The Wolf’s Fake Mate by Layla Silver
Chapter 16 – Hailey
I felt disgusted with myself. How could I be rude to Silas like that? I really wasn’t myself these days. I felt so out of it, unfocused, and unable to give my all to everything I did. I was miserable like I had never been before.
“I’d like a bouquet of white roses on every table,” Gabriella stated, walking among the tables at Sun and Moon. We were all here today—our whole family—overseeing her decoration planning.
The wedding planner she had hired followed the bride-to-be like an obedient puppy. “Certainly. That would be most excellent.” She noted down the instruction.
“Wouldn’t lilies be better?” Laurene gave her opinion in her usual tone, which sounded like she was stating an obvious fact. “I think they would suit this place more.”
“Do you really think so?” Gabriella asked, uncertain.
“I prefer white roses,” Aunt Evangeline added.
Gabriella looked utterly confused. This wasn’t the first time the family had debated with her opinion about the decorations—she simply wasn’t confident enough to make her own decisions.
Waverly sighed then looked at me. When our gazes met, she rolled her eyes then smiled at me. It seemed that Waverly was as annoyed because of the wedding preparations as I was.
She stepped closer to me, then whispered in my ear, “Can’t we go somewhere else? I bet they won’t even notice.”
I stared at my family. As engrossed in arguing about the flowers as they were, they really weren’t going to notice if Waverly and I walked away. I led Waverly to the staff door, past the kitchen, then to the staff room. The room was small, with one window. We had a small kitchenette here and a table for four. Lockers for our clothes took up one wall. There was also a couch for two, in the characteristic dark green Sun and Moon color that reminded me of pine trees, which, in turn, made me think of Silas…
I sighed and sat down on the couch. Waverly took a seat next to me, then looked me up and down.
“Something is eating you up from the inside,” she concluded after her analysis. “You’re so wired up; you look like you could break down at any moment.”
“To break down, one would have to be whole in the first place,” I stated, staring at her emotionlessly. I was good at that—being ice cold on the outside, while inside all I felt was a hurricane of emotions. My wolf only added to it, pacing around in my soul like I was caging it. I knew that was not the case; my wolf was not separate from me, so I couldn’t possibly do anything to harm it. Yet I felt like it wanted to get out of me and run—but where to, I didn’t know.
That was a lie. I very well knew what my wolf wanted: to be with the person whom it considered its mate—Silas. If I was stupid enough not to realize that Silas was the other half of my soul, the animal inside me was there to make the truth undeniably known. With that doubt resolved, only one more remained in my mind—whether or not I could trust Silas. But no, that whole notion was wrong too. My concern wasn’t about Silas being trustworthy—it was about if I could bring myself to trust him. He wasn’t the problem here. He had not given up on me, as our last conversation had proven to me. He could have very well walked away after that stunt I’d pulled on him at Fuzion, embarrassing him in front of his ex-coworkers. But Silas didn’t abandon me after that. Could I trust that he wouldn’t get bored of me in the future?
“That’s awfully dramatic.” Waverly rolled her eyes again. “And if you’re thinking of yourself as broken, you’re mistaken as well. You are not broken. You’re the strongest person I know,” she stated with full conviction.
“If only you knew how I feel inside...” I sighed.
“Then tell me. I’m not some kind of clairvoyant who can know what’s in your heart. Though I feel like you’re going through something, so as your friend and sister, I want you to know—I’m here for you. I may not be able to do much to help, but I can listen. I’ve got a good ear right here.” Waverly moved her curls to the side and pointed at her ear, smiling brightly.
I returned her smile with uncertainty. Then I examined the box in my mind—was I ready to open it and go through my feelings with Waverly? My wolf nudged me in my soul, and I felt it whine. It wanted me to get help. My current upset state was as unpleasant for my wolf as it was for me. Actually, it wasn’t good for anyone. Not for my family, Silas, me, nor my wolf. All my life, I’d been running, and eventually my fears had caught up to me. I could keep the box locked and remain unhappy. Or I could open it and go forward.
Waverly waited patiently for my decision.
I thought of Silas, his kindness towards me, the passion we shared, and the safety I felt with him. He stuck with me through all of my weirdness, through my coldness and rudeness. I held back in front of him, yet he gave me all of himself.
I thought of my family, which I had protected all my life, not expecting any gratitude. Despite our hardships, our sense of community had made us stick together through it all. Even to this day, we lived together. Sure, sometimes there were cross words exchanged, and Laurene really could have tried to be less of a bitch in general. But still, I loved them, and I was sure every one of them loved me back in their own way.
I thought of my wolf, whom I treasured and cared for always. It was part of me, and I was part of it. We were one, and it too deserved me to be in the best mental state possible so we could live in harmony.
“Let’s go back home, so we can talk uninterrupted,” I told Waverly. “I’ll tell you everything.”
My sister smiled, love in her eyes as she took my hand, and we walked out through the staff door.
***
Ten minutes later, we were in my room, sipping hot chocolate, and I started my story from the very beginning.
I told Waverly how I felt on that day, as a 12-year-old, when Mom had approached me and told me Dad had left. How I looked out of the window every day, expecting him to return. How I hoped with every phone call I picked up that it would be him. One day I drove to Boston to look for him and got lost in the city. The police picked me up, and after that day Mom told me quietly, “Your father won’t return.” There was so much certainty in her words that finally I realized it was the truth. Our father had abandoned us and didn’t want to have anything more to do with us.
