The Masks We Wear by Lee Jacquot

 

TWENTY

 

 

That’s him. William. I know it is.

Anyone that hot at Emerald Falls can’t go unnoticed. Hell, I’m surprised Spencer made it that long without people talking.

When we were younger, there was only one guy he used to talk about. The one who had him ten months out of the year and still called him almost every damn day. Pissed me off that he even answered the calls. He was supposed to be mine for those seventy-four days. But I always felt like I was competing for his undivided attention.

It makes sense he would bring him here. Parade the very person that was our end.

I ignore the pang of jealousy that shoots through my limbs when I see Spencer grab Remy’s wrist. I know they aren’t involved intimately, but it still bothers me to see him sensitive, soft with someone.

That’s it.

I’ve done everything to get a reaction out of him. Embarrassed him, inconvenienced him, annoyed the fuck out of him, and probably given him blue balls a few times. But I’ve never tested his endurance to watch me with someone else. And I know just the person.

Amora bounces through the small crowd and up the stairs. She rubs the gaggle of goose bumps down her arm. “Who the fuck is he with?”

“A friend from where he used to live.”

“Hmm.” She chews the inside of her cheek. “I want to sit on his pretty face.”

Chuckling through my nose, I watch over the railing as Remy and Spencer make it to the kitchen. They both motion to the juice, then their bodies shake in unison as they laugh and grab a beer. It always surprises me to see Remy out of her element, doing something I wouldn’t imagine her doing. It makes me wonder vaguely who she is behind the person she shows the world.

“Let me have a little fun with him. Then he’s all yours.”

Amora giggles, rocking on his heels. “Ooooo. What are you going to do?”

Just then, William leans close, asking Remy something. She points to the hall behind my kitchen, shakes her head, and points to the stairs. He must have asked about the bathroom.

Perfect.

I tuck a stray hair behind my ear and fix my shirt before waving my fingers at Amora. “Put on a little show before the big finale.”

She grins, shaking her head before floating down the stairs. She stopped asking a long time ago why I put so much effort into messing with Spencer. Not sure if she thinks it’s still about the project or if she knows better and is just having fun. Either way, she’s more than willing to partake in my game.

William rounds the banister and saunters up the stairs. Depending on whether he’s seen a picture of me will affect my plan, so I take the cautious approach, leaning against the wall and scrolling on my phone.

When he speaks, I have to force myself to keep composure. It’s deep—deeper than any eighteen-year-old I’ve ever heard, and husky. “Well, hello there, sugar.”

I peer up from my phone and bite my tongue. He is hotter than sin up close. A set of four freckles decorate his prominent jaw under some light stubble. His lips are full, and I think any woman would kill for his eyelashes. And while his body looks to be carved out of marble, it’s not the sexiest thing about him. It’s his eyes. They are a dark forest green that you could happily get lost in.

Somehow I find my voice and make it as sultry as possible. “Hey. New around here?”

 

THE HAIRS on the back of my neck stand up straight, tingling the nerves in my scalp. There’s a coolness in the air that seeps into my fucking skin, setting my spine at full attention. Maybe it’s because I’m back in this damn house or that every blonde that passes in my peripherals makes my shoulders tense.

It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing that something is bound to happen because of what I did. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I mean, that’s fucking obvious, but I couldn’t help it.

Now, my nerves are shot to hell as I mull over her possible responses.

After a few more minutes, I realize we’re done with our second beer, and William still isn’t back. “What is taking him so damn long?”

“Maybe he’s found a girl to entertain himself.” Remy shrugs, handing me a shot.

We agreed on no open drinks, but Remy has a good way of reading people, and I can tell she’s trying to calm me down. “Or maybe Amora caught up to him.”

I shake my head, gesturing to the large group around the fireplace. “She’s over there. But you know who I haven’t seen? At her own party, no less?”

The thought pierces through me, a hot flow of emotions boiling the contents of my stomach. There’s no way.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t leave.” She nods, but when her eyes drift to Blaze, sitting on the back of the couch, I can’t help but groan inwardly. “Stay here, Remy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go get William.” She shoos me off, tilting the beer bottle to her lips.

“Fine.” I grimace but leave her, making a beeline for the stairs.

As soon as I touch the banister, I feel it. It’s like an electric shock to my nerves, warning me to stop now. But like the dumb ass I am, I keep going. Each step is heavy, weighted by something I can’t seem to shake. The higher I climb, the faster my pulse thrums in my veins.

