Perfect Secret by Molly McLain
Chapter 18
HOLDEN
“People are looking at us funny.”
“No, they aren’t, babe. But if they are, it’s only because you look fucking hot.” I bury my face in Alana’s neck and inhale. Not only is she rocking a pair of tight jeans and an equally snug red tank top, she smells like absolute heaven. “You’re making my mouth water. If we weren’t already in trouble, I’d drag you into a back room and devour you.”
She shivers and I feel her nipples pebble against my chest. “You’re going to get me run out of town, Colorado.”
“That’s all right, baby, you can just come back home with me.”
She laughs, but I’m not kidding. I want this girl with me wherever I go.
“Jesus, you two,” Wilder chastises above the music. Once again, Tucker Simms is on stage, singing eighties and nineties country songs to Pony Up’s wall-to-wall crowd. “If you’re going to grope each other, at least do it on the dance floor so it’s less obvious.”
“No, no, Wilder James.” Alana shakes a cherry red-polished fingertip at our friend. “You don’t get to give us a hard time about this, because if you and Aiden hadn’t invited him here, this would have never happened.”
A slightly drunken Hallie pops her lips. “She’s right, babe. This really is your fault.”
Wilder scoffs. “Actually, if we’re placing blame, I’m pretty sure Cory—”
“Oh! It’s my favorite song!” Alana throws her arms in the air, as Tucker starts crooning Keith Whitley’s “Don’t Close Your Eyes.” “We gotta dance again, cowboy. Come on.”
Wilder and I exchange ‘what the hell did we get ourselves into’ glances, before I set my beer on the table and let her tug me onto the dance floor for the tenth time tonight.
She loops her arms around my neck and crushes her soft body to mine as we fall into rhythm with the song, swaying back and forth like we’re the only two people in the bar.
“Remember the first time we danced here?” she asks, her fingers sliding into my hair. “I wanted to hate you so badly, but then you made me dance with you and I was a goner.”
I chuckle into her ear. “My moves were that good, huh?”
“Actually, it was because you’d saved me from falling on my ass, and then when we danced, you held me like I was something precious. Something you needed to protect.”
“You are precious, babe. But you’re tough as nails, too.”
She smiles up at me softly. “Yes, but I love that I don’t have to be with you. I can let down my walls, knowing you’ll keep me safe.”
Her words hit me like a hoof to the chest and for a moment it’s hard to breathe. This girl has come to mean so fucking much to me and there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for her.
I reach up to tuck her hair behind her ear and trail my knuckles down the side of her face. “I’ll always protect you, darlin’. That’s my job.”
“Your job?”
“Not only as your current boyfriend, but as the guy who’s hoping to be your last.”
Her eyes go wide. “Holden…”
“I know it’s soon, but it’s how I feel. You’re the one I—”
She toes up and presses her lips to mine before I can finish the declaration. “You’re the one I want, too, cowboy.”
Hell yes.My arms tighten around her and I’m not sure how long we stand there kissing like no one’s watching, but eventually it registers that Tucker isn’t even singing anymore. An upbeat pop song thumps through the bar’s sound system instead.
“Now people are definitely looking at us,” Alana sighs, hiding her face in my T-shirt.
A quick glance around the packed bar confirms it. “Yep, they are.”
“Oh my god.” She laughs and quickly tugs me back to our table, where Wilder smirks behind the lip of his beer.
“Y’all really need to knock this shit off. Starting to feel like Roadhouse in here.”
I give him a smug grin and reach for my own beer when none other than Cory Mitchell materializes from the crowd.
“What the hell, man? You didn’t tell me you were coming—” The words die on my tongue when I realize his focus isn’t on me, but on Alana.
Alana, who’s gone stock still. Possibly not even breathing. Instinctively, my arm slides around her waist to make sure she’s okay, and Cory gives a bark of laughter.
“Really, McMurray? This is how you’ve been spending your time?” He shakes his head, and even in the shadow of his white Stetson, I can see the contempt in his eyes.
And that’s when it hits me. Holy shit.
He’s the cheating asshole bull rider ex.
How the fuck did I miss that?
“You come to my hometown and you hook up with my girl?” He takes a predatory step forward, his nostrils flaring as he shifts his heated gaze between me and Alana.
“I’m most definitely not your girl, Cory. So quit the caveman act.” She turns toward the table, rolling her eyes, and his jaw tightens as he glares down at her.
“I thought you quit bull riders, baby girl. Or were you just waiting for my replacement to come along?”
I surge around her so quickly, putting myself between them, that she gasps, even as Cory gives a sardonic laugh.
“Holden, don’t!” She tries to push between us, but Wilder intervenes first, corralling Cory back toward the exit.
“Nope, we’re not doing this here,” he warns. “Outside before Emma calls her fiancé and someone ends up in jail.”
Cory snorts. “Shit, I’d love to see Aiden right now. Does he know you’re doing his baby sister, Mack? Don’t fucking tell me she’s the reason you’re quitting the ABR.”
The bar’s screen door slams shut behind us and Wilder gives Cory a pointed shove. “Mitchell, so help me God, I’ll beat your ass myself if you disrespect her again.”
“Disrespect her?” Cory roars. “What about this son of a bitch disrespecting me? I’m the one who told him to come here. I’m the one who got him a goddamn job when his little fuckup cost him his spot on the trail.”
