The Setup and the Substitute by Jiffy Kate

Chapter 15

Owen

The past twoweeks have been brutal.

Not in the usual sense. We’ve won more games than we’ve lost. My pitching is better than it’s been in a long time. The kids are great, thriving actually. Sophie is the best nanny I’ve ever hired.

But in her lies the problem.

After that first night of us sleeping under the same roof, I made up my mind I was going to set boundaries and force her into the role of Sophie, the nanny. Not Sophie, the friend, or Sophie, the hot substitute, and definitely not Sophie, the booty call. Because let’s face it, that’s all I’ve been capable of since Lisa, and even that only happened a couple times. With kids, it’s different. I don’t have the luxury of hitting the bar to pick up a woman and even if I did, that woman would never be invited back to my house.

The couple of times I’ve had sex since Lisa, in over a damn year, have been fast and furious. Once in a hotel room in Cincinnati and the other time in a bar bathroom in St. Louis.

I’m not proud of it, but I’m also not ashamed. It just is what it is and I have no desire to make Sophie my next hook-up. She’s better than that. I value her for more than her body. In my short time of knowing her, I’ve come to find that she’s one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. She genuinely loves kids and wants what’s best for them, especially my kids, and there’s nothing that gets to me quicker than that.

She’s also thoughtful and hardworking.

I’ve told her countless times that she doesn’t have to worry about cleaning or laundry, but I’ve caught her doing both. She claims to not be able to let someone else clean up her mess, even though I can almost guarantee she grew up with housekeepers and cooks at her disposal.

That’s the other thing I love about Sophie. She comes from this well-known, influential family but she never uses it to get what she wants. From our conversations, I can tell she’s more interested in bettering the world in her own way than laying claim to the Callahan reputation.

Sophie Callahan is blazing her own path.

Which leads me to why the past two weeks have been brutal.

Every time I think I have my head in the right place, we end up running into each other late at night in the kitchen and having a heartfelt conversation. Or waking up at the same time and making eyes at each other over a cup of coffee.

Then there have been those few times we’ve almost touched, our bodies brushing as we pass by and that electric current zapping in the air.

And the other night, when we were putting the kids to bed and nearly ran into each other in the hallway.

Her hands pressed against my chest.

My body on full alert.

Our mouths mere inches apart.

I swear, if Molly hadn’t called for Sophie, we would’ve kissed. I could feel it, the anticipation and intention. The desire and want. All the elements were present and accounted for.

But tonight is our last home game for eight days. We leave bright and early in the morning for New York and it’s just the break I need—we need. I’ll miss the kids and I’ll miss Sophie, but I’m hoping a little time apart will cool the heat that’s been building between us.

In the meantime, I have to get her out of my head and get myself ready for tonight’s game.

“Hey, Molly,” I say, popping my head into her room. When my eyes land on her, I can’t help but smile. She’s already decked out in her New Orleans Revelers gear. Head to toe, she’s nothing but purple and yellow, and Sophie has braided her hair and put a big purple and yellow bow at the end. “Wow, don’t you look cute.”

Leaning against her door frame, I cross my arms and try not to picture her ten years from now, primping in front of the same mirror. Because right now, she’s making it hard.

Her eyes meet mine in the mirror and she grins from ear to ear. “Sophie braided my hair and let me have some lip gloss.”

“She did, did she?”

She nods vigorously and turns to face me. “It tastes like candy.”

Why my chest feels tight right now is beyond me. But every time Sophie shows up for Molly and Ryan, it makes my heart feel like it’s in a vice grip. Sure, we’ve had other nannies who’ve been attentive and caring, but there’s just something different about Sophie.

“Ready to watch some baseball?” I ask, walking over to pick up the small glove on her bed. “Think you’re going to catch a fly ball?”

I try not to let my smile show, because she’s going to be sitting in a box, which means she won’t come near a fly ball, but it’s cute that she’s so excited about the game.

“Maybe,” she answers excitedly, bouncing on her toes. “And we’re going to have hot dogs for dinner. And peanuts. Sophie promised we can have peanuts.”

“You can have whatever you want,” I tell her, squatting down to her level. “Just don’t drink too much Sprite. Remember what happened last time?”

Molly’s face falls and she nods. “Yeah, I won’t.”

Lemon-lime soda shooting out of her nose and then cleaning it up wasn’t a fun experience for either of us.

“Keep an eye out for Ryan, okay?”

Not that Sophie would let anything happen to them, but I like to remind my kids to keep an eye out for each other. My mom and dad always told me and Emily to do the same. It’s just habit.

“I will,” she says, like the dutiful big sister she is. “And Sophie. I’ll keep an eye out for her too.”

