Outrageously in Love by Jen Morris

10

Ifeel like I’ve been punched in the gut. All the oxygen around me has vanished and I stand there, blinking in shock.

His wife? He’s married?

Alex is chatting about the wedding but I can’t hear a word. I stare at Luke, waiting for him to say something. After what seems like an eternity, he drags his gaze back to mine. I silently beg him to tell me it’s not true, but his face tells me it is.

Fuck. I feel sick.

“We could try that place a few blocks over for dessert?” Alex’s voice cuts into my thoughts.

Michael kisses her on the head. “That’s a great idea.”

They turn to us and I wrench my gaze from Luke’s, trying to find my voice.

“Sure,” Luke says, as if the whole world isn’t tilting on its axis.

I swallow hard. My head is spinning and dinner is about to end up on the sidewalk.

God, I have to get out of here. I don’t want to do this to Alex again, but I cannot be around him right now. I don’t know what I’ll say or do while I feel like this.

I lift a hand to my forehead, pressing my eyes closed to avoid Luke’s gaze. “Alex, I’m so sorry but I think my migraine might be coming back.” It’s not a complete lie. Now I really do feel ill.

Her face falls, but she nods. “Okay. We’ll go home.”

“No! You guys go and have your dessert. I’ll head back, it’s only a few blocks. I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow,” I add, still unable to look at Luke. Because I’m not sure at all.

Alex hesitates. “Okay, if you don’t mind?”

“Let me at least walk you home,” Luke offers, and it takes all my strength not to punch him in the mouth and tell him to fuck right off.

Instead, I turn as calmly as I can and fake a syrupy smile. “No, thank you. I’m fine.” Then I spin on my heel and stride off down the street before I do or say anything that will get me into trouble.

I stalk along for a block in a daze. I have to be careful to watch where I’m going, which streets I need to turn down. I’m so worked up, I could walk all the way uptown without realizing.

I mean, Christ. He’s married? That’s his version of complicated? That’s not complicated at all. That is, in fact, pretty damn straightforward.

“Harriet! Wait.”

I pause, then continue my furious pace when I recognize the voice.

“Please, wait.” He’s beside me now. “I wanted to tell you. I didn’t know how to explain—”

I stop, spinning to face him. “Explain what? That you’re married?” I shake my head, my nerves raw. “How could you have sex with me? What kind of an asshole are you?” My heart is juddering against my ribs and my breathing is shallow. I hate confrontation but I just cannot let this one slide.

Harriet 2.0, have at it.

“Here I was thinking that maybe you were a nice guy, but you’re not. You’re a total sleaze.”

His eyebrows slant together and he rakes a hand through his hair. “It’s not like that, you don’t understand. Things are complicated—”

“Ha!” I huff, incredulous. “Stop using that bloody word! Because it’s not—it’s very clear cut. You’re married.” I turn on my heel and start walking again, ignoring his voice calling my name. Nausea slams into me as my words ring in my ears, and I think of his poor, unsuspecting wife. No wonder he wouldn’t let me say anything. And Michael and Alex are friends with her! I can’t believe I did that to another woman, to Alex’s friend—and, oh God, no…

I whip around. He’s still standing where I left him and I stride back a few feet. “Do you have kids?” I demand, dreading the answer. I cannot be a home-wrecker, I cannot live with myself if—

“No! Of course not. It’s not even—”

“Well that’s something,” I mutter. At least I haven’t torn a family apart. My stomach clenches like a fist as I move my eyes over his handsome face. Of course he’s married. He’s far too good-looking to be single. In fact, I bet this isn’t even his first affair. He’s probably hooking up with women all the time—he could certainly have his pick of them. The only problem is that this one came back to haunt him and now he has to face it.

“Please, let me explain.” He looks desperate, and for a single second I feel sorry for him. “Dena and I—”

“Stop,” I say, raising a shaking hand. “There is nothing you could say that would possibly justify—”

“We’re getting divorced, Harriet.”

I freeze. “Divorced?”

Oh. I get it.

“Is that because of your—” I break off, searching for the right word, and he narrows his eyes at me.

“My what?”

“Your…” What’s the best way to put this? “Er, philandering.”

His mouth pops open. “What? No!”

I eye him doubtfully.

“I’m serious, Harriet. I don’t know what kind of idea you have of who I am, but you are the only person I’ve slept with since Dena and I got together in our twenties. When I met you on the plane, my lawyer had just phoned to tell me she’d signed the divorce papers.”