“Are you friggin’ serious?” I laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “You know damn well I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Do I?” Cory sneers. “Because if memory serves me correctly, this isn’t the first time a girl has come forward where you’re concerned.”
My blood runs cold and it’s all I can do not to pummel his smug face. “What in the hell are you talking about?”
He shakes his head in disgust and I can’t tell if he actually believes the bullshit he just insinuated or if he’s that good of an actor. “And to think you fell for this asshole,” he says, swinging his bitter gaze to Alana.
Fuck. Alana.
I turn to see her trembling a few feet away. Closer to me than him, but still out of reach. “Baby, he’s talking out of his ass. I’ve never—”
“Stop,” she pleads. “Just stop. Both of you.”
“Alana, you don’t even know this guy. He—”
“I said stop!” Her quiet plea turns to rage as she spins toward Cory with her hands fisted against her thighs. “You don’t get to come back after four goddamn years and pretend you give a shit!”
Cory’s face pales. “Alana, I’ve always cared. You know I have. I even told Aiden…”
“No, Cory,” she snaps. “Just… no.”
Hope flares in my chest, because she has to believe me, right?
But then she turns and the sudden sadness in her eyes is like a knife to my gut.
“I can’t do this.” Her voice cracks and I see the shine of tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Baby, come on…” I reach for her, needing to touch her and reassure her. Something. But she takes two steps back and my hand falls just like my heart.
Ten minutes ago, she told me she wanted me.
And now she’s walking away.
ALANA
“I’m here and I have alcohol.” Emma busts through the door of Hawkins’ Bed & Breakfast’s honeymoon suite, her arms full of booze and Solo cups.
I give an exhausted laugh from the corner of the loveseat where I’ve been curled up since Hallie ushered me inside an hour ago. I’m not sure how she did it, but by the time we walked from Pony Up to my apartment, the room was booked and Levi was waiting to give us a ride.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” I ask as she unloads the bottles she clearly swiped from the bar and begins pouring.
“Jack offered to close up.” She hands me a cup with a hefty shot of whiskey and my stomach turns.
“I’m not drinking this.” I shove it back at her. “I’d hate myself in the morning and I don’t get wasted over Cory Mitchell anymore, remember?”
“Fuck Cory,” Hallie scoffs from the bed. “I don’t even know the guy and I disliked him the second I saw him.”
“Mmm hmm.” Emma purses her lips and takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “But I don’t think he’s the guy we’re avoiding right now.”
Ugh.Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back against the sofa and Holden’s face is right there, his panic as clear as the stars in the sky when I turned and left him in the Pony Up parking lot.
I’d suspected he knew Cory. Even guessed that Cory was the one who’d connected him to Aiden and Wilder. But I didn’t expect the reality check that had slapped me across the face when I saw them in the same room together.
“Did you know?” Emma asks, her brow furrowed. “That he was really a bull rider and not just a ranch hand?”
I nod and hug my knees a little tighter to my chest. “He told me. About the ABR and the assault accusation, too.”
“Do you think…” Hallie hesitates. “Do you think there’s any truth to what Cory said about another girl?”
“Not even a little.” It was a load of BS intended solely to make me question Holden’s character. Typical Cory behavior.
“Then why are we here, exactly?” Emma asks, her frown deepening.
“Because I was stupid,” I admit, emotion building fast in my chest all over again. “Because after four years of telling myself I’d never be weak for a man again, I had to go and fall for the one guy I’ve always known couldn’t stay.”
“Oh, sweetie…” Hallie hops off the bed and comes to sit next to me on the loveseat. “He said that? That he’s leaving?”
“He’s said it from the start. He’s only in Mason Creek until the assault story disappears and the ABR lets him ride again.”
“What about a long distance relationship? It’s obvious you two have something special.”
I shake my head and swipe at my tears. “I tried that with Cory and it was too much. Him being on the road all the time and mismatched schedules… I’d almost forgotten about all of that until I saw him tonight.”
“It’s not my business, but Wilder said something about Holden quitting the rodeo. Cory brought it up, too. Do you think—”
“I won’t let him quit.”
Emma’s brows dart up. “It’s kind of not up to you.”
“I know that. But he’s not quitting for the right reasons. He’s doing it because of other people’s shitty decisions. And we all know that’s a disaster in the making.”
Hallie places her hand on my arm. “Maybe he’s outgrown it. Maybe—”
“People don’t outgrow things they’re passionate about.”
Seeing Cory again reminded me of that. I’d always known he had rodeo dreams. I’d grown up watching him and Aiden and Wilder at the ranch, and in high school, Mads and I had followed them around from rodeo to rodeo. Riding had been a good time for my brother and Wilder, but to Cory, it was the beginning of something bigger.
Something I could never measure up to, no matter how hard I tried.
I’m not so arrogant to think that a man I’ve known for a matter of weeks would give up his career for me, but Cory’s words tonight... they hit a nerve.
And they made me realize that I can’t let Holden walk away. I can’t let him give up on something he loves, certainly not because he was made to feel like he didn’t matter.
“He matters to me,” I rasp, pressing my fingers to my chest. “And if I have to prove that by helping yet another cowboy realize that his real passion in life is something other than me, then that’s what I have to do.”