Mistakes I’ve Made by Jordan Marie
11Reed
“Did you have fun at the rodeo?”
I frown as I look over at Callie. She’s been kind of cool to me all week. It’s Wednesday evening now and it’s the first time she’s spent much time around me at all. I didn’t know what was wrong, and now, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was jealous.
“It was okay. Jake qualified to take part and ended up winning the amateur division,” I tell her. He was so proud, and it seems to have just strengthened his decision to quit school early. He’s still on me about leaving Texas in the review mirror, too. I can’t seem to agree to that. I know deep down the only thing stopping me is Callie.
“Gee, it seems like he’s taking the break-up awesomely,” she says snidely. My frown deepens as I look at her.
“Are you pissed at me because Jake broke up with Katie?”
“No,” she denies at once. “Not exactly. It’s just…”
She sighs and I move in closer. We’re sitting on the back of my tailgate watching the stars in Mr. Johnson’s hayfield. It sounds boring, maybe, but it’s one of Callie’s favorite things to do.
“What’s got you pissed, Bluebird?”
“Katie’s really hurting, Reed. Jake doesn’t even seem to notice.”
“He notices, Callie. Jake loves her.”
“He’s got a weird way of showing it. He broke up with her and she’s spent all weekend crying her eyes out. Meanwhile, you and Jake were off sleeping with rodeo groupies.”
“You sound jealous, Callie. Are you? You’re the one that told me you only wanted to be friends. Have you changed your mind?” I remind her, mentally begging her to tell me she had. To tell me that she is jealous—that she wants me.
Her eyes dilate and shock is written on her face. For a second, I feel hope—but it’s quickly dashed.
“Of course not. We’re friends. If we weren’t, then there would have been big issues with you going with Jake to the rodeo, right? I mean, obviously, if you liked me—like that—you wouldn’t have felt the need to go scoping out other women with your buddy.”
“Callie—”
“And obviously, if we weren’t just friends, I would have said something and asked you not to go. Right?” she adds quickly, dousing any hope whatsoever.
I fucking hate the friend zone.
“I suppose so,” I tell her, ignoring the pain she unwittingly delivered.
“It almost killed Katie, though,” she adds, and I let out a breath—while simultaneously letting hopes for more with Callie die.
“Listen, we can’t let what’s going on between Katie and Jake get in between our rela—our friendship. Their choices are theirs to make. Jake has the rodeo in his blood. He wants to pursue that. Katie wants to get out of school and settle down. They want different things in life. Isn’t it better they find it out now instead of later?”
“I guess so,” she grudgingly agrees. “What do you want out of life, Reed?”
“I never really thought about it. Jake says I should go to Nashville and pursue music, but I guess I never thought of doing much more than living here in Texas. I think I could do good running my own garage. Mr. Johnson says I have a knack for it. What about you, Callie?”
“Wait, Jake’s heard you play? You never talk about it. How come I haven’t heard you play?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m that good, so it’s hard for me to play in front of people,” I mutter, slightly embarrassed.
“Okay, but I’m not just people, am I? I care about you, Reed.”
“You do?” I ask, searching her face for some sign that she feels at least something for me other than friendship.
“Definitely,” she says so strongly that I can almost convince myself that she’s admitting her love to me. I want to kiss her, and I have to stop myself from physically bending into her and taking what she’s positively not offering. Friend zone.
“I’ll play for you next time we’re together and I have my guitar,” I promise, but inside, I’m hoping that doesn’t happen. “What about you, Callie? What do you want when you get out of school?”
“To get away,” she says almost instantly. “I know that probably sounds horrible, because my mom is sick, but I just want to get away. My mom is a good person, but you know about my dad. There are days I’m just so tired. I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“It doesn’t make you sound horrible, Callie. It just means you’re human. I feel the same way. The difference is that I think the only reason I want to stay here is because of my mom.” I silently add Callie to that list, but I don’t guess she needs to hear that—especially if she’s not planning on staying.
“See? You’re being noble and here I am, selfish and—”
“The difference here is your dad doesn’t try to beat your mother bloody,” I remind her, grabbing her shoulders trying to pull her from her thoughts. “You’re not horrible. Nothing could be farther from the truth.”
“I’m sorry, Reed,” she says, curling into me and putting her head on my shoulder.
I hold her close, taking a minute to just feel her in my arms and enjoy it.
“I’m sorry, too,” I tell her and I’m not just talking about my mom. I’m sorry I ever made a bargain with Callie to be her friend. I’m sorry that I didn’t just kiss her and tell her I wanted her right then and there.
Now I feel trapped.
“Look, Reed,” she says, her voice full of awe as she points to the sky. “It’s a falling star. Quick, we have to close our eyes and make a wish.”
“We do?” I ask, trying to hold back my laughter.
“Yes! If we make a wish on a falling star, it will come true.”
“Bluebird,” I laugh.
“Just do it, Reed,” she grumbles, gently nudging me in the ribs with her elbow.
“Fine,” I respond with a smirk.
“Close your eyes!”
I do—although I roll them first.
In the end, I do make a wish—a wish I know will never come true.
I wish that someday—someway—Callie Street will be mine.