Scarred Wolf by Charlene Hartnady

33

Seven weeks later…

Murray Benson wadedthrough the reeded water, cursing as his boots tangled in the wet muck below the surface.

“Whatcha doing over there, Murray? Come along now! You’re missing out on all the good bites,” Leroy called out to him. Murray brushed the back of his forearm across his brow, dashing away the perspiration beaded there. He chuckled. Leroy always swore he found the best spots.

“Yeah, yeah, I hear ya!” he called back. “Just one last cast and I’ll head on over to ya.” He swings the rod back over his shoulder, casting with an ease borne of decades out in these waters. He didn’t care if he didn’t catch anything. That wasn’t why he came out here, anyhow. He felt the sinker drop, and then smoothly spun the reel, feeling the line spinning in. The sun was low, dragonflies dabbing at the surface of the smoothly rippling waters. Best time of the day for old anglers. He reeled some more and then felt the line tighten abruptly. Hold up!

Murray gave a gentle pull, felt the line slacken, tighten, pull against him a little. He reeled some more, feeling that familiar rush. Got something. The line was dragging. Something big!

“Oh, boy… Oh boy…” He grinned. “Oh, yeah! Fish on!”

“You got somethin’, Murray?” Leroy yelled, excitement tingeing his voice. In fishing, the second-best thing to catching something was watching a fellow angler haul something in. Actually, that was third best. Second-best was sitting on the bank with a beer.

Leroy had pulled his line out and left his rod on the bank, wading through the water in broad, splashing strides. “Oh lord, it looks like a big un’, you old dog!” Leroy was laughing as he came up beside Murray.

Murray nodded. It was certainly no tree trunk – god knew he’d hooked enough of those around here. Different, though. Not putting up a regular fight. Maybe an old catfish? he thought. Biding its time before it took a dive down and stole his lucky lure with it. Murray kept on reeling smoothly, taking care not to let the line slacken and then snap back. It was dipping into the water, coming closer now, and Leroy was tugging up his waders and splashing toward it.

“Not putting up much of a fight, eh, Murray?” he said, echoing Murray’s thoughts. “What you think it is?” He pushed his battered hat back and rubbed his forehead, then took another step closer. The line was still dead in the water, and Murray was still reeling. “Maybe you caught a turtle,” Leroy laughed. “Or a plastic bag!” Murray shook his head.

“Nah. Turtle’d take the line off. And too heavy for a bag.”

Leroy had the line in one hand and was tracing it to the end. There was no tug or give at all, and Murray resigned himself to this being another dud cast. But Leroy had stopped, his expression a mask of horror. “Sweet Jesus,” he gasped, and then crossed himself. Murray waded up beside him and bit back a gag.

Beneath the water, the dull, milky blue eyes of a woman stared sightlessly up at them. Pale, strawberry blonde hair floated around in the water, forming a cloud around her head. Murray’s hook had caught into the collar of a pink uniform. Though her face looked almost serene in death, beneath her chin, her throat was a mess.

“Lord have mercy.” Murray crossed himself, too. “Sweet angel, return in peace to baby Jesus,” he mumbled.

It was probably the only time Hilary Stevens had ever been called an angel.

* * *

Everleigh

I’m still reelingfrom the news, but it does little to console me. Hilary Stevens. Dead.

“Looked like some kind of animal,” Diana says as she pours a healthy glass of wine, sharing the news with all too much delight. “Kinda think we can let her off the hook for not arriving at the hearing, huh?” Diana snorts on her wine and starts giggling. “I said off the hook.” She snorts some more. “Did I tell you she was found by some fishermen? She literally got hooked in the river!”

I make a face. Death is not something to be taken lightly, but honestly, I couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more. Diana raises a glass toward me, and I make another face at her.

“Such a good sauvignon blanc, babe,” she winks. “Pity I’ll have to finish it myself.”

“Sparkling water suits me just fine.” I hold up my bottle. “Had a really long run. I’m not missing wine at all.”

“Well, you’d better learn to party without it too, because I am taking you out this weekend!” Di says animatedly. “Or rather, you’re taking me!” She grins. “Now that you’re earning the big bucks, you can afford to splurge a little. And I’m thinking it’s time for another visit to La Crème!”

I press my lips together at the twinge of pain the mention of the restaurant brings up. The last time I went there was for my birthday. Another lifetime. With Jaxon. I can’t think about him, but somehow, my palm has flattened over my belly.

