get it together. “But now we are in this awkward situation, which neither of us saw coming, and—”

Shit.

I spot Alex and Michael heading our way and lean back, whipping the menu up in front of me. I will my slamming heart to return to normal, hoping Alex can’t read my face.

Michael places my whiskey in front of me and I mumble a “thank you.” As Alex and Michael take a seat again, I tune out their chatter and focus on the menu. The waiter appears shortly after and we order. I’m relieved by the distraction of it all, but once he’s taken our menus I feel naked, with nothing to focus my attention on except the others.

“So,” Luke says casually, “have you done any sightseeing, Harriet?”

“Um, not yet.” I chew on my lip. “To be honest, I’m not really into the crowds and everything.”

“But you’ll want to see some of the main places, right?” Michael asks. “Go up the Empire State Building?”

Alex turns to Michael. “I think Harri is kind of intimidated by the city, and I totally get that. I was terrified when I first came here, remember?” She nudges Michael and he nods.

I glance down at my hands, embarrassed.

“If you’ve never been here before it can be overwhelming,” Luke says, and I send him a grateful smile.

“There are a few places I’d like to show you.” Alex twirls her glass thoughtfully. “The only thing is… I haven’t done any writing since you arrived, and it’s starting to stress me out.”

“Why don’t you give me a few wedding things to do while you get some work done, and we can hang out later?” I suggest.

“Really? That would be so great. Maybe you and Luke could work on the seating chart.”

Despite myself, pleasure swoops through me at the thought of seeing Luke again soon. Spending time with him might be fun.

No. That’s a dangerous thought.

“Is that okay?” Alex asks.

I meet Luke’s gaze and hesitation flashes in his eyes. For a second I think he’s going to say no, and hope and dread mix into an uncomfortable cocktail in my chest.

“Well…” I begin, feeling the need to let Luke off the hook. “Do I need Luke to do that?”

“Uh, yeah,” Michael says. “He knows all our family and friends, so he should know who to sit by whom. Plus,” he adds with a chuckle, “he loves puzzles. You should take advantage of that.”

“Shut up.” Luke shoves his brother, his cheeks tinged with pink.

“I can email you the guest list,” Alex says. “I’d love to get this sorted so we can make the place cards and things. Michael and I could probably look at it soon, but he’s working on his pitch for the next few days, and we—”

“No problem,” I interrupt, seeing the stress line Alex’s face. I glance pointedly at Luke. “We can do that. Right?”

He blows out a breath and nods. “Yep. We can go to my place.”

“Great!” Alex beams. “Thank you, guys. That will help a lot.”

The way her shoulders relax with relief reminds me what really matters here. I pat her arm, smiling. “Of course. We’re happy to help.”

Our meals arrive, along with another round of drinks, and we eat in silence for a while. It’s good to have something else to focus on and, finally, the tension inside me starts to ebb away. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to do this.

After dinner, Alex goes to the bathroom and Michael insists on going to pay, and I have a second alone with Luke again.

He leans in to speak to me. “I’m sorry that this is so awkward. If I’d known who you were when we met…”

“What, you wouldn’t have had sex with me?” Whoops, probably shouldn’t have said that. But he’s close enough that I can smell his cologne and it’s doing something to my brain.

Amusement dances across his features, then he looks serious. “No, not… Well, it would have been very hard to say no.” The intensity in his eyes makes my blood heat, and desire surges through me.

I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what. If only—

“You ready?” Alex appears at my side, grabbing her bag off the table.

I nod and tear my eyes away from Luke, trying to steady my breathing as we file out the door onto the pavement.

Remembering my manners, I turn to Michael. “Thank you for dinner.”

He smiles warmly as he slips an arm around Alex. “No problem. You flew all the way over here for our wedding, it’s the least we can do.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Alex says, angling herself to face Luke. “Is Dena coming to the wedding? You never RSVP’d for her.”

Luke stiffens. “Um… yeah.”

I glance at him, puzzled. “Who’s Dena?”

He keeps his gaze fastened on the sidewalk and an uneasy feeling settles over me.

“Oh,” Alex says breezily, “she’s Luke’s wife.”