Made Marian, Volume One by Lucy Lennox
Tristan
I knew something was wrong. Even though we weren’t touching, I felt Blue’s body go rigid. He was looking past my shoulder, so without thinking, I turned to see what it was.
Two men walked into the bar, kissing and flirting. As they took a seat at a nearby table, they seemed to have eyes only for each other.
“You know those guys?” I asked. I almost used the word “men,” but for some reason that would imply they both were old enough to be considered men. The redhead was young and good looking while the other looked more my age and could pass for the kid’s soccer coach. I hoped they weren’t soccer coach and student, though, because their body language oozed sexual attraction to each other.
“The one who is old enough to vote is my ex, Jeremy. The kid is…” He trailed off.
“The kid is a fucking gorgeous redhead like you are. That’s gotta make you feel good.” I laughed. “He’s obviously trying to replace you.”
Blue blushed at my words, and I realized I’d called him gorgeous. Well, he was. I mean, anyone could see he was an attractive human being. Still, best to change the subject before I came up with a word to describe how blue his eyes were.
“Are they married? That kid has a ring on,” I asked distractedly.
“Don’t know,” Blue breathed. “Looks like it.”
He looked like he’d been sucker-punched. I tried to imagine how I would feel seeing Sheila remarried without knowing about it ahead of time. It wouldn’t be easy. No matter what, it would hurt even if only a little bit. I reached out and squeezed his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Blue,” I said.
“Thanks.” He took another sip of his beer. Frank came with our dinner, but I could tell it was going to be a struggle to get Blue to eat anything. I put my hand on the back of his barstool and leaned closer to him.
“You need to eat something. At least try the potato chips. They’re my favorite. If you get some food in your stomach, I’ll help you get shitfaced after.”
He laughed. “It’s a deal.”
We ate, and I tried to make Blue laugh as much as I could. I told him about finding out that my grandmother was gay when she stood up in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner and declared herself as “queer as a two-dollar bill” and told us she was “banging Irene like a teenager.” By the time I was finished telling him about their raunchy bachelorette party that started at a sex-toy store and ended at a club called Cockblock, he was rolling with laughter. Tears streamed down my face when I finished a detailed description of Granny and Irene dirty dancing.
“The best part was when Irene kept yelling at Granny to go easy on her bad hip.” I laughed so hard my voice went up a few octaves. I couldn’t help it. The more Blue laughed, the more he set me off.
“My brother is still in denial. He calls Irene ‘Granny’s roommate.’ So every time I get a chance, I describe dirty-granny-lesbian scenes to him. You should see him lose his homophobic shit.” I laughed again.
Blue looked into my eyes, his own shone with mirth. “Poor guy can’t be happy Granny’s eating out more often?” He snorted when I gagged.
After his giggles died down, he spoke again. “Thanks, Tristan, for making me laugh tonight.”
Something about the man made me want to take him away from the feelings he had about his ex. No one deserved to feel inadequate, and seeing your ex walk in married to a young model would never be easy for anyone.
After we finished eating, Blue turned to face me. “Did I eat enough to qualify for your offer to get shitfaced?” He smirked.
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I laughed. “Frank?” I called to the bartender. I asked him to pour us a couple of lemon drops. We downed the shots together, and I continued my parade of stupid stories.
“When my brother went to the prom, my mom begged him to escort our cousin Sarah. She was an introvert and really unpopular. My brother was very popular, so my mom thought him escorting her would be like our very own family Cinderella story. My brother is a selfish ass, so he refused. He started off telling Mom that it was inappropriate since it was practically a requirement to bang your prom date. After my mother understandably freaked, she still insisted. He ended up agreeing. Rather, he told Mom he would, but then he convinced Sarah to lie to our families and act like they were going together when really they weren’t.”
I gestured to Frank for another round of shots. “I was so pissed at my brother that I convinced Sarah to go in on a revenge plan with me. We snuck her into my brother’s room after he passed out in bed. She stripped down to a strapless bikini bathing suit and wrapped a sheet around herself so it looked like she was naked underneath. Then we messed up her hair and smeared her lipstick over her face and the sheet. At just the right time that morning, she stumbled out of my brother’s bedroom right in front of my parents. Oh my god, I thought my mom was going to have a heart attack.”
Blue snorted. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope. My mother pounced on my brother like a rabid dog, waking him from what had to have been a godawful hangover. He was so confused that we had him convinced he had fucked his own cousin. Priceless.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I encouraged Blue to take the next shot with me.
After our next round of shots, our laughing began to sound a little more like tipsy giggling.
We heard another pair laughing and turned to look for its source. There were probably twenty people in the bar, but the laughing was coming from the direction of Blue’s ex. Sure enough, those two were guffawing over something and drawing attention to themselves. In addition to the noise, they were hanging all over each other. Even though he quickly looked away, I could tell it made Blue uncomfortable.
“You know,” I began, “we should come up with a revenge plan for you.” Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but it sounded even better when I said it out loud.
“Right? That’s what I was thinking. Lay it on me. Ideas?” Blue leaned an elbow on the bar and rested his chin on his hand, facing me. He had a sneaky grin on his face that was magnetic.
“I could pretend to be your boyfriend,” I suggested, surprising myself with the idea. Where the hell had that come from?
Blue scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“What? What do you mean? Why not?” I asked. “Am I not good enough for you?” I feigned righteous indignation with a fluttering hand to my chest.
He smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, Tristan. You’re smoking hot. But you seem to have forgotten you’re straight. Not sure you could convince people you’re gay, let alone into me.”
“Dude, I can be gay. I can be SO gay,” I explained.
“No.” He laughed. “You SO can’t. It’s okay, sweetie. Cocksucking isn’t for everyone. Don’t feel bad.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Okay, so maybe I’d have to start with something a little lighter than cocksucking, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be convincing as your boyfriend. It’s not like I’m a virgin.”
Blue looked unconvinced, cocking an eyebrow in my direction as if to say, Aren’t you, though?
All I could think about was how I wanted to find a way to wipe that smug smirk off his face and prove him wrong.
