Perfect Secret by Molly McLain

Chapter 19

HOLDEN

The buzz of my phone breaks into the sleep I’d only found a couple of hours earlier on Wilder’s couch. For a solid ten seconds, I ignore it, because there’s not a single person I want to talk to right now.

Well, except for Alana.

Shit, what if it’s her?

I jolt upright and knock over a bottle of water, trying to reach my cell on the coffee table. And then I almost throw the fucking thing across the room when CJ’s name shows on the display.

No way am I talking to him right now. Cory probably called him last night and fed him a bunch of shit just like he did with Alana, and I’m not playing that damn game right now.

I reject the call and scrub my hands over my face only to have the friggin’ thing ring again, because that’s how CJ is when he’s got a wild hair up his ass.

“What?” I snarl, putting the call on speaker.

“Well, good morning to you, too, sunshine.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and seriously consider firing him on the spot just for being so fucking annoying. And then I remember we have a contract.

“What do you want?” I ask again, my words as tight as the tension in my neck and shoulders, a small part of which is the result of crashing on Wilder and Hallie’s couch and the rest from worrying myself crazy about Alana.

“You know, I expected you’d be a little more grateful to hear from me.”

I open my mouth to tell him to fuck off when his words register. “You’re calling to tell me I can come back?”

“Yeah, you cranky fucker. The girl in Tulsa? Turns out she was banging her best friend’s boyfriend. Got busted stumbling out of a back room at a bar, so she made up some bullshit story. Blamed it on a bull rider since a bunch of the guys were at the bar that night after the ride. And Vickie? That was a completely unrelated event.”

I stare down at my phone as the past few weeks flash before my eyes. Is he friggin’ serious right now? I put up with all of this BS because some sorority girl decided to be a shit friend?

“Mack? You there?” CJ asks, and I rub my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m here.” I’m not sure how I feel about any of it, but I’m here.

“Dallas has already given you the green light. I told him you probably won’t be ready to ride next weekend in California, but you’d be on the ticket for Lincoln the weekend after.”

I grunt. “And what if I don’t want to?”

“Don’t want to wait? I mean, I guess that’s up to you.”

“I mean what if I don’t want to ride? What if I don’t want to come back?”

He’s silent for a long moment before he laughs. “Yeah, right.”

His reaction makes my lip curl. Does he honestly expect me to come back like none of this happened? Like the ABR didn’t turn their back on me and treat me like a damn pariah?

“What’s Dallas gonna do to make this right by me?” The ABR CEO and master puppeteer never even bothered to talk to me himself about this shit, so I’m not holding my breath that he’ll care much now.

CJ sighs. “Nothing, man. It’s not his fault any more than it’s yours.”

I give a bitter laugh. “Yet I was punished for it. Fuck that. Fuck him.”

“He did what he could, Mack. He was in a tough spot, too.”

I shake my head. “You know, I’ve had a lot of time to think these past few weeks and I’m not sure that’s good enough.”

“I know it sucks, but you have to understand…”

“Actually, I don’t. The ABR showed their true colors and I’m not a fan. I may love riding, but I like my integrity more. I’m not about to turn a cheek and pretend this never happened. As far as I’m concerned, the ABR can kiss my ass.”

“You don’t mean that.” CJ laughs. Honest to God fucking laughs, like this whole thing is nothing more than a joke to him. “Just get your ass back to Colorado by Monday.”

“Don’t hold your breath.” I end the call and give the phone a toss across the table.

“Sounds like you could use some coffee,” Wilder’s sleep-roughened voice comes from the kitchen and I fall against the back of the couch with a frustrated huff.

“I could use some actual sleep, but it’s too friggin’ late for that.” It’s going on eight o’clock and I’m not going to waste any more time waiting on Alana to answer my texts or calls. As soon as I’m caffeinated, I’m finding her and we’re having this out.

“She respond yet?” Wilder asks as if reading my mind while he messes around with the coffee pot.

“Nope.” And all of my texts are unread, too.

“Hallie took her to Emma’s bed-and-breakfast last night.”

Right. Because if she went home, she might run into me, which she’s obviously trying to avoid. Fucking Cory.

