Time-Lapse by J.B. Heller
Chapter Twenty-Six
The sun is setting,and I find myself on the rooftop of a random building in the middle of the city, watching it from behind my lens. The colors merge seamlessly—purples, pinks, and oranges. It’s stunning watching dark storm clouds roll in at the same time as these colors bleed through the sky.
Perched on the side of the brick building, I patiently wait for the perfect shot. And then, a bolt of lightning flashes in the distance, and I take it. Then, I check the viewfinder to make sure I caught it. I did.
Satisfied with the image, I head back to the hotel. I can smell the coming rain in the air, and it puts a smile on my face, the scent reminding me of my last night with El.
I don’t quite make it all the way back before the sky opens up. But I don’t mind. The satchel I keep my camera in is waterproof for this very reason. I love being out in the rain. I feel like it’s washing away all the shit I don’t want to think about as it slides over my skin and onto the pavement below me.
There’s a small park across the road from Quinn Plaza, and I detour into it instead of returning to the hotel. I find a bench and sit. The park is empty except for a few people scurrying away, huddled under their umbrellas, trying to escape the downpour.
I close my eyes and turn my face up to the sky, enjoying the feel of each droplet as it makes contact. This right here. This is my happy place.
I could seethe rain clouds rolling in, and I immediately felt relieved. I’ve been a clusterfuck of hormones and emotions all day, thanks to Hux and his little performance this morning. Then, when I met Grandfather for lunch and he told me he had hired Hux, I wanted to cry. I won’t be able to withstand another run-in like that.
I keep reminding myself I’m a fucking fierce dolphin constantly, but it isn’t helping.
The moment I saw the rain begin to pelt the glass windows of my suite, I set out for the park across the road. It’s my go-to place when it’s raining. Everyone else leaves, and it’s just me sitting there, enjoying the peace that settles over me. And I need it desperately today.
I take the entry directly across from the hotel entrance and make my way down the winding cobblestone path, but I pull up short of my bench. Someone is sitting in my spot. I narrow my eyes. It can’t be. But as I edge closer, I realize it definitely is.
The high I’d gotten the second I stepped out into the rain slowly begins to deflate, and I sigh.
Hux’s head drops, and his eyes snap open, coming to focus on me. He doesn’t say anything, but he slides over to the end of the bench then gestures for me to take the other side with a sweep of his hand.
There are other benches I could go sit on, but for some stupid reason, I don’t want to.
Closing the distance between us feels better than it should. I don’t want to be around him, I remind myself. He hurt me. He hurt me so bad. But being this close to him feels too good. What is wrong with me?
I sit on the far end of the bench, but our eyes never lose contact. He watches me as keenly as I’m watching him. I look for clues as to who he is now. My eyes slide down his face, over the stubble covering his jaw and throat. His shoulders are wider than before and more muscular. His wet black T-shirt is plastered to his body, and it leaves nothing to the imagination.
He’s not overly built, but he’s defined. I can see it in his rippling abs, and my eyes follow them down to that amazing V that leads to the most beautiful dick I have ever seen. My throat goes dry just thinking about it.
I force myself to continue cataloging his features instead of lingering on my old favorite.
His light-wash denim jeans are soaked through, and his shoes are soggy. He’s been out here for a while, then.
I wonder what he’s doing. I mean, it’s not a normal thing for people to do. My family thinks I have a screw loose when I drop everything to go stand in the rain, but there is no better therapy than letting the deluge wash away your sorrows. And if that doesn’t work, screaming into the downpour as the rain takes your tears with it usually does.
We continue to sit in silence, and it’s not awkward like I expected.
Eventually, my gaze wanders to my surrounds. I let the crisp smell of the rain and earth sooth me, and I relax back into the bench, enjoying this little slice of peace in my otherwise hectic life.
I keep myself crazy busy. When you’re busy, you don’t have time to think about your own issues, just the ones provided by the job. And that’s how I like it. It means I can pretend I’m happy with my life. I can pretend I’m not lonely. I can pretend I don’t still love the man sitting next to me.
A single tear falls from my eye, and I don’t bother wiping it away, knowing the rain will take it with it.
The truth is, I forgave Hux a long time ago.
I knew why he left before I woke up. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, but waking up alone was … I can’t even describe how it felt. Hurt isn’t a strong enough word—that much I do know.
I can’t go through that again. I know I wouldn’t survive it again, and throwing myself into work wouldn’t save me from my thoughts this time—not with pieces of him covering the walls of the hotel. Abruptly, I turn to face him. “What do you want?”
He stares at me wordlessly for a minute then licks his wet lips. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted.”
Shaking my head, I ask, “That’s not good enough. What do you want with me?”
He can hear the plea in my tone, because his face crumples slightly, and I can see my pain reflected at me in his eyes. But I have to say it, because if he’s going to be around for a while, I need him to know. “You broke me, Hux. I have missed you every single day for the last five years, but you broke me.” I pause. My emotions are so close to the surface my voice shakes as I speak.
Hux slides across the bench until he’s pressed into my side, and he takes my face in his palms. “I’m so fucking sorry, El.” He’s close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from his body, and I lean into him, seeking comfort.
He pulls me into his side, slinging one arm around my shoulders. With the other, he takes my hand and interlocks our fingers. Our hands fit together perfectly. Just like I tuck into his side perfectly. We’re puzzle pieces finding their home.
But I can’t allow myself to think of him as home. Home is supposed to bring feelings of safety and security. Hux brings back feelings of loss and emptiness.
The rain has setin for the day, and if I were alone, I would happily sit here for another hour. But El is trembling in my arms, and it’s not because of the cold—it’s because of me.
Not for the first time, I question if I did the right thing by leaving when I did. “El,” I murmur, “I didn’t want to hurt you. You know that, right?”
I feel her nod against my shoulder. “Yeah, I know.”
“Come on, I should get you home. Where do you live?”
She lifts her head and looks up at the hotel looming above the park. “There,” she says.
I frown. “Why do you live at the hotel?”
“I work long hours. It’s easier,” she explains.
I don’t like the idea of her working so much that she needs to live where she works. But I’m in no position to say as much, so I just nod. “Okay, I’ll walk you up.”
When we stand, I want to keep my arm wrapped around her shoulders. But she takes a deliberate step away from me, letting me know that she let me hug her a minute ago, but it doesn’t change anything.
All is quiet in the lobby when we walk in, except for the sounds of our shoes squeaking and sloshing across the pristine tiles. We get a few curious looks as we trudge over to the elevator bank on the far side of the room. Water pools at our feet while we wait for the next available one to open.
We’re the only two people in the elevator as it glides up inside the building, and I hate that she’s so close to me and I can’t touch her. The tension filling the small space is almost suffocating. I want that contact with her so badly.
Right as I’m about to say fuck it and slam her against the wall, the elevator dings, and the doors slide open. “This is me. Good night, Hux,” she says without so much as a backward glance, then she walks out and down the hall.
When the doors slide closed again, I hit the button for the sixteenth floor and lean against the rear wall as I wait. A wave of exhaustion washes over me, and I’m ready to call it a night.
