When Stars Fall by Wendy Million

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Wyatt

Present Day

James, the director, is a taskmaster. Normally, a day on set is an exercise in hurry up and wait. Lots of time to sit around and watch a clock turn over. Today, he’s more organized and efficient than usual. He’s annoying the shit out of me. I need mental space to decide what to say to Anna later tonight about Jamal.

“Cut, cut. Jesus, Wyatt. Get your fucking head in the game,” James yells from his seat.

He’d better not get off his chair. The takes when he ambles over, he gives a close-talker lecture. His cocky attitude leads us to the cusp of a full-on brawl. Patience will not hold me back from hitting him today. My inner Zen is being stored up for later.

“There something you want to say to me?” I ball my hands up. Hitting him would help with these shitty feelings. Release them through my fists.

James ignores me. He must sense I’m not taking his shit today.

I check my watch and remember it’s a prop. I curse under my breath. “Time?” I call out to anyone close enough to hear.

A crew member eating a bagel off to the side checks his phone. “Eight thirty.”

Camila is here. Ellie is in hair and makeup. How do I split myself in three so I can check on them and still be in this scene? Anna’s unpredictability makes me nervous. She shouldn’t be near Haven today. Ellie’s concerns echo through my brain. Of course, the situation isn’t safe. I should have asked Kyle to fly with Camila. Then I’d feel like I was capable of being in two places at once, and he’s good with my sister's mood swings. Almost better than me at talking her out of a rage.

“When are we moving on?” I call to James since he’s ignoring me to talk to other people.

“Whenever you get your head out of your ass and nail the scene,” James yells back before settling into his chair again. “Do you need me to give you a note or can you do your job today?”

Rage boils in me. I turn my back on him and suck in deep breaths. Today is not the day I blow it. Calm. I picture Ellie looking up at me, her face alight with a smile. Her dark eyes full of love for me. The anger leaves in a rush. She loves me. The rest of the world doesn’t matter. “Let’s get it done.” I make a circling motion with my hand for everyone to reset.

I nail the next take so hard I consider pinning the cut to the director’s forehead in triumph. He smirks, and I give him the finger. He’s such an asshole. Instead of escalating our feud, he eases out of his chair to prep for Ellie’s arrival on set.

Almost as though I willed it to happen, my lady love emerges out of the hair and makeup trailer. When she catches a glimpse of me, a grin breaks out on her face, lighting up my world. The tightness in my chest evaporates, and I can breathe again. Leaving the trailer this morning, I feared Ellie would talk herself out of us while I was gone. For ten years she’s been doing it, and I understand better than anyone how hard old habits die. Today I’ve been so on edge I could embrace those habits like an old friend. A drink. One Perc. A fingertip of coke. Nothing drastic. Just enough. The gum in my pocket knocks against my leg like the pill bottle used to. That has to be my “enough.” Taking out the packet, I pop a square into my mouth.

When Ellie reaches me, she wraps her arms around my middle and squeezes me tight. Her cheek presses into the down of my coat, and I nuzzle her neck. Her familiar scent is masked by foreign products, but below her ear, vanilla and flowers come alive. All I want to do is scoop her up, carry her back to the trailer, and pretend the rest of the world isn’t here.

“Don’t talk to Anna today, okay?” Ellie murmurs.

“What?” I draw back. “Did I hear you right?”

I’m tempted to sweep her hair out of her face, but she just spent an hour with the stylist. They’ll murder me if I mess her up.

“You did. We should problem solve. Maybe there’s another solution that doesn’t involve taking Jamal from Anna.” Ellie stares into the distance behind me. “She must love Jamal.”

Hello, Divine Intervention.

I don’t want to ask the next question, but I also don’t want to be caught off guard later. “Are you sure?”

She nods, but there’s no eye contact. “It’s worth a try. See if we can help her.”

“I love you, Ellie. You know that, right?”

“And I love you.” Her expression brims with sadness. “I’m not sure there are enough words for how much I love you.”

“This about-face on Anna can’t be easy for you.”