“Okay,” I tell her, grinning like a fool as I pull her in for a hug. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, Daddy.”

God, that melts me.

Every time.

It’ll never get old.

“I’m going to find Sophie and Ryan and let them know I’m leaving. I’ll see you at the game.”

“See you at the game,” she calls out as I exit her room.

When I walk into Ryan’s room, I can hear him and Sophie talking in the bathroom. She must be fixing his hair now.

“My daddy is the best pitcher,” Ryan says. “He throws the ball fast.”

“I bet he does,” Sophie says. “I can’t wait to watch him.”

There’s a pause and I’m about to interrupt their talk when Ryan asks, “Have you ever been to a baseball game before?”

Sophie hums, thinking. “You know, I went to one in high school, but that was a long time ago.”

“How long ago?” Ryan asks, always the inquisitive one.

“Probably six years ago,” Sophie replies.

Six years? I guess that would be right. She’s only twenty-four, which makes her seven years younger than me. Not that it’s a big deal, but I hadn’t really thought much about that until now. It makes me wonder if she’s ever been in a serious relationship, and if so, with who and how long ago?

All things I have no business thinking about.

“That’s a long time,” Ryan says, making Sophie laugh.

I love that sound. It makes me smile and I have to stifle a laugh. Of course to Ryan, six years feels like an eternity. Anything older than him is a long time ago. He can’t even wrap his little mind around dinosaurs and the fact they’ve been extinct for millions of years. I think that’s why he finds them so fascinating.

“Yeah, it was a while ago,” Sophie finally says. “Which is why I’m super excited about going with you and Molly tonight. And I’ve definitely never been to a major league game where I know one of the players. That’s pretty cool, right?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says and I peek my head around the corner just in time to see his proud expression in the mirror. “It’s pretty cool.”

Knocking on the door frame, they both turn to look at me. Ryan’s hair is spiked up a little and combed down slick on the sides. He looks like a little badass, especially with his Thatcher jersey on, sporting my number. That’s when I notice Sophie is wearing one too.

Fuck.

My name looks good on her.

And that makes me think of other things that would look good on her… and off her.

Clearing my throat, I try to quickly recover. “Um, hey, I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving. Your tickets are on the counter and there’s a parking pass in the envelope. Do you need anything else before I go?”

“Nope,” Sophie says, giving Ryan’s hair one last comb before picking him up off the counter and setting him on his feet. “I think we’re close to being ready too.”

“Great,” I tell her, our eyes meeting in one of those moments that charges the air around us.

I think even Ryan feels it because after a second, he sprints into his bedroom yelling something about needing to find a baseball.

“I’ll see you after the game?” I ask, already walking out.

“Yeah,” Sophie says, sounding a little breathless which is doing wicked things to my dick. “We’ll see you after the game.”

Later, after I’ve warmed up a little and dressed out for the game, Ross finds me as I’m headed to the bullpen.

“Hey, man, you were looking great out there earlier. How’s your arm feeling?”

“Feels good, really good, in fact,” I answer. “It’s my mental game I need to work on.” For a second, I regret saying anything. Everyone knows how closed-off I am but Ross is a friend—my best friend on the team—and I trust him.

Ross smiles at me and I brace myself for the ribbing I know is coming. “The nanny, huh? Still a no-go?”

“I haven’t made a move on her, if that’s what you’re asking but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. The problem is, I’m pretty sure she wants it, too.”

“I’m failing to see the issue here.”

“I can’t fall for the nanny, Ross, much less fuck her just to get laid. She takes care of my kids and she does a great job. This is the most stability they’ve had in years, if not ever; I can’t mess that up just because I get blue balls every time I’m around her.”

“But, if she’s into you—”

“Nope,” I cut him off. “I’m just not good at this kind of thing and I don’t want to hurt Sophie. I keep telling myself it’s only because this is the first time a woman under the age of fifty has stayed with us, besides my sister, and my dick will eventually get the memo. Meanwhile, I’m buying lotion like it’s my damn job.”

We both laugh for a bit but when things quiet down, Ross gives me a serious look. “All I’m saying is, Sophie is a grown woman who can make up her own mind, so before you go and make life choices for her, you might want to talk to her first. Then, if you both feel the risk is worth it, fucking go for it, man. You might be surprised. I mean, look at me, I have everything I’ve ever wanted. It was a damn bumpy ride to get here but I wouldn’t change a thing because this is the happiest I’ve ever been. Don’t let your stubbornness steal your joy.”

“Did you really just use a “steal your joy” phrase on me? Not very original, Davies.”

