Mistakes I’ve Made by Jordan Marie

46Reed

“Let me in, Callie. I’m not going anywhere until you do,” I warn, my hand flat against the door.

I draw it back, slapping it hard again. It’s dark, but I have no idea what time it is. I know it’s too late—or early, I guess—to be here at Callie’s door and yet I’m here anyway. I’ve wasted so much time. I was a bastard for pushing her away, but I didn’t know how else to do things. I think I’ve been operating forever in shock and guilt. She’ll probably tell me to go fuck myself, but I just need to see her.

I need to tell her how I feel.

My heart beats in triple time as the knob begins to turn. I prepare myself to see Callie, but instead it’s Katie. “Reed, what the hell?”

Katie stares at me, her hair pulled on top of her head, her eyes squinted because she was obviously asleep. She’s wearing a ratty blue robe and staring at me like I’ve lost my mind and I guess, maybe I have.

“I need to talk to Callie. I know she doesn’t want to talk to me but—”

“You’re right, she doesn’t,” Katie snaps, crossing her arms at her chest.

“I’ve got to talk to her, Katie. I need to explain.”

“It’s too late, Reed.”

“Maybe, but I’ve got to try. Please? So much has happened tonight. I need to see her. Will you get her for me?”

“Reed,” she sighs out my name in a way that I guess should warn me that something bad was coming, but I’m too lost in everything I’ve learned that I don’t quite grasp it.

“Katie, please. Callie can tell me to go to hell, but you asked me to leave what is between you and Jake between you two and now, I’m asking you to do the same.”

“She doesn’t live here anymore. She’s living down at the Starlight Trailer Park.”

“She moved?”

“She’s done a lot. If you loved her, Reed, you shouldn’t have left her alone.”

She’s not wrong, so really, there’s nothing I can say to that.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Katie,” I respond, my heart hurting inside my chest. There’s too much going on in my head.

“Reed,” Katie calls out.

“Yeah?” I ask looking over my shoulder.

“She’s in the blue trailer, lot twenty-two.”

That’s all she says, before closing the door.

I hop in the old jeep I bought a month ago, only half knowing what I’m doing.

There’s just one thing I’m sure of.

I have to talk to Callie.

* * *

When I get there,I don’t bother pulling behind the trailer where the driveway is. I just leave my jeep parked by the paved road right in front. I hop out, not even taking the time to shut my door. Sunlight is beginning to filter in through the morning clouds. I haven’t slept, but I need to see Callie.

The trailer doesn’t look like much, but even as I step on the porch, I see signs of Callie. She’s got little pots of flowers hanging off the porch railing. There’s a welcome sign made from wood, with the word welcome written vertically. There are sunflowers painted and intertwined with the letters. My heart squeezes in my chest when I see it. I’ve missed her so much and I didn’t show her, I left her alone because I thought that was best for her. I brought a poison into our lives and instead of shielding her like I thought I was doing, I let it destroy both of us.

I bang on the door, although I do try to keep my voice down a little. The last thing I want is for the police to come haul me away before I get the chance to talk to Callie.

“Callie! Callie, I need to talk to you.”

I press my forehead against the door, the metal cold and wet. It feels good, however, because I’m exhausted, and it wakes me up. My heart is still pounding. I’m starting to wonder if it will ever return to normal.

“Callie, please,” I ask again, slapping my palm against the door again. “Please, Bluebird.”

The door opens and I look at her—really look at her for the first time in months. She’s beautiful, but there are dark circles under her eyes. Her hair is down, ruffled from sleep. She has on a pair of pajamas with little pink hearts all over them. Seeing her makes my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.

“Reed? What are you doing?” she asks, sleep evident in her voice, but there’s something else. Pain. I see pain on her face.

Because I’m here.

Because of what I’ve put her through.

Because I hurt her.

“I need to talk to you, Callie,” I mumble, rubbing my hand through my hair, tousling it out of nervousness and stress—or from trying to keep myself from grabbing her and pulling her into my arms.

“Reed, I have to be at work soon. I can’t think of anything we have to say to one another but come by the diner later and we will talk then.”

She goes to close the door, but I put my foot in the way, stopping her.

“Chas is dead.”

Callie flattens her hand out and rubs her forehead, her face tight and obvious shock written all over her.

“What happened?” she asks, her voice quiet.

“Drugs.”

It’s one word, but it’s so bitter on my tongue that it feels as if it’s pulled from my fucking soul.

“What about…what about the baby?” Callie asks.

“There was no baby, Callie,” I breathe. The words sound raw, maybe because they are coming from deep inside of me. It feels like they’re cut out of my soul, instead of spoken.

“What?” she asks, her brow crinkling, and she shakes her head, not understanding what I’m saying. Hell, I’ve lived it and I don’t understand it all.

“There was no fucking baby, Bluebird. It was all a lie. She played me for a chump. She made it all up. I destroyed everything,” I confess. “I destroyed everything, Callie. I destroyed it all for no reason.”

“I…I’m sorry, Reed. I hurt for you. I do. I just…”

“Callie—”

“I don’t understand what you want from me.”

“I’m here, Callie, because I want you to give me another chance. I know I’ve fucked up, Bluebird. I know… God, do I know.”

“Reed, don’t.”

“No, I need to finish this. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you and I know I just keep fucking up—”

“Reed, please,” Callie interjects, but I shake my head no.

“I promise you, Callie. If you give me another chance, I won’t ever let anything get between us again. I know I handled this all wrong. In my head, I was trying to shield you—”

“Reed—”

“And I know how stupid that sounds. I was just trying to somehow get my baby safe and contain Chas. You never left my heart or my mind, though. I just…” I push my hand through my hair again. “Fuck, I don’t know what I was doing. It all sounds so lame now,” I mumble.

“Reed,” Callie interjects again, louder and her voice sterner. “Stop, please. There’s no point.”

“But there is, Callie. Don’t you see? There’s nothing between us, nothing stopping us from being together.”

“It’s too late, Reed,” she says, and I can see the tears in her eyes. I watch as some escape and run down her face.

“It’s not, baby. Don’t you see? I was trying to shield you, but there’s no baby. There never was. You just have to give me another chance. Give us another chance.”

“I can’t, Reed. It’s too late.”

“Callie—”

“What she’s trying to tell you, little brother, is that she’s moved on. Callie and I are together, now. We have been for a while.”

God, if there was ever a time that pain could bring you to your knees, this would be it. It feels like my heart is being ripped to shreds. I don’t know how I manage to stand, but somehow, I do.

“No,” I respond, shaking my head, not able to accept this. “No, Callie. I know I’ve fucked up the last couple of months, but we love each other. You can’t turn that off. You love me.”

“Mitch and I are together now, Reed,” she says, crying more. “It’s too late.”

“You need to leave, Reed. I won’t let you upset Callie. I didn’t mean for this to happen. We don’t want to hurt you, but I love her, brother. She’s everything to me and I’ll never put anything before her, not even you. I’ve learned from your mistakes. A woman like Callie doesn’t come along to a schlep like me every day.” Mitch says, but I ignore him.

I can only concentrate on Callie right now. I watch as she puts her hand on his arm as he hugs her stomach. Her hand shakes, as it comes to rest with his on her stomach.

“Callie, don’t do this,” I whisper, the words sounding harsh because I know what’s going to happen. She’s going to choose him.

I’ve waited too long.

“Reed, it’s too late.”

“It’s not—”

“I’m pregnant, Reed. I’m having Mitch’s baby.”

Her words echo in my head, bringing with them death.

Death of every dream I’ve ever had.