“Where’s Mitchell stay when he’s in Mason Creek?” I ask, knowing damn well Wilder isn’t going to tell me.

He laughs. “Nice try, man.”

“What?” I chuckle, too, because if I don’t, I might very well cry. How could Cory say that shit? I mean, yeah, finding out he’s Alana’s ex was just as much of a surprise for me as seeing us together must have been for him.

But they’ve been done for four years now, right?

I have some personal shit to take care of.

I’ve always cared. You know I have. I even told Aiden.

His words replay in my head and I curse under my breath.

How the hell was I supposed to know he still had a thing for her? In the four years we’ve been on the trail together, he never once mentioned her. Never even hinted at having a girl back home he still cared about.

Knowing wouldn’t have changed anything. Or maybe that’s what I want to believe, because I don’t want it to matter. I took one look at that girl and I knew. I fucking knew she was something special.

I love her sass and determination. How she stands her ground and works her ass off, too. But what I love most is how she goes all in with everything she does. Including me.

“Coffee will be done shortly. I’m going to hop in the shower. Don’t do anything stupid.” Like Google the Mitchell’s address and go beat Cory’s ass goes unsaid.

“I’ll try,” I mutter, grabbing my phone from the table to double-check that, nope, Alana still isn’t talking to me.

I push to my feet and stalk to the bank of windows in the living room that overlook a wide pasture and the mountains in the distance.

A truck turns into the driveway and dread sinks in my gut.

Aiden.

And he’s in his personal vehicle, too, so there’s nothing stopping him from giving me a piece of his mind and his fist.

I meet him on the porch before he can knock, because there’s no point in pretending I don’t know exactly why he’s here.

He lifts his chin and tightens his jaw when he spots me waiting for him. “McMurray.” His tone is as tense as his posture.

“Faulkner.” I dip my chin. “If you’re here to tell me to stay away from your sister, you should know she’s doing a fine job of making that happen herself.”

“Good.” Then he gestures to the Adirondack chairs. “Sit.”

I’m far too old for these kinds of lectures, but I know when to pick my battles, so I sit and eventually he does the same.

Elbows on his knees and hands folded between them, he’s quiet for several moments before he speaks. “Cory Mitchell’s a fucking tool.”

I laugh, instant relief lightening the load on my shoulders. “That is not what I expected you to say.”

“Don’t think I’m not pissed at you, too, but the shit he tried to pull last night was completely out of line. He started asking about Alana a few months ago and I told him flat out she wasn’t interested in going down that road again. Not after the hell he put her through.”

“I had no idea,” I say, turning to him and shaking my head. “In hindsight, I think you and Wilder were trying to tell me, but it didn’t click. And even when she told me her ex was a bull rider, it never crossed my mind that she was talking about him.”

“Would it have mattered?”

“I want to say no, but Cory’s one of my closest friends. In the ABR and out. We practically live together on the road. That’s not something I’d willingly make awkward, you know?”

“Does it matter now that you know?”

I shake my head before he finishes the question. “Not at all. This is about me and her now, no one else.”

I expect him to give me an attitude, to tell me I’m not good enough for her or whatever big brothers usually threaten their little sisters’ love interests with. But he simply nods and glances out over the field.

“Don’t give up on her,” he says quietly. “He broke her heart and she spent the last four years building walls around herself to keep it from happening again. For some reason, she let you in. I don’t know why now or why you, but I can tell you this—she’s been more herself these past few weeks than she’s been in years.”

And somehow, despite being accused of a heinous crime, having my career nearly ripped from my hands, and being cast away to the middle of nowhere, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a long time, too.

It’s not hard to figure out why. I’ve had her to come home to. Her to banter with. Her to finally make me acknowledge what I’ve known for a while now…

Bull riding was meant to be a phase in my life, but not my entire life.

“I appreciate that, man.” And I mean it. I don’t need his permission where Alana is concerned, but knowing I have his respect… it means something. “And I don’t plan on letting what happened last night change anything. I just need her to talk to me, so I can explain a few things.”

He nods. “I saw her walking in town when I came through.”

I jump to my feet. “Headed home?”

“No, but I have a pretty good idea where she was going.”

“Okay…” I roll my hand impatiently and he gestures to my feet.

