Always Us by Lizzie Morton
Three
Abby
“Do you feel like you’re ready?”
“Soph, I’ll never be ready to see him again. I can’t believe there’s no way of getting out of this. I don’t know who came up with the contracts but they’re tighter than Zoe’s ass.”
I look around my room and let out a sigh, trying to relieve the building frustration that I’ve been fighting for days.
The rest of our time in Berlin was a blur. I think I was in shock. After Sooz gave the news, things got a bit out of control. Zoe’s suggestion of a strong drink to get my head around everything may not have been the smartest idea. One led to another and I wound up wasted, puking in the restroom of some random bar at three in the afternoon. Not my finest moment.
Sooz and I parted ways with Sophie and Zoe the next day, as they headed back to Brooklyn andus to Cape Town. They promised they wouldn’t abandon me in all this, and if ever there was a time that I was thankful for their slacker lifestyle, it’s now. Sophie, being the ‘perpetual student’, has the summer off, while Zoe stated it was an excellent opportunity to influence the American people to jump on a plane and experience the European music scene or some crap like that. Luckily, they have the banks of Mummy and Daddy to fund them and will meet us at the first stop of the tour, ironically back in Germany.
“I guess it wouldn’t help if I suggested that you just try and treat it as work?” Even through my cell I can hear that she’s unconvinced by her own words.
“We’ve tried that, remember? Look where it got us.”
“Good point,” she agrees.
Two summers ago, I returned to Brooklyn after six years of self-inflicted exile, thanks to a broken heart from the one and only, Jake Ross. When I first returned, I convinced myself that everything would be fine, and we’d make it through in one piece. I thought I could avoid him, but I was wrong. Our old group was as tight as ever after high school, and it proved impossible not to see each other, no matter how hard I tried.
When we both wound up working for my dad’s record label it was a disaster. We ended our current relationships at the time and had one blissful night together. I don’t allow myself to think much about that night or I’ll inevitably wind up down the rabbit hole never to return. Thinking about the memories of that summer makes my chest physically ache. My heart, that had begun to heal in its own way was put through the wringer once more when I returned to Brooklyn, only this time it was through my own doing. But was it really?
Sometimes, in the dark of night I indulge myself and allow my mind to wander back to what happened with Jake. Why I walked away when I could have had everything. But that’s the thing, it wouldn’t have been everything because he wouldn’t give me every part of himself. All I asked for were answers to why he left me the first time, closure so I could solidify in my mind what we had and why he made me feel the way he did when we were teenagers. But he wouldn’t give me either. Asshole. He was too scared it would change things and I’d walk away. What he didn’t realize was that by not having faith in me, I would walk away anyway.
Breaking me from my thoughts, Sophie’s voice rings down the line. “You still there?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I look around my room, blinking and taking in my surroundings, trying to ground myself back to reality. “My mind jumped on the Jake train.”
“I thought as much.”
I sigh and say, “What am I going to do, Soph? I can’t be around him for a whole summer, not again. It isn’t going to be like back in Brooklyn, there will be no escape and it will be intense. Plus, I don’t stand a chance avoiding him when we’re supposed to work together.”
“I wish I could ask what you want to do, but I can’t. You can’t not go. You’re stuck in a contract. Unless you quit-”
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious,” I snap, before she has a chance to continue.
“Will you let a girl continue before jumping the gun?”
“Sorry. I get ratty when it comes to all things Jake related.”
“It’s ok. And after what you put up with from me and Zoe, I need to up my tolerance of crap from you.”
The memory of Berlin makes me smile, something I never thought I’d say. It seems like child’s play looking back, compared to what I’m having to deal with now. If only I’d known that night what was coming for me.
“Anyway, you were saying …”
“… before you rudely interrupted,” she replies. “I was trying to say, that you do have a choice over something, how you handle the whole situation. You’ve already bumped uglies, so at least you don’t have that on the brain constantly. You know … wondering what it would be like, et cetera, because you’ve already tapped it-”
“I get what you’re saying, and that would have been a great way of thinking about it all if the sex hadn’t been mind-blowing … the kind where you go straight in for round two, then three. The sort where you can’t walk for days.”