Then I hear it. The moans and cries I heard just this week. They’re a little different now—high and strained, almost forced. But the same voice nonetheless.

I reach the top, knowing what I’m going to see, but it doesn’t matter. My heart bottoms out, flopping into my stomach like a fish out of water.

William is mauling at her neck like a fucking animal, his hands twisted in her hair, pulling her neck back just enough to give him better access. One tan leg is wrapped around his waist, her heel digging into his jean pocket. Her hands claw at his back, trying to pull him somehow closer than he already is.

My mouth is dry; a cotton ball lodged in the back. When I try to swallow around the knot, I almost choke from the pressure.

Of fucking course she would pull this shit. It’s all she had left to do. She’s engrained herself into every aspect of my fucking life, so I can’t escape her. Everywhere I look, there she is. My project, my friend’s tongue, my backyard.

The air thins out, and I decide this is it. I need to leave. Grab Remy and just fucking go. But just as I move to turn back downstairs, Lily’s eyes open and find mine.

 

I did it. I finally got under his sturdy ass armor.

The look on Spencer’s face is a pure mix of rage and agony. His lips are parted, and crimson red is flushing up his neck and spreading across his cheeks. His breaths are shallow, and I pity the flesh at his knuckles that’s blossoming white from the tight clench.

He’s battling what to do. I can see it in the tic of his jaw.

Should he yell? Throw this guy off me? Or instead, just watch?

There’s no denying William knows what he’s doing, but after being under Spencer and feeling the passion that hides under his nonchalant exterior, this pales in comparison. Everything begins to blur into the background as he works his way lower, unaware of Spencer a few feet away. My pussy clenches as he pushes into me, his erection flat against my entrance.

I groan, gripping his back, my eyes still planted on Spencer. After all this, I still wish it was him.

Maybe that’s what’s wrong. Maybe we need to just get it out of our system. Fuck the hatred out of each other and move on.

Forget.

Spencer finally sighs, letting the emotions slip from him as fast as they came, and I want to scream. He’s going to walk off. Act like none of this bothers him and go right back to pretending nothing I do affects him.

My eyes widen. I feel them stretch open, almost begging him to do something. To care. But he doesn’t. His throat bobs around a swallow, and he’s gone, back down the stairs, like he never came.

I stop breathing. The burn in the back of my eyes are too strong to ignore. There’s a heat covering my face, and I realize I’m ashamed. Ashamed, I’m resorting to being a petty toddler throwing a tantrum for attention. I should be used to it since the ones that are meant to care about me ignore me the most. But I’m not. Spencer is just a constant reminder that no matter how much I act out, it won’t be enough.

I’mnot enough.

Shifting my weight, I pull my heel from Williams’ back pocket, pressing my hand against his chest. After a few seconds, he stops, peering at me from behind a forest of lashes.

His dark emerald eyes give me pause. There’s something sparkling in the corner I can’t quite read. He backs away, smoothing down his shirt, and pushes back thick locks that had fallen into his face. “You must be Liliana.”

I suck in a deep breath through my nose. “Lily.”

William nods, pursing his lips into a line. “Did he see?”

Suddenly, my mouth is dry, and I can’t find my voice. He huffs, closing his eyes, and wipes a hand down his face. “Well, fuck. If this isn’t the shittest thing, we could have done.”

The temptation to read into that is strong. The way he implies Spencer gives a shit. But I know better now.

“I’m going to go to the restroom and get him the fuck out of here.” He stalks behind me but turns before closing the door, swiping a calloused thumb over his lips. “You know, in a few months, none of this shit you’re trying to do will matter. You’ll be just a bad memory we laugh about until you’re a name we can’t remember.”

Anger flares under my sternum when the door snaps closed. Gripping my necklace, I trek to the stairs, balancing myself on the banister. Even with everything in my control, I feel helpless. Like everything I’m doing is both working and backfiring all at the same time.

Screw it. Time for a show.

I mean, what else could I possibly mess up?

 

WHERE IS REMY?

My eyes flit the kitchen, annoyance simmering in my already wrecked chest. I told her not to leave, yet she’s gone. Hardheaded, just like every fucking woman in my life.

I find Blaze still in the same spot, his hand tracing the trim of lace down the back of some cheerleader’s dress. Stacy, I think.

Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I scroll to her name, and send a quick text. The faster I get out of here, the better. Maybe if I just stay right here, she’ll come back looking for me and William.

William…

Fuck.

If I don’t think about it, I’ll be fine. I just need to get the fuck ou—

“Hmmm.” I hear her purr behind me.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

I sigh, turning to see her propped against the counter, her little minion of a friend standing next to her.

“Oh, Spencer.” She projects her voice and people within earshot turn to look. She glances down at her red heels, titling one to the side for a little show. “My shoes seem to be pretty clean. What are you doing here, pup?”

A round of snickers echo through the kitchen. I roll my eyes and twist to leave, scared the lingering rage boiling under my skin will show. “You’re right. I’ll see myself out.”

She knows I’m being curt, and even though she’s done enough to last the rest of my life, it’s clearly not enough. “Aw, don’t tell me you’re jealous of me and your little friend, Spencer.”

I grit my teeth, turning just enough to look at her. “The only thing I’m jealous of is all the people who haven’t met you.”

Lily grins, biting the corner of her lip as if to keep from laughing.

“Maybe if I throw a stick, he’ll leave faster,” Amora chirps, arching an eyebrow.

I ignore her friend completely. “Do you ever get tired of being such a bitch, Lily?”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Call me what you want, but you can’t say I’m forgettable.”

Her words curl around my spine, snapping the last piece of me that gave a fuck, sending splinters through my heart. The liquor now rolling through my veins only intensifies the pain as it burrows into the muscle. Each beat pulling the splinter further inside until I’m sure I’ll never get it out.

“I fucking hate you.” My voice doesn’t even sound like mine. It’s raspy, deep...broken.

“Do I look like I give one fuck, Spencer?” she snaps.

Amora giggles, twirling a strand around her finger. “Nope, not one.”

Lily leans against the island, a hand clenched around her necklace. “Exactly. Therefore your comment is irrelevant. Now, unless you’re here to clean someone else’s shoe, you can go. Leave the hot guy though.”

My mouth pops open, but a light tug on my elbow draws my attention. When I look down, I find Remy’s glossy eyes. Her brows are furrowed, and her face is pinched as if she’s in pain. “Let’s go.”

Suddenly there is no one else, the background faded into a blur of mute colors, and voiceless music. All that’s left is Remy.

She doesn’t say anything else, leading me out the door and into the cold. I follow behind her obediently, not even realizing when we’re walking through my front door and up to my room. It’s as if she’s switched on my autopilot somehow, and I’m merely going through the motions.

The bed sinks under her weight when she sits, waiting in silence as I turn on the bedside lamp, snapping back to reality.

The curtains are the first thing I notice. They’re open, and the glow from Lily’s room feels like a light to a bug. Before I close them, a shadow passes in front. No, two shadows.

Everything I held in finally crashes over the edge, pouring down my body, leaving it trembling. She kissed him on purpose. She knew he wouldn’t fucking know who she was and she knew it would piss me off.

Fuck her.

My eyes squeeze closed against the burn.

I want to forget her.

Just for one fucking second.

I want to remember what it was like to not be so consumed by her.

To be able to breathe.

“Spence?”

The name pierces through my ears. But it’s not Remy I hear. It’s Liliana. The light, carefree Liliana. My heart thumps into my ribs violently, an ache radiating across the bone.

“Spencer?”

A hand touches my shoulder, forcing my eyes open.

Those eyes. They’re so similar.

I move before I think, grabbing the sides of Remy’s face and pressing my lips to hers. They’re like soft pillows and taste like cotton candy. Everything about her is sweet, innocent. Even her hands lightly wrapped around my wrist are timid but welcoming. I deepen our kiss, groaning when I feel her hands squeeze me tighter.

My mouth moves of its own accord, kissing along her jaw, down her neck. Remy whimpers, her hands finding my chest, and pushing slightly. “Spencer…”

“Remy, please. Just…” I choke out. “I need to forget her. I have to. I can’t…I can’t…”

She grabs my face, pulling me to look at her. There’s a shimmer on her cheeks and it only takes a second for me to realize it’s from my face. I was crying. I am crying.

How fucking pathetic.

“It’s okay, Spencer.” Her small thumb runs along my temples. Her pupils are dilated, flicking back and forth as she tries to find the words.

I shake my head, “It’s not.”

She folds her arms around me, pulling my head to her shoulder. “Maybe not right now, but it will be.”