Soon after that, Mother started working double shifts to support us. With her constantly being absent from our home, the job of taking care of the household and my sisters fell upon me. At first, I only had to manage simple tasks like cleaning up the house or making sure 7-year-old Waverly was fed, clean, and taken care of each day. But as years went by, and I turned 14, Mom grew more and more tired and aged beyond her years, and so she started expecting me to do more and more. Soon I was cooking for the family and covering for Laurene and Gabriella when they did something wrong. I started managing the household finances and running the family budget, always stressed about the possibility that I would make a mistake and we wouldn’t have anything to eat at the end of the month.
Of course, considering all of those responsibilities, I wasn’t the best at school. I loved cooking, though, and it was honestly the only thing I was talented at doing. I made sure Gabriella and Laurene studied, but I didn’t know the answers to all their homework questions. I chose to pursue cooking professionally and breathed a sigh of relief when Gab and Lau turned their passions for art into careers. One went the way of hairstyling, the other cosmetology, and because of those choices the need for expensive tutoring so they could get into colleges was eliminated. They both found good apprenticeships in Florida, and as soon as they started making money, our situation improved. I could breathe a sigh of relief, as I wasn’t expected to be the sole provider for the family.
As wolves, it was common for us to live together with the family until we found our mates, which sometimes took a while. When I knew that Gabriella and Laurene were secure in their career choices, I supported Waverly’s passion for sewing and got her into a seamstress school. Soon we found out that she was the one able to make the most money out of all of us: she had found her niche with sewing—making fursuits for those in the furry fandom. While she wasn’t part of that community herself, she loved all kinds of animals and she even made plushies of them to sell.
With my whole family happy, healthy, and provided for, I figured I was happy too. But when I opened the box in my mind, I realized I was far from happy. Now that I carefully examined my feelings, as I told Waverly our story from my point of view, I saw that I had been going through hardships all my life. And doing so alone had only made me grow colder and colder. I became more and more miserable, and how I had been able to fool myself into believing I was content was a miracle.
On top of all that suffering, distress came to me from the feeling of not belonging to a pack. Not only did we not have a father, but also no Alpha—no protection. We had looked for that security in Florida, but somehow none of us could connect emotionally to that pack. With our recent return to New England, we’d hoped that at least that sense of isolation could change.
And it had. Alpha Kaia’s inner wolf had a presence that made all our wolves feel protected. The pack members were a lot calmer here, and that fact, in turn, made us feel more peaceful and free. Roaming the mountains on the weekends was a favorite pastime of our family, and we felt connected to the land and the rest of the pack.
There was one more important thing that changed where I came here—I met Silas. He was a panther, and yet he was a part of the pack. I’d heard about Silas back in school and idolized him back then, but here I soon learned the actual man was even more perfect than I’d thought. Sure, he had his faults—at work, he was merciless in the way he instructed us and pushed us to give our all. I knew that if I ever got into an argument with Silas, it would be hard to change his mind considering how firm his beliefs were. Though maybe he wouldn’t be so stubborn in my case. I felt like he could move mountains for me, change the world. If only I asked… but I never asked him for anything because I was used to providing for myself on my own. I’d only pleaded for him to let us use his restaurant as the venue for Gabriella’s wedding, and he had granted that request even though it was pretty inconvenient for his business.
Silas Petterson had told me he loved me twice already. And I hadn’t honestly believed him back then, had I? Did I believe him now—now that he hadn’t abandoned me after I had declined his proposal?
“What you fear is Silas abandoning you like Father left us, right?” Waverly concluded when I stopped talking, and the silence grew in the room. Our hot chocolates had long since grown cold, and the sun had set, bringing darkness to the world again. Somewhere in the middle of me spilling my feelings we heard our family return home, but they didn’t disturb us. Since we were wolves and could sense each other, they knew we were in this room—and that was enough.
“Yes, I’m scared of falling in love and him breaking my heart,” I answered.
“But isn’t it too late for the first part already? Don’t you love him?” my sister questioned.
I stared at her open-mouthed. Did I love Silas? “No, it can’t be true,” I said uncertainly. “If that were the case, I wouldn’t be capable of hurting him, would I?”
“Sometimes self-preservation comes first. You’ve taken care of yourself and us above everything else all your life. It’s your instinct to prioritize safety. Taking this step—marrying Silas—you don’t consider that something safe at all. That’s why you can’t open up. You’re scared.”
“Oh, I’m terrified. But, Waverly, what if he really abandons me?”
“What if he never does? Then you would have wasted the chance at having something beautiful.”
“I… I don’t know…”
Waverly thought for a moment. “I think you should talk to Mom about Father. Maybe there’s something to the story that we don’t know. Maybe it will make your decision clearer—or at least make you feel less scared.”
“Mom hates talking about Father, though,” I stated. “It’s a topic she made clear she never wants to hear about again.”
“I’ll talk to her, soften her up.” Waverly smiled. “I suggest you go running in your wolf form for a few hours. It’ll probably take me a few days to work on her, but I should be able to get her to talk before the wedding.”
“Thank you, Waverly,” I said sincerely. I got up from my place on the bed and hugged her. Silently, I cried tears of overwhelming relief, and my sister patted my back. Finally, I was able to let go of all the feelings.
“Now, now,” Waverly said. “Don’t worry about anything. For once, I’m able to provide for you, and I will do it happily.”
“I’m so proud of having an amazing sister like you,” I sobbed.
“And I feel the same way about you. I’ve always looked up to you, and I always will.”