She looks at me almost dreamily and says, “That does mess things up a little. But he’s not the only guy who’s good in bed, Abby. The world doesn’t start and end with Jake and that’s the way you’ve got to start thinking. Luckily for you, you get to spend a summer backstage with bands full of hot rock guys.”
What she’s saying makes my ears prick. Having been so focused on the negatives of the summer, I’ve neglected to see that there will also be positives. “I guess I didn’t think of it that way.”
“You know what Zoe would say …”
She doesn’t need to finish. We repeated it so many times after we broke up the first time it became my mantra.
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone,” I mimic in Zoe’s voice.
“Exactly. I’m not suggesting you try to be friends because we all know that didn’t work last time, but maybe the two of you could be professional? To do that though, you need to go into this with an open mind. All those gorgeous guys are going to provide plenty of distractions and Jake might be hot, but he isn’t the hottest guy to walk the planet, while you my dear are sexy as hell. Guys are going to be dropping at your feet. There will be so much going on to take your mind off him … and you have us, the crew. We will make sure you don’t lose your mind and wind up in bed with him again.”
Out of her and Zoe, she’s the one who offers the more reasonable advice that doesn’t tend to be solely focused on sex. The positive vibes she’s giving off are helping things seem clearer with a fresher perspective.
“You’ve almost persuaded me to think this could be easy.” My voice might not sound one hundred percent convincing, but she has.
“That’s because it could be easy. I hate to break it to you, but sometimes you can be the queen of negativity. Let’s get excited about this. A summer touring around Europe, doing what you love and living the dream. You need to see Jake as a speed bump, a minor blip.”
Earlier this evening there was something inside me telling me I needed to call her and I’m glad I did.
“I feel better,” I say, hoping she can tell down the line how grateful I am.
“Good. Now what time’s your flight tomorrow?”
“Lunch time. At least it’s not super early, so if I don’t sleep it gives me chance to catch up.”
“Have you packed?”
“Erm …” I look over towards the empty case on the floor, that I should have started on days ago.
“Seriously, Abby? You’re about to head off for seven weeks and you still haven’t packed? Get your ass moving. Oh, and if you value your sex deprived body, let Sooz help, or so help me God I will burn all the clothes you pack on the spot. Frumpy is not sexy.”
I roll my eyes knowing she can’t see me down the line. “Nice to see we’re back on to a normal conversation.”
“Somebody has to tell you how it is. There’s no need for some of the monstrosities you wear, not when you have a body like yours. I’m not saying flaunt it to the level Zoe thinks you should, she’d have you walking round naked permanently, but at least show a bit of skin. Work those curves.”
I look at my closet skeptically. I’m not sure where she thinks I’m going to magic a new wardrobe up from at this time of night.
“Right, I guess I have some work to do. So much for an early night …”
“Love you.” She makes a kiss noise down the line. “Let me know when you get there safely, we’ll be meeting you after the first set. Oh, and Abby …”
“Yeah?”
“Do not kill Jake on the spot. That is not part of the plan.”
“I’ll try,” I reply, reluctantly.
After hanging up, I go to my closet and stand staring, trying to figure out what I’m going to take on this trip. The girls are right, my fashion sense isn’t brilliant, and my choice of tomboy clothes won’t help me ‘get under somebody’ this summer. Maybe I should have spent my time back home doing something productive like shopping for a summer wardrobe, rather than sitting, raging in my room, and cursing all things Jake like I have done.
“Need some help?”
I don’t need to look to know it’s Sooz at my door. We’ve been living together for the best part of two years. As luck would have it, when I arrived, I managed to bag the dingiest apartment in possibly one of the most dangerous areas of Cape Town. It was around the same time Sooz returned home to an empty apartment after her crazy roommate at the time just upped and left. It worked out perfect for the both of us, seeing as though we hit it off straight away, so we jumped at the chance to live together. It started on a trial basis, but within a week we both knew it would be a long-term thing. So that’s how, four months into my job in Cape Town, we wound up being roomies.
I let out a groan, knowing it’s hopeless looking any longer.