“Get your boots on. You’re gonna need ‘em.”

* * *

I findher sitting at the top of a pretty bridge in the middle of the woods with her bare legs and Converse sneakers dangling above the creek.

The only sounds are of water trickling over the rocks in the creek bed and the rustle of leaves in the canopy of trees overhead. Alana had to have heard my truck, but she continues staring out over the creek, unfazed.

“Mind if I join you?” I ask, tucking my sweaty palms into my pockets as I approach, careful not to scare her.

“Of course not.” She flicks a quick smile my way and then pats the wood next to her. “Sit on this side. There’s a wad of gum on the other.”

“Ah, thanks for the heads-up.” I chuckle and settle down beside her, sticking my boots and legs between the wrought iron bars, too. “This is an awfully fancy bridge for the middle of the woods, no?”

“Mmm hmm, but there’s a really romantic story that accompanies it.” She gives me another timid glance, the faintest pink in her cheeks. I don’t know what it means, but she didn’t tell me to fuck off, so I’ll take it.

“Well, you have to tell me now that you mentioned it.” I bump my shoulder into hers and she gives a small laugh before tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear.

“Well, legend has it that, before Mason Creek became the happening little town that it is, a young man named Henry Davis was madly in love with a girl who used to spend her days exploring these woods. But she hated that she could never get to the other side of the creek. So, in the grandest of grand gestures, Henry secretly built the bridge for her. Rumor has it he proposed to her here, too. Obviously she said yes, because hello, he built her a bridge.”

I try to bite back a laugh, but fail. “Obviously.”

“Hey.” She pokes my thigh. “It’s sweet and you know it.”

“I’m just wondering how he got all of this steel into the woods without her noticing. Especially if she liked coming out here so much.”

Her eyebrows dart up. “Are you questioning local legend, Colorado?”

I lift my hands, unable to keep the grin from spreading across my face, because hello, she’s talking to me. “I’m just saying.”

She rolls her eyes, but the twitch of her lips gives her away. And I am so fucking relieved.

“You’re so damn cute when you pretend to be annoyed with me.”

“I am annoyed with you.” She huffs and shifts her gaze back to the water. Then, she promptly sighs and shoves a hand through her hair. “Actually, that’s not true. It’s just… what in the hell was that with Cory?”

I wish I knew. I wish I had something better to say other than, “I’m sorry. I should’ve figured out he was your ex.”

She shakes her head. “I should have told you. I mean, once you told me about the ABR, I realized he was probably the one who suggested you come to Mason Creek. I should have said something then.”

So she had known. I’d wondered when she’d only seemed surprised to see him, not about the things he’d said.

“Nah, babe. I get why you didn’t. It was a long time ago. In the past.”

She bites her lips together. “Except, the reason I didn’t tell you was because I didn’t want it to change things with us, not because my past with him is inconsequential. He’s obviously a good friend if he connected you with Wilder. Assuming that part of what he said was true, anyway.”

“It is.” And thank god she realized that most of the other shit he’d said wasn’t. “But my friendship with him has nothing to do with me and you.”

“Doesn’t it?” she counters, her tone almost exasperated as the look in her eyes. “Doesn’t it have everything to do with us?”

“You and I are our own thing, babe.”

She shakes her head, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Can you honestly tell me that you would have gotten involved with me if you would have known Cory and I had been involved?”

“What does that matter? I didn’t know, and here we are. Me and you. I want to be with you and nothing is going to change that.”

Her brow creases. “But he’s your friend.”

“And you’re my girlfriend.”

The tears in her eyes shine beneath the morning sun streaking through the trees. “But your friendship with him may be ruined because of me. As much as he hurt me and as much as I wanted to punch him for all of the things he said about you last night, I don’t ever want to be the reason you lose something important to you.”

Jesus Christ. Doesn’t she know that, because of her, I’ve gained something even more important?

“Babe, listen to me…” I rub a frustrated hand along my jaw. “You might be right about Cory. I might’ve done the bro code thing and stayed away, but then I would have hated myself because I would have missed this.” I curl a hand around her cheek and press my lips to hers before she can stop me. “I would’ve missed tasting this sassy mouth of yours. I would have missed knowing this smart, sexy, strong-willed woman I can’t stop thinking about. I would have missed finding the person I already can’t imagine my life without.”

