Heartless Lover by Faith Summers

22

Eric

Every time I kiss this woman, I feel like I’m swaying over the edge of a cliff and the slightest thing will push me over.

She hasn’t even been in my life for a fucking week and look at me. Last week this time I knew nothing of her.

I was going about my business, plotting death. Now I have her pressed up against the walls of my shower again.

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had her in these few hours and each time I feel myself slipping away. I feel her slipping too and that’s something she must never do. Neither of us must mistake what we are, and neither of us must go so far over the line of reasoning we can’t go back.

I know I can’t because I can’t give her what she needs—life.

She talked of escaping life but I don’t think she realizes she escaped whatever bad things she was running from so she could live. I don’t need to know her for any length of time to know that about her.

Even as I kiss her it feels like she’s giving me new life, like every touch of her lips is filling my dark soul with light.

I cup her face and bury my cock inside her once more, taking what she’s giving me. Her moans fill my ears and every cell in my body absorbs her. As I pound into her I gaze into her eyes and I see light again. It’s like looking at what you want most and knowing you have to fight to get it.

It’s something I know I want, but I’m sure I mustn’t have because no matter what this is I feel with her, I can’t have her. I can’t keep her.

The light in her eyes shines then it’s swallowed up by pain. Old pain.

Old pain that makes me want to know what those bad things were she was running from. More shockingly is my desire to erase them from her mind.

What happened to her?

I could ask again, but I know she won’t tell me. So I do the only thing I know I can and lean closer so I can brush my lips over hers.

That’s when I taste the saltiness on my tongue and I look at her beautiful face to see a tear, roll down her cheek. A tear distinct from the light spray of water washing over us.

“What happened to you?” I ask the question and it sounds odd outside my head because we weren’t talking about anything.

She knows exactly what I mean though and she shakes her head.

She wipes at her cheeks but another wayward tear leaks from her soul. As it tracks down her silky skin, I feel like I’m someone else when I bend down and kiss away her tears. I taste them as I do, surprising her and myself by the unusual, completely unexpected gesture. It’s like the devil kissing the angel.

Sometimes though it’s the angel who lures the devil into the snare of temptation. The way this woman has with me.

I taste her sadness and grief and guilt. I taste her and want her all over again.

Arousal comes back into her eyes. So, when I beckon her to my lips, she comes willingly. Her lips cover mine for the sweet kiss again. When her hands press against my chest and her lush body melts into mine, I’m not sure if she knows she’s showing she wants me.

I don’t care.

The kiss makes me forget and all I do is feel her.

That’s how we are until the sun comes up. All we do that’s different is move from the shower to my bed.

As the sun rises I know this has to be the last time. I shouldn’t entertain anything more with her, so this needs to be the last time forever.

Not only do I have priorities, but being with her makes me lose focus in a way I can’t afford. I have to be on the street with my men today which means I need to give my efforts my undivided attention.

Yesterday, Borya got a lead on the cartel guys and I went back to the drawing board. It’s gotten to the stage where I need to be on the mark. Any distraction could cost me all our hard work.

Summer Reeves can’t be more to me than a woman to warm my bed. I think our desire to escape reality must have consumed us both.

Maybe her more than me. Her pain is fresh. I’ve had time and our stories are different. I don’t know what hers is, but I feel it’s darker than mine.

As for me, I was tied up to be conquered and the people who depended on me suffered. Even if it was my fault, Robert’s betrayal wasn’t.

That’s why it’s time for me to leave the fantasy.

I straighten up and get off the bed while she rolls on to her side with her back to me.

As I walk into the bathroom, I look at my reflection when I get inside and notice the tinge of afterglow brightening my skin. I almost look human. Like I used to be. Life wasn’t perfect back then and I accepted it never would be because of the situation with my father, but at least I thought I had a future to look forward to. A guy like me with all that knowledge and skill always has a future and I had the cushion of Markov Tech.

The first blow that future of mine got was my grandfather’s death, but at least he died of natural causes. The next blow was my father’s and I almost thought my mother would join him too after her accident.

Things just spiraled after that and so did the concept of my future. Now all I see is a black hole of nothingness, so the man I’m looking at in the mirror is just a reflection of an illusion that will disappear once the novelty of being with Summer Reeves has gone.

I look away, I clean off the evidence of our wild animalistic fucking then grab a towel to wrap around my waist. I’ll come back after I send her to her room and have a hot shower. I need one, or maybe a cold one would be better for the arousal stirring again in my dick.

I reach for another towel, for Summer this time, and dampen it with some warm water for her to clean off too.

When I get back into the room I find her getting ready to slip on one of my shirts. Her dainty hands still when I walk in and she gives me a cautious look.

“I didn’t think you were coming back,” she mutters.

“Yeah. Put it on and take this.” I hold out the towel which she looks surprised to see.

She finishes putting on the shirt and takes the towel from me. I watch her clean herself and take the towel from her before she can hold on to it.

I toss it in the clothes basket to the side where I keep my laundry.

“I’m going to be away for the day,” I say, getting straight to business. This is where I have to draw a line. “I’ll possibly be away tomorrow too.”

“Tomorrow?” A touch of disappointment fills her eyes.

Of course it would, tomorrow is when she’s supposed to see her father and she would have rightly assumed I’d be going with her. I could go, but I think it’s best I don’t because I need to put some distance between us.

“Yeah, tomorrow. I’m going to arrange for my men to take you to your father in the morning and continue to watch over you while I’m away.”

“I thought you were going to take me.”

“No. My men will go,” I answer, short and without emotion. “I don’t know what the next couple of days are gonna look like so I’m going to arrange for them to take you to the funeral as well.”

At the mention of the funeral she goes pale and looks like the slightest breeze would blow her away.

“Oh, right. Okay.”

“All being well we can wrap this up as soon as possible and get on with our lives.” I know I sound like an asshole for my lack of compassion but it is better this way.

“Yeah, that would be good.” Her eyes lock with mine and she studies my face like she’s looking for something—looking for me. When she can’t find what she’s searching for she brings her hands together briefly then releases then again.

“Did something else happen?” she asks tentatively.

“No. Why?”

“You’re … just different.”

“No, I’m not different. I just think it’s important that you don’t get too… attached to me.”

“Oh… right.” Her lips press together then part and her eyes dart around the room looking at everything besides me. When she eventually looks at me the light I saw earlier is gone. “I guess you must be done with me then.”

I don’t answer but when she moves to walk by me I grab her arm and pull her back.

I should have let her go, but the conflict raging inside me is screwing with my mind.

I catch her face and she tries to wrench my arm free but I tighten my grip.

“Let go of me, Eric,” she demands.

“You need to remember who your talking to.”

“And you need to go fuck yourself.”

My temper flares and I remind myself I can’t have it both ways. She mustn’t want me, but I don’t want her to hate me either.

“Let go of me Eric, do you really think I’m scared of anything you could do to me at this point?”

She’s not. If she was, she’s no longer scared of me in that way because I fucked up too and allowed her to see I wanted her.

I release her and watch her as she rushes away, leaving the room.

I harden what’s left of my heart and pretend I didn’t just treat her like a whore. As if she was last night’s fuck and now I’m done with her. I was never done with her, and I don’t think I could be.

So, I harden my heart and pretend I don’t know that all she needed was someone to care for her.

I harden my heart and pretend I don’t know she needs me.

As the door clicks shut everything stays with me and I wonder when it was I sacrificed the basic elements of humanity to become this heartless being I am now.

I think I was indeed long before Robert, but he just took me to the next level of villain.

But for the first time in forever I wonder what it might be like to make my way back to who I used to be.