I turn to Sooz and reply, “Can you magic a full summer wardrobe out of thin air?”
“Well, actually …”
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Sooz, do you have magical powers you’ve been holding out on me?”
“No. But a certain friend of yours preempted this and pulled a few strings.”
Only Zoe would be able to pull this off.
“Maybe her freelance blogging career isn’t a waste after all.”
“Far from it. You should see some of the things she’s managed to get you, they’re amazing.”
“Let me guess, they have minimal material?”
She waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Minor details, Abby. When you have a body like yours what does it matter?”
I don’t stand a chance with any of them, it’s pointless even trying, so I reply, “Show me the goods.”
She spins and leaves the room. She’s gone a good five minutes before I hear her grunting and huffing as she makes her way back with the biggest pile of clothes I’ve ever seen.
“Holy cow. I thought you said a few things?”
She dumps them on the bed then stands up straight and says, “I actually never specified. It was you who assumed as always. Anyway, let’s look through and get packed. Any bits you don’t want I’m totally stealing, that’s if they fit. Not all of us have a skinny ass like you.”
“Behave.” I swat her away. She always does this, puts herself down because she doesn’t see how gorgeous she is. Totally blinkered by work she’s unable to see the male attention she attracts left, right and center.
Over an hour later, we’ve managed to make our way through the huge pile of clothes and gather together a mix to fit most occasions, not knowing what the summer will entail.
“Of course, there’s going to be down time and we’ll be in some of the hottest cities in Europe, which means we can go shopping!” screeches Sooz. “I can’t believe we’re going on tour. I knew the company was ready for branching out, but this is taking things to a whole other level.”
The job I took two years ago was with a fashion PR company in Cape Town, as their lead photographer. Sooz was the one who hired me, and she’s the head of PR. She’s amazing at what she does and has a laser focus most people would kill for. But with that comes drawbacks, like her nonexistent love life, not that I can talk as mine is also nonexistent. We’ve spoken together over recent months about how we’d like to branch our skills out further than what the company has to offer, so this opportunity to move into the music scene and go on tour has come just at the right time. It’s just a shame who we’re going on tour with.
Just thinking about him again, even for a second, is proving a struggle. The expression on my face must have changed as Sooz asks, “Do you want to talk about him?”
I dismiss her quickly, “Not really.”
“Ok?”
“There’s nothing to say. I’m going to be stuck with him for seven freaking weeks.”
The optimism Sophie inspired earlier has quickly disappeared and I can feel myself slipping back to the wallowing Abby I’ve been since Sooz gave me the news of the tour.
“It might not be as bad as you think.”
“Come on Sooz. Really?” I sigh. Sooz has yet to witness the disaster that is Jake and I together so of course she would be optimistic.
“At least we don’t have to travel with them or stay with them,” she offers, trying to be reassuring.
It eases some of the tension because I know she’s right. It was a relief when I found out there would be at least a little bit of distance between us over the summer, if she had delivered any other news it might have just tipped me over the edge.
I’m still skeptical though. “We just have to spend most hours of the day with them.”
“It won’t be that bad, Abby. There will be so many other things going on, other bands and more importantly, hot guys.”
It’s like listening to Sophie all over again. I wonder how much they’ve been communicating since we left Berlin. I can’t deny that the thought of being backstage with some of the biggest names in music is a perk. But there will always be a certain someone there in the background.
As much as I’m trying to keep my mind away from him, my thoughts constantly stray back and being near him isn’t going to help. The first time we broke up I had to leave the state to get over him, the second the freaking country. It sounds extreme, but Jake and I do not work well being in proximity of each other.
Resigned from my mind running on a continuous loop, I say, “We need wine.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”
I frown, showing that it’s not open for discussion. “We are having wine, otherwise there’s no way I’m going to sleep tonight, I’m too wound up.”
“Okay, if you’re sure. But when you’re ratty tomorrow, I’ll be reminding you of this.”
“Whatever.”
I leave her behind in my room, making my way to the kitchen in search of the blissful drink before she has a chance to change my mind. When I stumble into bed later that night, after drowning my sorrows, I don’t feel any better and can’t help thinking that maybe Sooz was right.