“Yip yip, we definitely have reason to celebrate, Madame Director!” Di is warbling on around her wine. It lightens my spirits a little. “You need a plaque that says Director Everleigh Moone on the door. I’m still struggling to get used to calling you that.” She widens her eyes.

I smile. “It’s my real name. The only reason my parents changed it to Miller was because we were on the run. I feel they would want me to change it back.”

“Agreed, Director Moone.” Di holds up her glass and then takes a sip.

I still can’t believe the board asked me to come back to Rosie’s…and not just as a nurse. They want me to run the place. It’s not as if I haven’t got the qualifications. Between the countless nursing courses and the business diploma I picked up a while back, I could do it in my sleep. Not to mention that I know Rosie’s – and its residents – better than anyone. I feel a small smile forming.

“I’m guessing they’re hoping to avoid a scandal after what went down with the vile bitch,” Diana is going on. She and I had originally assumed Hilary’s disappearance had something to do with Di’s not-so-subtle investigations after I’d met with her that day. Some of those moments seem so clear to me still, while others swirl in a misty haze.

Maurice had turned out to be a 6’6” ex-linebacker, with a looming dark presence that probably got as much done as his keen eye for detail. He’d been the one to unearth the trail ‘Hilary’ had left in her wake. A string of names, most tied to inexplicable deaths in care facilities. Seemed someone in management hadn’t done due diligence in hiring her for Rosie’s. Probably trying to cut costs. That hadn’t been Hilary, but the rest of the stuff…I was pretty sure it was her. Since she’s been gone, Livvy is a different person. The “lapses” are almost non-existent. I’m pretty sure Hilary had been dosing the residents. There’s no way to prove any of it now, but I’ve been digging through files and finding strange requisitions for medications that I’m convinced she’d been mixing into her own little dementia cocktails. Evil cow. She deserved to die.

Maybe not like that, though.

Who am I kidding? It could quite easily have been Smokey who did it…it wouldn’t be the first time. But it wasn’t me. I have my suspicions. Only one other person, aside from Di and Maurice, knew about Hilary. My thumb strokes a circle around my navel. My belly’s still flat, and the running will probably keep it that way for a while. But the questions will come soon. I sigh.

I’ve only told Diana about the baby. About the wolf. She’d been disbelieving at first, but then I showed her how I could change, and she swore she’d almost peed her pants. Now she’s set on being “dogmother” – as she calls it. She’d be great at that. And I’m going to need all the help I can get.

She’s still chirping away happily about our plans for the weekend, and for a moment it’s nice like this. I can pretend it’s all just as it was barely three months ago. When my life still felt fairly normal. It will never be again, though. It’s all going to change completely. I knew that the moment I felt something inside me. Something quickening as life took hold and began to grow.

My “civilized self” is still asking how. I was on the Pill, for goodness’ sake. Although he did warn me, I’ll give him that. “Strong seed,” he called it. Well, he got that right. And I got enough of the damn stuff in me. I’d practically rolled in the scent of him. Am I going to miss that? Miss giving in to being raw…an animal? Or can I fill the void with my baby? Babies? How many will I even have? Like a litter?! Smokey doesn’t care; she’s glowing. I’m glowing. The wolf’s frantic pacing stilled in those first days. She’s calmer now; not at peace, but content, in a manner. The primal urge to procreate has satisfied my wolf for a time. But for how long?

But now, I’m here in this non-world, caught between the life I once knew, and the one I know I’ve given up with him. It was easier before I learned of it all. Before I felt the wind against my face, the power I had within me. Before I loved a man beneath the moon.

Diana has stopped talking and is looking at me strangely over the rim of her glass. I realize I’ve been silent for too long.

“Thinking about him?” she asks softly. I nod and give a sad little smile. My thumb keeps stroking those small, comforting circles, and she reaches out to cover it.

“You know he’s not lost to you, right?” she says. “All you need to do is call him back.”

When I’d told her about Jaxon, she’d been as stupefied about him as she’d been about my own revelation.

“A wolf too? Holy crap! Well, that makes sense…no way any guy could be that hot and still be human,” she’d laughed. I love how she can make light of any situation. But she’s serious now.

“I can’t do it, Di,” I whisper, trying to hold back tears. “After what he did. It’s just too much.”

“Oh, honey!” she squeezes my hand. “It’s a lot to take in, I’ll give you that. Maybe in your shoes, I’d make the same decision. But right now, I’m on the outside looking in, and I think you’re making a mistake.”

I shake my head, not wanting to hear it. It was already so hard just sending him away. But I had to. Even seeing how much he was prepared to sacrifice for me hadn’t eased the anger that surged when I thought about my parents. What if it never goes away? How could a relationship survive that?