“Hey, if it’s true, who cares? I only want the best for you. Well, that and for you to be ready to kick ass tonight, if I get in a bind.”

“You got it, man. And thanks. I mean it.”

Ross slaps my shoulder before turning to walk away. “Anytime.”

Thankfully, Ross doesn’t get in a bind this game but his arm does get tired in the seventh inning, so I take over in the eighth and keep our opposing team scoreless. Our closing pitcher finishes the job and The Revelers win three to zero.

After I shower and get dressed in my street clothes, I grab my phone from my locker and find a text from Sophie.

Sophie: Congrats on the win! The kids had a blast but have already crashed and are in bed. Sorry I couldn’t keep them up for you. See you when you get home.

So many feelings hit me after reading her message.

I’m thrilled the kids had fun at the game, of course, and I can’t help but be a little disappointed they’re already in bed. But it’s seeing Sophie use the word “home” that really makes my chest squeeze. I love that she feels comfortable enough to think of the house as her home but I can’t let myself read anything more into it. This is why I have to talk to her, let her know that, despite the obvious tension between us, nothing can happen. We have to maintain a platonic relationship.

And I’m going to talk to her tonight.

The house is so quiet when I step inside, I’m afraid Sophie is asleep as well but when I follow the light into the kitchen, I find her there, making a cup of tea.

I rap my knuckles on the wall before speaking so I don’t scare her.

“Hey.”

Sophie looks at me from over her shoulder and smiles. It’s a completely innocent move but it heats up my blood and makes my mouth dry all the same. Seeing her standing in front of me, in my house, completely at ease and comfortable in her surroundings is such a turn-on. Granted, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known but it’s her confidence and self-assuredness that really get me.

It’s also what reiterates the fact we can’t be together.

She’s too good for me and I’m worried I’d ruin her.

She’s young and full of hope and possibility.

And I’m jaded and full of reservations and guarded walls.

There’s this intrusive thought I haven’t been able to shake since Lisa left, the one that tells me Lisa wasn’t a drug addict when I met her. In my mind, that can only mean one thing, it had to be because of me. Our relationship must have made her turn to drugs. Maybe it was the crazy schedule or the attention. Maybe it’s just me. I know I can be closed off sometimes. Maybe I didn’t give Lisa what she needed so she found it somewhere else.

It’d kill me to have that kind of negative effect on Sophie.

“Can I get you anything? Have you eaten?” she asks.

“No, thanks, I’m fine. I would like to talk to you, though. Can we sit in the living room?”

Better to rip the bandage off now before I lose my nerve or get distracted by how good she looks in her sleep shorts and t-shirt.

She’s probably not wearing a bra.

Fuck.

“Of course.” Her smile falters a bit but she quickly recovers before grabbing her mug and walking down the hallway. I leave my gym bag on the floor and follow her, palms sweaty and my gut turning.

I know this is the right thing to do but I don’t want to make things more awkward than they already are. I have to remind myself I’m Sophie’s boss and we have to be adults about our situation and any possible attraction between us.

Sophie sits on the couch and I sit next to her, immediately regretting my decision. I should’ve sat in the chair to give us both space but if I move now, it will be too obvious and I’ll look ridiculous.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks.

I can tell she’s nervous but is trying to play it off and it kills me.

How can I reassure her without acting on instinct and pulling her to me?

I clear my throat and try to steel myself. Even if this is one-sided and I’ve misread her over the last few weeks, I need to come clean about my struggles. It’s always better to be up-front and honest, in my opinion, and she can decide for herself if she wants to stay.

Please, God, let her want to stay.

“This is… well, to be honest, it’s probably going to sound crazy, but I just need to get it off my chest.” She just sits there, wide-eyed and nervous, and when her gaze meets mine I want to forget everything, but I can’t.

Band Aid.

Off.

Clearing my throat, I focus on my clasped hands—like I would before I throw a pitch—and then just go for it. “I’m attracted to you. Really attracted to you, actually.”

When I glance back up, her cheeks are tinted pink and the way she bites down on her bottom lip does nothing to help control the feelings I have for her.

Needing to get everything out in the open, I continue. “It’s, uh, been a long time since I’ve felt this way about a woman and I’m struggling to keep myself in check. I’d never do anything to intentionally make you uncomfortable but if I have done something, please tell me.”

She’s still sitting there, her hands wrapped around her mug, not saying a word, so I keep going.

“I love having you here. The kids adore you and I can tell they’re genuinely happy. I have you to thank for that and I don’t want to mess that up. I just wanted to let you know, if I’m acting weird or distant, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I’m just trying to keep things professional.”