“Maybe if we put some effort into finding a solution, we can come up with something that’ll work.” She kisses me.

“Was Anna there by the time you left the trailer?”

“No. But I met Camila. I like her, actually. Makes sense how someone like her would have been good for you.”

She’s liked very few of the women I’ve associated with either before, during, or after our relationship. My high tolerance for women who weren’t genuine irked her, but I grew up surrounded by those types of people. I understood them. They’re easy to deal with.

Ellie mystified and intrigued me because her upbringing was so different from mine, but we got along so well. I only kept the women who came after Ellie around if they didn’t remind me of her. None of them were Ellie, and I didn’t want them to be.

“She’s still good for me. It’s why she’s still in my life.” Something occurs to me and I frown. “She didn’t say anything to you, did she? Is that why you changed your mind about Anna?”

“I had time to consider what I’d asked for this morning before I left the trailer. I don’t know Anna anymore. There might be other avenues.” She’s saying the right things, but each time she says them, she avoids looking me in the eye. Finally, when she glances up, her dark depths brim with tears.

“Hey.” I bend to graze her forehead with mine. “Ellie . . .”

“I want you and the kids safe. If we can do that, then we can help Anna too.”

“But you’re crying.” I kiss her forehead. “It doesn’t seem like you’re okay with your suggestion.”

“I cried a lot last time I was pregnant too,” she says. “I thought it was because of you.” She shrugs. “Maybe I’m just a hormonal mess.”

At the mention of the last time she was pregnant, I gather her closer. The whole experience will be different this time. If I have to watch her cry and give her tissues every day for the next six months, that’s what I’ll do.

“You’ll tell me if your feelings become more than that, right? You asked me to watch out for you, but I can’t do that if you’re not telling me the truth.”

“I don’t want Anna to die.” Her tears have left streaks down her face, ruining her makeup.

“Die?” Inside, my anger simmers. “So Camila did talk to you.”

“Wyatt.” Ellie frames my face with her hands when I go tense.

“She shouldn’t have done that.”

“Maybe not. But if you want honesty from me, then I need it from you too. When I asked you, instead of acting like you thought Anna might do something to herself, you should have been firm.”

“I don’t want to put my sister’s choices on you. If you need Anna away from our family to feel safe, if you think Jamal’s in danger being with her, I need to listen. And then I need to do something about it.”

“If doing something leads to Anna’s death, you’ll never recover.” Ellie grips my winter jacket in her fists.

I stare out at the snow-covered ground, and the evergreens surrounding today’s location. Camila didn’t hold back, apparently. “You can’t decide that for me.”

“So you’d be perfectly fine if she died?”

“No, of course not.” Frustration leaks into my voice. “But I don’t want to lose you.” My voice breaks, and I clear my throat. We’re building a family, and I’m not sacrificing her or our children for my sister and my nephew. We’re surrounded by curious crew, and any second James is going to amble over here to put us to work. This isn’t the right place for this conversation.

“And what I’m telling you is that you won’t.”

“I can’t guarantee Anna will ever be clean.” We might end up in the exact situation she didn’t want: Haven exposed to an erratic addict.

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Maybe not, but I’m trying. Don’t talk to Anna until we have a chance to come up with some ideas. There has to be a way to make this work.”

“All right, lovebirds, break time’s over,” James yells from across the set.

I grit my teeth.

She pats my arm. “This isn’t the first time you’ve worked with him. You must have known.” She nods toward James.

“The last time I worked with him, I wasn’t sober or clean. Apparently, I liked him a lot better when I couldn’t see his sharp edges.” The phrase reminds me of Isaac, and a pang of sadness hits me. “I don’t want Anna to end up like Isaac. But I can’t fathom how to stop her.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Ellie rubs my arm. “Together, okay?”

“I like the sound of that.” I won’t lose Ellie and our kids a second time, and I need to protect Jamal. But the other outcome is also true. If Anna killed herself and I had a part in leading her there, I’d never forgive myself. We all need to make it out alive.