“I can’t forget,” I say. My voice is tiny.

“You don’t have to, Ev. They were your parents, and you loved them. But it’s not his fault they’re gone. I’m sure he had nothing to do with that. You know Jaxon. He’s a good person. It was his father who did that; I can almost guarantee it. He’s the one you should be angry with. We could even take it a step further and forgive the father too, since he only did what he did because he believed that your parents were murderers. It was ultimately that asshole uncle. Talk about taking ‘hiding in plain sight’ to a whole new level.” She shook her head. “You do realize how hard it’s going to be to find anyone who’s better matched to you, right? Aside from being some kind of freaking sex god, he’s just like you. Where else are you going to hook up with a man like that? Unless you wander off into the woods or something.” She waggles her eyebrows. “In all seriousness,” she goes on when I don’t respond. “He is the father of your unborn child…puppy.” She makes a face. “Will your baby be born with a pelt?”

I giggle. “You’re silly. No pelt.”

“More importantly, I gotta tell you, babe, my spidey senses picked up that he’s a really great guy. Sure, I guess it sucks that he came here to kill you…” She shrugs.

“Ya think?” I roll my eyes.

Diana is undeterred. “Honestly, I know it sounds crazy, but I kind of get where he was coming from, you know? That whole weird society of theirs…they live by different rules. Blood oaths and vengeance and all that stuff you see in movies. He doesn’t know anything else. Plus, he fucking died for you, babe! Most girls can’t even pick up a guy who’ll cook a freaking meal for them! Trust me, I’ve tried.”

I give a rueful grin. I guess he set the bar pretty high. In so many ways. I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone who can make my toes curl like he did. Dear god, the sex…

“Then there’s the fact that he may have come to kill you, but didn’t actually go through with it in the end. Just think about it, okay?” Diana presses. “He’s perfect for you. I know it somehow. But if you won’t believe me, maybe the universe will send you a sign.”

The intercom rings, and we stare at each other.

Bullshit! That’s not how it works.

“Expecting anyone?” Di asks, and I shake my head, rising to answer it. The voice on the other side leaves me shaken. Still so similar, despite the gritty edge.

“Just five minutes. That’s all I ask,” Warden Skau is saying. I can scent it’s him. I don’t want to say yes. I never want to see him, or his kind, again.

But how can I say that, when “his kind” grows within me right now? I’m carrying his grandbaby. I buzz him up. Diana is beside me, barefoot, glass in hand, aiming a quizzical look at me. I stay waiting at the door. It won’t take him long to get here. It swings open and I sense, rather than see, Diana’s jaw drops open.

Even though I know it’s not him, the resemblance is still astonishing.

Warden is staring at me, barely acknowledging Diana. It’s rude, but she’s not speaking either, until finally, “I think it’s time for me to leave. You two probably have things to discuss.” She sets her glass down on a nearby table and looks around for her shoes. Bless her. I swear Diana is psychic.

He steps inside as she scoots out the door. It’s barely closed behind her when he says, “He needs you. You have to call him to you. You can do that…I’ve felt you in my mind, Everleigh Moone.” I don’t know why he does that. Calls me by my full name.

“That’s not going to happen, Warden,” I say firmly.

“You have to—” he starts. There’s an edge to his voice. He’s a man who’s used to getting what he wants. But he’s wary around me. He knows what I can do.

Not that I’ll do it.

Or maybe I will. He deserves it, after the tragedy he’s left in his wake.

“I don’t have to do anything.”

He stares at me. “He’s dying inside. I can’t stand to watch it anymore. I thought...I thought I’d be saving him from it all if I stopped it somehow. But I was wrong.” He towers over me, but I’m not intimidated. He’s the one who should be afraid of me right now. He sucks in a breath, and then stops. Something flickers in those eyes. As beautiful as his son’s.

Does he know?

“I want you to understand that he never knew any of what we had planned – Garret and me.” He stops and the words hang between us. I’ve never discussed what happened to Garret with anyone aside from Di. She’d arrived shortly after it all went down, and I know she’ll take it with her to her grave. I’m pretty sure Jaxon will, too. I’m certain Warden knows now what his brother had done, if not the circumstances of his disappearance. Frankly, Garret Skau’s death was best for everyone. It wasn’t intentional. It just happened and yet, I would do it again in a heartbeat. The man was pure evil.