“Holden,” she breathes my name and the conflict in her eyes breaks my heart.

She doesn’t want to make me choose.

But what she doesn’t realize is I chose her the second I laid eyes on her.

ALANA

“Not knowing about Cory gave us the chance to find each other. To find something bigger than either of us expected. It was the perfect secret, babe. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

I wouldn’t either. In the few weeks I’ve known Holden, I’ve grown to care about him in ways I wasn’t sure I’d ever be capable of again.

And that’s why I can’t stand back and watch him potentially lose a friend and give up on his career.

“Are you really quitting the ABR?” I ask and his lack of response is telling. “Holden, you can’t just quit.”

He runs a hand around the back of his neck. “Babe, we’ve talked about this. I don’t want to give my time and energy to an organization that could give a shit less about me.”

“Holden…” I pull my legs from between the bars and turn to face him. “If you quit, you let them win. Don’t you see that?”

“I let them win when I let them push me out. I already came up short on that ride, babe.”

“But you can go back and show them they screwed up. You can make them regret turning their back on you.”

His dark eyes sparkle as he reaches up and cradles my cheek once again. “Darlin’, this isn’t about vengeance. This is about me taking the reins and making the best decision for me, regardless of what they say.”

“And if they say you can come back… Do you honestly think you’ll still feel this way?” Because that’s my fear. My fear for him is that he’ll quit now while his emotions are high and he’ll hate himself for it when the dust settles.

I’ve been down that road. I quit college and quit myself when things with Cory went to crap. Yes, things worked out in the end, but I spent a lot of time being miserable and wishing I’d done things differently.

I don’t want that for him.

“You’re too good to quit,” I tell him. “You might’ve taken another title this year.”

His eyebrows lift over wide brown eyes. “You looked me up.”

Crap. “Technically, Hallie did. And then I stole her phone, because Emma confiscated mine.”

“And?”

“You’re an amazing rider.” My shoulders drop and I sigh, because something tells me this isn’t an argument I’m going to win. Not right now anyway. “And you look really good in that rodeo vest.”

“Just the vest?”

“I’m intentionally trying not to think about the chaps.”

His head falls back with a bark of laughter. “Is that why you’re so insistent I go back? Because I look good in my gear?”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing you up close and personal like that. But I’m serious, Holden. I’m really worried that you’re going to make a decision you’ll regre—”

“They called me back.”

I gasp. “What? When?”

“This morning. Turns out the accusation was bogus.” He tells me about the girl and her friend’s boyfriend. About the bar and the bull riders. And there’s so much frustration in his eyes.

“I see it,” I whisper, stroking my fingers along his jaw and then over his eyebrows. “I see it in your face right now. You already know it’ll kill you to walk away.”

He closes his eyes and his throat works as he swallows. When he speaks, his voice is low and clear. “I’ve wanted to be a rodeo cowboy since I was four years old and my dad rode over the summer season.” His lashes flutter open again and his heavy gaze locks with mine. “But just like my old man, I also knew I wanted a life that didn’t revolve around a rodeo schedule.

“I knew this day would come, darlin’. And I knew the decision to walk away from one dream to chase another would hurt a little. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t.”

A tear spills down my cheek and he swipes it away.

“I love that you’re worried about me,” he says softly. “And I understand your fear.”

“I quit college. I quit myself. And these past four years have been the hardest of my life.”

“But they’ve been the most rewarding, haven’t they?”

“Yes, but…” I pause to swallow. “I don’t want you to wake up someday and wish you’d chosen differently.”

“Are we talking about bull riding or something else?” He smooths the hair back from my face. “Because if you think for a second that I’ll ever regret coming here and falling for you, you’re crazy.”

“I’d hate myself,” I whisper, and when he kisses me again, the hope I’ve kept sheltered in my heart begins to glow again like a lightning bug in a jar.

“I hate the things I was accused of,” he says. “I hate even more that the rodeo didn’t support me. But I could never hate you…

“You gave me your heart, darlin’, and that’s better than any rodeo title.”