Rise by Cassandra Robbins

 

 

 

 

RHYS

Present – Thirty-five years old

Rome, Italy

“Five minutes,” Rafe announces as I sit in the corner, feet propped up on the table. We’re in Rome getting ready to play the Stadio Olimpico, an enormous venue. I should be joining in with my brothers and preparing to bring down the house, yet I sit alone. My bottle of Jack Daniel’s is my faithful companion as I close my eyes and smoke, hearing music in my head.

It’s been a week since she left. A week of shit. Like the fucking dick that I am, I’ve had woman after woman brought to me, maybe to remind me I’m fucked. One after another they come to me as I try to use them to block out her smell, the taste of her lips.

But your heart knows the truth. It knows when it beats for another, and my heart has been taken by Gia. Torn out of me as it hemorrhages on the floor, yet somehow it continues to beat.

A loud scream should make me open my eyes, but I don’t. I ignore the mayhem and stay where I am.

“Granger? Let’s do this, brother.” I open my eyes to see Ammo, Jägermeister in one hand and his guitar in another.

I drop my feet with a loud thud. My limbs feel weighted, as if cement has been poured on them. “Fuck it.” Tossing my cigarette onto the floor, I step on it and run my hands through my hair.

While I walk toward the stage, BT is by my side, along with Rafe and the fucking film crew. This will be the last concert on the tour. After this, it’s a lot of interviews. I have nothing left to say. I can barely stomach Hunter and his pushy attitude, and fucking Sebastian is lucky he can walk. His sanctimonious attitude makes me want to beat the shit out of him over and over.

Rafe worked it out. Sebastian’s not suing, but he gets to finish the film. I don’t give a shit. My interest is at zero. All the gossip rags want are details about whom I’ve fucked. The sexiest man alive has only added more to the hype, and since I’m not talking, they find a story no matter who they dig up.

Our boots pound the long hallway as we head out to the arena. The noise of the crowd filters in as I hold out my hand for my ear monitor.

Nuke is always the first to go on, but again, I give zero fucks. My fans, this crowd is my lifeline. So I take the stage.

The noise and love that vibrate out of them as they see me makes my cock come to life. Stepping onstage, I motion for a confused Tim to hand me a bottle of Jack. Nuke’s drums come to life.

“The fuck you doing, Granger?” he yells. I laugh at his pissed-off expression.

“How you all doing out there?” I walk up to the microphone and crack open the bottle of Jack. The thousands of adoring eyes stare up as if I truly am a god.

“Yeah, that’s it. The Rock God is here.” I lift my hand, step back, and take a drink as I let the world call out my name.

“Rock God. Rock God,” they chant and I smile.

“Ammo? Ace of Spades, you here, man?” There’s a loud weep from his guitar while he walks up to me, and the crowd gets louder.

I’m numb.

Cash’s bass follows suit as he walks out, and the band is complete.

We’re four guys who started out in a garage and did the unthinkable. Yet with the whole world in our hands, all I can think about is her.

My muse. Nuke pounds his drums, and Ammo and Cash start to play “Untouched.” The words that never desert me pour from my lips. I used to question how that is. How half the time I can’t remember what day it is, but every word, verse, or tune I’ve written or sung is like a faithful lover.

Always with me, never gone.

Our hits flow out of me as if I’m crossing off a to-do list. The only difference is the crowd’s worship and enthusiasm.

Dallas walks on and hands me a towel and my guitar while I tug off my shirt. The sounds of crying and screaming make me smile as I scan the sea of faces. “Don’t mind these cameras.” I motion at Sebastian and the other guy they brought in to shoot the crowd’s reactions. “We’re doing a movie, but pretend they don’t exist.” I snicker as I look down at the screaming masses.

There, in the front row, is an angel with long, dark hair. Could she be my muse? She looks up at me adoringly. Her big brown eyes are full of tears, pouring out love.

She worships me.

I motion for them to bring her onstage. The barrier that keeps them away, blocks her, but she claws and tries to reach for me. The tips of our fingers touch, and I motion for Sal, one of our roadies, to bring her up as the masses go wild.

Nuke’s drums start to beat almost menacingly, and I grin as she at last gets on stage and launches herself at me.

I hold her close, almost swaying with her.

Her heart beats for me. Rapid, frantic, excited pounding, it seeps into me as does her own smell. Not unpleasant but not what I crave. I kiss her lips, wanting to feel anything, wanting my heart to beat.