“Okay” is her only response and I’m afraid I’m not making myself clear or maybe I’ve made a bigger mess of things, so I don’t stop there.

“If this was just a little crush I was having—for lack of a better term—I’d keep it to myself and let it go away on its own. But I get the feeling you’re attracted to me too and… well, if that’s true… I need you to know I can’t—won’t— do anything to jeopardize the happiness and well-being of my kids. I know you must understand that.”

She’s not breaking eye contact with me, so I implore her with my gaze to put me out of my misery either by telling me to fuck off or by grabbing me and kissing me.

I’m not sure which I would prefer at this point.

“I do understand that, and I appreciate your honesty. You have no idea how hard it is to find a man that will speak his mind, no matter how difficult the subject matter may be.” She breaks eye contact and brings her mug up to take a sip, pausing a moment like she’s mulling things over. When she places it back in her lap, she looks up at me, expression full of openness and sincerity. “The way you approach life and your devotion to your children are only a couple of the reasons why I’m attracted to you too.”

Oh, shit.

She’s attracted to me too.

I mean, I kind of felt like she was, but hearing her say it makes my whole body feel hot. I’m not sure if I want to go all caveman—throwing her over my shoulder and hauling her sweet ass up to my room—or ditch this couch and run for my life.

Because the way Sophie Callahan is looking at me right now—vulnerable and beautiful—is enough to bring any man to his knees.

Instead of doing any of that, I swallow. Loudly.

“But,” she continues, cocking an eyebrow as a slow smile creeps up on her beautiful lips. “Where we differ is, you think nothing should happen between us and I… disagree.”

When she places her mug on the table, I think she’s going to get up and go to her room, ending this conversation. But then she leans forward, her body coming dangerously close to mine. Our knees are touching and when she leans in even further, I can feel her warm breath on my cheek.

I can even count the adorable freckles peppering her nose.

“You see,” she says, her voice dropping to a whisper as her lips brush my ear, sending shock waves to my dick. “What you don’t know about me is that I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and have never been one to buy into societal conformity. So, I see no problem in fucking you all night long and still being a damn good nanny to your kids in the morning.”

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

Forgetting everything I’ve been telling myself since I first met Sophie Callahan, I cup her face and kiss her. My mouth is gentle at first, like I’m testing the waters, waiting to see if the tide will spit me out or drag me under. When she doesn’t pull away, I slide my fingers through her thick curls and bring her closer, slipping my tongue past her lips. Her mouth is as sweet as I imagined and I can’t help but wonder if she tastes the same between her legs. We’re full-on making out when Sophie decides to take over and push me against the back of the couch, straddling me. My denim-covered hard-on pushes against the thin tiny shorts she’s wearing, causing Sophie to gasp and break our kiss, leaving me breathless and ready to drown in her.

I reach for her but she places her hand against my chest.

We sit for a moment, her breasts heaving in time with my labored breaths, and just stare at each other. There are so many emotions passing between us—want, need, hesitation.

This is obviously uncharted territory and we’re at the precipice.

Do we cross over?

Do we retreat?

“If this is going to happen between us,” Sophie finally says, her fingers gripping my t-shirt. “Even if it’s only one time, I don’t want there to be regrets. We can do this without things getting weird, right?”

Swallowing down the hint of fear, I nod. “Yeah, we can do this,” I assure her, even though I’m not sure of anything at the moment except getting Sophie naked. I grab her ass and pull her against my dick.

Her laugh is breathy and only makes me harder.

“I’m serious, Owen. This job is important to me, your kids are important to me, and I don’t want to mess anything up. So if this is going to ruin everything, speak up now and we’ll continue on like we have been. It won’t be easy, but we’re adults and we’ve managed so far.”

Sophie’s vulnerability in this moment kills me because we both have the same struggle: desire for each other without messing up the kids. But, if our struggles are the same, who’s to say the impact would be negative?

We’re both consenting adults who are on the same page.

In the grand scheme of things, that’s all that matters.

“You have nothing to worry about,” I promise and I mean it. It’s not empty. I’d never do anything to hurt her. “I want you, Sophie. God, do I want you…”

Probably more than I’ve ever wanted another person in my life. But I don’t tell her that part.

Her smile is soft and seductive as she pulls herself into a sitting position. “That’s good because I want you, too.”

For a brief second, I hesitate, wondering how we went from a talk about not letting this thing between us happen to it happening. But here we are. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but at this moment, it feels like the only option. I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to.

When Sophie climbs off me and grabs my hand, pulling me off the couch, she’s the only thing I can see… the only thing I can think about.

As I grip her hand and take off running toward the stairs, her laugh is like music to my ears.