I study him for a moment, unsure if I should believe him. People will say anything to get themselves out of a bad situation, and this one is quite the pickle. But as I take in his slumped shoulders and tortured expression, I can’t help but think he might be telling the truth. And when I cast my mind back to the man I met on the plane—the man who didn’t have a condom, who told me things were complicated before he ever knew he’d see me again… Hell, the fact that he left a note at all…

Everything in me wants to believe him.

“Why didn’t you tell me last night?”

He gives a hollow, humorless laugh. “I wanted to, believe me. But we haven’t told my family.”

“What? Why not?”

He glances down the street to double check we’re still alone. “Dena moved out five months ago, on a trial basis, but we both knew that it was over right away. We want different things. I was going to tell Mike, but then he asked me to be his best man and I didn’t want to be a bummer when he was so excited about his wedding. And then as the wedding got closer it just got more awkward.”

In spite of everything, sympathy tugs at me. “I’m sure he would understand.”

“Maybe.” Luke shrugs. “It’s not just that. You don’t know how difficult our dad is. When Mike got divorced, Dad was so disappointed and it blew up into this big thing. And then with my job—” He glances at me, and I can tell he’s deciding how much more he wants to share. “Anyway. Dad will not be happy when I tell him, and I didn’t want to cause drama by fighting with Dad at the wedding, so it just seemed easier to keep playing happy families until after they were married.”

“But aren’t they wondering where Dena is? Why she didn’t come to dinner tonight?”

“I told them she’s out of town until the wedding,” he mumbles. “That she’s at some insurance conference for work.”

I let my breath out in a long stream, trying to make sense of the situation. “If Alex and Michael believe you’re married, and you’re not going to tell anyone, why have you told me? Why not just let me keep believing it too?”

“Because I can’t stand the thought of you hating me for the next two weeks. And I want you to know…” His eyes return to mine from under low brows. “I’m not some cheating asshole.”

“So you are divorced?”

“It’s being finalized over the coming weeks.”

I frown. “But it’s not final yet.” It’s a statement, not a question, but he nods in confirmation anyway. He offers me a hopeful smile, but I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter what papers you’ve signed, or what is going to happen. The fact is, you’re still married. You were on the plane.”

“Okay, yes, but that’s just a technicality—”

“No, Luke.” Irritation bolts through me. “If I’d known you were still legally married, then I wouldn’t have slept with you. But you didn’t give me that information, and now I’ve done something I can’t undo.”

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again! And it’s not like you asked if—”

“Don’t put this on me,” I snap. I rub my temples, picturing the coming weeks where Luke and I have to spend time together, pretending nothing has happened between us. Right now, all I want to do is get on a plane and go home.

But… I can’t do that to Alex.

God, I’d give anything for a time machine so I could go back and take a different flight, so I could tell Steph that no, I won’t pretend to be some outgoing, sexed-up version of myself, thank you very much.

Don’t blame Harriet 2.0, thank her.

Steph’s words come back to me, and as much as I want to push them away, I realize she has a point. Not because of the sex, or because of meeting Luke, but because of the person I’m becoming. I’m standing up to someone when I’d usually let myself be pushed around, and I’m going to need to do that soon with Mel.

Besides, I like this new side of myself. I like feeling prettier in my clothes, being a little more confident and bold. I’m not going to let some guy ruin that.

I force my gaze back to Luke. “Look, I’m sorry about what’s happening with Dena, but until everything is finalized, you’re still married. We should never have done what we did, and we can’t let it interfere with anything.”

He sighs.

“Okay?” I take a step closer and put my hands on my hips. “I need to hear you say it. My relationship with my sister is important, and this wedding means everything to her. We can’t let our mistake get in the way. We need to forget anything ever happened between us.”

He begins to protest but I cut him off.

“I’m serious. We need to completely forget about it. No more secret conversations when Alex and Michael aren’t listening.”

“Okay,” he mumbles. “Okay, we’ll forget all about it.”

“Good. Now I’m going home, to scrub the memory of it from me. And when I see you next, we’ll play nice for their sake.”

He nods again, his face solemn.

In the spirit of moving on, I try to muster a smile. “Goodnight, Luke.”

He stares at me for a second, then squares his shoulders and fixes his gaze across the street. “Goodnight, Harriet.”

And with that, I turn and head back to the apartment.