I back up and she cries and speaks. It doesn’t matter that I don’t understand her words. I know what she’s feeling as I replace her face with another.

Then I hold her hand up and let my addicts adore her. She trembles as they take her away and I grab the bottle, waving my hand for my brothers to stop playing. The lights and smoke fade as I drink and tell them all my truths.

“You ever been in love?” They answer with a loud rumble. Ammo walks over, his face filled with concern as I continue. “My brothers are thinking I’m gonna go all cowboy on you guys. But I know you all understand me.” The answer is a loud, pulsing roar and I nod.

“That’s the thing about love—fucking amore. It comes at you like a bullet ripping into your skin and can take you out.” I laugh. “There’re all kinds of love.” I take a swig of Jack and pace the stage. “Good, bad, toxic, exciting. The kind that comes at you and you know it’s unhealthy, but you do it anyway, right?” I lift my hand, grasping the bottle, and they scream that they understand.

“How about the ones who leave and run away like a fucking rat? They take a part of you with them. Yeah, how about those?” I nod as my eyes see double and I reach for the microphone to stabilize me.

“How about the ones who turn your love ugly?” I scream, and they answer me. It vibrates loudly in my chest and I reach for my heart.

“This next song I wrote as a love song, but I’ll let you all decide.” I take a drink and turn to look at Cash who shakes his head. I ignore him and tell Ammo to follow. As I let my guitar scream, Nuke picks up the tune and Ammo joins in.

“There’s been a lot of talk lately about my personal life. Shit that means nothing. But this meant something. I wrote it for another, but it belongs to you.” I nod at the crowd. The earth pounds as they chant, showing their gratitude with lights from phones and lighters.

“Fuck you, Gia.” The words vibrate around the arena. Suddenly I’m not numb. I’m alive and angry and so fucking in love with her it hurts.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Baby, I don’t want to see you cryin’.

But I can’t live without your love.

This hunger that eats me up, only your lips can cure.

I make everyone bleed.

But that’s nothing compared to my heart.

It bleeds for you.

It’s strong and powerful. And mine beats for yours.

It beats for you.

Let me match your breathing; let me steal your breath, rest my racing mind.

For this moment, I’m at peace.

I can’t make you love me. I can’t control your heart.

But baby, mine is yours.

It beats for you.

It beats for you.

“Thank you, my friends.” I lift my hand. “Rome, you rock. I love you all. Good night!” I leave without a backward glance. I know they want an encore, but I’m too raw right now. I sense Sebastian following me as I head to the green room.

“Granger? Hold up.” I stop and look up at the fluorescent lights as our team runs past. Ammo is playing a solo for the encore, I guess.

“Stay away from me, Sebastian. If you want to live, stay the fuck away.” I start walking again.

“I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but I fucked up. I’m a big enough man to acknowledge it.”

“What?” I turn to see the camera off and hanging by his side.

“I’m not in love with you, so I see things differently. But Gia is.” He shakes his head, almost like he can’t quite believe it.

“She ran from you also?” I laugh, but it’s bitter and hollow.

“She never runs from me. Her heart was yours from the day we met, and I don’t think I really acknowledged it until right now.” He nods at me, a shine of tears in his eyes.

“Look, man.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I can’t tell you what to do. But I can come clean for my own self. I wanted Gia away from you. I pushed her to leave. I thought you would hurt her. But the thing is, I’m the one who’s hurting her, and I can’t live with that. She deserves the world. And it’s not my place to pick who she shares it with.”

I shake my head. “Don’t beat yourself up. She’s never trusted me. She would have left sooner or later.” I turn, needing a fresh bottle of Jack, a cigarette, and some Italian pussy.

“She loves you, Granger!” The sharp echo of his voice is like a knife stabbing me in the back. “She always has. There was a ghost in our relationship and that was you. I thought eventually I could make her forget. But that never happened. You deserve to know the truth.”

My hand stops before I open the door. “You talk to her?” I close my eyes against opening up more pain.

“I have. She’s in LA at Axel’s wedding.” I nod, then swing open the green room door as I hear my brothers riding the high that only our fans’ love can give us.

I take a breath and turn as I pull my phone out. Ignoring the whispers, I pass everyone and keep moving. Someone calls my name; it sounds like Ammo.

But I’m done with all this shit.

I’m done running.