He narrows his eyes, then goes on, “Jaxon didn’t want to be involved in any of it. We used him. Used his loyalty to me. His love…” He seems to be fumbling for words. Shame darkens his expression. “I thought I was doing the right thing, giving him vengeance for what happened. I know how his mother’s murder affected him…the nightmares…the pain. I had hoped exacting justice would help him heal. I was wrong. I realize that now. But it had nothing to do with Jaxon. He was trying to be a good son. A good wolf. I didn’t deserve that from him. I’ve failed him. He lost you too, because of me…all me.” He’s looking down at his feet. “He needs you so badly,” he mutters.

I don’t want to hear it. I want to cling to my rage; my anger at all they took. If I forgive him, who do I have left to hate? Who do I blame for all I’ve lost?

Perhaps no one,Smokey says quietly. Perhaps you let it go and move on. Since when are wolves supposed to be this logical?

“You don’t have to forgive me,” Warden says, as if reading my mind. “I’m to blame for all of it, and I deserve anything you throw at me. But not Jaxon. Don’t hate him. He needs you. And the pack does too,” he carries on, caught up in the flow now. “All of us. Our blood runs in you. Jaxon’s. I can’t rule much longer. Fuck, I can barely do it now. They sense it. What’s been done. All the wrongs. They sense it all. And they know that it’s you who should be the one in charge. You’re a double-alpha after all.”

It’s that word again. “What is a double-alpha?” I blurt. I need to know.

“A double-alpha is all-powerful; revered and feared in equal measure. They are normally exiled from the pack as soon as they shift for the first time.”

“Why?” I frown. “Surely an all-powerful being is an asset?”

“A double-alpha can command their pack members to do anything. There is no saying no, or answering back.”

“Wait a minute…” I narrow my eyes. “I think I’ve commanded Jaxon a few times.” Accidentally, but he doesn’t need to know that. “I’m not part of your pack. That doesn’t make sense.”

“Jaxon chose to be a part of your pack, Everleigh Moone. He chose you. He trusted you.”

Holy shit!I’m not going there right now. I can’t.

“It’s another reason why you and Jaxon should lead. The others will follow you.” I’m shaking my head, but he goes on anyway, “I took that role, even though it was not rightfully mine. I held it through fear. I didn’t know better, and I was…influenced. I was blinded, after…after I lost her. That’s no excuse. But it is what it is. And if there’s one thing I got right through all of this, it’s Jaxon. He’s a good male, Everleigh Moone. He will make a fine mate, a fair partner in leadership…a good father to…your young.” His eyes drop to my belly and he knows. Of course he does. But it’s not enough.

“You. You killed my parents!” I have to stop myself from snarling at him. “The only family I had, and you took them from me!” I feel that strange tingling beneath the surface – the feeling I had before that I’ve held in check. I’m pretty sure I’m shimmering with it because his hands have curled into fists. But he stands his ground, even though his throat works. I scent fear. It placates me some.

“You’re right. But that’s on me. Don’t make it Jaxon’s burden. And don’t make it your own. If you punish him because of what I did, you’ll only hurt yourself, because you’ll lose what you could have together.”

I shake my head. I don’t want to hear it. Even though maybe he’s right.

“Take it from me…as wolves, we’re better off together – especially when we meet our match. I’ve lived too long mourning the loss of mine. Don’t do the same to yourself. You can take a different path. That choice was snatched from me. But your love is within your reach. Jaxon is very much alive, even though he isn’t living right now. He’s lost.”

A part of me still wants to throw him out. Or better yet, hurt him somehow. But another part knows that this is probably the most honest moment he’s had in many long years. My thoughts spin back to the place he’d taken me to end my life. The garden, the carefully tended flowers. This man has lived for years lost in his grief. And he’s given me a lot to process.

We’re still poised inches from the door – there hadn’t seemed any need to invite him in. I didn’t want him that deep in my world. I lean against the door, then reach for the handle and pull it open.

“I’ll think about it,” I say.

“Thank you.” The words are rough on his tongue. I doubt he says them much…if ever. He nods and leaves without another word.

I lean my forehead against the cool timber. What is it with these fucking Skaus? Everything about them brings turmoil and upheaval. I’ve just been standing chatting with the man who killed my parents…and he’s asking me to get it together with his son?

Smokey shifts deep within, and I know this battle isn’t just about me. I’ve held my wolf nature at bay these past weeks, but it’s not going to last much longer. I have to accept that about myself. I’m different now. I don’t know why my parents didn’t share everything with me – I’m guessing it was their way of protecting me.

But if there was one thing that they taught me, it was the value of family…and love.

I have to think about this long and hard.