When Stars Fall by Wendy Million

Chapter Forty-One

Wyatt

Present Day

The paramedics rush in and bark information to each other while they establish Haven’s vitals. She has vitals. Weak, but there. God, I hope my CPR didn’t hurt her.

Closing my eyes, I take a couple of deep breaths. When I open them, the female paramedic is staring at me.

“Accidental overdose,” Camila says from beside me.

I missed the question.

Ellie was forced to step back from Haven. Nikki is holding her as she cries. I want to go to her, but this is my fault. My sister brought this here.

They inject Haven with Narcan and almost immediately her eyes fly open. She sits up, bewildered.

“Mom?”

Ellie’s sharp cry of relief pierces my heart. She falls to her knees and envelops Haven in a hug, securing her tight.

“We need to get her to the hospital. She might need another dose,” the male paramedic says, packing up in a rush. “Anyone know what she got into?”

“Anna!” I shout, turning on my heel.

“Fentanyl,” Camila says. “Possibly cocaine. Maybe heroine. Anna doesn’t know. She left everything strewn around the bathroom.”

The female medic sighs, and they help Haven onto the stretcher. “We can take one of you.” She checks between me and Ellie. She recognizes us.

“Me.” Ellie clings onto Haven. “Me.”

“I’ll meet you there.” She won’t acknowledge me while she cries and grasps onto Haven. Her worst nightmare. The one thing she told me she needed above all else—keep our kids safe, and I couldn’t fucking do it.

Once they’re through the door, I follow them out of the trailer. At the ambulance, the paramedics slam the doors shut, but not before I catch a glimpse of Ellie’s face. My heart beats double, triple time when the ambulance peels off the set and onto the road that’ll take them to the hospital.

I don’t even have a damned car.

Storming into the trailer, I stare at Camila and then at Nikki. “How the fuck did this happen?”

“Haven asked to come over here to get a doll. I didn’t think anything of it. We let her go back and forth all the time before Anna. It never occurred to me Anna’d have littered the place with drugs.” Nikki’s voice trembles and her chin wobbles.

I turn to Camila. “What’s your excuse?”

“I was mediating a session between Anna and Jamal. I didn’t realize Nikki let Haven come here. Stacy was setting up a craft.”

“Where is Stacy?” I ask.

“In your trailer with Jamal. Someone still had to take care of him when all hell broke loose.” Camila uses her calm, collected voice that I usually find soothing.

The rage inside right now is astronomical. Haven could have died. The Narcan might not have worked if she’d been alone too long.

I drag my hands down my face. Finding a ride to the hospital is a priority. Ellie needs me, even if her face told me she doesn’t want me. No matter what, Haven needs her dad. “You want to come, Nikki? I’ll find us a ride to the hospital.”

She nods. Her winter gear is hanging off her, hastily assembled from when she came to fetch us. There’s an ominous silence from the bathroom. I couldn't care less how Anna’s feeling. It better be guilt. Unbelievable guilt. And fear. She should be very afraid of me right now.

“Camila, you’ll have to stay here to babysit Anna. She can’t be anywhere near Ellie or Haven. Get Yasmeen to book the three of you flights back to LA.”

“Wyatt.” Anna’s voice comes, tentative, from the doorway.

Without looking, I hold up a hand. Anger—sharp, fierce, enough to blow up this trailer— surges. “Save it. I don’t want to hear anything from you. The sound of your voice right now makes me sick. Your irresponsible, selfish actions almost killed my daughter.” I whirl to face her. “Ellie’s pregnant. And because of you, because you can’t think about anything other than getting high, I might have a second child I don’t get to raise.”

“She wouldn’t do that,” Anna whispers.

Nikki is silent. She knows Ellie as well as I do. The only thing Ellie told me she cared about was keeping me and her kids safe. Already, that’s a bar I can’t meet.

“Jamal and I will move out.” Anna steps toward me.

“I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t. I’ll say things, so many things.” With my hand still raised to ward her off, I turn to Nikki. “Let’s go. Ellie and my daughter need us.” My voice cracks on the last sentence, and I clear my throat.

When we step out the trailer door, dickhead Rick from security is there. He should be fired by now. The backwoods of Ontario, Canada, must not have a lot of security options if he’s still kicking around. “Mr. Burgess,” he says. At least we’re back to some level of formality. “I have a car waiting to take you to the hospital.”

“Thanks.” I jiggle the package of gum in my pocket. The car sits beside the trailer, and I go to the far side so Nikki can slide in right away.

Warmth presses in around me. I peel off layers while the car speeds away. There must be only one hospital because no one has asked where we’re going.

Silence stretches between us. We’re probably worrying about the same things, but different things too. Haven. My eyes ache, and I squeeze them closed at the thought of her inheriting my addictive personality. One taste was enough for me. Ellie will never get over the loss if one taste is all it takes for Haven. She can’t turn out like me. I’ll do anything.

“It’s not your fault,” Nikki whispers beside me.

“It’s not yours either.” Part of me blames her. Letting Haven into that trailer alone after Anna tore through was a mistake. But Ellie spent ten years shielding the people she loved from having to think about those things. Nikki isn’t to blame. Maybe Anna. But maybe tonight goes all the way back to our parents. Anna and I never had much of a chance.

Ellie and the kids are better off without me. Haven has been safe for ten years. One small scar mars her forehead. Less than six months with me as her dad and she’s at the hospital with an accidental overdose.

“Ellie did the right thing,” I say into the quiet of the car.

“The right thing?” Nikki glances in my direction before looking away. “What do you mean?”

“Leaving me. She did the right thing for Haven when she left me.”

“Maybe back then she did. But this, what happened today, isn’t your fault.”

“If Haven turns out like me.” My voice cracks. Clearing my throat, I shake my head and run a hand down my face. Falling apart isn’t an option.

“It was an accident, Wyatt.”

Arguing with her is pointless. The truth sits between us, whether she wants to admit it or not. Ten years ago I wasn’t good for Ellie, and I wasn’t good enough for Haven.

“Ellie’s not as strong as she seems,” Nikki murmurs when the car pulls up to the emergency entrance of the hospital. “She’s going to need you. Even if she thinks she doesn’t.”

“She deserves better than this, better than me.” I open my door.

Nikki grabs my coat, stopping me from exiting the car. She takes a deep breath. “You’re a good guy. I wasn’t sure for a while, but I am now. What happened to Haven today isn’t because you’re a bad guy. You have this tremendous capacity to love and forgive the people who matter to you. Forgive yourself, Wyatt. Tonight isn’t your fault.” She releases my coat and steps out when the driver opens her door.

I sit for a minute, soaking in her words. The passenger door is propped open. Then I climb out of the car. Straightening my coat, I steel myself to be the man Ellie and Haven need and not the one I am. Her words bounce around my brain while we talk to the person at reception, when we walk to Haven’s room, even as we stand outside her door.

I forgave Anna a lot over the years. That’s on me. She squandered chance after chance. Each opportunity to cut her loose led me to this moment. Anna might have left the drugs lying around, but I’m the one who should have known better. I’m the reason Haven’s in the hospital.

“You ready?” Nikki offers a tentative smile.

Thrusting my hands in my pockets, I square my shoulders. What I want, I’m not sure Ellie will let me have. I wouldn’t blame her at all.